Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

Day 5 – Filled up

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Today in church we heard a message about emptiness and finding true fulfillment, something that really fills the emptiness we often feel inside.  So many times I’ve tried to fill my heart with other things but they aren’t lasting.  Kind of like the foamy fizz on top of a fountain soda, it fills the cup to the brim for a minute or so but soon goes away leaving lots of empty space.

I realize that I expected facebook to help fill the loneliness I’ve been feeling.  It helps a little but I have to admit that facebook is mostly fizz.  Connections there are on the surface and not the same as when we connect face to face or voice to voice.  I feel so much more connected to someone if we talk on the phone or in person, if I can actually be with them and see their face (not just a photo and status), can hear their laughter and voice, and feel their hugs.  (I still like facebook just realizing it can’t really fill me up)

Today we met some friends for lunch and while we waited for them to arrive, a whole gang of other friends from our old church showed up.  My girls and I practically ran to the door to give them hugs and greet them Continue reading →

Day 4 – iListen

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Kelly Clark, US snowboarder who won the bronze medal the other night in the half pipe, stood at the top waiting for her name to be called.  In the dark of Whistler mountain night time, the half pipe venue shone bright white.  It was Kelly’s turn for her second run, her last chance to do well enough to earn a medal in the 2010 Olympics.  I’d be so nervous.  There must be lots of pressure on the athletes as they listen to the crowd cheering, the announcer talking about them, see the bright lights and sea of faces and eyes watching their every move.  They’ve been training for years for this one moment in time.  Kelly didn’t really seem to be paying attention to any of that because she had her ipod turned on, her ear buds in her ears and she was singing.  It cracked me up!  She didn’t seem to care at all that the cameras were filming her.  She never looked up at them.  I don’t know what the song was but she looked straight ahead at the half pipe, singing loudly along as she waited for the go ahead.  It was especially funny to me because no one else could hear the music, all we could hear was her lone voice.  I did hear a few of the words she sang, “You.. shall.. love.. me”, as she took off down the hill and completed a fantastic run, seemingly confident and at ease.

If only I could be as focused on God’s voice in my ears and heart and not get distracted by the noise around me, or even worse, the voice of the enemy.  If only I could be as confident in myself because I had trained, I had worked hard, I had prepared, and I was ready for the task at hand….whatever it may be.  I love that Kelly sings before she performs. I love that she didn’t care to hear her name being blasted over the loud speakers or the crowds cheering for her.  The music helped her focus and get pumped up and that was good enough for her.  It didn’t matter that no one else could hear it.

Jesus said He’s the Good Shepherd and that his sheep know His voice.  I know His voice, but want to hear it so clearly it’s as if I have ear buds in my woolly sheep ears and nothing else fills my mind but the melodic, pure sound of His words and songs.  I don’t think there would be any flips or high flying twists, but I would follow Him closely with laser focus and sing.  If I do, I know I’ll finish well….just like Kelly.

Addendum:  Someone let me know the song that Kelly was listening to!  It’s beautiful – you can hear it below:

4:45

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Two blog posts in one day is unusual for me but I just need to journal.  You may read it if you wish, but I just need to process some stuff.

Encouragement today that God is doing something:

My dentist asked me today what Indiana Ministries does (where I work) so I told him.  That let him know that I at least work in a faith-based place so he must have felt more comfortable telling me that he prays for his patients each week.  Then he asked me if there was anything specific he could pray for me and my family about.  After almost falling out of the chair, I looked up at him and said, “well, my husband needs a job.”  He said, “Alright, I’ll pray about that.”  That little interchange brought me comfort.  I almost felt like saying “You could just about do anything to my mouth because you just made my day.”  I didn’t though – who knows what he would have done? Continue reading →

Day 3 – Alone

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Forty days is a long time to spend wandering in a rocky, dusty wilderness, especially without food.  Lots of time for thinking, praying, listening, walking, resting, trying to sleep.  It was hard for the tanned and sweaty man not to think about the gnawing hunger and thirst inside.  Then there were the moments of temptation and taunting from the enemy, so artfully crafting arguments to try to persuade Him to abandon his true purpose, even His true identity.  Would he be able to keep his weakening heart and tired eyes focused on obedience and perseverance to complete this time of solitude, to be honed and made more ready for what was coming?  He had God’s Word, He WAS God’s Word and the enemy was no match for that or for Him.   Even so, heading into the wilderness and surviving its lessons and temptations, Jesus was alone.

Once he began teaching and performing miracles, the people couldn’t get enough of Him.  He would teach, heal and love all day, get in a boat with his disciples, arrive at a different place only to see a sea of smiling, eager faces of those who wanted to hear him teach, to have his attention, to feel his healing touch.   Reading about his compassion even when he must have been physically exhausted always amazes me.  No wonder Jesus often got up early before the sun even came up, and went off somewhere by himself.  That time of quiet prayer with God must have been refreshing, even imperative.

Living life with the men He called to follow Him for three years, journeying from town to town, sleeping in others’ homes or outside under the stars, or even by the sea, interacting with hundreds of people in crowds everyday, must have been wonderful, tiring, rewarding, and disappointing all at the same time.  There must have been times when he would pause from teaching to look into the bewildered eyes of his friends and disciples, seeing that they didn’t really understand what He was saying or who He really was.  In those times, I think He felt alone.  Continue reading →

Day 2 – For Real

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Today I don’t feel super spiritual, which is kind of a disappointment.  I thought once I started this 40-day journey to Easter with Jesus I’d be face to face with revelations and epiphanies to share with you, but today was just a regular day.  It was a good day, just kind of ordinary.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.  Prepare yourself for randomness…if you’re game, read on.

Jon Acuff, founder of the popular blog, “Stuff Christians Like” and now author of a book by the same title, posted this fantastic, soul-baring post yesterday.  I was moved by his vulnerability and openness and reminded that in openness we are healed, we find freedom.  We don’t have to pretend, we don’t have to hide anything or lie and that is definitely a good thing.  Read this:

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/02/throwing-up/

I’m always encouraged to remember that we are all fallen and there are no Christian super heroes.  Every single person struggles with sin and temptation.  I’m positive that everyone at one time or another feels like the apostle Paul when he exclaimed, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate….Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”  (Romans 7:15-25)

One lesson I hope to learn through this 40-day journey to the cross is how to be less self-absorbed and more focused on others.  Truly!   Following Jesus as he walks this path I’m sure I will see Him compelled by love and sacrifice, by purpose and obedience, by prayer and loyalty to God…not by self.

Now for something completely unrelated…

I also saw this today, something very non-conventional:

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

I don’t think I’ll go out and buy it, but it certainly is unique, made my family and I laugh, and I think for the most part, God would get a chuckle out of it, too.    Take, for instance, this version of Romans 8:28, “U no, teh Ceiling Cat, he always doin stuff for ur own gud, if yu luvs him.”

Last night we watched Lindsay Vonn win a gold medal, overcoming a shin injury and a great deal of pain, skiing to victory!  When asked how she felt, she remarked how she had given up everything for this and it made the win so sweet, so amazing.  She really has dedicated her life to this moment in time and to succeed must have been the most beautiful reward.

I think I should go downstairs and sit with John for a while, watching some more amazing athletes do their thing.

Who knows what tomorrow may bring?  Maybe a spiritual  mountaintop?  Maybe an ordinary day.  I just want to walk with Jesus and be there in case He has something special to tell me.   If we end up just walking and hanging out together, that’s fine, too.

Day 1 – Survive or Thrive

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Today is Ash Wednesday and also the first day of Lent.  Not everyone in the Protestant faith practices lent but it can be a great way to prepare for Easter and practice discipline.  I was reminded about it listening to the radio this morning and immediately had the thought that I should probably give up facebook.  I didn’t want to, though!  I love facebook and being connected to everyone.  As I got out of my car and walked into the building the “suggestion” grew inside as I argued with myself so that by the time I got to my desk I decided that God would like for me to do that – take a break from facebook for this 40-day journey to Easter, so, I am.

I’ve been looking for resources online, maybe a printable devotional I could use with my family but haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.  While reading and searching I’ve realized that there can be much more to this journey toward Easter with Jesus than just giving up something for Him.  Some people choose to “add” something to their day-to-day life sometimes, like more intentionally doing something for someone in need, forgiving someone, purposefully spending extra time reading God’s Word or quietly thinking/meditating, intentionally thanking God or journaling praises every day…many possibilities.  This time can be more than just a time to deprive myself of something I like!  That makes it even more appealing to me.

I’ve been restless the last few weeks and I know that is largely due to not spending quality time with God – quiet, alone, on purpose, just to be with Him.  I have friendships, or really acquaintances, in which I don’t really ever get past small talk or pleasantries to really know that person, to dig deeper and grow close to them.  Those surface relationships are okay but don’t really fulfill me, at least not for long (as I’m sure they don’t do much for those friends).  I need much more than pleasant greetings, polite questions of “how are you?” and smiles.  Continue reading →

Spoiler

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I recently started following one of my Olympic heroes Apolo Ohno on Twitter.  He’s fun to follow because he “tweets” all the time, is really positive and enthusiastic.  He seems like he’d be fun to be friends with.  Tonight he tweeted the name of the snowboard race gold medal winner (an American) with excitement.  A moment later he tweeted an apology for giving away that info – he forgot that he is three hours ahead of most of the country and had spoiled it for some of us who hadn’t even seen that race yet!  A few minutes later John and I watched the qualifying round and saw the winner make the finals.  We laughed and remarked, “We already know he’s going to win!”

It’s almost more fun to watch now knowing what the outcome will be – and that it’s one of our USA boys.  I bet he’d love to know that ahead of time!

How would we face the trials and events of our lives if we knew already that we were going to be the victors?  If we knew that ultimately we wouldn’t fail?  I think I would throw myself into it everything more fully, wildly and with abandon.  I know I’m going to win so what’s to lose?  Nothing!  Go for it!

Those of us who follow Jesus would do well to remember that He’s already determined the outcome of this amazing race of life here on earth for his team:  we win.  In a way, Jesus “tweeted” the outcome to us long ago, giving away the beautiful “just what we hope and dream for” ending: living on and on forever with Him in peace.  When we get to the finish line with Jesus, we won’t have to fight the battle against ourselves anymore, won’t have to feel shame at mistakes anymore, won’t have to be afraid of elimination or falling short ever again.   No matter what bobbles I make, close calls, stumbles and errors – I accepted the hand Jesus offered me and joined him so I already know what’s going to happen.  That’s one spoiler I don’t mind hearing about!

This and That

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I haven’t blogged very consistently lately – haven’t had much to say.  I don’t think anyone would want to read something I write just because I feel I should write.  It’s more fun to write when I’ve had a new realization, when God has shown me something new, when something I’ve seen or heard parallels something in my walk with Him and all of you.  I’ve felt somewhat detached at times, not bad, just kind of quiet…it’s hard to describe.  Sometimes I think that the months of emotional ups and downs depleted me and  my emotions are in short supply right now – does that make sense?  I feel good, peaceful, optimistic, thankful, etc. just nothing in extremes now.  Famous last words.  I’m sure now that I’ve actually typed that the floodgates will burst open and I’ll be a blithering idiot spouting emotional exclamations any minute now.

I do have a few things that have come to mind, maybe worth mentioning:

We’re in the midst of winter where I live and it’s been a long, cloudy, cold one.  It’s gotten pretty snowy in the past week or so with a little ice and slush mixed in for fun.  Winter is not my favorite season, in fact it’s my least favorite BUT (and it’s a big but) I have heard God tell me not to complain.  I’ve heard many complaints lately about weather and life in general and it really is a drag.  I feel as if, when we complain, we’re saying to God, “Nope, what you made isn’t good” or “I don’t like what you’re giving me.  Sorry.”  I was reading in Genesis the other day about Noah and the ark and how God promised with his rainbow symbol that from that point on season would follow season, the earth would continue in its pattern without interruption and total destruction.  Continue reading →

Where everybody knows your name

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Do you remember the show “Cheers”?  Funny!  One of my favorite parts was when each “regular” entered the bar and everyone shouted out their name.  “Norm!”   The words of the theme song said it well,

Making your way in the world today
takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries
sure would help a lot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows Your name.

Now that my family and I are without our church family, we’ve realized how important it is to be part of a church – a place where you feel you belong, where you matter, where you can serve and help, where friends know you, and where you can share life’s ups and downs while following Jesus with others.  We realize, too, that we don’t have many friends outside of our church family to hang out with now.  We need to work on that!

Just like Cheers, I think the Church should embrace whoever comes through the door, no matter where they’ve come from or what they’re like.  Just like Cheers, I think the Church should be open with each other, making it easy for each one to express heartaches or hang-ups, relating to each other, listening to each other, being there for each other.  It should be a place where everyone expresses to everyone else, “No one is perfect.  We’ve all got problems.  We’re just doing life together here.”  I think it should be fun, too.  Celebrating life and the free forgiveness we have from Christ should definitely make get-togethers upbeat to say the least!

It goes back to one of my life mottos, which I learned long ago at a seminar by David Ferguson:  my purpose and yours is to help others be less alone.  God doesn’t want anyone to go through life alone, and not just alone in the physical sense, in an emotional/spiritual sense.  Life’s a team sport, a group effort, a shared journey.  At least it’s supposed to be.

I work in an office that supports churches across the state of Indiana.  Sometimes we hear of conflicts arising in a church – either between church people or the people and the pastor.  It is disheartening to watch sometimes…many times.  One time we received a letter from a woman on the board at a church in conflict.  She said the way the others on the board were acting, fighting, and accusing had caused her to question her faith in Jesus and made her want to go back to hang out at the bar where she had friends and felt welcome.  That broke my heart!

We all have to get over ourselves.  We have to say to ourselves each morning as we look in the mirror:  “It is not about me today.”  We have to remember why we are the Church: to draw in anyone who will come and love them in Jesus’ name.  To say to them, “You matter.”  To walk with them as they step closer to Christ.  To hopefully put their hand in His as they accept Him as Lord and gain new life!   It is not about me.  It’s not about you.  It is about Jesus, love, forgiveness, grace, and yes, friendship, camaraderie, acceptance, and (most of the time) fun.

I want Mike to follow me around

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Last night John and I watched “Supernanny”, this time called “SuperMANNY”.  Instead of the assertive Jo from England, confident and caring Mike from the US intervened.  We don’t know if he was just filling in or if the particular situation needed his maleness and expertise.  He offered lots of advice to the parents, of course, about being consistent, keeping their cool when disciplining and being positive.  He especially got on the mom’s case about being negative toward her kids all the time.  She would criticize them but never praise them.  He got after the dad for losing his temper and becoming explosive with the kids.  Hmmmm…both are easy traps to fall into when you’re tired or hurting, which these parents were.

One day while the dad and son did chores and so forth around the house, Mike was right there giving the dad tips about discipline, encouraging him by saying things like, “Go after him, be consistent.  Don’t let him just walk away from you.  Keep your cool.  You’re doing great.”  He followed the dad around all day and helped him.  The day went well and the father and son ended up feeling better about each other in the end.

The next day the mom and the kids went to a nearby mall.  This time, Mike stayed at a distance with a little mini-mic.  Continue reading →