Transparent, candid, forthright, frank, open, unambiguous, obvious, understandable, out in the open…
I think of myself as pretty transparent, even though the only one who completely sees through me is God. I believe in being vulnerable and honest, what I’d like for people to be with me. Many friends and some strangers who have read my blog posts over the years have told me the reason they like to read them is because they can relate to what I’m saying, to some struggle I’m describing, or some flaw I’m bemoaning. It’s a connecting point for people to feel someone else has been in their shoes, is questioning something, or is having problems – they’re not alone.
Opening up is risky. One time I was venting some frustrations (and probably held grudges if I’m really being honest) about a congregation where we served and some of the people who caused trouble there. I was a little too free with my thoughts and emotions because I offended someone who had once attended there. They saw my blog (oops) and let me know. Humbling to say the least! Perhaps there are some feelings or thoughts that are better spilled out only into God’s hands.
I think there are varying levels of transparency, depending on the situation and the people involved. I can be completely transparent with my sister, my mom, and a close friend or two and know they won’t judge me but will listen and love me no matter what. That’s a blessing! I don’t suppose everyone has people like that they can trust.
What keeps us from opening up? Continue reading
In my waiting, I did hear God caution me, “Don’t get too focused on yourself or start feeling sorry for yourself.” I don’t want to do that. I do have to be honest with Him about the way I feel. Lunch with my hubby, who was also a bit down today, was a good idea. We visited about other things and enjoyed a hot lunch on a chilly, windy day. Getting a few messages from loving Christian friends saying they understand and are praying for us definitely helped. Amazing how those small things make such a big difference. I guess you could say they are emotional endorphins that help me keep going through the fatigue. A call from my oldest daughter who was happily leaving a really good job interview lifted my spirits. When she’s feeling especially good or loving towards me she often calls me “Momma.” As she said goodbye, she also said “I love you, Momma.” Oh my. My heart just filled up with love. Thank you, God. Such little things that do such wonders for me. You are there, aren’t You?
I was ready, I was ready, I was waiting and I was ready….I waited some more. I wandered around and watched for the time they would need me. It never came! I was standing on the sidelines watching 30 or more construction workers building an Extreme Makeover Home Edition house in Kokomo. It was exciting to be there in person and see how this monumental task of building a house in 7 days really happens. All throughout the four hours I was there, I marveled at the amount of organization and managing of details that had taken place to reach that point. It takes many, many people, each doing their job the way they’re supposed to, working together to accomplish it. The great thing about it is that each person is happy to be there helping. They’re eager to use their skills and talents to contribute and be a part of the outcome for a deserving family. No one was doing things half-heartedly. There was a lot of energy in the air. I was wishing I had more construction skills so I could actually do something. We did get to form an assembly line at one point to help unload a truck. There were so many volunteers, each of us wearing our blue Extreme Makeover t-shirts and white hard hats, standing along the sidelines that they didn’t need all of us. I guess that’s a good problem!
I realize that my child needs me but in different ways and definitely different doses. Remembering how I thought and acted at that age has been helping me tremendously. I remember being so eager to get out and get away from home, not because I didn’t love my mom and dad, but I was tired of that routine and ready for something new. The new and unknown was exciting and full of possibility. I would be creating my own milestones, making decisions wise and foolish, having adventures, doing my own thing. No sister and brother to contend with, no parents to determine my curfew or how I spent my time. It was a heavenly time between being home with them and the pressures of real life that would follow college. Freedom!
Along the Narrow Path 