Author Archives: therealmimi

I’m trying

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I started out for a walk this morning, camera and iPod in hand, but the little clouds of gnats everywhere eventually convinced me to head back to the house and try again later.  Instead, I sat on my parent’s porch in my new favorite spot, watching the busy flurry of birds at dad’s feeders and listening to their many different calls, along with the far-off mooing of a cow.

“I’m trying, God,” I prayed, “I’m trying to just be still and be with you.”  My thoughts started wandering to the things we did yesterday, my girls, the future, the things we’re planning to do today and so on.  I was frustrated with myself.  “I’m trying to just be still, God.  I’m here.”  It almost felt like he said, “What are you expecting to happen?”

“Well, I would love for you to help me stop thinking and just be.  I would love for you to tell me things.  I would love to feel your presence, feel closer to you.  I want to know you better, Papa, be closer to you.”   The quiet sound of the morning crickets and the busy birds continued.  Then I looked past the birds and saw the mountains behind, far off across the valley.  They are bluish-purple this morning with a crown of fluffy clouds resting on top, the sun lighting up patches here and there among cloud shadows.

A song came to mind, the words taken from Psalm 121.

“I lift my eyes to the hills, and I wonder, ‘from where comes my help?’
My help, it comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let you stumble, He will not let you fall,
The Lord is your keeper.
The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon at night,
The Lord will guard your life.”

Maybe sometimes it’s not the receiving of an amazing message from God that draws us close, maybe sometimes it’s just sitting there available.  Maybe it’s just remembering that He is my Maker, He is my Keeper, and enjoying the peace of that thought and truth.  He is with me, whether I hear his voice in my heart at this moment or not, whether I feel the emotional warmth of his nearness or not.  He is near.

I pictured Jesus sitting next to me and longed for Him to actually be there so I could lean against Him.

“I’m trying, God.  I want to be near You.  I want to hear Your voice.”

Vacation, what a wonderful word

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My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8

We left early yesterday morning for the airport and had smooth flights all the way to Tucson, Arizona, where my parents were waiting with big grins and open arms at baggage claim. It was sunny and hot as we walked to the car, just like I love it, and I was pinching myself.  Mom and I started yakking from the moment we hugged and hadn’t stopped yet.   Continue reading →

Everyone join in

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Summer morning breeze
Busy, round, fuzzy bumblebee
Hungry chirping baby birds
Deep purple and golden-yellow pansies with faces tilted up to the sun
Yellow-green leaves rustling
Pesky chipmunks scurrying, digging and munching
Giant cotton ball clouds lazily floating
and me.

Join in and praise God who made you!

Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are— 
      everything and everyone made by God.

   And you, O my soul, bless God!  Psalm 103:22  The Message

That’s the plan

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Let God be the planner.  That’s it.  Sounds easy but not really!  Not for control freaks anyway.

I come up with all sorts of ideas and plans, many of which I take to Him, kind of like a worker approaching a supervisor, holding up a clipboard.  “See? this is why my plan is a good one and why You should make it happen,” said the Mimi wearing her “Holy Spirit Jr.” hat.  I usually do have lots of good reasons, seriously.  But God always has the best plan.

I don’t always understand it or the way things turn out sometimes.  I do believe, with all my heart, that He keeps His promise of working good out of every situation for the one who loves Him and follows Him.  (Romans chapter 8 – awesome truth!)

It appears God will have to remind me a number of times (make that a very large number) that my focus should be drawing near to Him and dwelling in His presence.  It’s very simple, but I forget just about every other day.  I keep reverting back to planning and trying to fix and contemplating tomorrow with furrowed brow.  Meanwhile, this day is passing by and I am missing some blessings and/or opportunities that He planned for me.

My goal is to spend time every morning just being with Him.  I read my devotions and Bible verses but I need to spend more time just being, just listening, just loving, just pondering, just keeping my mouth shut and my mind open to Him.  I need to spend more time trying to learn who He is, looking for Him in the moments that are flowing by me, like water in a stream flows around the rocks.

Do you struggle with the doing vs. being battle like I do?  Walking closely with Jesus so that I can follow each move and hear each word He says – that’s my only plan.  He’ll take care of the rest.

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
    for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Psalm 138:8

Remembering Flo

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Today would have been my Grandma Neal’s 90th birthday.  Five years ago, on a December day in Columbus, Ohio, grandma was on her way to her second Christmas party gathering of the day, blacked out while driving and drove off the road.  By the time the ambulance got her to the hospital, she had already gone to be with Jesus.

My mom and her brothers are going to celebrate her today, scattering her ashes (what remains of her earthly “shell”) at the foot of “her mountain” in Huachuca City, Arizona. Grandma used to live out there in the Sierra Vista valley surrounded by desert hills and it’s the perfect resting place.  She would have loved knowing they are doing that today, and that they’re doing it together.

I miss her.  As I’ve thought about her this week, a fresh sadness at her absence in our lives has washed over me.  There was so much good about my grandmother, who wasn’t perfect of course, but was a vibrant, genuine, extremely loving woman of God.

I miss her impassioned voice when she prayed to Jesus, whom she loved more than anything or anyone.  I miss hearing her cheerful voice and laughter and seeing her make strangers into friends at the grocery, the bank, restaurants and even at the door of her apartment, inviting the pizza delivery boy to church.

I remember so many things, so many good memories are swirling around in my heart today.  One that stands out is how, following my mastectomy, my mom and grandma came to take care of me and help John with the house and the girls.  After mom left, grandma stayed longer and watched over me, brought me my meals, told me to take naps, sat with me and talked, prayed with me, and folded laundry while I sat on the couch.  It was a precious time and it was the way she loved people the best.

Grandma was a hands on person, she showed her love by serving.  For a time she worked in the V.A. hospital treating old soldiers with respect, cheering them up with her ever-present smile, washing their old tired bodies and keeping them comfortable.  For years she watched over and took tirelessly care of my grandfather when he was battling Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.  I remember one time she went over to my other grandmother’s house, Grandma Shultz was wheelchair bound at the time, and gave her a decent bath.  Humility and love was wrapped up in her tall, fair-skinned, Norwegian body.

She made friends with her neighbors, no matter what nationality.  At her last apartment complex she had befriended several Indian families and had them over for dinner, took them jello salads, and enjoyed dinner in their homes.

She was acting out her love for Jesus by loving people.  She did it well.  I want to be more like her.  I love her so much, still, and miss her so much today my heart aches.

When her ashes are scattered it will be meaningful and special, but Grandma isn’t in those ashes.  She’s with God in heaven.  If Grandma had her way she’d be surrounded by cute little white doggies, lots of flowers and maybe even a concrete donkey or set of frogs on a love seat in her heavenly garden.  I can imagine her sitting at the foot of a mountain with Jesus, smiling and talking with Him, praying still for her children and their children to know Him.

I remember you, Grandma Neal, and I love you!  Someday I’ll sit with you there.

A little quiet please

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Only a keyboard, guitar, and sometimes bass guitar.  Just the sound of clear voices and lilting melodies, an evening well spent.  I wish there were more like that.  I enjoyed the concert by Audrey Assad and JJ Heller (and her husband) so much and one of the biggest reasons was the simplicity and the quiet.  No giant stadium with thousands of people, but a church sanctuary with 200-300.  No electric guitars or drums or booming sound that makes your heart pound, but personal songs easily heard and understood.

I have nothing against loud music, being a big fan of that myself sometimes, but more and more my heart yearns for quietness.  It seems as I grow older I long for it more and more.  I wonder why?  I refuse to believe it’s because I’m not hip or cool anymore.  I don’t think it’s because I have narrow opinions or are old-fashioned.  I think it’s because the longer I live life amidst the clamoring of the world, the more I crave getting away, a reprieve, moments when there is nothing blaring at me and wI can think.  Sometimes, it’s because I’m tired.  When I’m tired I don’t want noise, I want stillness and solitude.

Jesus often went away by himself to pray and I’m sure to collect His thoughts, to process things that were happening and were going to happen, and to stay near God, his Father.  When I hear God’s voice whispering to me to come away and be quiet and I don’t do it, an agitated restlessness starts taking over.  If I try to soothe that agitation with other things, people, or activities it doesn’t work.  For some reason I just can’t give myself permission to stop “doing things” and rest.  That is a problem I need to let Jesus help me solve because it takes its toll.

Today I don’t feel well and I think it’s one of God’s ways of stopping me and forcing me to just be still and enjoy quiet.  Last night was the perfect head start.

The sun is shining outside and I hear one of my porch chairs calling my name.  I think I’ll take a book, in case I want to read, but mostly I think I’ll sit, soak in warm sunlight and stare out into the green grassy yard.  Thank you, Jesus, for quiet. You’re going to sit with me, too, right?

Only in returning to me
    and resting in me will you be saved.
In quietness and confidence is your strength.  Isaiah 30:15  NLT

 It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, 
      and work your worried fingers to the bone. 
   Don’t you know he enjoys 
      giving rest to those he loves?  Psalm 127:2-3 The Message

Thankful Thursday on Monday

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My heart is full of gratitude tonight so I can’t wait until Thursday:

Thank you, God, for music.  I’ve told you many, many times before, but I’m so glad you created it.  It reaches me.  It moves me.  It helps me connect with You like nothing else.

Thank you for my daughters.  I see so many little ones brought to the doctor’s office by their moms and it makes me remember the fun times I had with my girls when they were young.

Thank you that my youngest has “come back” this year.  That she lets me hug her again, lets me tell her I love her without pushing me away, and spends time with me gladly fills my heart to the very top.

Thank you for my work friends and my church family and that I’m starting to feel more at home here.

Thank you for my cats, for their little chubby, furry, lovey selves.

Thank you for this big house to live in and for leading us out from under the enormous pressure of trying to sell that house back in St. Louis for years and paying two house payments.  I think back to what that was like and realize how blessed we are now.

Thank you for who you are, for being mysterious and wonderful.  Your love and faithfulness amaze and bewilder me.

I love you, God.  Thank you!

Do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God.  Hebrews 12:27 The Message

The Lord is my God!
    I will praise him and tell him
    how thankful I am. Psalm 118:28  CEV

Are you in the bottom three?

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It was a shock to her and to the judges. Jessica Sanchez, the powerhouse singer in the petite 16-year-old body was in the bottom three this week on American Idol.  She is a favorite of the judges and clearly has a music career ahead of her.  Even more shocking was the announcement that she was the one leaving the show this week.  A collective gasp was heard across the audience as Ryan Seacrest said those words.

Continue reading →

Thankful Thursday 1 day late

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Oops, I almost forgot about Thankful Thursday this week.  It is Friday already isn’t it?  And Friday’s almost over.

I’m thankful that I feel so much more at home in my church family than I did a year ago – we were so new here last Easter.   I’m thankful for love, for people who gather to remember Jesus in taking the Lord’s supper, for hearing the story again that I’ve heard so many times but still tugs at my heart.  I’m thankful for imagination and how it helps me picture myself at the table with Jesus and his disciples; Continue reading →

Well, that was awkward

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Last year I learned a painful lesson about listening to but not acting on those urgings from God about doing something for someone else.  I learned that putting off or doing less than He was asking me to was a surefire way to miss out on a blessing, cause someone else to miss out on a blessing, and definitely a way to pile on regret.

A patient was checking out at the doctor’s office and I felt very strongly that God wanted me to pray with her.  She was very ill, in a long battle with cancer, and was visibly weak and miserable.

I didn’t pray with her.  I did tell her that I would pray for her and that my heart went out to her.

The next week I found out that she died.

My heart hurt with regret and I told God I would listen in the future when He gave me such clear instructions to do something, even if it seemed odd or if I felt a little afraid of what others might think.

Today, I was sitting at McDonald’s eating a sandwich when I saw an older lady come in and sit down.  I had seen her walking the crosswalk outside as I drove in the parking lot and noticed she walked slowly and seemed a little weary.

She sat down in the booth next to mine, facing me, and when I looked up and saw her I am pretty sure I heard God tell me to offer to pray with her.  I instantly thought, “That’s just me thinking that because it would be nice.”  But the longer I sat there, the more I couldn’t get that idea out of my head and the stronger my heart began beating.  It’s almost as if God said to me, “you promised me last time that you would do as I asked. So here’s your chance.”

I was thinking that I had to get back to work, but decided to stop and talk with her first.  I threw my trash away and walked to her booth and said “Excuse me, I know you don’t know me, but I felt like I should come and say a prayer for you.  Would that be okay?”

She looked at me with kind of a half-smile and pulled away a little bit, saying nothing but “okay…okay…”  I said, “That’s okay, what is your name?  I’ll just pray for you today as I go on my way.”  Still she just looked incredibly uncomfortable and said only “okay…okay…”

I patted her shoulder and said, “It’s okay, God bless you today” and left.

I was so embarrassed and felt so silly.  I also had the thought that it was probably a pretty odd scene to the two ladies sitting right behind this awkward exchange.

But then I thought, who cares?  I promised God I would do what He said and I did what I thought He told me to do.  It did not turn out at all like I thought it might, but maybe the purpose of that prompting today was to test my obedience.  I don’t know that lady or her situation, but I did pray for her as I drove away.

It took me a while to get over my feeling of foolishness and I am still wondering if maybe it WAS just my idea to pray with her and not God telling me to do so.

I don’t think I’ll ever know, but I do know that it felt good to at least follow through on something God told me to do and not make an excuse this time.  Hopefully that is a step in the right direction!

Have you ever experienced something like this?  Done something you felt you should do and have the outcome be anything but what you expected?