Author Archives: therealmimi

The handwriting was on the…card

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I’m sure in every job there is pressure to get things right, to not make mistakes, but it seems in a doctor’s office when people depend on other people who depend on other people to get patients scheduled, signed in, in to see the doctor and treated in a somewhat timely manner, there is extra pressure.  Add people’s busy schedules and often stressful lives to the mix and the pressure to get it right is multiplied.

I help make appointments as one of my duties.  It’s a simple task but if I’m not careful little mistakes can turn into big, embarrassing problems.

One day a nice gal came into the office and up to the counter, saying she had two appointments that day:  One with an ENT doc, and then with the Allergist downstairs.  I looked on our list and didn’t see her name.  I told her no problem, we’d check the other computer program that has the schedule on it.  She wasn’t there either.  I did an inquiry into appointments made and she had been there a few weeks earlier but there was nothing else listed.  I asked her if maybe she got mixed up.  She said she had the appointment card in her car, the one showing she had these two appointments on it.  She went out to get it.

I turned around to look at my friends who also work up front and make appointments.  We didn’t really say anything but we were all hoping it wasn’t our handwriting on that card when she came back in.  Someone gave her the card and forgot to put the appointments in the computer which was a big deal because she probably wouldn’t get seen that day.  She had taken time off work and everything.

Well in a moment she came back in Continue reading →

We really are so much the same

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She could barely keep two feet on the ground as her mom paid the bill and made the next appointment.  She giggled with a grin so wide I could see practically all her teeth, and bounced up and down on her toes, looking all around excitedly.  This girl exuded joy!  Why?  She had just gotten her new hearing aids and could hear everything more clearly than ever before.  She had been nervous and hesitant, not knowing what it would be like, but I could tell she was glad she decided to give them a go.  Watching her was so much fun.  I felt buoyed up by her happiness. I joined in the fun, rustling my papers and clicking the keyboard, “Can you hear this?”  “Yes!” she exclaimed with bright, happy eyes.  It was easy to laugh and smile with her and her mom.

I remember getting my first pair of glasses as a 2nd grader and being able to see details, tree branches outside, and that there were actually things and people in the distance instead of a bunch of blurs.  I remember Christmas mornings with my brother and sister, family vacations, my first real kiss, falling in love with John, having our baby girls, and so many more of those moments that made me want to bounce on my toes and not stop grinning.

Then there was the patient who came out after getting not so encouraging test results.   Continue reading →

Worth It

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If I based my worth on people’s opinions of me I would be whipped to and fro like a ride on one of those old wooden roller coasters.  It’s not really fun and it gives me a headache.

If I based my worth on how I feel about myself any given day or moment, I’d be just as fickle and unsure, my self-image battered and held hostage to whichever emotion ruled at the time.

Am I overly emotional at times?  Yes.

A little silly?  Um, yes.

Perfectionistic and holding unrealistic standards for myself, even without the input of others?  You bet.

Prone to make mistakes even on my best days?  Of course. Continue reading →

Of hard times, mom’s advice, and learning to shut up

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I had a great talk with my sister this afternoon.  What would I do without my sis in my life?

We were talking about being moms and the challenge of not trying to control everyone and everything.  It’s more obvious to me than ever before that I can’t control life and everything that happens to my family.  I also can’t control their choices.

In love and wanting to help, I fight the urge to give advice when I see them about to make decisions that from my life experience I know will bring them heartache or problems.

There’s a time and place for advice and we all need it sometimes.  My mom and dad have shared lots of good advice with me throughout my lifetime.

However, the things and events in my life that have truly taught me to change my ways, to learn new habits, to stop doing some things and start doing others are the hard times.  Experience, consequence and reality are the best teachers.

Growth and change have come from the times I was so desperate I had to fall on my face and cry out to my Papa, my God, and plea for answers.  It has come from the times when I felt I had no one else to turn to for help.  It comes from the times of heart-breaking disappointment, from asking questions and facing fears.  It comes from asking God to put things back together after I made a poor choice, then dust me off and get me moving again in a better direction.

As a mom, especially at this stage of my daughters’ lives, the best thing I can do most of the time is shut up.  Pray, try to consistently live out my faith, trust God and keep my mouth closed.  If I were even able to keep them from having to face the inevitable hard times or consequences from mistakes, I would actually be keeping them from the endurance, faith, hope, perspective and closeness to God that only hard times bring.  That’s what I have always prayed and hoped they would find – I sure don’t want to get in the way of that!

I’m in your corner, girls, and I love you.

Trialaphobia

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She had just finished telling me how important antibacterial soap and lotion are and that she used hand sanitizer all the time.  She avoided touching handles in public and things that might be touched by a lot of other folks.  Then, before she left, she told me that she gets sick all the time.  She’s someone I’d label a bit of a germaphobic, in the kindest way of course.

Hold up, though, something isn’t adding up here.   She uses those preventative products religiously and gets sick more than people like me that don’t use that stuff very often.

On the grand continuum of using those anti-germ products, I stand closer to the “don’t care so much” end.  Don’t judge!  I’m a clean person, just not overly concerned.  I don’t eat off the floor, but I don’t bleach everything and use hand sanitizer all the time.  It’s just not me.  I also have pretty tough antibodies and don’t get sick very often.

I’m not saying I’m better, but I am saying that getting sick once in a while can actually make us stronger and more able to fight off the next wave of illness.   Now, don’t come over and sneeze on me just to teach me a lesson.

We humans also tend to be a bit trialaphobic: trying to avoid trials, challenges and suffering at all costs.  Is it that deep down inside we think that will help us avoid them even more in the future?   Or that life will be easier, more comfortable? Continue reading →

If I got a tattoo

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I know what it would have to say:  “It’s not about you.”

What is this constant, nagging, sneaky and subtle need we have to focus on ourselves?  It seems I work hard not to and ask God to help me put self aside and no sooner think I’ve made progress than I notice I’m thinking about myself again…or giving myself credit, or assuming something is up to me that is actually up to Him.

It’s one of those long-as-life projects, I think, and it’s not really my project.  It’s God’s.

I would probably benefit from having a tattoo that reminded me of this crucial truth every time I saw it.  Maybe it would be best across my forehead, backward so that when I looked in the mirror I could read it and remember.

It’s not that I should hate myself, or berate myself.  It’s not that I should think of myself as a loser, though sometimes I do. Continue reading →

I know

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I know God is able, but it’s still sometimes hard to completely trust.

I know He’s done amazing things for you in the past, but it’s still hard to not give in to fear and frustration especially after the last few tough years you’ve made it through.

I know I just blogged about life being easy and wondering how I was going to stay desperate for God – I wasn’t asking for trouble I promise, but I’m definitely feeling desperate for Him right now.

I see so many good things God has done for others I love and it gives me hope, but it’s still hard to watch you be confused, angry, stressed, down or restless…especially when you refuse help.  That actually makes me angry, if I’m honest.

I know you think you’ll figure it out on your own, that you’re tough and will make it through, but it’s harder than you know and you need Jesus to help.  Trust me.

I know you feel like your life sucks, but you should see all the good things and people in your life that I see.

I know you think that you need certain people or a certain someone to make you happy, but you won’t find that fulfillment and peace in a person, it only really comes from God.  Until you give in to that truth, you will be stuck in this aggravating wilderness you see all around you.

I know you think I’m annoying and a broken record, but someday when you’re a parent you’ll understand.  I kind of wish you could understand right now.

I know you think you can predict everything I’m going to say and everything I’m thinking.  The biggest thing I’m thinking is that I love you and want you to be whole.

I need to get back to what I really know and not what I feel because what I feel is anger, frustration, and anxiety.  I evidently need to spend more time with God.  I need His perfect love to flood in and push out those feelings and worries.

I know God is able.  I know He’s good.

I know He knows you better than anyone and knows the way to lead you through.   He loves you even more than I do.

I know You’re sensitive to Him and hear Him because I’ve seen that happen in the past.

I know He’s stronger than you and your stubborn will.  I know He gave you that will for a reason and can shape your heart so that every part of your character is used for good.

I need to zoom out and get perspective.  You probably should, too.  This is not the end of the world.  We need to fly up above emotions, up into the free and airy space of faith and hope, up into God’s arms that have always been there, always open and ready to give refuge.

You really don’t know how much I love you.  But I know.

 

Not that I want to go there again…

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Last year was fraught with stress, pressure, hurt, questions, doubts, frustrations…you name it!  In fact the last few years for us were pretty stressful in one way or another and brought some disappointments here and there.  That’s the way it is for everyone, I know, it just seemed to be ultra concentrated for a while.  My heart was gasping for God like suffocating lungs for oxygen.  I had to hear His voice, tried to find Him day after day and be near Him.

In this new chapter of life we’ve just started many of those pressures have been relieved.  Life feels a little easier right now.  The only problem is, how do I stay so intimately connected to God like I was before?  It seems I searched for Him more fervently when I didn’t know where the resources to meet our needs in each day were coming from or when I felt so at a loss for solutions that I simply fell into Him in hope that He had them ready.

It’s not like I want to go back, no, no, no, Continue reading →

Root Canal Spirituality

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If you know me, you expect me to draw some lesson or ponderings from my root canal experience last week, some correlation with my faith.  But, of course!  Far be it for me to disappoint.

The whole reason for my root canal was a dead tooth with an abscessed root.  That is just plain nasty.  Infection set in and caused pain so I finally took action.  There was definitely a problem that needed fixing or I would keep hurting and possibly even face more serious problems.

I went to an expert, a man who’s gone to years of schooling and obviously had lots of practice already performing this endodontic feat of fantastic-ness.  He was quick, confident, and kind and I felt I could trust him right away.  He knew what he was talking about and what he was doing.

His assistant was just as sharp, right there with every tool he needed at the right time.  They worked together like clockwork, in tandem, to finish the job for me and get me all fixed up.

There were a few foibles, like one time the assistant accidentally dropped a tool and they had to get a clean one.  Then a particular tool kept malfunctioning and causing him to have to repeat small steps until he got a replacement that worked properly.

I was wishing I could watch the whole procedure from their point of view, Continue reading →

Good Scars

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She said she’s going to get a tattoo that says “Beauty from pain” on her forearm where she has a few scars.  The scars remind her of a not so great choice she made last year and each time she looks at them, she told me, she thinks about what she did.  The scars were like tightly bound, rough ropes that kept her tethered to shame.  She would see them and berate herself all over again for cutting her arm in a moment of deep hurt and loneliness.  I think it did break one of those binding ropes when she told me about it, which she had put off doing for a while.  God was healing her one step at a time.

As she talked about it with me and how she wanted to replace those scars with a positive message, I told her that the scars are not all bad.  They will fade in time, but instead of bringing up shame or disgust with herself for something she feels was a mistake, they could remind her of all God has done for her and is doing right now to help her grow, heal her heart, and use her to encourage other people.  She has good scars.

I remembered back to 2003 when I was recovering from a mastectomy and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time without bandages.   Continue reading →