Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

What now?

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It seems we have many opportunities every day to ask this question.   We’re faced with an opportunity, a challenge, a risk, a leap of faith, an open door and we must ask ourselves…what now?  What will I do with what’s been given to me?  We make these decisions all day long every day, sometimes without really thinking about it.  It could be something trivial like discovering there is no more coffee when you go to the kitchen in the morning.  What now?  Have a hissy fit or make some tea?  It may be something a little more weighty like hearing about a friend who is ill and has a young family to take care of.  What now?  Go take them some food and babysit their kids, or think to yourself “someone else will help them”?  What if your decision affects lots of other people?  That adds even more weight still.   I think of some well-known leaders in history who made decisions that affected entire countries like Martin Luther King, Jr. who knew the hostilities that flared up when racial equality was championed.  As a passion to help bring about change rose up in him he had to ask himself, “What now?”  He decided to face hatred, risk injury or worse, and brave fierce opposition because the outcome he dreamed of was worth the cost.

Jesus said we should count the cost before we decide to follow Him.  He also said He could guarantee there would be trouble along the way.  It costs to follow Him and live for Him, but it’s worth every bead of sweat, every tear, every desperate prayer, every effort to keep walking forward in faith.  Along the way there are times when we see more of Him and it blows us away.  It spurs us on, energizes and impels us.  Those glimpses of his power, love and glory restore us and bring healing.  When that happens we ask ourselves, “what now?”  Do I tell someone else about this? Continue reading →

Lean In

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Lean in for a hug, or even a kiss.  Lean in to smell something delicious.  Lean in to hear something more clearly.  Lean in to be part of the group and see what’s happening.  Lean in to the huddle to hear the next play.  Lean in and over your baby’s bed to watch them peacefully sleeping.  Lean in to just be near someone.

Sometimes instead we lean out…maybe because something or someone smells bad.  Lean out because you feel rejected or your opinion isn’t respected.  Lean out because something or someone has hurt you and you want to back away.  Lean out because leaning in is taking too much effort.  Lean out because you’re afraid to be too close.  Lean out because the uncertainty of what’s next is too nerve-wracking and leaning out seems easier.

My sister shared wise words with me a long time ago from a book she read about marriage: always lean into your spouse, no matter what was happening.  Lean into each other and into God.  That image has been tucked away in my heart and mind ever since and has helped me many times.

John and I have mostly been leaning in toward each other throughout our marriage.  There have been moments, of course, when we forget or our pride gets in the way and we back off out of feeling offended or stubborn or any other childish attitude overtakes us for a little while.  There is always this ache inside of me, however, to be on the same page with him again and to be close.    I picture us standing toe to toe, facing one another, holding both of eachother’s hands.  How much easier to stand when we’re both leaning in and holding each other.  I don’t like the feeling of either one of us leaning out and away from each other or letting go of one or both hands.  It throws us off kilter and takes a little more effort to lean back in and become close again.  It causes us to feel more alone.  This morning we leaned in again, closer to one another and closer to God…straining to hear His voice, to understand each other’s perspective, to vent and process.  It always makes our relationship better, even if leaning in hurts at first or is a little scary because you’re not sure how the other will react or respond.  When we lean in, we’re stronger and less susceptible to being taken down by an enemy.

As I think about Mary and Joseph and the first part of the Christmas story we’re all so familiar with, I think of how Joseph had to make a choice to lean out or lean in Continue reading →

Speaking words of wisdom, “let it be”

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I’ve had Mary on my mind these last few days.  I’m following the Christmas story as told in pieces on twitter and facebook by some ministries in England who collaborated on a project called “The Natwivity.” They are posting short, 1-2 sentence thoughts from different characters in the story, giving lots of fresh perspective with a modern feel and “ponder fodder” as I like to call thought-provoking things.  If Joseph and Mary would tweet, what would they say?  It may seem silly, but it has moved me a few times already.  Sure, culture is different here than it was in those days in Nazareth, but people are people and I’m sure teens still had the same emotional reactions and deep questions about things that they do today.  (The latest tweet from Mary this morning:  “Don’t think I can do this. Hands are still shaking. Want to see Joseph so bad but can’t tell him. That’ll be the end of us…”)

What was it really like for Mary?  To start off, how would it be to suddenly be face to face with an ANGEL?  That in itself would be enough to try to absorb for a few months in my opinion.  Not only did she receive a message from an angel unexpectedly standing in her very own room, the message he had for her was life-changing in the truest sense of those words.

Did she have time to think about all the possible ramifications of saying “yes” to this most holy invitation?  Continue reading →

Highly favored and greatly troubled

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The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”  Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.  But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary…”   Luke 1:28-30 NIV

Did you notice that when the angel told Mary she was highly favored by God and that God was with her, she was troubled?   I’m trying to imagine what Mary felt when Gabriel revealed the plan God had to involve her in His most loving, amazing, saving act for all of humankind.  Shock?  Disbelief?  Bewilderment?  Fear?  Gabriel told her not to be afraid but being human, and knowing Mary was human, I know that fear comes anyway in moments like that, in times when we’re faced with something so utterly mind-blowing we can’t comprehend it.  However she felt, she yielded to God and said to the angel, “I’m the Lord’s servant.  Let it be as you’ve said.”  Pretty mature for a young teenager! Continue reading →

My Soul Magnifies the Lord

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I have been listening to Chris Tomlin’s Christmas album from last year the last few mornings as I drive to work.  It has lifted my heart and drawn me close to God in praise.  It seems whenever I hear Chris lead worship, especially live recordings, I am ushered right into God’s embrace.  He is gifted and humble and I’m thankful for him and his ministry.

Anyway, this morning one song really stuck out to me and resonated in my heart.  “My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord…He has done great things for me, great things for me!” Those words of Mary’s spontaneous outpouring of wonder and gratefulness when she learned of how God planned to include her in the greatest event of all time became a cry of my own heart as I really listened to them and thought about them.  God HAS done great things for me, for us, for everyone.  When I’m caught up in awe and thankfulness, my soul responds like I imagine Mary’s must have.

What does it mean to magnify?  Continue reading →

Chasing Elvis

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My friend, Nancy, told me some great lessons God taught her while she chased her little beagle one day when he got loose.  I asked her to share it all with me so I could post it on my blog, so here are her “Elvis Epiphanies”:

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And there he goes… again!

We ran through 4 different wooded areas, each surrounded by fencing.  At one point I watched my beagle climb a fence and jump over to the other side.  Not an easy feat for any dog, but especially for a beagle who has a bad hip and has a femur in his back left leg that has been shattered by a bullet.

After an hour and 20 minute chase these are some of the things I learned while I ran and prayed…

  1. Sometimes I see God and hear Him call and I turn and run the opposite direction
  2. Sometimes I let God get close enough to touch me and then I bolt from Him
  3. I usually want to “hear/sense” that God is near ME, but I don’t always want to go where He is going.
  4. Always when I am exhausted, dirty and can’t go another step, He picks me up, cleans me off and holds me while I rest.

These things are very unsatisfying for God, as a matter of fact they suck.

When Elvis was running through the corn field I couldn’t always hear him because my movements in the corn were too loud.  I realized this is the same with me and God.  Sometimes I just need to be still, close my eyes and listen and then I can hear HIM.

At the end of the run I could hear Elvis howling Arrroooof in yet another wooded area.  I told God, I am not going in there.  I hear him, but I don’t have it in me to climb another fence. That is when I heard God say… “go in there”.  I didn’t want to, but I went and there was no fence at this wooded area.  As a matter of fact there was a wide open path without anything obstructing my way.  Then I told God, “it won’t matter he will just run away when I get there.”  God the said, “listen, he’s not moving,”.  I listened and realized the barking was remaining in a localized area.  When I got to Elvis he ran and crawled under a fence.  God gave me the strength to climb the fence and when I got over the fence Elvis just collapsed, totally exhausted from his big adventure.  I didn’t have a leash, so this meant I would have to carry the 35 pounder until I could call home for help.  At this point, I asked God just how in the world was I supposed to climb a fence and hold him at the same time.  No sooner had the words left my lips (yes, I actually said this out loud) when I took 2 steps to my right and found the fence low to the ground that I could climb over without much effort.

When I finished my run, I realized how close God had been.  I also realized it is ALWAYS when I am broken and don’t have the strength to go on it is easiest to hear God’s voice.

I learned that even when I try to control a situation I AM NOT IN CONTROL,  and forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.

Lastly, I learned I cannot do anything alone.  I need God’s help, guidance, wisdom, and strength in everything I do.

Walking in the real world

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Have you ever tried on those fun, special effect glasses that when you wear them every light looks like a star or snowflake, or words appear?  Our girls had some when they were little.  They made everything look sparkly and magical.   Have you seen a movie wearing 3D glasses?  It seems every other movie that comes out is in 3D now.  John and I saw Avatar in 3D and it really did make it more lifelike and beautiful.  If you take the 3D glasses off it’s a double image and blurry – you could watch it that way but I think a headache would follow. Continue reading →

Who I Am is Enough

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I listened to her say with some frustration and maybe a tinge of guilt how her quiet nature lessened her impact on a friend of hers.  She wants to share hope with this friend, share her faith but this friend is rather outspoken and a little intimidating.  I tried to encourage her – the way she is is enough and God uses her, quietness and all.  Her friend has seen her interact with others, have a great relationship with her husband and kids, and more.  She’s seen my friend show integrity, gentleness, faith, kindness, and more.   There are many ways to share Jesus besides talking.  Like St. Francis of Assisi once said, we should preach the Gospel and if necessary use words.

I can relate to that self-doubt or frustration and I’m sure you can, too.  From the time we’re old enough to think we hear and sometimes believe lies about how we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not outgoing enough, not funny enough – the list goes on and on and on…

Someone in my extended family has been dealing with some labels and judgmental attitudes from some other people in his life and as I heard about it, I got angry.  No person, no matter how “good” or “experienced” or “wise” has the right to judge another person.  How does that help anyway?  Continue reading →

Just a little timid

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I mean, if you played the trust game with someone – you know when you fall backwards and they catch you – but they let you fall or dropped you, you probably wouldn’t jump up to do it again with the same person right?  Or with anyone for that matter.  It’s a little harder to be “gung ho” when you’re about to do something you’ve done before and gotten hurt.  I get irritated with myself for being such an emotional person.  I’m working on decreasing the frequency of my knee-jerk emotional reactions to things but they still happen.

I keep telling myself – this is another chance to keep trusting God, people are people and no matter where you go or work there will be times of conflict you have to work through, no person or place or church or job is perfect, blah, blah, blah.  Continue reading →

We’re not poor

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I saw a book several years ago that I would still love to have someday.  Flipping through the pages while standing in the bookstore, I was deeply affected by “Material World:A Global Family Portrait” created by photojournalist Peter Menzel.  He and his team traveled around the world, seeking out families willing to have all their earthly possessions moved out of their home and into the street.  Peter photographed each family standing with their belongings as well as taking pictures of their daily life and culture.  It is fascinating and eye-opening.  The starkest contrast for me was the American family, whose belongings filled an entire cul-de-sac compared to a family from Tibet whose belongings were mostly contained on a small table.

If anyone’s at a loss about what to get me for Christmas, any of Peter’s books would be wonderful!  He’s recently finished one about what and how much people around the world eat.  Also very interesting.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in these last three years is to be content no matter what, even when my housing, my clothes, or my budget are not what I wish they were.  There are so much more lasting and important things in life than tangible things.  In fact, having less is sometimes freeing – not as much to worry about, insure, and store.  Don’t get me wrong – when I walk around a mall I wish I had several thousand dollars – I could do some serious damage buying clothes, shoes, Bath & Body stuff, you name it.  I love to shop.  And I have to admit, I love stuff.

Today at lunch John, Krissy and I were talking about using all the food in the pantry and being creative.  So often there are things in there I’ve bought at the grocery store a long time ago and never used.  Krissy commented, “That’s ’cause we’re poor.”  And we all laughed.  We’re not poor!  We’re a little squeezed by our squeaky tight budget but my goodness, we have so much more than so many people around the world.  And…things don’t bring peace, love, freedom, joy, or fulfillment.

We’re so privileged in America, but maybe that’s a disadvantage.  What do you think?