When I started my current job in 2020 I was introduced to the world of Microsoft Outlook for emails and scheduling. It’s like my best friend at work now and is always open on my computer. In Outlook, someone can make you a delegate over their calendar by giving “permissions.”

There are different levels of permission:

• You can only see the times they are busy, no descriptions
• You can see the details of their appointments and meetings
• You can see the details and make changes, invite from their calendar, accept/decline meetings, add or delete items, etc.

I have the highest level of calendar permissions from the faculty I work with – they must trust me and the other admins! With us managing most of their schedule and calendar, they’re more free to do what they are meant to do: care for patients, research, teach medical students/residents, and more.

It seems Holy Spirit wants to be a delegate over my calendar. In the last year or two God revealed to me some selfishness in my heart and attitudes – ugly stuff. I want him to change that in me. One of the ways he’s helping me reframe my thoughts and adjust out of those attitudes is by needing to help my aging parents these last few months. Lots of unplanned trips to hospital, rehab facility, doctors, etc.

Another way He’s teaching me is by giving me the chance now and then to accept and embrace an unexpected opportunity to serve and love someone, often on weekends or days that were going to be free days. My selfish thought is “aw man, I wanted to stay home today and chill or have free time” or other similar whining – you get the idea. Interruptions have never been my favorite – I’m more of a schedule/routine person who likes to know the plan ahead of time, not very spontaneous. But hey, I guess I can learn!

People > tasks. Loving people > “free time.” One morning last week after reading in the Gospel of Mark when Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34) I asked God, “How do I do that? How do I actually follow Jesus in my life here and now?” I felt like he said, “You follow Him.” Haha – okay… I know He meant for me to look at Jesus – “What was he doing? Where did he go? How did he live day by day? Go do that stuff and go where he goes.” And you know what, He was serving and loving people all the time, spreading the Good News, teaching, healing, forgiving and so much more. The denying self part is being willing to follow even when I don’t want to or am fighting selfishness.

There was a time at least once when Jesus had been helping people all day and took a boat across a lake to get away from the crowds and rest. When he got to the other side of the lake, there was another crowd waiting for him! I would have been like, “Nope. I’m done. Take us back out to the middle of the lake, Peter.” But He had compassion on them and helped them.

When the disciples met him at a well near Samaria after he had talked with a Samaritan woman and helped her find joy, healing, and acceptance, they offered him food because he hadn’t eaten for a long time. He told them, “I have food you don’t know about.” They were puzzled but He meant his soul was fully satisfied from doing God’s will.

I’m learning that God knows better than I do what actually re-energizes or feeds my soul. Go figure! It makes me so happy to have a day with nothing on the calendar, to be able to sit in my blue chair with my journal and Bible or other books, or hang out with my husband and pets, or have time to take walks, shop, bake stuff, watch Netflix, etc. I feel like that’s what I need to be rejuvenated and feel like I’ve rested. “Not necessarily, young one,” says Holy Spirit. (I sometimes like to imagine him sounding like a wise karate master)

Without sharing how, because we’re not supposed to share about serving so that people pat us on the back, I do want to say that God has presented me with multiple chances lately to choose loving/serving someone over what I originally was planning to do (or not do). With his help, I’ve lately been choosing loving and serving, even though sometimes very begrudgingly! (real talk)

I have to say, my soul feels so free and thankful. It’s giving me peace and filling my cup. Seriously! And, remarkably, I’ve still had some time to sit with my journal or hang out with John and do those types of things. I understand a tiny bit what Jesus meant when he said his food was doing his Father’s work. That free time with no plans is usually overrated!

Do I still feel selfish sometimes and not want to do those things? Of course! It will always be a choice and a struggle. But maybe it will get easier the more I choose to say yes to what God planned for me for that day.

So, I am giving God the ultimate level of calendar permissions. He can create or delete appointments, encounters, and meetings and manage my schedule because He does know what is truly good for me, and it’s not all about me anyway!

“The disciples pressed him, ‘Rabbi, eat. Aren’t you going to eat?’ He told them, ‘I have food to eat you know nothing about.’ The disciples were puzzled. ‘Who could have brought him food?’ Jesus said, ‘The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started.'” – John 4:31-33 The Message