Category Archives: Parenting

Now what?

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Those who know me were surprised I hadn’t cried all day, but I was just too happy to cry.  Months of planning, texting with my daughter, buying supplies on the Internet and at Hobby Lobby (I should have a frequent flyer discount by now), and coordinating had culminated in this beautiful, family and friend-filled day.  We were gathered because of love, surrounded by love, and full of love, nearly to burst.   I kept telling myself to slow down and be in each moment because it began to speed by, as special days seem to do.

ImageI had one moment where I got really close to crying: when her daddy began to walk her into the dimly-lit, lovely auditorium and down the aisle.  Instead of tears, however, as I saw them come in I caught my breath and just stared at my absolutely beautiful grown-up girl beaming, walking toward her husband-to-be.   As I sat and watched the ceremony unfold, I asked God to interpret the songs in my heart because I just couldn’t find the words or even thoughts to express my gratitude and joy.  Blessed with a capital B, that’s what we are.

I enjoyed so much the time spent with Kimmi in those months before, texting, talking on the phone, meeting at times to shop and plan, brainstorming.  Then, even more fun were the days right before when we drove through Starbucks, then to the church to actually put into motion all we had prepared, with lots of family there to pitch in and help.  What a fun weekend – and everyone was able to come!  I told you…Blessed.

John, Krissy and I drove into our driveway the Sunday after, a little bedraggled but glad to be home. We unloaded the car and brought all the leftover supplies (including many jars!) into the house.  Once inside, I began to feel sad and kind of lost.  I asked John, “What will I do now that I don’t have the wedding to think about, plan for and work on?”  He chuckled and said, “Sit down and relax!”

As I’ve pondered that question these last few weeks, I realize that I poured so much of my heart, mind, wallet, and energy into the wedding and now it is past.  A new chapter has begun for Kimmi and Nathanael and even for us.  We’re in-laws now.  We’re parents of a married daughter!  How’s that for life change?  We may even be on the brink of “grandparenthood” in the next few years to come.  Whoa.  Don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Just as I poured so much of myself into the wedding, I realize some of my sadness was thinking of how I poured so much of myself into being a mom for my girls for so long and that chapter is closing/changing, too.  Our youngest graduated high school and moved out this summer to work in Alabama as a nanny for my brother’s children.

All of the sudden the house is pretty empty and I find myself asking, “what will I do now, God?”  Certainly I should be useful for something!  I’m not accustomed to this.  I’m used to being a hands-on mom, driving girls somewhere, shopping, being needed in close proximity and in person for hugs and heart-to-heart conversations.  I even relished in the everyday talking about friends, school, boys, etc.  Now things are long distance (not too long thankfully) and over the phone or texting or facebook.  Now they are out making their way as young adults and I’m watching them go, proudly but feeling a little lost.

John and I have time to get reacquainted in a way and grow closer together.  I’m so glad I have him in my life.  For some reason he doesn’t feel as melancholy as I do.  Must be a mom thing.

I’m asking God to help me find my place now, to settle into whatever role he has for me.  I have no idea what that is.  He keeps reminding me that I don’t have to figure everything out or make the plan, I just need to trust Him.  He has poured Himself into my life as long as I can remember.

So, here’s to rolling with these changes and keeping my heart and eyes on Him and His Word.  I can almost hear him say, in response to my “now what?’ “Just sit down and relax.  I’ve got this.”

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  Romans 8:15 MSG

Of hard times, mom’s advice, and learning to shut up

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I had a great talk with my sister this afternoon.  What would I do without my sis in my life?

We were talking about being moms and the challenge of not trying to control everyone and everything.  It’s more obvious to me than ever before that I can’t control life and everything that happens to my family.  I also can’t control their choices.

In love and wanting to help, I fight the urge to give advice when I see them about to make decisions that from my life experience I know will bring them heartache or problems.

There’s a time and place for advice and we all need it sometimes.  My mom and dad have shared lots of good advice with me throughout my lifetime.

However, the things and events in my life that have truly taught me to change my ways, to learn new habits, to stop doing some things and start doing others are the hard times.  Experience, consequence and reality are the best teachers.

Growth and change have come from the times I was so desperate I had to fall on my face and cry out to my Papa, my God, and plea for answers.  It has come from the times when I felt I had no one else to turn to for help.  It comes from the times of heart-breaking disappointment, from asking questions and facing fears.  It comes from asking God to put things back together after I made a poor choice, then dust me off and get me moving again in a better direction.

As a mom, especially at this stage of my daughters’ lives, the best thing I can do most of the time is shut up.  Pray, try to consistently live out my faith, trust God and keep my mouth closed.  If I were even able to keep them from having to face the inevitable hard times or consequences from mistakes, I would actually be keeping them from the endurance, faith, hope, perspective and closeness to God that only hard times bring.  That’s what I have always prayed and hoped they would find – I sure don’t want to get in the way of that!

I’m in your corner, girls, and I love you.

The Distinguished Order of Mommies

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Nothing has altered, blessed, challenged, rewarded, or complicated my life as much as being a mom.  When I was very young and playing house it all seemed pretty simple.  Of course the baby was inanimate, silent and plastic and the laundry and dishes invisible.  Little did I know all that actually comes with motherhood.

When our first baby finally made her debut, I clearly remember feeling awe, joy and a sense of accomplishment.  I had just completed Childbirth 101 and passed the final.  I had just joined an enormous group of women who had done the same since the beginning of time.  I was now a member of a very important and distinguished group: mommies.

Moms give of themselves 24/7, usually without a second thought.  My mom still gives to me.  Even though our relationship has changed she is often still the giver.  She gives counsel, a listening ear, a joyful cheer when something good happens, friendship, support, unconditional love and more.  She doesn’t seem to mind that our relationship is still a little lop-sided at times.

I remember so clearly the first time I called her, when I was a young mom, to apologize for the way I acted when I was little.  Continue reading →

In honor of this, the peewee’s day of birth

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Sixteen years ago, about this time actually, I was holding my newest baby girl, Kristine Michele.  I was exhausted but elated.  The nurses had, for some reason, taken a long time to get her washed up, measured, and so forth and so by the time they brought her to me in my room I was dying to get my arms around her.  She likes to tell the story, after seeing her birth on video, of how she cried and cried when she was first born but the moment they laid her on my chest she immediately stopped and just looked at me with her big brown eyes.  You can’t recreate or fully describe moments like that.  An instant bond was created with this new little one, who tried coming out with one hand extended above her head, as if to shake our hands and announce herself to the world.  When I was growing up I always thought I’d be a good mom to boys, since I was such a tomboy.  God knew better and blessed me with three girls instead and Kristine rounded out the family well.  She was a really happy baby, probably partly due to being third and her parents being much more relaxed this time around.  She was delighted to be entertained by her big sisters goofy antics and stories and was soon up and walking to follow them around.  They probably don’t know how much she has always looked up to them, how much she still does, and how much she loves them.

She talked earliest of the three, walked earliest of the three and was soon putting on shows, singing songs while doing little jigs, making us laugh, and giving us “bombs” Continue reading →

All of us little chicks

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When John and I got married, we started walking this narrow path together.  Little by little God added to our group and soon we had three little girls following along.  Sometimes we’d hold hands, sometimes they’d skip along on their own.  As they grew, becoming more independent, occasionally one might fall back a little, walking at a distance from the rest of us.   If one stumbled or got hurt, John and I were quick to help them up.   We’ve done our best to walk in a way that helps them stay the course and not be led astray.   I know Jesus is always with us, but it’s been nice to have the company of each other as we journey along, especially when one of us is having a hard time.

The last few years and especially in the last few months that image of us all walking this road together has become so vivid in my mind and it comforts me.  There have been times when John and I have faltered Continue reading →

My girls are in good hands

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I remember the first time I felt it.  It hit me as if a bucket of ice water was suddenly splashed on me.  John and I were brand new parents and had brought our little Kimberly, only 2 weeks old, to a church dinner to see everyone.  We’d be moving to Florida in another week.  Some of our friends, women who had nurtured and loved on us over the years, came over excitedly to see our baby and then took her in their arms, carrying her around the room to show her to other folks.  All of the sudden, as they walked away with her, I was overcome with a protective compulsion to go get her.  They took my baby!  Bring her back! Continue reading →

Even more “beautiful”

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Can you stand it?  More beautiful??  (3rd post in a row with “beautiful” in the title for those who wonder what the heck I’m talking about)

I’m thinking of a song I love tonight as I’ve been listening to God tell me that there’s no need to panic when those I love make choices I wouldn’t want them to make or seem to be struggling a little to “find their feet” on this path.  He is able and He is watching.  He’s never distracted or bewildered as to how to help them or draw them near.  He loves them, so much more than I do, which is hard for me to grasp when I feel it so deeply from my insides out.  Right now, though my first impulse was to talk and try to control I feel God telling me to be quiet, to watch and see.  I’m praying and trying to stay so close to Him so that I can hear whenever He prompts me to speak and help, but in the meantime I can almost see him wave his arms out in a flourish with a big smile and say “Watch what I can do!  Out of the ashes, out of blunders, out of missteps, I will bring beauty, healing, and wholeness.”  I’m watching, Papa.  Please handle with care.  You know how much she means to me.

I don’t want to think about that today

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You may have noticed, if you’ve read my posts in the last few weeks, that my relationship with and parenting of one of my teenage daughters pretty much consumes my thought-life lately.

You know, parenting is really hard!  I hear all parents everywhere shout “amen!”  I have always loved being a mom and there have been other difficult times along the way, this is just a different type of difficulty.   It’s new territory for me and for John but thankfully not for God.

After a particularly challenging day and evening yesterday, I drove to work this morning I talking with God, Continue reading →

Sure you can, but do you really want to?

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Would you accept a blood transfusion from someone with AIDS?

Would you eat brownies that had just a little bit of doggie poop mixed in?

Would you want to drink water every day that was laced with a little bit of arsenic?

Would you ask someone with a nasty case of the flu to sneeze right in your face?

You could do all those things, but do you really want to?  The Bible says that everything is permissable for us but it’s not all beneficial to us.  Why is that such a hard lesson to learn?  It seems to be one of those a lot of people have to learn the hard way, after negative stuff has stained their heart and life.

I know the enemy seeks to devour all of us but lately I’ve become acutely aware of the battle raging for my daughter’s heart.   Unfortunately when we give him an inch, well you know…  Continue reading →

Surrender

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“There is a God.  It is not me.”

(The first line of chapter five in the book I’m reading, “The Me I want to Be” by John Ortberg.)

What a great line – that should be my motto.  It’s the beginning of true wisdom.  To really live in relationship with God, we have to surrender.

Surrender is difficult: it requires a pushing down of my pride and that’s an ongoing battle.  I have to  admit I’m not in control and that if I really was it would be a disaster; that I need someone else to take control and “drive” my life – someone who is stronger and wiser.  It’s an act of denying my selfish wants, opinions, hopes and brilliant plans.  It’s a falling back and completely letting go, which is scary!  What if God messes up or isn’t paying attention or…?  Continue reading →