Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

Lift Your Feet

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Have you noticed at times a specific theme is repeating in your heart and life, a lesson that God is really wanting you to grasp? Or maybe He gives you a word for a time to keep in mind, to motivate and center yourself. Two themes that kept coming to mind for me in the last few years are “Hold loosely the things of this life” and “Lift your feet.” That second one might sound funny so let me describe the imagery that came with the words.

Imagine you are in the middle of a wide, swiftly moving river and you can just touch the bottom with your feet. When you try to walk through the water it rushes around your body and legs so you lean forward to try and make headway. It’s slow going for you, especially if you lose your footing and get pushed back. Depending on how far you want to go, it will get pretty tiring. The current is so strong that if you were to lower yourself into the water and lift your feet, the water would carry you along for miles.

So often, while trying to keep control of things it feels like I’m trying to run through chest-high water that’s surging in the other direction. And at times it even seems like the river is getting wider as I go so that I’m not any closer to reaching the edge than when I started. I wear myself out, anxiety rising like water up to my chin because I believe I have to figure out solutions or fix situations that are beyond my limited strength, wisdom, knowledge, or perspective. I guess the most basic description of this mindset is forgetting that God is in control and I am not (and don’t have to be!).

I believe God was telling me, and still does, to stop striving against the flow and lift my feet. I need to surrender to the current of the river of his Holy Spirit and go where He takes me. Of course, this requires trusting that He is good and cares about me and won’t send me plunging over the edge of Niagara Falls!

Jesus said that if we’re weary, we should come to Him. He will give us rest and help bear the burdens (Matthew 11:28). He also said not to worry about tomorrow but to trust God as our loving Father who cares about us (Matt. 6:25-34). He said that the Holy Spirit would be with us, guiding, teaching, strengthening and comforting us (John 14:15-17, 26). The most wonderful promise is that He will be with us until the end of time (Matt. 28:20).

Maybe He’s saying these kinds of things to you right now, “Stop struggling. The current is my Spirit. I’ve got you. I won’t ever leave you to drift or drown. Lean back, float, rest. You can let go. I love you. Lift your feet.”

“Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message paraphrase

Got hope?

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I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say the inhabitants of this world are weary and in need of hope. All throughout the history of mankind it has been that way since the very beginning when people decided to pick their way over God’s way and God let them.

I believe there is still hope to be had. And that’s not just me being optimistic. (although I am pretty optimistic and can be annoyingly so)

Psalms 130: 6 says, “I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” I have long thought that verse meant that the watchmen were tired and eager for their shift to end, so they were watching for the sun to finally peek it’s welcome glowing face over the horizon so they could clock out and go home. Recently I heard another perspective: they watch for the sun to rise because every day the sun rises. They are watching and waiting for it to happen because they know it’s going to happen. They can count on it.

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Hello again

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There’s a season for everything. Sometimes a season reappears but feels new because life circumstances have changed and so have we. I used to blog regularly for years and then about five years ago I just stopped. The inspiration or inclination to write just evaporated.

That desire has resurfaced to share thoughts and life lessons in case it’s helpful or interesting to someone else. My heart’s desire has long been to help people feel less alone. We are not meant to travel alone through life. We are meant to walk together, share and learn from each other, help and love each other.

So, if you have time and want to walk and talk with me a bit, I’d love your company.

Thirst

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I’ve said it before and it will probably always be true: if it weren’t for my husband, my houseplants would be dead. I love plants, or at least I say I do, but I forget to water them. It builds endurance, right? I don’t think they appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve had a plant or flower that was a little neglected and became wilted and drooping over, but once you gave it some water, before long it straightened up and filled out – happy and thriving instead of barely hanging on to its little plant life.

I was listening to a message by Tim Keller yesterday about Psalm 1: the first of many wonderful rich poems, desperate laments, mountain-top celebrations and heartfelt prayers to God and about God. Here it is:

1 Oh, the joys of those who do not
follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with mockers.

2 But they delight in the law of the Lord,
meditating on it day and night.

3 They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.

4 But not the wicked!
They are like worthless chaff,
scattered by the wind.

5 They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
Sinners will have no place among the godly.

6 For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,
but the path of the wicked leads to destruction.

Tim’s message focused on the necessity of meditating on God’s Word so we can thrive, but I also gained some new perspective on a few other things.

Jesus had a conversation with a Samaritan woman once and told her if she only knew the gift God had for her she would ask for Living Water. “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life,” (John 4:13-14). That thirst is the inner thirst we all have, the sometimes seemingly unquenchable yearning in our hearts for what we lack. We look to and “drink in” all sorts of things and people to try and satisfy the thirst, but none of it lasts or truly satisfies. Some can even be toxic. We are barely surviving spiritually (which affects our entire life, physically and otherwise).

Among many other things, God once told Jeremiah, the prophet, to warn His people about this:

They [my people] have abandoned me—the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all! Jeremiah 2:13

In our self-sufficiency we think we’re doing fine when all the while our roots are shriveling and starving, a malnourished tree trying to grow in dry, cracked dirt.

For a short time, could it be that Jesus even knew this feeling? We read these words in Psalm 22, a specific and accurate prophecy about Jesus’ crucifixion:

14 My life is poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax, melting within me.

15 My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.
You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead.

Near the end of his death on the cross, Jesus said “I thirst.” No doubt physically he was dehydrated and truly thirsty. But Tim Keller proposed it could have also been because at that moment he was taking on our sin, essentially becoming sin, becoming the wicked who are cut off from God, detached from the source of Living Water. His life was utterly being poured out, draining out like water. He was becoming dusty, lifeless chaff to be scattered in the wind. (Psalm 1:4) That is the opposite of what He wants for us.

If you’ve ever flown in a plane, when you look down across squares of farmers’ fields, forests, neighborhoods and more, you see so many trees growing along rivers and around lakes, where they have a steady supply of water. Psalm 1 paints a beautiful picture of healthy, lush trees growing along a flowing river, always green, always fruitful when the season for that comes, fully alive and strong.

Contrary to actual trees, in a way we actually choose where we want to be planted, settle and grow. In Ephesians 4 the Apostle Paul mentions that in a most loving prayer for the people following Jesus:

16 I pray that from his [God’s] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 

And Jesus said He’s the Vine and we’re his branches. (John 15:5) He said without Him we can do nothing. But as long as we abide in Him, stay attached to Him, we’ll bear fruit – we’ll have all we need. We’ll have Him.

Unlike my poor houseplants, we have a Father who is not only attentive and caring, but always with us. He is the Living Water, the ever bubbling, even gushing, pure source of life and everything good. He provides more than we need and is the same yesterday, today and forever. Why would we want to plant ourselves anywhere else?

Scriptures used are in the New Living Translation
Tim Keller’s podcast and messages: https://open.spotify.com/show/5hYDVSeY9KWSpkI4YlSzKF?si=W0uS2LlhSJ-Lggv7WzPkYA

Dusting off my happiness

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Looking through old posts on this blog, which was started quite a long time ago, is like looking through my parents’ old photo albums when I visit their house. I read stories I wrote about our parenting adventure that I had forgotten, lessons I’ve learned in life and keep relearning. I find memories, some that make me laugh, some that give me a lump in my throat, that have gotten covered up by others falling on top of them in my mind like stacks of papers getting dusty from no one shuffling through them for a while. Sometimes I read what I wrote and think, “Wow, was that me writing that?” I haven’t written for a long time and miss it. It helps me process what I’m feeling, thinking and learning, even though apparently I forget those things before too long.

For reasons I won’t go into detail explaining, the past 9-10 years were peppered with chronic stress and anxiety, which caused some depression, and often numbness. Continue reading →

Have you been there?

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At my job, I wear a lot of hats: greeter, registrar, scheduler, helper, problem solver, team worker, paper shuffler and more. One of the things we do a lot at the front desk of our busy medical office is direct people. Depending on which doctor they are seeing, we direct them to the waiting area they need. We direct people walking in from outside to other offices in the same building. We do that a LOT and I wish we could get a dollar for every time we’ve told someone how to get to Midwest Urology!

It gets hectic sometimes in the hubbub and so once in a while, we get mixed up and accidentally send a patient to the wrong area, then have to run and get them and take them to the right place.

I’ve walked that office a thousand times and it’s all very familiar now. After telling people these things over and over for years I’ve gotten in a routine of what I say to describe how to get to where they need to go.

We had a new worker up front one time who was struggling with giving directions. Continue reading →

The plan is: stop planning

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I should never have prayed that way. You know, there are things you shouldn’t pray for: patience (right now, please), humility (ouchy things ahead!), for your faith to grow (you’ll get chances to trust and jump off of ledges) and more.

Inspired by the verse in Isaiah 43:19 when God says, “For I am about to do something new. See, I’ve already begun! Do you not see it?” I prayed for God to teach me how to live outside my comfort zones and to embrace new things because new means life and growth and health and movement and a promising future.

You may have heard the saying, “If you do things the way you’ve always done, you’ll get the results you’ve always gotten.” Nothing new, nothing gained. There’s nothing wrong with much of what has been but there’s so much more possible! Why stay back if God is promising something ahead?

That Isaiah passage is full of hope, conveying that God has more ideas and plans up His grand godly sleeve and is going to reveal it somehow, is already revealing some of it apparently!

I am no expert at embracing what’s new, and it seems to get more difficult the older I get. I don’t know if it’s because I’m amassing more years under my belt in which I’ve been used to doing things a certain way. Without even fully realizing it, I’ve nestled down into long-standing habits and mindsets that have become a little too comfortable. Those comfort zones in me so subtly become muddy ruts where my feet get stuck and then it’s easier to just stay put. Climbing out of the ruts would be more appealing if I knew how to get out or where I’m going or what’s waiting for me when I get free of the rut muck. To be honest, I also want to know that I’ll still be comfortable outside the ruts before I climb out. I’m held back by that pesky human tendency to resist uncomfortable, unfamiliar, unknown places.

I’m not opposed to the new, but I am a planner. I like to know how said new thing will be happening: what will that look like? What will it require of me? How can we prepare for it and make sure it goes well? Spontaneity is not my favorite and a real effort me because of this need to have a plan. Sometimes free Saturdays are torture because I don’t waste my day and so have to make a mental plan for what I want to do and in which order and how and so forth. That probably sounds kind of exhausting to some of you (a little glimpse into the overactive, kind of obsessive brain of Mimi). When things change abruptly without warning, anxiety rises up and it takes me a bit to calm down on the inside and get on board. Routine has been my friend.

This does not work too well with the way God works. He doesn’t need my help planning and seems to delight in not revealing the plan much ahead of time, if at all! I know HE is a planner, but my part is not the planning or knowing but the trusting and pressing ahead.

It helps me in times of doubt or worry to think of things He’s done in the past to show His love, to show He’s real, that He answers prayers. It helps my willingness to leave comfort when I remind myself of the ways God has worked out his plan for us, for his people in ages past and how He’s promised to for all time to come.

One such story is of Ruth in the Bible. If you’re not familiar with the story go read it.  It’s not a long book and so sweet.

At the finish of her story, we can look back over the events in it to see that Ruth just so happened to get married to a man originally from Bethlehem and end up devoted daughter-in-law to Naomi. When their husbands died, they just so happened to move back to Bethlehem, and when needing food Ruth so happened to be a hard worker who went to glean in a nearby field.  The field just so happened to belong to a godly, single, good man named Boaz, who just so happened to give Ruth special treatment, protection and lots of food. We then find out Boaz just so happened to be a close relative of Naomi and was able to marry Ruth, and then have a son with her, one of whose descendants would be King David. Farther down that same lineage would come Jesus, Son of God, the Messiah.

What looked bleak and bitter to Naomi and Ruth eventually revealed a plan God had been working the whole time to bring renewed hope and a future for them, not to mention being part of his bigger plan to bring His own Son into the world! He didn’t show them the plan ahead of time. But He worked His plan for their good. They just did what they needed to do each day and trusted Him.

I’ve learned before and am learning again that when Jesus said to live in each day and not worry about the next one, He was actually giving us a gift: the gift of not being responsible for making things happen, but of just trusting and being with Him, watching, listening to Him, following Him, yielding to Him.

For planners like me with a not so subtle control problem, it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable. But God reminds me, “Hey, you asked for this.” Can I learn to live for lengthy periods of time outside of comfort, uncomfortable but still at peace knowing I’m walking by faith, that I’ll get to see the new things God is doing and is going to do? I want to. I still pray that, Papa. Show me how.

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow…”
Matthew 6:31-34
“For we live by believing and not by seeing.” II Corinthians 5:7 

 

A new way to look at it

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I’m a firstborn, and therefore (like many of us firstborns) mostly compliant, a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. My personality likes rules because they provide structure. Structure makes me feel secure and comfortable.  I was raised in a church-going, Bible-believing family and it was all black and white to me. This is right, that’s wrong. Do what’s right, not what’s wrong. Being a Christian, as I came to understand it, was mostly about this. I wanted to do a really great job of following the rules and living the right way so God (and my parents) would be happy with me. I think I gravitated toward and settled into this mindset in part because of my nature of people pleasing and perfectionism.

I didn’t realize until adulthood, and more and more these last 10 years or so, how my view of a life of faith was incomplete and restrictive, restricting me more than just in the way I behave. My relationship with God has been hampered by this lingering feeling that I better not mess up. I’d painted Him in my mind as the boundary maker, the Judge, the Holy One I desperately don’t want to disappoint by stepping out of line.

I was trying to thrive in a legalistic faith (and it wasn’t working) instead of having a deeply personal and transformative 24/7 relationship with a living, loving Father.

I’m learning, or relearning, how to live in relationship with God because a relationship built only on rules and do’s & don’ts is a pretty cold one. Its foundation is fear and that has often pushed me back from God. Think about it, is a God who is judging, keeping track of wrongs, and watching for a mistake One who seems approachable and warm? Is that someone you’d want to spend a lot of time with, talk with, listen to, read about, follow, or even share with other people?

There are lots of illustrations out there about living God’s way. Here’s one: Picture a house with a big yard that backs up to a major highway. The yard is fenced so the children who live in the house won’t wander or run onto the road and be hurt or killed. Similarly, God’s boundaries are for our good, they keep us from harm and ultimately from death (you know, the wages of sin is death kind of death).

Recently, God gave me a new way to look at that. Imagine a wide open, vast, lush, green grassy plain with lots of rolling hills in the distance, the landscape stretching as far as your eye can see. In the distance you can hear the gurgling of a creek or distant thundering of waterfalls. The sky is wide and blue, the sun shining, a refreshing breeze blows the hair away from your face. Here and there, however, spotting the landscape are dark circles, which when you look closer you realize are deep holes. They’re each encircled with a fence to keep people from wandering or falling into.

As I basked in this beautiful place in my mind, God told me that His grace is more like this scene than being fenced into a small backyard by a highway. As His child I can explore, rest, wander, run, walk, lay down, play, or just be still anywhere in that place. The dark holes are places that aren’t in God’s plan for my best: rebellion, sin. The fence around each one is the reminder in God’s Word and from His Spirit directly to our hearts those places are dangerous and to stay out.

I am truly free to decide, of course, and if I choose, I can climb those fences and jump into the circles, but it’s pretty obvious in this picture that doesn’t lead to anything good. I could sit on the fence thinking about jumping into the holes, but then I miss out on the free roaming in the green grass and out in the hills. I can’t have both.

We don’t get to this place by staying out of the holes. It’s not living right that makes us welcome in God’s grace. God calls everyone to come, just the way we are. We get in by coming to Jesus in faith and seeking forgiveness. THEN we stay out of the holes, away from sin, not to make God happy and keep Him from being disappointed in us. Rather, we accept his boundaries out of gratitude for such love and freedom: freedom from guilt, freedom from shame, freedom from separation from Him, freedom from death. We trust He has our best in mind because He loves us.

Jesus said He came to give life and life abundantly! Remember the scene laid out in John chapter 8 of a woman caught in the act of adultery? She was dragged before Jesus by religious leaders to humiliate her and see if Jesus would agree she should be stoned for her sin. After reminding the leaders they, too, had sinned before and shouldn’t stand in judgment, He turned to look at the woman in compassion and asked her, “Has no one condemned you?” She answered, “No, Sir.” “Then neither do I. Go and leave your life of sin.”

Notice Jesus did not say, “Go and be sure you attend Synagogue every Sabbath, have a quiet time every single morning, and memorize Scripture. No drinking, smoking or cussing or I’ll be extremely disappointed in you.” Instead, He opened the door wide to that beautiful, peace-filled, green hills and open space place of His grace.

He loved her as she hadn’t been loved before. He loved her even as she stood ashamed and dirty with sin. God lavishes that love on us, too. He actually longs to give us His grace. He aches for each and every one of his kids to live and stay with Him day by day. “The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.” Isaiah 30:18

There will still be struggles and hard places to travel through even in God’s grace, but that freedom remains. He will discipline us sometimes and correct us, but freedom remains. And HE remains. He will never leave. He’s a good Father. He goes with us in love, not condemnation or score-keeping.

I hope if you follow Jesus, you are walking with Him head held high in the freedom of grace and not lagging behind him a few steps in fear or shame. If you have trouble really believing and knowing you are accepted by God without doing a single thing except believing in Jesus, then ask Him to help you understand how much He loves you. The antidote to fear and shame is knowing and believing God is good and He LOVES.

Thank you, God, for fencing off the places that lead to sin and death, but not fencing me in! Thank you for loving me, for giving me a new way to look at living day to day with you covered in and set free by Your grace.

“…[God’s] Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.” 1 John 4:18

I’m a flyer, you’re a flyer…

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When was the last time you watched a trapeze act? It must be exhilarating to grip the bar, jump off the platform, swing down and then on the way up let go at the top and fly through the air. Thankfully a fellow trapeze artist is there at just the right time, grabs a hold and swings them to safety on the other side. I enjoy watching these acts most when there is a big net underneath, you know, just in case someone loses grip or doesn’t quite time things right. Then at least they will bounce safely at the bottom and nobody gets hurt.

I’m assuming these trapeze groups have relationships built on lots of trust. I bet the flyers really try to stay on the good side of the catchers, like baking them cookies, giving them foot rubs and the like.

It seems to me there are some very important truths about a good catcher: They must be strong, they must watch the flyer without distraction, they must have good timing, and they must jump out and swing toward the flyer at just the right moment to do their job and bring the flyer back with them.  I read that sometimes the catcher says a reassuring, “Gotcha!” as they grab hold of the flyer.

You may have heard flying on a trapeze as an illustration of a life of faith in God. In that scenario, we who follow Jesus are flyers who let go in life and trust the catcher, God, to be there. They say the flyer shouldn’t try to “catch” the catcher, but just let go of the trapeze bar, hold their arms out straight, and wait for the catcher grab hold. Trust. Big time.

It’s like a child jumping from the side of a pool to their Daddy standing in the water, only bigger and scarier. I mean, I’m flying through the air here Continue reading →

This is me

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Don’t compare your real everyday life with someone else’s highlight reel. That’s good advice I heard once about social media. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram can be comparison traps. What most of us post are the good moments, the vacation photos, the happy birthday group shots, the days off, the kids graduating or performing or doing something cute. We don’t usually post the flat tires, the grumpy days at work, the late payment credit card statements, the cat’s poop on the carpet, or pics of our kids in time-out in tears with angry faces.

It’s easy for us to forget that other people are posting their best stuff and envy can start creeping in as we scroll through picture after picture, post after post. We become discontented with our own lives and fall into the mucky muck of self-pity.  Not that I’ve ever done this, of course!

My username on Twitter is “therealmimi” (“realmimi” on Instagram) and I want to be that. I strive for transparency and honesty but am also a positive person by nature. I also want to encourage so I try to post upbeat things, Bible verses that help me, hopeful, fun stuff. Some people have gotten the impression, from time to time, that I have it all together because of this, that I don’t struggle, that I’m handling everything in my life with grace all the time.

Welllllll….not so! I was talking with a dear friend yesterday about this very thing. I was telling her I wish I would’ve created my blog to be anonymous so I could really post about anything, be completely honest in my sharing about all parts of my life. As it is, I feel like I have to hold back, I feel the need to be careful what I say because I’m a pastor’s wife and several in my church family read my posts.  I’m a mother of young adults but my daughters might read my posts. I don’t want to ever hurt any of those people by my open sharing.

At the same time, I really don’t want people getting the idea that I’m positive all the time, that I always have hope, that I always look at the bright side, that I’m always walking closely with Jesus.

I’m an emotional person and have my share of sadness, anger, impatience (especially when driving!), self-centeredness, selfishness, and even depression and sometimes overwhelming anxiety.  When people imply or suggest that I don’t feel those things or don’t go through hard stuff, it actually can make me angry. “I’m the same as anyone else!” I want to shout, stamping my foot with hands on my hips. I think it’s because if someone pictures me as less troubled than the ordinary person, or more “spiritual,” or always happy, it takes away my relatability, it separates me and makes me feel isolated.

There is no closeness between friends who aren’t real with each other. There is no deep connection without transparency. There is no relating to someone you sense has no issues or problems. And I want to relate, I want to connect, I want to encourage by sharing from my truest self.

I believe one of my callings from God is to encourage people. I also believe it’s to help others feel less alone. I believe that in orer to do that, I have to be real.

How about you? What would you need to change in your interactions with people, and even on social media, to be more real? I’m not going to post pics of my cat pooping where she’s not supposed to, but it happens. How’s that for starters?