I must warn you upfront that this post is kind of rambly and disjointed. Okay, read on if you like.
We all make judgments about other people all the time, in split seconds. Most of the time I think we base our judgments on the way they look, sound, act or smell. Unfortunately, I think a lot of our judgments are critical because so much of our thought-life is driven by pride, even when we are doing our best to follow Jesus and live humbly. I catch myself thinking critical thoughts a lot. Probably need to take that one to God on my knees a little more fervently. I don’t like thinking those thoughts and sure don’t want someone thinking them about me. They sure could, especially on days like today when I ventured out with no make-up and shaggy hair.
I’m not talking about dwelling long and hard on these judgments, just formulating instant impressions.
Can you tell I’m feeling a wee bit convicted about all of this? Continue reading →
Being an emotional person who also relies on music heavily to connect with and communicate to God, I love the book of Psalms. Many of them were written by David, who was called a man after God’s own heart. You’d think that might mean that they only contain words of praise, thanks, and adulation but actually there is heartfelt, not so happy honesty there, too. David doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to expressing how he really feels at the moment, even almost accusing God of turning his back on him, refusing to answer him, or abandoning him. However, at the end of each one Continue reading →
I sat there listening to her sing her heart in phrases and heard God talk to me, as well, “I’m showing you again that I have the power to influence this young lady’s heart. I made her, you know. I have planted more in her than you could dream of or design. As precious as you are to me, you are not the author of this young one’s soul and faith. I Am.”
Thank you, God, and forgive me for doubting, worrying or trying to orchestrate. Thank you for hearing my deepest heart prayers for her (and for all my daughters) – that You would draw her near, that You would comfort her and give her the strength to surrender to you. You can handle the angry cries, the stubborn thoughts, the questions and more. You keep painting beauty over those things and then giving me glimpses of this tough and tender work of art that is my daughter.
How I’ve underestimated all my girls at times, in many ways. Don’t let me do it any more. Why would I think they are any less complicated, any less deep thinkers and ponderers, any less in tune with God than I am? Why would I not think You talk to them the way You do me, that You relish every moment they sit with you, read Your word, sing songs to You? I’m simply a few years farther down the path, but we’re on the same path following You, “I Am”, our incredible Savior and Creator.
We harmonized together on some familiar tunes and I was drawn into worship as I sat in sleepy comfort. You were sitting right there, Jesus. The only thing I can do is bow down in my heart, my thankful, peace-filled, humbled heart.
This song will hold more meaning for me from now on:
You stood before creation Eternity in your hand You spoke the earth into motion My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure And carried the cross for my shame My sin weighed upon your shoulders My soul now to stand
So what could I say? And what could I do? But offer this heart, Oh God Completely to you
So I’ll walk upon salvation Your spirit alive in me This life to declare your promise My soul now to stand
Getting healthier after some turmoil last year when pastor left.Facility is really nice and new.Upward basketball – 200+ kids.Pretty good sense of mission, awareness of the need to be missional.Recently changed to a governance leadership structure – significant tool for next pastor.
Still some unresolved longstanding, systemic unhealthy conflict. Mortgage – income that comes in with which they pay the mortgage is usually about $4000 a month short.They use cash reserves right now from the sale of their old building to pay the shortfall but that won’t last forever.Still some division from the conflict last year that is healing but isn’t over.
I so wish I could read my daughter’s mind. She has always been open with me but there are times this last year or so when she shuts herself up tight, doesn’t want me to ask questions, doesn’t want to share her heart. She doesn’t need help or advice, just wants me to leave her alone. I get frustrated but I’ve learned to think back to the 16-year-old Mimi and try to remember how I felt about things, how I felt about my parents and my increasing independence, the things that were important to me, etc. It really settles me down and results in patience.
We’re at an exciting crossroads for our family but right now. If you could take a photo of our emotions it would look like this: John is elated, Mimi is pretty hopeful, Kimmi and Kaitlin are happy for us and Krissy is sad, angry and withdrawn. Rather than press her right now I’m just praying for her. I remember when I was a teen, my dad told our family that he was going back into the pastorate and that probably meant we’d be moving sometime. That news alone was enough to upset me. I remember turning my head to look out the window as we all sat around the dinner table Continue reading →
I believe in pressing forward and in living in this day but once in a while it’s good to take a quick look back to see how far we’ve come and remember what we learned. A friend of mine said today that looking toward this new year is like throwing out a fishing line, we wait and watch to see what we’ll reel in, not knowing, but hoping. I joked that it’s probably good we can’t see all that we’re going to “reel in” this coming year and that I’m glad Jesus is there to help us if we have to pull in something really heavy or menacing. Today I’ve been thinking some about the lessons I caught in 2010. Some of them were whoppers: Continue reading →
My youngest says I tweet too much but hey, that’s what twitter is for right? And there are plenty of people who tweet more often than I do. So I told her, “If you don’t want to read all my tweets then just don’t follow me anymore” to which she replied, “Okay, I won’t”. Well, fine. I follow several pastors and other bloggers that offer food for thought, encouraging words, and more. I also follow people like Conan O’Brien and Jim Gaffigan, not quite as edifying but good for some laughs. It’s fun.
One of the tweeters I follow is called “ChatBible” from the UK. He tweeted today about new beginnings, which only seems fitting since it’s the start of the new year: Noah (Gen 9) Ruth (Ruth 1) Peter (Jn 21) and Paul (Acts 9). Which brings most hope…& why?Continue reading →
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.
Crunchy numbers
The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 17,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.
In 2010, there were 191 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 282 posts. There were 145 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 24mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.
The busiest day of the year was June 18th with 170 views. The most popular post that day was Fighter.
On this day, 20 years ago, my husband and I had been in the labor and delivery room since 6 am, anticipating with growing excitement the arrival of our first baby. We didn’t know if it would be a son or daughter, we had no idea what to expect but after months of waiting, even two weeks past our due date, we were more than ready to see him or her. She finally came around 11:20 pm that night, right before the new year began. Kimberly Ellen Klotz. Our first child, our little girl. We looked at her with awe and through happy tears, overwhelmed with gratitude and satisfaction. We felt we had grown up so much in just one day. We were parents! She was still and quiet and looked up at us with bright eyes wide open as if she was studying us. It all seems so long ago now! I’ll never forget how I felt, though, and how proud we were. We still are. I’m glad she survived being our first! She’s always been a little cautious and a little shy, waiting until she was almost 15 months old to take her first step. I remember at family birthdays when we sung to her how she’d reach out Continue reading →
Do you ever feel afraid when you think about going to heaven? That’s a weird question, I know. I woke this morning thinking not so much about heaven exactly, as about eternity, about what happens when we die, about what it could be like to be somewhere forever…and ever. It may seem crazy to you but whenever I start thinking about that I begin to feel anxious. I’m pretty sure it’s because it’s something my mind can’t grasp or understand. After all, I have no frame of reference. Everything in my life, and in this world, has a beginning and end. I was conceived and began as a cluster of cells multiplying and growing (a pretty huge miracle in itself). When my time has come, I will die and my heart will stop beating, my brain stop processing and thinking, and my physical body will give out. Each day has a beginning (the sun comes up) and an end (the sun goes down and the moon and stars appear). I wake and sleep. There are physical boundaries to my home, my town, my country, and my world. Once into space, however, it starts to become mind-boggling since there is no edge to the universe. Where does it end, if it ends and if it does, what’s on the outside of it? OH! I tell myself to just stop thinking about it, to stop trying to comprehend how it could be. The truth is, there is no way we can see the edge or end of the universe, and from what I’ve heard it keeps spreading, so infinity seems to be reality.
If you’re still reading this rambling post, bully for you! Continue reading →
I was quietly enjoying a breakfast burrito at McDonald’s and catching up on twitter on my phone this morning when all of a sudden I heard a woman’s angry voice shouting, “This is the worst service EVER!! You suck!!” Then someone else shouted “Merry Christmas!” I didn’t see it happen but I’m assuming she stormed out after hurling that piece of her mind at the surprised workers behind the counter. It’s true they were a little slow today and it was very busy there, but I’m not sure their less-than-speedy service warranted that attack. My first thought was how mean and unfair it was for her to do that and that if I was that worker I would probably be fighting back tears. I hate to get yelled at. Now that I think about it, does anyone like getting yelled at? My next thought was that she must be stressed-out or already worked up about something else to react so strongly. And down deep, she must be hurting. Hurt usually leads to anger.
The first few weeks of December when we had no money to buy presents and were anticipating a very simple Christmas, God gave me a little (emphasis on little) perspective of what it’s like for so many people every year. There are lots of families who struggle to make ends meet and aren’t able to do much, if anything, in the gift buying and giving department. You know, there is a lot of pressure from people’s expectations and TV commercials about buying stuff, buying stuff, and buying more stuff. I hadn’t realized it as much until this year. Often the first question in passing conversation is “Have you gotten your shopping done?” Continue reading →
Along the Narrow Path 