Kaleidoscope

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When I surrendered, all my thoughts, dreams, plans, expectations, hopes and even some beliefs fell as if the surface they were resting on was suddenly yanked out from underneath.  The ground below was hard and they shattered.  So many pieces lay in piles all jumbled up. What a mess! They had seemed so valuable – something to be desired – but now all was broken.

Before I could reach a state of panic or overwhelming sadness, I felt Jesus’ strong hand on my shoulder, silently telling me to just be still.  He stepped past me crouching there in my disappointment and scooped up all the fragments and shards in His hands.  Then he got up and turned away from me for a while as I nursed my wounds from wayward pieces that had cut me.  He worked without speaking.  The silence became so complete it almost smothered me as I sat waiting.  I didn’t know what He was doing, He seems to enjoy secrecy sometimes.  He didn’t even want my help, if you can imagine that.  Continue reading →

Front and Center

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My cat Rocky laying right in front of the computer monitor, my youngest doing hand stands during commercials when we watch TV, the high school crossing guard waving his flourescent orange wands at me to stop, the ding of my phone notifying me I have a text message, my boss as he gives me a task at work – all want my attention.  For the moment, it’s as if each of them is saying “Hey!  Look at me, front and center here.”  We all need attention, some more than others.

God revealed to me (and it’s not the first time) ever so lovingly but firmly that I tend to seek too much attention for myself or be concerned that other people think well of me.  Facebook is one thing that makes this difficult.  It’s a treasure trove of attention:  people responding to things I say, to pictures I post, to jokes and videos I share.  People commenting about me or my life, interacting with me, giving me virtual pats on the back.  Even my blog brings me attention in a round about way.

When God showed me an ugly, childish attitude that was bubbling up this morning I was embarrassed and frustrated and it comes from being too preoccupied with myself.  Continue reading →

True Identity

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While talking with a friend of mine who just finished 16 rounds of chemo I realized she still has a long road ahead of her before she can come out of the cancer woods.  She has a double mastectomy and hysterectomy in her future along with radiation, then probably reconstructive surgery.  Just hearing about it was a little overwhelming for me, so I’m sure it’s daunting to her at times, too.  She seems so peaceful, though.  She’s thankful to be alive.  She’s thankful for a good prognosis and the way her cancer responded to the chemo.  She told me confidently that cancer can take her hair, take parts of her that give her some of her femininity, make her sick and more, but it can’t take her soul.  Cancer can’t steal who she really is.

As I reminisced briefly with her about my mastectomy 7 years ago I realized that I still feel some hurt over the surgery changing my body, which is still a little lopsided and unnatural.  She is right and I needed to be reminded that my identity doesn’t lie in my physical appearance or health, Continue reading →

In it for good

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I played piano for a beautiful wedding yesterday.  The bride and groom looked awfully young to me…and happy.  Just like so many of us, they’ve thought about this day for a long time and repeat the vows after the minister with smiles while looking intently into the other’s eyes.  Hopefully this moment will just be the start for them of committing to each other and keeping their promises.

I remember well looking into John’s eyes way back in 1988 as we gave our word to one another, our hearts saying “This is for life.  I’m in this no matter what.”  If God had shown us that day all that we’d encounter together as the years rolled by we’d have been overwhelmed.  I like to think we’d both still be game, but we’d certainly be less starry-eyed and looking a little more like deer in the headlights.

It’s probably good that in the wedding ceremony the minister doesn’t go into detail in the vows, Continue reading →

Refresher from Physics 101

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Krissy and I read a great devotional thought this morning written by Dan Haseltine of Jars of Clay, in the daily email devotional I get from Relevant Magazine. (I love Relevant by the way.)  He related Sir Isaac Newton’s laws of motion to our life of faith in this world.  It gave me some great “ponder fodder” or food for thought as I drove to work.

If you took Physics in school, you remember that the first law of motion basically says that an object, once moving, will keep moving unless some outside force encounters or impacts it.  Continue reading →

The Life & Times of Sunny

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Today, on National Dog Day, I thought it only fitting to put down for posterity some memories of our family’s dog, Sunny.

We adopted Sunny from an animal sanctuary out in the desert near Las Cruces, New Mexico where we lived when the girls were little.  We always remember how old Sunny is by comparing with our youngest’s age, because Krissy was two when Sunny joined the family.  She was a golden brown, fluffy ball of fur with a curly tail and black snout.   Gentle and timid, it wasn’t unusual to find Krissy IN the crate with Sunny sometimes, or Sunny laying on the floor with one of the girls laying their heads on her.

We probably should have taken her to puppy class but never did so she was rather unruly when we tried to go for walks, Continue reading →

Final Scene

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I’ve heard lots of songs, read lots of blog posts, and had lots of conversations with people lately about disappointment, having to resort to Plan B, C or D, disillusionment over life not turning out the way we expected it to, and wondering why God doesn’t stop bad things from happening or doesn’t answer prayer how we think He should.  It has made me wonder – are people feeling like that more than before?  Why?  Or am I just noticing it more because I’ve felt like that this year? Continue reading →

“I’ll tell you who you really are”

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”  There seem to a rare, lucky few who actually know the answer to that question, even from a young age.  You know, kids that say they want to be a doctor and end up actually becoming one.  I was not one of those people.  In elementary school I knew I was going to be a veterinarian.  I liked animals so it just seemed natural.  My girls had various aspirations growing up like nursing, teaching, being an artist, etc.  I’ll never forget the surprise and giggles we got as a family when my youngest (about 10 at the time) once told us at the dinner table that she wanted to be a monster truck driver.   I think she’s changed her mind since then…I think. Continue reading →

Shifting Gears

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My dad learned the hard way:  never bring hot coffee along when teaching a 16-year-old how to drive a stick shift.  We bounced around the high school parking lot in the rusty little 70’s Dodge Colt, almost banging into curbs and barely missing light poles.  It took me a while but I got the hang of it and then I loved it.  There was that one time, though, when I was still getting used to the whole idea and accidentally put my clutch in instead of the brake as we rounded a corner.  My mom shrieked.  My little sis and brother laughed and flew around in the back seat. Continue reading →

Promoted

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In the short video I was watching on facebook, two soldiers stood side by side in their fatigues, one talking about the other.   The one on the right was my cousin Karl.  I remember playing with Karl when we were kids.  He was one of my favorite cousins.  He was “Karlie” to me then.  Now he stands having served overseas many duties over many months, and years here at home, helping keep all of us safe and free.  The video was of the brief ceremony promoting him to his new rank of lieutenant colonel.  I wish we could have stayed closer over these years, he and his family and mine, but distance and life transitions have made that difficult.  I was still really proud as I watched.  What a good man he is.  Who knew when we were goofing around and riding go-carts as 12-year-olds with his sister and my sister and brother that He had this in him?

One thing his friend said before he was officially promoted that really stood out to me Continue reading →