All These Trees are Coming Down

A lumberjack hiked into the woods with his axe and before chopping down the first tree, noticed a mama bird building a nest in it. He wanted to warn her so he banged on the trunk with the blunt end of his axe until she flew away to another tree. Unfortunately, he had to scare her out of that tree, too, because it would be cut down.

This happened a number of times, until after flitting from tree to tree, the flustered mama bird flew to a high rock to build her nest. She was finally safe. If the lumberjack could have talked to her he would have told her at the start, “You have to find a better place to settle because all these trees are coming down.” 1

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On grief and loss

This is one of those days when my brother keeps coming to mind. I miss him.

You may have experienced loss and know what grief is like. The emotions often come like waves: sometimes mild, with the quiet lapping of warm memories that bring up other memories, which bring up any myriad of feelings, joy mingling with pain.

Sometimes a wave builds and crashes, rolling in and sending me tumbling around in the surf. I come up for air and see recurring questions bob on the surface around me. Hurt and disappointment over some seemingly unanswered prayers prick my feet like sharp stones on the bottom as I try to gain my footing.

Sometimes, it all recedes, and the low tide reveals an empty damp shoreline of emotional weariness and the resulting numbness. Little “what ifs” scutter about like crabs coming out of hiding.

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What is Comfort Worth Really?

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Enneagram or what you think about it’s worth/value, but I have gained a lot of insight into what often “drives” my heart and mind or the heart of mind of some of my friends and family.

According to the Enneagram, I’m a 9 and 9’s are called the “peacemakers.” That sounds very noble, but mostly means I value inner peace and harmony and fear loss of connection with others. I am by nature a conflict-avoider. I want people to get along partly because I care but also partly so it doesn’t cause me inner turmoil (real talk).

I tend to merge with others in decision-making to keep the peace or even “go to sleep” to my own desires and opinions to avoid the discomfort of tension between me and someone else. Anyone out there feeling me in this? Other 9s in the room?

So, in our culture of social media, increasingly sharp, polarizing opinions, and the reality that many are giving up altogether on relationships when there’s disagreement about something, my little mind and heart that crave “all is well” have really struggled to stay engaged.

Lately, I feel God inviting me to grow in the area of investing in and even thriving in relationships with people even when there is conflict.

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In Jesus’ Hands

A sea of thousands, all ages, all sorts of people seated on the grass around you spreading down the sides of the hill where you stood and spilling into the field below.

They came from all over to see you and hear you teach, hanging on your every word, captivated, not wanting to leave. Now it’s been three days! The problem is: they didn’t bring enough food for three days.

Your disciples could see the need as they scanned the crowd, but must have felt completely perplexed and inadequate when they heard you say:

“Give them something to eat.”

“With what? Our good intentions?”
“We could never have enough money to buy food for all of them!”

“Bring me what you have.”

What they found was enough for one person’s meal.

But in your hands, it became more than enough for thousands!

This story has come to mind several times in the last month or so. I look at the faces of people I love and see needs—situations I find myself in that can be overwhelming.

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Calendar Permissions

When I started my current job in 2020 I was introduced to the world of Microsoft Outlook for emails and scheduling. It’s like my best friend at work now and is always open on my computer. In Outlook, someone can make you a delegate over their calendar by giving “permissions.”

There are different levels of permission:

  • You can only see the times they are busy, no descriptions
  • You can see the details of their appointments and meetings
  • You can see the details and make changes, invite from their calendar, accept/decline meetings, add or delete items, etc.

I have the highest level of calendar permissions from the faculty I work with – they must trust me and the other admins! With us managing most of their schedule and calendar, they’re more free to do what they are meant to do: care for patients, research, teach medical students/residents, and more.

It seems Holy Spirit wants to be a delegate over my calendar. In the last year or two God revealed to me some selfishness in my heart and attitudes – ugly stuff. I want him to change that in me. One of the ways he’s helping me reframe my thoughts and adjust out of those attitudes is by needing to help my aging parents these last few months. Lots of unplanned trips to hospital, rehab facility, doctors, etc.

Another way He’s teaching me is by giving me the chance now and then to accept and embrace an unexpected opportunity to serve and love someone, often on weekends or days that were going to be free days. My selfish thought is “aw man, I wanted to stay home today and chill or have free time” or other similar whining – you get the idea. Interruptions have never been my favorite – I’m more of a schedule/routine person who likes to know the plan ahead of time, not very spontaneous. But hey, I guess I can learn!

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Lift Your Feet

Have you noticed at times a specific theme is repeating in your heart and life, a lesson that God is really wanting you to grasp? Or maybe He gives you a word for a time to keep in mind, to motivate and center yourself. Two themes that kept coming to mind for me in the last few years are “Hold loosely the things of this life” and “Lift your feet.” That second one might sound funny so let me describe the imagery that came with the words.

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Got hope?

I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say the inhabitants of this world are weary and in need of hope. All throughout the history of mankind it has been that way since the very beginning when people decided to pick their way over God’s way and God let them.

I believe there is still hope to be had. And that’s not just me being optimistic. (although I am pretty optimistic and can be annoyingly so)

Psalms 130: 6 says, “I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” I have long thought that verse meant that the watchmen were tired and eager for their shift to end, so they were watching for the sun to finally peek it’s welcome glowing face over the horizon so they could clock out and go home. Recently I heard another perspective: they watch for the sun to rise because every day the sun rises. They are watching and waiting for it to happen because they know it’s going to happen. They can count on it.

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Thirst

I’ve said it before and it will probably always be true: if it weren’t for my husband, my houseplants would be dead. I love plants, or at least I say I do, but I forget to water them. It builds endurance, right? I don’t think they appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve had a plant or flower that was a little neglected and became wilted and drooping over, but once you gave it some water, before long it straightened up and filled out – happy and thriving instead of barely hanging on to its little plant life.

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Have you been there?

At my job, I wear a lot of hats: greeter, registrar, scheduler, helper, problem solver, team worker, paper shuffler and more. One of the things we do a lot at the front desk of our busy medical office is direct people. Depending on which doctor they are seeing, we direct them to the waiting area they need. We direct people walking in from outside to other offices in the same building. We do that a LOT and I wish we could get a dollar for every time we’ve told someone how to get to Midwest Urology!

It gets hectic sometimes in the hubbub and so once in a while, we get mixed up and accidentally send a patient to the wrong area, then have to run and get them and take them to the right place.

I’ve walked that office a thousand times and it’s all very familiar now. After telling people these things over and over for years I’ve gotten in a routine of what I say to describe how to get to where they need to go.

We had a new worker up front one time who was struggling with giving directions. Continue reading

A new way to look at it

I’m a firstborn, and therefore (like many of us firstborns) mostly compliant, a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. My personality likes rules because they provide structure. Structure makes me feel secure and comfortable.  I was raised in a church-going, Bible-believing family and it was all black and white to me. This is right, that’s wrong. Do what’s right, not what’s wrong. Being a Christian, as I came to understand it, was mostly about this. I wanted to do a really great job of following the rules and living the right way so God (and my parents) would be happy with me. I think I gravitated toward and settled into this mindset in part because of my nature of people pleasing and perfectionism.

I didn’t realize until adulthood, and more and more these last 10 years or so, how my view of a life of faith was incomplete and restrictive, Continue reading