Tag Archives: friends

What is Comfort Worth Really?

Posted on by
Reply

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Enneagram or what you think about it’s worth/value, but I have gained a lot of insight into what often “drives” my heart and mind or the heart of mind of some of my friends and family.

According to the Enneagram, I’m a 9 and 9’s are called the “peacemakers.” That sounds very noble, but mostly means I value inner peace and harmony and fear loss of connection with others. I am by nature a conflict-avoider. I want people to get along partly because I care but also partly so it doesn’t cause me inner turmoil (real talk).

I tend to merge with others in decision-making to keep the peace or even “go to sleep” to my own desires and opinions to avoid the discomfort of tension between me and someone else. Anyone out there feeling me in this? Other 9s in the room?

So, in our culture of social media, increasingly sharp, polarizing opinions, and the reality that many are giving up altogether on relationships when there’s disagreement about something, my little mind and heart that crave “all is well” have really struggled to stay engaged.

Lately, I feel God inviting me to grow in the area of investing in and even thriving in relationships with people even when there is conflict.

Continue reading →

What we want

Posted on by
1

There were 10 of us at the table so involved in the conversation we never left to go sit in the family room. Empty dessert plates and half-empty cups here and there, we sat with full hearts, heads bowed and eyes closed to pray.

A few hours before, with hugs and handshakes, four other pastor couples from nearby churches joined us in our home. Almost a year ago, I’m pretty sure I heard God tell me we needed to do this, to get together with the area pastors and their wives, to become friends and support one another. I procrastinated for no particular reason and then my husband, who met with the pastors to pray recently, helped get the ball rolling.

We all talked and laughed and talked some more. Interestingly enough, there was no talk of our churches but more about Continue reading →

Sometimes the grass is greener in the past

Posted on by
1

When Kimmi first went to college, the school advised the students to stay on campus once classes started for at least six weeks before going home for a visit.  The purpose behind that recommendation is that it helps them engage with the other students and the college community as well as cutting ties with home a bit (getting used to being away from home).  I think it’s a great idea and though it was a hard adjustment at first (probably harder for me than for her), it did help Kimmi step into the college phase of her life more on her own.  She began “leaving” the phase of life she had with us at home – an important, necessary step to growing up.

When first away at school it might be easy for kids to keep wanting to go home and be in the familiar, comfortable situation they just came from.  Looking back, the grass might seem greener at home in the past where their high school friends lived, where they were comfortable in a home church and so on.  If they’ll turn around and look forward, however, step out and give it time, they find that independence, new friendships, experiences, possibilities and more can become their new “normal” and be pretty exciting.   They can change and grow, becoming more and more of who they are meant to be.  The world opens up in new ways that they wouldn’t have known if they went back and stayed at home.

I realize that sometimes when I look back the grass looks greener in the past.  This past weekend we went “home” to Indiana to attend our college homecoming weekend, see our college girls, and attend church where we did when we lived there.  We saw many old friends, enjoyed beautiful sunny fall weather, were blessed by a moving, encouraging worship service at church, and spent some really good quality time with our daughters.

John and I both agreed today that a little part of ourselves felt like it would be nice to go back there to stay.  It was comfortable there for us in many ways and we have lots of dear friends there.  We fit in and knew our place.  We have a lot of history there, too, all the way back to before we got married so of course it feels like home.

If I am honest when I look back though, Continue reading →

Known

Posted on by
1

I’m thinking today about knowing others and being known.

I may know your face.  You look familiar.

I may know your name.

I may know about your family, your job, and where you live.

I may know what type of music or movies you like, or what books you read.

I may know what you’re good at doing.

I may know whether you like being with people or alone.

I may know what makes you angry, what makes you truly happy, and what matters most to you. Continue reading →

‘Til the very end

Posted on by
3

The goodbyes began this week.  It seems as though we’re walking in between waving farewell to friends here and waving hello to friends ahead.  It’s usually a good thing if that in between period doesn’t last too long.  More than anything, more than sadness, I feel deeply thankful for the connections we’ve made here knowing I don’t have to break any of them.  I get to keep the friends I’ve made and take them along with me in my heart as I meet new ones.

One of my goodbyes will be to my 96, almost 97, year old grandmother Retha.  She lives in a nursing home in Anderson and I went by to visit her today.  Luckily she was up in her wheelchair instead of lying in bed, so I took her down the hall to a nice, open room with big windows letting in the sunshine.  We sat facing each other and catching up.  Grandma does remarkably well considering her age.  She was really happy when I told her John has a pastorate now and we have a good place to go live and serve.  She was also happy it’s not terribly far away.

A good friend of mine, who has been friends with my grandmother for much longer, is a lady named Ann Smith.  Ann radiates joy and life out of her relationship with Jesus, even now in her eighties.  The last time I saw her she gave me a Bible verse to read to my grandma.  I shared it with grandma today.  It’s Isaiah 46:3-4: Continue reading →

Connecting

Posted on by
3

I’m in the middle of my week-long social media fast and so far, so good.  I do miss it, miss that community I feel a part of.  I realize that it’s a habit for me to tweet a lot because whenever things happen or I have a thought I want to share with someone I reach for my phone thinking, “I should tweet that!” and then I remember that I’m not using twitter right now.  I also feel like I don’t know as much of what’s going on in my friends’ and family’s life because I often see on facebook where people are going, what they’re dealing with, and how they feel.  In fact, a day or so ago my sister sent me an email (something I’m still using) and said, “Hey!  What’s going on? John just put on twitter that 3 churches are interested in him?  I need details!”  And I replied, “So do I!  I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  Continue reading →

Don’t be afraid

Posted on by
1

It takes someone outside of me to help me see behaviors and pinpoint thoughts/perceptions that aren’t healthy.  Whenever I spend time with my sis, I learn so much.  She is very perceptive and wise and is one of those friends for me who speaks truth into my heart and life.  I take it from her because I’m secure in her love.  She knows me and doesn’t judge me.

Sitting at my kitchen table a few mornings ago, somehow we began talking about connecting to people and trying to fill the need in our hearts to connect with stuff other than intimacy with God.  Jodi asked me what I was afraid of.  I hadn’t thought I was afraid of anything but as we sat there and I thought about it I realized I am afraid of being alone and lonely.  I’m having a hard time watching my old friends from our old church grow more closely together, even though that is wonderful and what’s supposed to happen, because I feel I’m drifting away from them.  I’m missing my college girls – and anticipating when my youngest also leaves – and realize they’ve been some of my closest friends all throughout their growing up years and now they are moving on, so to speak.  Continue reading →

So…

Posted on by
4

There have been lots of thoughts churning in my head the last few days – of course when are there NOT lots of thoughts churning in there?  Anyway, here is a window into my crowded head if you’re so inclined to read on:

I think part of my feeling distant from God lately is that I’ve been angry with Him – angry that He hasn’t answered prayers the way I thought.  I mean, did he even take into consideration the five point argument I shared with Him about why my way was good?  And how about that time-table of His?  Why do I think that if something doesn’t happen in a few weeks or even months that it means God isn’t there or doesn’t care?  That is pretty silly.  As much as I thought I was resisting the enemy, I had fallen prey again to his ploy of self-pity and forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness?  About all God has done in my life and in the lives of those around me.  What other proof do I need that He is there and active in our lives?  That He really does care about each of us in love.   There are a number of Bible verses that tell God’s people to recall the things God has done throughout their lives so they won’t lose hope, so they will stay on track, so they will be thankful.  I’ve been forgetting to remember. Continue reading →

Which makes me think of…

Posted on by
1

I’m thankful for airplanes that cross miles in such a short time…which makes me think of
Destinations…which makes me think of
Possibility…which makes me think of
New experiences…which makes me think of
Trying something I’ve never eaten before at a restaurant…which makes me think of
The Japanese Grill we visited last week…which makes me think of
Catching scrambled eggs in my mouth in surprise…which makes me think of
Laughter…which makes me think of
All my wonderful friends…which makes me think of
Community…which makes me think of
God’s family of beautiful, diverse, and varied adopted kids…which makes me think of
Being accepted for who I am by Him…which makes me think of
Love and not just surfacy, shallow affection but the deep, wide, and utterly amazing love of God….which makes me thankful all over again.

Day 5 – Filled up

Posted on by
2

Today in church we heard a message about emptiness and finding true fulfillment, something that really fills the emptiness we often feel inside.  So many times I’ve tried to fill my heart with other things but they aren’t lasting.  Kind of like the foamy fizz on top of a fountain soda, it fills the cup to the brim for a minute or so but soon goes away leaving lots of empty space.

I realize that I expected facebook to help fill the loneliness I’ve been feeling.  It helps a little but I have to admit that facebook is mostly fizz.  Connections there are on the surface and not the same as when we connect face to face or voice to voice.  I feel so much more connected to someone if we talk on the phone or in person, if I can actually be with them and see their face (not just a photo and status), can hear their laughter and voice, and feel their hugs.  (I still like facebook just realizing it can’t really fill me up)

Today we met some friends for lunch and while we waited for them to arrive, a whole gang of other friends from our old church showed up.  My girls and I practically ran to the door to give them hugs and greet them Continue reading →