I am, You are

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Father God,

I’m clay, You are the potter
I’m a lantern, You are the fire
I’m finite and frail, You are everlasting
I’m easily blown about, You are a rock, immovable
I’m weak, You are powerful and strong
I’m prone to anxiety, You are peace, steady and unwavering

You are the origin of every thing, person, thought, emotion or idea

On my own I am lost, You found me
I was a spiritual orphan but You accepted and adopted me

I’m your child, You’re my Papa

I’m fickle, You are faithful
I’m so small, You are vast beyond comprehension

I get tired of thinking about who I am but love to ponder all that You are

You are love, and how I need Your love
You are the Artist to top all artists, creativity at Your core
You are beauty and altogether good
You are holy, pure, radiant – light with no hint darkness
You are compassion, hope, and promise
You are truth and justice

You are the Master Orchestrator, Architect, and Conductor of the whole universe
You are Creator, Savior, Mighty Conqueror, King
Counselor, Friend, Healer, Father

I see You, Father God, and bow down
I’m humbled and awed by You – there’s no other way to say it
The honor and privilege of living near You, in relationship with You, actually hand in hand with You is amazing and wonderful!

The miracle is that as we draw near You and keep close, Your radiance warms our hearts, melts our pride and burnishes away our imperfections.  We begin to look like You, to bear Your resemblance.  Day by day with You we are transformed!

I am Your smiling child, happy to just be with You.  You are my joy, my song, my Jesus, my God.  Help me to know You more.

I can see I’m not the only one

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There’s an old Audio Adrenaline song I love called “Jesus Movement” that’s about how in America we tend to think, even subconsciously, that we’ve got it goin’ on as far as following Jesus.  We’re the ones to take the lead from, we know what we’re doing.  I think it’s an American way of thinking that’s seeped into our spiritual lives and thoughts.  It’s easy to forget about the billions of other human beings on the planet when we can only see physically the home and town where we live.  Of course, with the Internet we can see much more and interact so much more easily with people all around the world.

For some reason I’m still ignorant when it comes to the number of people in other countries and on other continents who love Jesus just as much as I do and are doing their best, like I am, to live for Him and make Him known.

In the Audio Adrenaline song, the lyrics go like this:  (below the video) Continue reading →

You’re not listening!

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I love Qdoba.  It is one of my favorite places ever.  When I worked in Indiana there was a Qdoba just down the street and I frequented that place so often I made friends with all the workers there including the manager, Chino.  It was fun to go there and always tasty.

I have gone to Qdoba here in the town where we now live several times but this one almost caused me to stop going.  ~GASP~

The workers are in such a hurry to quickly make orders that they got my order wrong three visits in a row.  A few times they actually asked me what I wanted and then didn’t put it on my order or gave me something else.  Another time before I could even say what I wanted they scooped a certain type of salsa on and sent my food spinning on down the counter toward the register where I was to pay for it.  I didn’t even have a chance to say “wait a second, I don’t want that kind.”  The first time it happened I got tickled because they were moving so fast and thought to myself, “oh well.”  After that it was just plain frustrating.

It seems in their attempt to be efficient and fast they’re missing out on one important part of relating and communicating:  listening.  Last time I felt so strongly Continue reading →

I hope God’s not picky

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That’s what a bumper sticker on the car in front of me this morning said.  My heart went out to whoever is thinking and/or wondering that.  Maybe it’s just to be funny but it also sounds like someone who wonders if they’re good enough to get God’s attention.  Is God picky?

If you read about Jesus in the Bible you can clearly see that as far as interacting with and accepting people Jesus was not picky.  In fact, according to some of the religious people of His day He wasn’t picky enough. Continue reading →

You won’t believe what happened to me yesterday

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I was standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart yesterday — had my things on the little conveyor belt, waiting patiently.  There was an older lady in front of me that kept looking back at me.  I smiled and then looked the other way, but she kept staring.  It became pretty awkward.  She had a lot of stuff and it wasn’t long before I’d already scanned every headline of the magazines in our aisle and looked at every package of beef jerky and candy bar 3-4 times.

Finally she actually walked back to where I stood in line and she said, almost tearfully, “I apologize for staring, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.  You just look so much like my daughter, who died not too long ago. I can’t take my eyes off you.”  I wasn’t expecting that and I’m sure my facial expression was comical.  She quickly opened her wallet and pulled out a photo of her daughter who’d died. I honestly didn’t see any resemblance but she seemed so moved.  We chatted a little bit while her groceries were rung up.

This is the crazy part: She then said to me, “I’m sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying ‘Goodbye mom’ to me? I, I know it’s a strange request but it would mean so much to me to hear it.” My stomach did one of those flip-flops when something just plain weird happens, but I felt sorry for her so I said “uh…okay.” And so, she got her groceries all checked out and as she went out the door she waved at me.  I said sheepishly and not very loudly, “Goodbye mom”.  She smiled and left and I was very relieved.  Strange…

The cashier rang up my few things as I waited for the total.   She smiled at me very warmly and said, “That’ll be four hundred and seventy-nine dollars.” “WHAT?! There must be a mistake. How in the world did you get that total from these few things?” She replied, “Well, you’re also paying for the groceries for your mother. She told me you’d take care of the bill for her.”  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  “That’s not my mother!!” I said as my heart started beating faster and realization of the lady’s con job swept over me.

The confused cashier said, “But I distinctly heard you say as she left the store ‘Goodbye Mom’!” I looked frantically out into the parking lot and saw she was still just getting into her car – so I bolted.  I left my stuff at the register and ran out there as fast as I could.  She saw me coming and tried to shut the door really fast but a little bit of her leg was still sticking out of the door when I got there.   I grabbed her leg and started PULLING it!  No way was I letting go of this lady!  I wasn’t paying over 400 bucks for her stuff!  I kept pulling her leg and pulling…

Just like I’m pulling yours right now…

Workin’ at the good ol’ ENT

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A few highlights from the past 3 weeks at my new job:

  • Having fun getting to know the 3-4 ladies I work with the most and doing my best to stay neutral when each of them tells me stuff about one of the other ones.  They are friendly and have been great to me.
  • Trying to figure out what to do when one person trains you to do a task one way and then another trains you a little differently.  Do I do it all ways at once so that whoever is watching over me at the moment is satisfied with my work?  Good stretching exercise for my pea brain!
  • Getting tickled when patients walk up to the counter, tell me the doctor they came to see and then just look at me.  I look back and say, “and you are?”  Being psychic would help, either that or having a photographic memory for more than a few thousand patient names!
  • Realizing that a smile goes a long way in helping people feel welcome or better about their day.
  • Wishing there was so much more I could do for a patient besides smile when they’ve come in for a biopsy report or have been disfigured by surgery for cancer.
  • Trying to remember that many of the patients are not raising their voices at me because they’re angry, it’s because they’re hard of hearing.
  • Learning a big lesson today after making a mistake that upset one of the docs so much he dropped the “F” bomb in the back office.  Woops.
  • Making cookies tonight to take tomorrow to help make the back office a happier place.
  • Realizing there are so many people in the world who have very little people skills, even intelligent people.
  • Knowing now more than ever how important people skills are.  Taking time to learn them is time well-spent.
  • Also realizing there are many people in the world who care most about their preferences and being considerate of others isn’t always a priority.
  • Being so thankful to have already met a few other co-workers who are believers.
  • Being thankful for a job in which I can be with people and hopefully make a difference.
  • So extremely thankful for Friday afternoons off!

 

On the Receiving End

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I once had a friend who was gifted at giving.  She was immensely creative and would put lots of thought and time into the gifts she gave others.  Each year all of the ladies at church hoped she would draw their name for “secret sisters” because they knew fun and imaginative surprises would be coming their way.

There was only one problem:  she couldn’t receive gifts well.  It seemed when someone tried to do something for her she felt compelled to reciprocate right away, or even almost refuse saying “you don’t have to do that.”  Her responses popped the balloon of joy and love of the one trying to do something for her.  It was frustrating!  She could give but not receive.  It almost felt like a one-sided game of catch where someone throws a ball at you over and over but never let’s you throw one back. No fun.

This morning in my quiet time I was reminded that I usually act like my relationship with God is solely my doing or responsibility.  I must give and do and be for Him to please Him and show how much I love him by what I do, when He wants to love and give to me, too, and I need to receive.  I need to remember that I wouldn’t even have a relationship with Him if He hadn’t invited me and called me to Him.  He’s the initiator.  He loved me first. 

It seems a fine line to walk because the Bible talks about seeking God intentionally but also talks about accepting the gift of grace and an eternal kingdom as willingly and eagerly as a child. 

Living in relationship with my heavenly Father is part actively getting to know Him and loving Him, part sitting expectantly at His feet with open hands waiting to gladly receive something good from Him.  The depth and quality of our love and closeness doesn’t depend just on me. I’m so thankful for that!  Today I’m sitting, smiling, waiting on the receiving end.

Worth the Wait

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Why is it so hard to wait?  Is it because it’s hard for us to stop doing things and just be still?  It is because we’re not in control and have to rely on someone else to respond, do something or fulfill a request?  What are we in a hurry to do or where are we in a rush to go?

I’m a pretty patient person in most circumstances, but it’s still sometimes hard for me to wait.  I got lots of practice in the last few years and don’t want to forget the lessons I learned – lessons about perseverance, trust, sacrifices of praise, and surrender.

The Bible has much to say about waiting on God and all the good that can result.  Here are just some of the blessings that come from waiting on God:

  • Help – Psalm 40:1
  • Rescue – Psalm 59:9
  • Victory – Psalm 62:1
  • Answers – Psalm 38:9
  • God will work things out for those who wait – Isaiah 64:4
  • Fresh, renewed strength – Isaiah 40:31
  • Receive what God has promised – Hebrews 6:15, Romans 15:4
  • Justice – Job 35:14
  • Reward – Luke 12:37
  • Hope – Romans 8:25
  • God is good to those who wait – Lamentations 3:25-26
  • Awareness of God’s presence – Psalm 37:7

There are plenty of things we can do while we wait:  thank God for things and people and more, praise Him, talk about Him, read His word, think about Him, and sometimes just be completely quiet, letting our minds and hearts be at peace.

I like these lyrics from a song by Shane Barnard:

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet’s where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time’s from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

Waiting is difficult because we are impatient people.  We want results and we want them now.  I find I even have this mentality sometimes when I sit down to have quiet time with God.  I want to hear him right away, I want a feeling or sensation of His presence and I forget that sometimes I just need to be patient.  I find that it is always worth the wait.

Not just bread

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I’ve only been fishing once but would love to learn and try it again sometime.  From what I understand fish pretty much think about one thing: eating.  That’s about the sum of their life, looking for food and eating it.  The problem is there are these humans who toss out lures on fishing lines that dangle and float in the water.  They look like food but inside is a hook that, unbeknownst to the fish, will ensnare it and begin reeling it in to become dinner.

There are lots of lures in this life:  things, people, entertainment, pastimes, hobbies, habits, and more that appear good on the outside but inside is a hook, a trap.  If we bite, it could little by little pull us away from God, from our true purpose, from real and fulfilling life.

I have to admit, I’ve been biting some.  Yesterday in church John brought a great message about Jesus being tempted by satan to turn stone into bread when he was famished and weak.  Jesus saw the hook in satan’s lure and didn’t bite.  Instead He answered back, “Man doesn’t live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from God’s mouth.” (Matthew 4:4)  Bread isn’t a bad thing, but if it were to become the priority over Jesus’ obedience to God and perseverance through testing, it would have pulled him away from his true purpose and mission.

I let busy stuff, facebook, the Internet, messing around, housework, yard work, texting or playing with my phone, and more distract me and fill my day.  Soon it’s time to go to bed and I’ve not cracked open my Bible or spent time just sitting with God in prayer.  I feel empty, restless and frustrated with myself.

God reminded me yesterday in church that I don’t have to bite, that I can resist with His help and stay close to Him.  I can be free and walk the path God has for me without getting pulled this way and that.

So, I’m giving up bread until Easter, just to practice discipline and to remind myself each time I want bread that I don’t live by that alone.  I live by the time I spend with God, by the love and grace He gives me, by my relationship with Him and nearness to Him.  He is my nourishment and sustaining life.  I can’t expect to walk in spiritual health if I only call on Him on Sundays or once a while in “microwave” prayer times.

Yep, it was only our third Sunday at church and the pastor’s wife went to the altar.  Hey, I can be as weak sometimes as the next person even though I don’t want to be.

Papa, remind me of true life, of your purpose for me.  Help me walk in it and walk closer to You.  I crave that more than any other earthly thing.