Time away with my sister and her family, in sunny Arizona, was like the wonderful rush of “ahhhh” after a strenuous workout, when the endorphins kick in.
There was much conversation and diet coke (of course!), much laughter, watching movies, sitting in the sun, walking through beautifully manicured, landscaped southwestern neighborhoods with cactus and brilliant fuchsia bougainvillea vines growing everywhere, shopping at 
Ikea for the first time, tutoring my sis on facebook, driving around town in the little pick-up truck with my nephew Curtis, playing with their two sweet doggies, singing at the piano and visiting with my older nephew TJ, playing guitar hero, holding the snake, Vinnie (!) and just plain ol’ heart-warming love.
I always come away from time with my sister a little more enlightened and at peace. We have a special relationship of openness and trust.
One of her sons, my nephew, yielded to temptations last year and made some choices that led him to time in probation, juvenile detention and now a rehab group home facility where he lives and is working his way through a program of healing and help. He’s hoping to graduate this year, move out and back home with the rest of his family soon – maybe this summer! He and his brother got to see each other for the first time in 9 months the Thursday night I was there. Getting to spend time with both of them was precious to me.
I sat down at the piano to play a little the afternoon he was home with us and he came into the room. He started singing a praise song I was playing, so I sang, too. Continue reading
Or think of yourself wearing black clothes in a moderately dark room. You could be covered in lint and “fuzzies” but none really show because of your dim surroundings. Walk into a bright spotlight, like the ones they use in a play, and suddenly every little speck, hair or particle is visible to everyone. Flaws and smudges you didn’t even realize were there are suddenly glaringly obvious.
I was talking to a good friend yesterday who is facing some big decisions in a bewildering situation. She is trying to trust and not be afraid, but doggone it, sometimes you’re just afraid. Even if you believe in God, fear can get a grip on your heart and cripple you. At one time in my life I was so anxious and afraid my very nerve endings felt on edge, like the tension was churning from within me out through every pore of my skin. I don’t know why, but our minds tend to always race to the worst conclusion or possibility when we begin letting fear creep in. Soon, the thing we’re afraid of looms over us and occupies all our thoughts and energy. It doesn’t have to be this way!
Yesterday afternoon I hopped into our gold mini-van with my three daughters and two of their friends. We headed happily down the road toward Ft. Wayne to see “Winter Jam” an annual concert event with 5-6 great Christian bands and a speaker. My girls and I have probably been to 4-5 Winter Jams in the past few years and love it every time. We had been looking forward to it for several months.
At least it was sunny out, even though still chilly. We waited, walked a few steps, waited some more, hoped and hoped as we got closer that before long the line would really start moving and we’d be finding our way to some seats and an awesome evening of music, shouting, standing and clapping, and fun.
A guy came out and started walking from the back of the line up toward where we stood. We heard him telling people something as he walked along. As he got closer we heard him talking about an extra music appearance at a local church following the concert and then he turned to us and said, “You’re not getting in. Sold out show.” After a moment of shock and disbelief, the line started breaking up as the people around us began to wander back to their cars, vans and church buses. We stood there for a moment looking at each other – “What?!” “No way!” 
Has your computer ever crashed? Have you ever had to completely format the hard drive and re-install everything, starting over? I’ve been through this ingratiating process a few times and while it’s aggravating enough to pull some hair and can be a big pain if you lose files or data, it is nice to have a fresh start. When the disk has been completely wiped clean and loaded up anew with the programs it runs so much better and more quickly. There aren’t all those downloaded, uploaded, accumulated files and programs that piled up over the last year or so. All the temp files that were dragging the system down are gone. Any spam or spy ware – gone! It’s clean and zippy – ready to go. You can almost hear your computer sigh a happy “ahhhhh.”
I don’t really know how to let go of this dream. It’s a daily process – trying to remain content and thankful and focus on other things. It’s interesting the things that make us feel settled in our hearts and souls: having a permanent residence, all belongings moved in and in their places, a steady job, a routine we’re used to, comfort zone stuff. Vice versa, temporary situations, not having all your belongings accessible to you, lots of change, living with someone else and feeling like you’re an outsider – like it’s not really your home – all of these seem to keep the contentedness of heart at bay. There seems to be a longing inside most of us to have a place, to have a home, to be settled down.
In a way all of the people in my life are like a bunch of paper ships being set out on a creek. They float downstream together but then at times one or two may veer off and fall behind or even take a different course altogether. It’s just the way it is. Life is like a creek in that way. People come into our lives but they usually don’t stay there forever. Sometimes they “fall behind” as I keep floating along or the other way around and I’m watching them sail away from me into another future than mine. So…is it really worth investing in people and relationships when you know they’ll probably have to go sometime?
Along the Narrow Path 