Category Archives: Family

My peeps

Kaitlin Elizabeth, Kaity-kait, Kaikin

Posted on by
3

I remember so well the day we met her.  Early in the morning she let us know she was coming.  Of course, at that point we didn’t know if she was a she or a he.  Before long the mystery was revealed (as the nurse eloquently exclaimed “there’s no pee pee!”) and we were holding our tiny, soft treasure with black fuzzy hair and dark eyes.  I love the moment when they first handed my baby to me and I held her to me, eyes locked on each other.  So you’re the one I’ve been waiting to see all this time!

Some thoughts about Kaitlin on this her 18th birthday: Continue reading →

Pops

Posted on by
2

On Father’s Day, more than other days, I think of my dad and all He is and has been to me.  I know there are many who don’t have dads at all or have dads that are detached from their lives or dads that hurt them in various ways.  This makes me especially thankful for my daddy.  I call Him Pops. Continue reading →

The secret word

Posted on by
Reply

Each summer when the girls were younger, I typically would leave a note on the kitchen table for my girls once they woke up – ideas for ways to spend their time other than television or computer, chores I needed them to complete that day, etc.  A few years ago at the bottom of the note I typed out something like this, “I’ll be checking when I get home so be sure you finish your chores.  I love you girls and hope you have a great day! If you’re still reading this note you’re going to be really glad you read all the way through because the secret word is peanut.  If you can tell me the secret word when I get home from work you get a surprise.  Now go do your stuff.”

When I got home I asked them if anyone knew the secret word.  They gave me blank stares and asked, “What secret word?”   Continue reading →

Live backwards to move forward

Posted on by
2

Lose your life to find it.    (Matt. 10:38-40)

Die to live.    (Romans 6:3-5)

Leaders should behave like servants.    (Luke 22:26)

Rejoice when things are going wrong, in hard times.  (Romans 5:3)

Last is really first.   (Mark 9:35)

Love the haters.  (Matt. 5:44)

Being God’s servant is the only way to true freedom.  (I Peter 2:16)

When I’m weak, I’m actually strong.  (II Cor. 12:10)

Do you see the trend here?  Following Jesus feels as if we’re walking backwards; especially when we look around at the rest of the world and the way they’re walking and living their lives.   Living within the boundaries God sets, however, actually gives us freedom – to enjoy a better, guilt-free, peace-filled life.   It would be one thing to walk this way if we never saw the other way.  Continue reading →

So that…

Posted on by
1

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.  For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.  II Corinthians 1:3-5   NLT

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.   II Cor. 1:3-5 (The Msg)

My sister and her family swam against a powerful tide and swirling waters of grief, fear, hurt and the big blackness of the unknown and have finally come crawling out onto the shore of the other side – the other side of this particular storm.  Still dripping from their exhausting ordeal, my sis turned around to throw a rope to me as I swim through unfamiliar waters hauntingly like the ones she just stepped out of, sometimes feeling overwhelmed by the size of the waves, sometimes starting to lose heart.  Continue reading →

Days 21/22 – Zumba!

Posted on by
2

We walked into the gym greeted by friendly faces.  We were about to try Zumba.  I’d heard so much about it and was dying to see what it was all about.  My daughter and I knew that it involved dancing and probably some hip action and knowing that isn’t our forte made our way to the back row.  The music started, nice and loud with an infectious tribal sort of beat, and we began to warm up following the motions of the teacher way up front.  She stopped after that song and said she couldn’t hear well – the speakers were right over her head.  So she grabbed her stuff and marched through the crowd of ladies to the other side of the room and instructed the group to turn around.  That left Kaitlin and I on the front row!  I think I heard her say, “Oh crap.”   Continue reading →

Day 20 – Not Afraid

Posted on by
4

Last night there was a disturbance, not a disturbance in the force but in the family room.  We’re navigating teenage girlhood with our youngest and the waters can be pretty turbulent at times and usually when we least expect it.  Well, a big wave of disrespect and moodiness splashed over John and I.  As we sat blinking on the couch, staring at American Idol, the stormy little instigator marched upstairs.  Moments later the disgruntled teen stomped down the stairs and out the front door!  It was nighttime – dark and chilly out.  John went to see where she went and found her sitting on the porch.  He came back in and closed the door.  I got a rush of restless energy so went to the kitchen to clean.  Cleaning always helps when I’m anxious or just need to get my body busy so I won’t sit and fret.  As I walked in and turned on the faucet to start rinsing dishes, fear blew an icy breath to fog up my heart.  I thought, “What if she runs away?  What if she does something else stupid?  What will we do?  Do I call the police?”  Then I immediately thought, “I’m not going to worry about this” and instead began to pray.  As I put dishes in the dishwasher rather forcefully, I prayed for God to send away any influence from the enemy that was affecting her and her heart.  I prayed and declared that God’s Holy Spirit was the only influence welcome in our home, in the hearts of my family.  I rebuked satan and told him to leave in Jesus’ name.

As I prayed – I was actually saying these things out loud quietly as I scrubbed the surface of the oven – I felt a growing boldness rise up.  The fear started to ebb away as I kept telling the enemy that he was not welcome, that he had no power over us, and that he had to leave because Jesus said so.  All we have to do is resist Him.  That’s what the Bible says!  (James 4:7-8)  We don’t have to punch him, fight him, wrestle with him, or convince him to go.  We just have to pull away and say “Eww, I don’t want you here.”  Well, that’s what I did.  As I prayed it was as if my wimpy little heart suddenly was fortified with the steely determination of Truth.  I said, “I’m not afraid of you!”  Instantly the fear was gone and I felt peace.  I wasn’t worried at all.  I felt strong – felt the power of God all around me, the goodness of Truth triumphing again over evil.  (Like it does EVERY time)

I remember when I was little being afraid to walk through the church with the lights off.  For some reason a church can be really creepy when it’s all dark.  There was nothing there, though!  No reason to be afraid.  And usually my parents were around somewhere getting ready to go home.   I HATE spiders, but most of them don’t hurt anyone. They’re just incredibly spindly, quick and unpredictable and can make me freak out like little else.  When my girls were little and John wasn’t home, I had to be the spider killer.  I would just tell myself, “I’m not afraid” and squish it.  Of course I would usually do it as fast as I could and then get the heebie-jeebies, but you get my point right?

I was talking with a good friend once about doubts and faith, confessing I had some doubts and was feeling guilty about it.  It was also making me afraid for the condition of my faith in God and the foundation I’ve built my life upon this whole time.  He said he didn’t think doubt is the opposite of faith, but that fear is.  I think he’s right.  Doubt usually leads me to God for understanding, for peace, for conversation.  Fear tends to paralyze me.  The Bible says that perfect love (God) casts out all fear (I John 4:17-18) so that tells me that fear is NOT of God.  Not that kind of fear anyway.  My friend told me when doubts arose in his heart, he took them to God and just decided he wasn’t going to give in to fear.  He wasn’t even going to go there.

Is it as simple as that?  Just saying, “you know what?  I’m not going to be afraid.”  I think it is!  For so long I’ve been captive to fears that have nothing to stand on.  The devil is also the prince of lies and all the fears he sloshes onto us are false.  They can be really powerful and trip us but they’re nothing.  He has no power over us.  The thought of facing him when we have God on our side is like us having a battle with a loaf of bread.  (Hilarious simile compliments of John Crump.  Makes me laugh every time I picture it.)

The next time you feel afraid – whether it’s of a dinky spider on your floor or a big, new life circumstance you find yourself in or something you don’t understand about God – choose not to be afraid.  Choose to stand tall with God’s Spirit big inside of you and all around you.  Choose to remember whose you are.  Choose to take it to God, your Father.  Choose to proclaim to the enemy, “I’m not afraid of you!”

Then watch God do something awesome.

…

Posted on by
Reply

I never thought I’d be saying this but sometimes, especially in this past year, I really look forward to the day when my girls are out on their own and I’m not responsible to discipline and guide them so tangibly every single day.  It makes me tired.  One of them in particular is high maintenance and requires lots of checking up on, keeping on her back, reminding about obedience and respect, and it goes on and on.  After so many years in our home I thought maybe she would know these things a little better by now.  Sheesh!!

As I sit and type I’m thinking about my own self and my heavenly Father.  How I admire his patience.  Oh my.  I am no better than her in my slowness to really learn the things he’s been teaching me for years.  I want to be better, I want to please Him.  I just mess up, or get lazy, or mouth off sometimes.

God, please move in the heart of my daughters.  With your Spirit, draw them close, open their hearts to you for real so they will allow you to transform them and change the way they think and behave.  I can only do so much and feel such a failure right now….or at least sorely inadequate.

Thank you for being patient with me.  You’re going to have to instill some of that patience in me right now so I can parent with grace and not anger, with wisdom and not impulsive reaction from emotion.  I’m such an emotional person – that last part is a real challenge for me.  Alleviate my fears somehow that my daughter won’t grow up loving you like I wish she would.  At least give me the grace to trust you more so I won’t be afraid.  She has to make her choices.  I guess I’m not responsible for those choices but it sure feels that way.

I love her.  I want a good life for her.  I want her to know You because that will be the absolute best path for her to take.  I hope and pray she will realize that and choose…and soon!

God, I love You.  Thank you for being my father and for teaching me over and over, giving me a clean slate every day, not holding my past mistakes against me, and telling me that with You I can do it…whatever is ahead of me.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:11

Day 18-19 Weekend

Posted on by
Reply

I’m sitting in the big comfy armchair in my parent’s family room surrounded by their two sweet doggies – Maggie, a gentle, black Scottie dog and Sophie, a snuggly little Bichon whose fluffiness reminds us of a Q-tip.  The sun is brilliant outdoors and shining through all the big windows.  My tummy is full of cereal and english muffin, with a splash of diet coke thrown in.  My heart is full of relaxation and happiness, being in my parents’ home for a few days and enjoying the comfort of familiarity and their company.  It’s so good to get away.  Now that we have more flexibility on our weekends we thought we should take advantage of it and come over to see them this weekend and it’s been really good.

We went to the Saturday night worship at their church last night and so today are being lazy, sleep-in, bums still in our jammies.  How’s that for a switch for a pastor and his family?

In worship last night God was so close.  We sang one of our new favorites, “Glory to God” by Steve Fee.  The words are simple but help me so much in focus in my heart – “Glory to God, glory to God, glory to God forever!”  It’s all for Him.  We also sang the song “Center” by Charlie Hall.  I first learned/heard this song here at their church last year and after that we began to use it at New Life in worship.  The lyrics, of course, are what move me and remind me of what’s important:  “Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes…You’re the center of the Universe everything was made in You, Jesus.  Breath of every living thing, every one was made for You.  You hold everything together…”  The prayer time was especially moving to me.  A lady walked up on the platform with papers in hand and read a beautiful, heartfelt prayer that she had written.  It was breath-taking.  I would seriously love to have a copy.  It was simple and to the point, but clearly coming from a heart that deeply reveres God, deeply loves Him and is rooted in His Word.  At the end she was praising God with words similar to those of David in the psalms and my heart just overflowed into tears.  What a lovely moment in God’s presence.

My dad is the pastor and his message was right on.  He preached about how so many of us are approval addicts and how that’s contrary to what God wants for us.  He asked the poignant question, “Who is in your jury box?  Who are you playing your life to?”  In other words, whose approval are you seeking?  The only one whose approval matters is God but so often we find ourselves comparing ourselves, even becoming deceitful to impress others, or in bondage to “playing our lives out” to gain people’s stamp of approval.

The key according to dad’s message?  Transparency and secrecy.  Two things that sound like opposites.  When we realize we have nothing to lose in being completely transparent because our only real audience is God we can be fully vulnerable and honest about ourselves.  God already knows everything about us, our mistakes, hang-ups, flaws, and more.  Being transparent is scary but freeing.  Then you have nothing to hide.  No need for any deceit or play-acting.

The secrecy dad talked about is the secrecy we’re supposed to have when we do good for others and are involved in our prayer life.  Jesus said that when we give to others or do good we shouldn’t even let our right hand know what our left hand is doing.  We only need God’s approval and reward, not the reward or “good thinking” of others who find out  what we did.  Also, when we pray and fast, we’re not doing it to gain applause or make a good impression, we’re praying and fasting to grow closer to God and become more like him.  Then we can portray Jesus to the people around us, being completely free of the need to impress or the hunger for man’s approval.  That is true freedom indeed!  That’s what I want and need.

Who am I playing my life to?  How about you?  Who is in your jury box?  Don’t fall prey to living your life to please people.  Don’t live in that bondage.  Be free in knowing you live in God’s love, He has already accepted You and approved of you if you’ve chosen to accept the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice and love.  You don’t have to earn His approval.  You can just fall into His love.  That freedom makes me think of a wide, breezy, sun-lit prairie, spreading my arms out  letting the tips of fingers swish through wild flowers as I run without getting tired, enjoying the life and fresh air of knowing that whoever I am, whoever God made me to be is okay and enough.  This morning my heart is full with the sunshine of these thoughts and the peace of this weekend away.  Thank you, Jesus.  Glory to God!

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”  Galatians 1:10

“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.”  Colossians 1:22

Green Pasture

Posted on by
Reply

Life has definitely taken a turn, things are dramatically different for us as a family.  It’s hard to let go of something familiar, something you love, but now it is actually freeing to take our hands off and back away.  We need some space but have such a mixture of feelings:  love for friends but the need for our hearts to move on from a chapter God’s finished writing for us.  We watch Him turn the page with some sadness, reflection, and fondness.   It was a chapter wrought with change, quite a bit of stress and challenge, but also growth, much love and joy.  Toward the end of it, some of the characters God had written in affirmed us and let us know that what we had been and done in these last few years made a difference.   I hope many of those characters will also appear in the next chapters as we watch our life story keep unfolding, as God writes it one page at a time.

I was sharing with my mom how I was intent on staying close to these friends, keeping in touch, not letting things fade away.  She understood but said, “be careful.”  At first her words hurt a little – why would it be bad to stay close with these special people who had become so important to me?  Continue reading →