Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

To Inifinity and Beyond

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Do you ever feel afraid when you think about going to heaven?  That’s a weird question, I know.  I woke this morning thinking not so much about heaven exactly, as about eternity, about what happens when we die, about what it could be like to be somewhere forever…and ever.  It may seem crazy to you but whenever I start thinking about that I begin to feel anxious.  I’m pretty sure it’s because it’s something my mind can’t grasp or understand.   After all, I have no frame of reference.  Everything in my life, and in this world, has a beginning and end.  I was conceived and began as a cluster of cells multiplying and growing (a pretty huge miracle in itself).  When my time has come, I will die and my heart will stop beating, my brain stop processing and thinking, and my physical body will give out.  Each day has a beginning (the sun comes up) and an end (the sun goes down and the moon and stars appear).  I wake and sleep.  There are physical boundaries to my home, my town, my country, and my world.  Once into space, however, it starts to become mind-boggling since there is no edge to the universe.  Where does it end, if it ends and if it does, what’s on the outside of it?  OH!  I tell myself to just stop thinking about it, to stop trying to comprehend how it could be.  The truth is, there is no way we can see the edge or end of the universe, and from what I’ve heard it keeps spreading, so infinity seems to be reality.

If you’re still reading this rambling post, bully for you!   Continue reading →

Pondering peace, love and other Christmas stuff

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I was quietly enjoying a breakfast burrito at McDonald’s and catching up on twitter on my phone this morning when all of a sudden I heard a woman’s angry voice shouting, “This is the worst service EVER!!  You suck!!”  Then someone else shouted “Merry Christmas!”  I didn’t see it happen but I’m assuming she stormed out after hurling that piece of her mind at the surprised workers behind the counter.  It’s true they were a little slow today and it was very busy there, but I’m not sure their less-than-speedy service warranted that attack.  My first thought was how mean and unfair it was for her to do that and that if I was that worker I would probably be fighting back tears.  I hate to get yelled at.  Now that I think about it, does anyone like getting yelled at?   My next thought was that she must be stressed-out or already worked up about something else to react so strongly.  And down deep, she must be hurting.  Hurt usually leads to anger.

The first few weeks of December when we had no money to buy presents and were anticipating a very simple Christmas, God gave me a little (emphasis on little) perspective of what it’s like for so many people every year.  There are lots of families who struggle to make ends meet and aren’t able to do much, if anything, in the gift buying and giving department.  You know, there is a lot of pressure from people’s expectations and TV commercials about buying stuff, buying stuff, and buying more stuff.  I hadn’t realized it as much until this year.  Often the first question in passing conversation is “Have you gotten your shopping done?”   Continue reading →

His Indescribable Gift

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3 days ’til Christmas…if you have children in your house I’m sure they have made you aware of this and are counting down the days and even hours until Christmas morning.  Many of them will be so excited to see the surprises waiting for them under the tree that they won’t be able to sleep the night before.  Gifts have been a big part of celebrating Christmas for centuries.

Did that start because of the gifts the wise men gave Jesus, Mary and Joseph when they finally arrived?  Did the tradition become more pronounced because of the original Saint Nicholas who gave anonymous gifts to needy people by dropping small bags of coins or other treasures down their chimneys?  It actually was started by God, the original and best gift giver of all time.  He offered His Son, out of love, and continues to give good gifts to his children.  He is the most generous, creative, and recklessly lavish giver.

Imagine your boss left gifts for you and all your co-workers – hefty cash bonuses for a year’s work well done.  Imagine that you hadn’t gotten the memo Continue reading →

Merry Madlib

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One of my favorite games is “Madlibs” – when you ask a friend or group of friends to give you various words that you plug into a story then read out loud.  The random and usually silly stuff they give can cause hilarious results.  Tonight we went to a family Christmas service at church and heard the leaders create a madlib with the Christmas story.   We ended up with Mary wrapping Baby Jesus in a shirt, then “pantsing” him, then the angels telling the shepherds to look for a unicycle laying in a banana boat and saying “Peace on earth and moms to men.”  The leaders pointed out that when we fill in the blanks of Christmas with random or silly things it can be fun but it loses its real meaning.

I love that illustration.  I started off this season being able to more easily fill the blanks with Jesus, reading the story in the Bible verse by verse, blogging, etc.  Mostly because there wasn’t really any way to fill them with shopping and spending.  I had a lot of peace, surprisingly so.  This week we were blessed by some generous people and were able to shop for family, ship packages, and even go out to dinner.  I quickly found myself getting back in that mindset of thinking what I wanted to buy or spend on and was losing my focus.  I was slipping back into “madlib” mode and filling the blanks with material and temporary stuff.  It usually makes me restless instead of peaceful.

There’s nothing wrong with buying presents for the people we love, and I’m still sooo thankful to those loving people for giving to us, but it’s a great reminder for me to keep things in perspective and fill my heart and thoughts with the real words from the best story/event ever:  angels, glory, baby, God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary, firstborn son, Bethlehem, shepherds, amazed, good news, peace to all men…Savior.

Who’s your Elizabeth?

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When Mary accepted the task given her by God and realized she was indeed pregnant, she hastily decided to make a trip to see her cousin Elizabeth.  She heard, as crazy as it sounded and improbable as it was, that Elizabeth herself was expecting a child!  Maybe part of the reason for her trip was to see if that impossible news was actually true.   If it was true, maybe that would help her accept that what was happening inside of her wasn’t just a dream or her imagination.  She had to also be thinking that getting away for a little while was a good idea.  It would give her time to figure out how she was going to break the news to Joseph.  Perhaps she and Elizabeth had a close relationship, so she felt comfortable choosing that home for her get away.

No sooner had she walked into the house but Elizabeth stood to her feet, Continue reading →

No Hierarchy of Servants

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My parents were celebrated Sunday by the church they’ve pastored for the last six years.  They’re retiring not only from that pastorate but from more than 43 years of ministry all over the place.  It was a special day and as I watched and listened to what people shared and thought about how God has used them throughout all that time I was thankful, amazed and proud.   It was no rose-lined path they walked even though there definitely were beautiful places here and there.  They have faced their share of trouble, as we all do.  My dad sank into a deep depression and burnout when I was about 21.  He took some time away and returned ready to share some of the issues he was wrestling with, including expectations others had for his life.  His parents, my grandparents, were missionaries and somehow while growing up my dad perceived there is a hierarchy of servants when it comes to ministry for Jesus.  If you’re committed to Christ you’ll serve in a church, if you’re extra committed you’ll be a pastor, and if you’re über committed Continue reading →

Warm Weekend

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There have been chilly winds and slushy roads, but I had the most wonderfully warm weekend.

Friday evening a good friend and her little girl accompanied Krissy and I as we went to see “A Christmas Carol” performed at our church.  I love that story and the reminder of our God who redeems and gives second chances (and third, fourth, and so on).  On the way home we talked and talked and it filled up my heart.  I’ve missed her.

Saturday evening I met my co-workers at a lovely Italian restaurant on Geist reservoir for our annual Christmas staff dinner.  Wow – delicious.  We went to my boss’ home afterward for some Wii action and goodies.   I then hopped in my car and sped to Anderson to watch my middle girl perform along with lots of other college kids in a musical variety show put on by one of the social clubs about once a quarter.  My oldest and her boyfriend had saved me a seat near the front.  We heard some great music by so many talented (and funny) young people!  When Kaitlin sang my heart swelled.  I know I’m her mother, but she was one of the best of the night.

Sunday morning early my hubby and I got ready and drove to Anderson to pick up our daughters, then headed down the snowy highway Continue reading →

If he only knew

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After Jesus was born in Bethlehem village, Judah territory— this was during Herod’s kingship—a band of scholars arrived in Jerusalem from the East. They asked around, “Where can we find and pay homage to the newborn King of the Jews? We observed a star in the eastern sky that signaled his birth. We’re on pilgrimage to worship him.  “When word of their inquiry got to Herod, he was terrified…  Matthew 2:1-4 The Msg

King Herod was a little paranoid, to say the least.  His reaction to the news that a new king was born was defensiveness, fear and eventually even murder.  He asked his advisors what the prophecy said about where the little one would be born, but maybe he should have asked them more about the prophecies.  He would have heard how this baby would grow to be the Messiah, to save people from their sins and bring deliverance.  It was going to be a really good thing, not a threat.  Jesus was not going to grow up and organize a coup to overthrow Herod.  If Herod only knew, the new king Jesus could have saved him, too.

Some people may look at Christians and think we’re a silly bunch allowing Jesus to be Lord of our lives, allowing someone else to be in control, living within boundaries set by God.  If they only knew that God’s boundaries are set in love, that He is in control anyway so we might as well acknowledge that, and having Him lead gives us hope and purpose.  Some think of God as a dictator or puppet-master and resist Him.  Some feel threatened when they’re given the opportunity to join God’s family.  If they only knew!   God is for them, not against them.

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us?  Romans 8:31-38 The Msg

What now?

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It seems we have many opportunities every day to ask this question.   We’re faced with an opportunity, a challenge, a risk, a leap of faith, an open door and we must ask ourselves…what now?  What will I do with what’s been given to me?  We make these decisions all day long every day, sometimes without really thinking about it.  It could be something trivial like discovering there is no more coffee when you go to the kitchen in the morning.  What now?  Have a hissy fit or make some tea?  It may be something a little more weighty like hearing about a friend who is ill and has a young family to take care of.  What now?  Go take them some food and babysit their kids, or think to yourself “someone else will help them”?  What if your decision affects lots of other people?  That adds even more weight still.   I think of some well-known leaders in history who made decisions that affected entire countries like Martin Luther King, Jr. who knew the hostilities that flared up when racial equality was championed.  As a passion to help bring about change rose up in him he had to ask himself, “What now?”  He decided to face hatred, risk injury or worse, and brave fierce opposition because the outcome he dreamed of was worth the cost.

Jesus said we should count the cost before we decide to follow Him.  He also said He could guarantee there would be trouble along the way.  It costs to follow Him and live for Him, but it’s worth every bead of sweat, every tear, every desperate prayer, every effort to keep walking forward in faith.  Along the way there are times when we see more of Him and it blows us away.  It spurs us on, energizes and impels us.  Those glimpses of his power, love and glory restore us and bring healing.  When that happens we ask ourselves, “what now?”  Do I tell someone else about this? Continue reading →

Lean In

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Lean in for a hug, or even a kiss.  Lean in to smell something delicious.  Lean in to hear something more clearly.  Lean in to be part of the group and see what’s happening.  Lean in to the huddle to hear the next play.  Lean in and over your baby’s bed to watch them peacefully sleeping.  Lean in to just be near someone.

Sometimes instead we lean out…maybe because something or someone smells bad.  Lean out because you feel rejected or your opinion isn’t respected.  Lean out because something or someone has hurt you and you want to back away.  Lean out because leaning in is taking too much effort.  Lean out because you’re afraid to be too close.  Lean out because the uncertainty of what’s next is too nerve-wracking and leaning out seems easier.

My sister shared wise words with me a long time ago from a book she read about marriage: always lean into your spouse, no matter what was happening.  Lean into each other and into God.  That image has been tucked away in my heart and mind ever since and has helped me many times.

John and I have mostly been leaning in toward each other throughout our marriage.  There have been moments, of course, when we forget or our pride gets in the way and we back off out of feeling offended or stubborn or any other childish attitude overtakes us for a little while.  There is always this ache inside of me, however, to be on the same page with him again and to be close.    I picture us standing toe to toe, facing one another, holding both of eachother’s hands.  How much easier to stand when we’re both leaning in and holding each other.  I don’t like the feeling of either one of us leaning out and away from each other or letting go of one or both hands.  It throws us off kilter and takes a little more effort to lean back in and become close again.  It causes us to feel more alone.  This morning we leaned in again, closer to one another and closer to God…straining to hear His voice, to understand each other’s perspective, to vent and process.  It always makes our relationship better, even if leaning in hurts at first or is a little scary because you’re not sure how the other will react or respond.  When we lean in, we’re stronger and less susceptible to being taken down by an enemy.

As I think about Mary and Joseph and the first part of the Christmas story we’re all so familiar with, I think of how Joseph had to make a choice to lean out or lean in Continue reading →