It’s interesting to see how God leads me along this path. There is order and purpose to the steps even when I don’t see it at first. In the last few weeks he’s been revealing some things to me about myself that I need to own up to. I need his healing hand at work on some dysfunctions.
I had a conversation with a good friend recently in which he told me to be careful not protect people I love from their weaknesses…that it is actually a disservice and not a loving or helpful behavior. I was a little confused but took it to the Lord. “What is he talking about?” I asked God, “Specifically how do I do that, try to protect my loved one in their weakness.” I also immediately wished I could sit down and have a heart to heart with my sister, Jodi, who is very perceptive and good at analyzing people’s behaviors and the reasons why they probably behave a certain way.
Well, I finally got my wish. My sis sent me a buddy pass to come see her and I did that this week, flying out to sunny Arizona for a blissful 4 days with her and her sweet family. We had much time to just sit and talk, walk and talk, drive around and talk. It was exactly what we both needed. We often find, in our visits, that we are learning similar lessons from God or dealing with things in similar fashion. I shared my conversation with her and asked her what she thought my friend meant by me not protecting a loved one in their weakness. She helped me to see that shielding someone from facing natural consequences of their behavior is not really a help. It actually enables them to continue in their weakness and not be motivated to change and grow. A light started coming on….ohhhhhhh. Continue reading
Or think of yourself wearing black clothes in a moderately dark room. You could be covered in lint and “fuzzies” but none really show because of your dim surroundings. Walk into a bright spotlight, like the ones they use in a play, and suddenly every little speck, hair or particle is visible to everyone. Flaws and smudges you didn’t even realize were there are suddenly glaringly obvious.
I was talking to a good friend yesterday who is facing some big decisions in a bewildering situation. She is trying to trust and not be afraid, but doggone it, sometimes you’re just afraid. Even if you believe in God, fear can get a grip on your heart and cripple you. At one time in my life I was so anxious and afraid my very nerve endings felt on edge, like the tension was churning from within me out through every pore of my skin. I don’t know why, but our minds tend to always race to the worst conclusion or possibility when we begin letting fear creep in. Soon, the thing we’re afraid of looms over us and occupies all our thoughts and energy. It doesn’t have to be this way!
Has your computer ever crashed? Have you ever had to completely format the hard drive and re-install everything, starting over? I’ve been through this ingratiating process a few times and while it’s aggravating enough to pull some hair and can be a big pain if you lose files or data, it is nice to have a fresh start. When the disk has been completely wiped clean and loaded up anew with the programs it runs so much better and more quickly. There aren’t all those downloaded, uploaded, accumulated files and programs that piled up over the last year or so. All the temp files that were dragging the system down are gone. Any spam or spy ware – gone! It’s clean and zippy – ready to go. You can almost hear your computer sigh a happy “ahhhhh.”
I don’t really know how to let go of this dream. It’s a daily process – trying to remain content and thankful and focus on other things. It’s interesting the things that make us feel settled in our hearts and souls: having a permanent residence, all belongings moved in and in their places, a steady job, a routine we’re used to, comfort zone stuff. Vice versa, temporary situations, not having all your belongings accessible to you, lots of change, living with someone else and feeling like you’re an outsider – like it’s not really your home – all of these seem to keep the contentedness of heart at bay. There seems to be a longing inside most of us to have a place, to have a home, to be settled down.
In a way all of the people in my life are like a bunch of paper ships being set out on a creek. They float downstream together but then at times one or two may veer off and fall behind or even take a different course altogether. It’s just the way it is. Life is like a creek in that way. People come into our lives but they usually don’t stay there forever. Sometimes they “fall behind” as I keep floating along or the other way around and I’m watching them sail away from me into another future than mine. So…is it really worth investing in people and relationships when you know they’ll probably have to go sometime?
Along the Narrow Path 