Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

Blah, blah, blah

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This video makes me snicker every time but it also cuts right to the heart.  I’m a talker and I am guilty of showing up for prayer with Jesus like this.

Ironically, there are many times I hesitate to pray because I don’t know what to say.  I need to remember some wise advice I received once:  Just show up.  Just show up and say to God, “Here I am”  and let Him lead the conversation.

See what you think…

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You have reason to sing

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There have been times when choosing to praise God in spite of something traumatic happening in my life brought healing.  It may not have come at the very instant I made the choice to speak or sing something to God, but it came.  For some reason, when you force yourself to shift your thinking away from pain, disappointment, discouragement, fear, or worry – if only for a moment – to proclaim the things you know to be true, it’s as if God cuts a slit in the dark shroud that’s suffocating you and allows a shaft of brilliant hope to shine in.  Courage grows, freedom shows it’s beautiful face again.  When we say or think, “God is still the God He was before” or “God is still on the throne” or “He never changes, He is still faithful, He still cares about me” or any number of truths like these we’re taking a step toward Him, putting ourselves out there, with arms reaching forward in faith.  We’re waiting for Him to make the next move and pull us closer, to refine us, to beautify us, to do a miracle and somehow bring something good out of something completely awful.  Sometimes we have no idea how any good can come out of what we’re facing, but we trust.  We praise.

I guess that’s the ticket – when we praise in spite of circumstances we are proclaiming our faith.  We are saying “I still believe, God.  I don’t feel You, I don’t see You.  I don’t hear You right now.  But I’m choosing to believe that You’re still good and You’re still there.  You’re still God.”  The Bible tells us many times that faith pleases God.  In fact, it tells us that without faith you cannot please Him.  Many of his people in the Old Testament, before Jesus came to save them from sin, were justified simply because they had faith.

Choosing to praise in pain or any trial also gets our eyes off of ourselves and back onto Jesus and the purpose He has for us.  We can begin moving forward rather than being stuck knee-deep in sinking sand or muck.

I watched a video today of a worship leader from the Hillsong Church in Australia who endured a terrible disappointment and loss, yet chose to praise God.  Watch it and let God speak to your heart.  Listen to the lyrics of the song, too.  This has become my new favorite.

As Iron Sharpens Iron

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Today God answered a prayer I prayed recently. I prayed he would keep me humble. I don’t know why I keep praying that prayer. He always answers and it is always painful – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. This time it involved something I have done for a while and did recently that hurt a dear friend of mine. I don’t like admitting it or facing the parts of myself that have yet to be pruned away completely. At the same time, I realize that although God wants us to “forget” ourselves so that He can shine through us, he doesn’t want us to go so low as to feel sorry for ourselves or dwell on the awfulness of a flaw or mistake.

knifesharpMy friend graciously forgave me as we talked this afternoon. I’ve been thinking about it since and remembered that verse in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” As we walk our path alongside our friends we sometimes clash, sometimes accidentally bang into one another, sometimes get scraped. If we’re following Jesus, He can use these “incidents” to sharpen each of us, to mold us, to perfect us. This type of shaping is bound to hurt – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot – but the end result can be good.

God’s been speaking to me a lot lately about forgetting myself, about letting Him always be in the lead and in control, about trusting him and others around me. It’s not about me (where have I heard that before?). Today I was reminded that things don’t have to be perfect or just so to glorify God. Don’t I think that God can work in and through all that we do, perfectly done or not? Who’s to say my way is the perfect right way anyway? That alone speaks of a pride issue in my heart – or that I think pretty highly of my opinion.

This past week in church we heard a message about the poor in spirit inheriting all that God has to offer, now and forever. Poor in spirit – realizing I have nothing without God, that without God and his mercy I would be utterly lost and completely without hope. It was evidently time for a reminder for me! I’m thankful for a gracious friend who doesn’t begrudge me the scrapes I unintentionally gave her this week.

Maybe God will even use our rough patch of path to hone her as well, making her even more beautiful and effective for His use. I sure hope He does that in me.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Prov. 27:17 NLT

Eyes on Me

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fantasia2000Have you seen Fantasia 2000?   I haven’t watched it for a while because we have it on VHS and need a new VHS player.  It would be fun to get it on DVD and watch it on a big screen.  Disney created animated sequences to interpret some well-known classical music.  It’s imaginative and visually stunning at times!  The last song/sequence is the very best in my opinion – breathtaking!

At any rate, several celebrities host, giving intros between the segments on a set with an orchestra seated around them.  One of the funniest is Steve Martin who tells us he is going to play a magnificent violin solo in the next piece, but then accidentally flips his bow up in the air and flying into the seats behind him.  We realize he can’t play violin and the camera starts panning away from Steve, who says, “Camera back on me.  Camera back on me.  Camera…” as the camera fades away unwilling to give Martin the attention he wants so desperately.

I’ve been realizing lately that there are so many ways I maybe saying “eyes on me” or “camera back on me”.  I even think part of the appeal of facebook (or – yikes – even blogging) is the attention I receive from others.  Is that a bad thing?  Continue reading →

Words of encouragement from someone who knows

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me-and-popsI’m so blessed to have both my parents living and that we have an open, loving relationship.  It enriches my life and gives me so much support – just knowing they love me and are there for me.  I hope I can do the same for them!

I recently emailed my dad with some frustrations about being in the pastorate and comparing the “fruit” of our ministry with others I see.  Probably in every career are the moments when you question yourself and whether or not you’re in the right career or position.  Am I doing a good job?  Am I suited for this?  Am I a total flop?

My dad sent these wise words of encouragement to me.  He has been a pastor for more than 40 years so he knows a thing or two about it.   As I read his response God reminded me that it’s not about me.  Too much self-focus, even self-evaluation, leads to self-centeredness and is definitely not the way to please God or serve him effectively!  Here is what he said: Continue reading →

Harmony…but at what cost?

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It’s interesting to see how God leads me along this path.  There is order and purpose to the steps even when I don’t see it at first.  In the last few weeks he’s been revealing some things to me about myself that I need to own up to.  I need his healing hand at work on some dysfunctions.

I had a conversation with a good friend recently in which he told me to be careful not protect people I love from their weaknesses…that it is actually a disservice and not a loving or helpful behavior.  I was a little confused but took it to the Lord.  “What is he talking about?” I asked God, “Specifically how do I do that, try to protect my loved one in their weakness.”  I also immediately wished I could sit down and have a heart to heart with my sister, Jodi, who is very perceptive and good at analyzing people’s behaviors and the reasons why they probably behave a certain way.

Well, I finally got my wish.  My sis sent me a buddy pass to come see her and I did that this week, flying out to sunny Arizona for a blissful 4 days with her and her sweet family.  We had much time to just sit and talk, walk and talk, drive around and talk.  It was exactly what we both needed.  We often find, in our visits, that we are learning similar lessons from God or dealing with things in similar fashion.  I shared my conversation with her and asked her what she thought my friend meant by me not protecting a loved one in their weakness.  She helped me to see that shielding someone from facing natural consequences of their behavior is not really a help.  It actually enables them to continue in their weakness and not be motivated to change and grow.    A light started coming on….ohhhhhhh. Continue reading →

The healing power of sunlight

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I’m sitting in my sister’s kitchen messing around on the computer while she makes some chicken salad for our dinner later.  I was able to fly out here to Arizona on a buddy pass to see her.  It’s sunny and warm, breezy and quiet here at her house.  One of our favorite things to do is sit on her brick patio, listen to the wind rustle through palm tree branches and soak up the southwestern sunlight.  Ahhhhh.  What is it about sunlight that is so healing and refreshing?

Just being here with no responsibilities and no requirements is healing, too.  It’s like sunlight on my heart.  After laughing and watching TV with my 14-year-old nephew, then sitting in a hot bath a while just staring absentmindedly at my toes, I slept heavily and soundly.  This morning my sis and I went to have a bagel and visit, sitting outdoors in the sun and sharing our hearts with one another.

The unconditional love of someone who knows me well and doesn’t judge is sunlight to me, the joy of having a break from expectations and responsibilities is definitely sunlight filtering in through to my soul.  Like removing heavy musty drapes and throwing wide a window to let in fresh air and light, I feel the nourishing, comforting hand of God holding me and allowing me to take this break, to recharge, to pause and just “be”.

novacaine

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I have these periods of times, sometimes only lasting a day sometimes a week or more, when I just feel “blah.”  I don’t really feel bad, just not much of anything and I really don’t like it.  I find myself not caring about things I think I should care about…it’s hard to explain.  I almost get the feeling that all of the stuff we expend our energy on around here in this life is futile – so what’s the point?   I think of myself as a caring, loving person so when these thoughts cover my mind, like an emotional novacaine, it really bothers me.  I pray and ask God to blow away the fog that’s settled on my heart, to bring back some emotion, some overwhelming sense of awe or love, some tears for someone who’s hurting or sick, some compassion for people I see that are down and out.  Instead I feel apathy.

I’ve heard that people with leprosy lose the feeling in their limbs, their nerve endings ceasing to perform their vital function of proclaiming sensation to the brain.  One might wish for a life without pain, but to not feel pain is to not really exist.  A leper might not have pain and so may not know if they place their hand on a hot stove and that their skin is being burned.  They may get cut and not realize they’re bleeding or get infected because they don’t know there’s an injury.  Pain seems to be an indicator of life, of things functioning the way they’re supposed to.  No pain truly is no gain!   Continue reading →

On being dirty and knowing it

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As part of my morning routine, I’m reading a devotional book in which there is an excerpt from one of C.S. Lewis’ books for each day.  They’re short and they’re all from books he wrote about faith…very interesting.  Sometimes they’re pretty deep for 6 in the morning, but most of the time they open my eyes to new ways of understanding this Christian journey I’m on.

Today’s was about how we view ourselves as good, bad or otherwise.  A person who has begun to be cleansed/changed by God begins to see more and more how bad they really are/were.  But a person who hasn’t begun that process has no frame of reference for good or bad and thinks they’re pretty good.  It’s a little confusing but I thought of this illustration:  there have been times when I’ve cleaned a spot on the carpet where someone spilled something or one of the animals didn’t quite make it outside and afterward the spot I cleaned is noticeably brighter and cleaner than the rest of the surrounding carpet.  It’s only then that I realize how dirty the whole carpet must be!  Yikes.

spotlightOr think of yourself wearing black clothes in a moderately dark room.  You could be covered in lint and “fuzzies” but none really show because of your dim surroundings.  Walk into a bright spotlight, like the ones they use in a play, and suddenly every little speck, hair or particle is visible to everyone.  Flaws and smudges you didn’t even realize were there are suddenly glaringly obvious.

As we grow closer to and more like Jesus, allowing God to prune away more and more of our old sinful selves, we realize what sad shape we were in and would still be in if it weren’t for his love and grace!   The more he washes us the more we realize we need to be washed.  Does that make sense? Continue reading →

Fear Not

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afraidI was talking to a good friend yesterday who is facing some big decisions in a bewildering situation.  She is trying to trust and not be afraid, but doggone it, sometimes you’re just afraid.  Even if you believe in God, fear can get a grip on your heart and cripple you.  At one time in my life I was so anxious and afraid my very nerve endings felt on edge, like the tension was churning from within me out through every pore of my skin.   I don’t know why, but our minds tend to always race to the worst conclusion or possibility when we begin letting fear creep in.   Soon, the thing we’re afraid of looms over us and occupies all our thoughts and energy.   It doesn’t have to be this way!

I decided to look up some quotes about fear today to encourage my friend. Continue reading →