2017

The door swung open and we stepped across the threshold of another new year.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself standing at the doorway to 2017. Were you someone eager and hopeful, tiptoed or even crouching, ready to skip or leap with a grin into the open space like a little child ready to get outside and make footprints in fresh, undisturbed snow?  Maybe you were reluctant and even afraid to step out, like someone standing under a ledge watching a downpour, not wanting to get drenched in the run to your parked car on the far side of the big parking lot.  Some of you might have stared vacantly at the open space ahead, taking great effort to just take one step. Maybe your heart is numb, worn out or depleted from challenges, disappointments, even grief you walked through in 2016.  You might have marched through, slamming the door behind you, so ready to get last year behind you, wanting to forget it altogether.

Even though we can’t see all that this year will hold, are there life events you’re looking forward to or dreading, or are you not sure what to think?

Lots of people tweeted or “Instagrammed” about the past year, whether or not they met goals, what they’re glad to walk away from, what was good or positive, which things went the way they hoped, which things didn’t. Many blamed 2016 for the tragedies we witnessed, the many well-known, well-loved celebrities that died, a wacky election, and more.  Goals and/or resolutions for the next 365 days (actually 355 as of today) were abundant across all of social media.

I used to blog regularly and it was extremely helpful to me when looking back through posts, like leafing through a diary. Lessons learned, emotions that ran amuck or got stuffed, happy times, frustrations, let downs, and the like filled the “pages.” Writing is a way of processing. It helps me figure out and sort through things. 

I haven’t blogged regularly for a few years now. Part of the reason being I was asking myself, “Who really needs to know what you’re thinking or feeling?” “There are so many opinions, editorials, reflections, and such on the Internet. Why do people need to read yours?” So many words out there, so much noise. Do we really need more?

I like to blog because I like to encourage people, which is a big part of my God-given purpose. I like a sense of community, in which you relate to other people traveling through life, sharing hardships and victories, laughing, telling stories, loving. I love the idea of helping someone else feel less alone in this life. If something I’ve been learning or struggling through or actually conquering would accomplish that, then I want to keep blogging.

So far in 2017, I’ve been reminded that words matter and our thoughts shape the path we take, so I need to keep positive, life-giving words in front of me to help keep my thoughts on the right path. God has been showing me, much to my delight (not really) how much of my life, my choices, my attitudes, and such are driven by pride. I want Him to change that in me, but I also cringe in the asking because I know it will be tough and most likely painful.

What are you learning so far? Can we try to let go of the past and look for the good in this year? Can we trust God and not let fear hinder us like heavy weights around our ankles? There will be “bad” stuff and hard stuff in 2017, there always is. BUT, there will be a lot of good: a lot of possibility, a lot of opportunity, a lot of people to love, a lot to learn, a lot of time to grow and become, a lot of chances to do better, a lot of hope. For those of us who follow Jesus, we can be cheered by the truth that He is timeless and so has already been in the year to come and promises to be with us.

I’d be honored to walk with you. Ready? Here we go.

“Lead on, O King eternal,

We follow, not with fears,

For gladness breaks like morning

Where’re thy face appears” – Ernest W. Shurtleff

Sometimes the grass is greener in the past

When Kimmi first went to college, the school advised the students to stay on campus once classes started for at least six weeks before going home for a visit.  The purpose behind that recommendation is that it helps them engage with the other students and the college community as well as cutting ties with home a bit (getting used to being away from home).  I think it’s a great idea and though it was a hard adjustment at first (probably harder for me than for her), it did help Kimmi step into the college phase of her life more on her own.  She began “leaving” the phase of life she had with us at home – an important, necessary step to growing up.

When first away at school it might be easy for kids to keep wanting to go home and be in the familiar, comfortable situation they just came from.  Looking back, the grass might seem greener at home in the past where their high school friends lived, where they were comfortable in a home church and so on.  If they’ll turn around and look forward, however, step out and give it time, they find that independence, new friendships, experiences, possibilities and more can become their new “normal” and be pretty exciting.   They can change and grow, becoming more and more of who they are meant to be.  The world opens up in new ways that they wouldn’t have known if they went back and stayed at home.

I realize that sometimes when I look back the grass looks greener in the past.  This past weekend we went “home” to Indiana to attend our college homecoming weekend, see our college girls, and attend church where we did when we lived there.  We saw many old friends, enjoyed beautiful sunny fall weather, were blessed by a moving, encouraging worship service at church, and spent some really good quality time with our daughters.

John and I both agreed today that a little part of ourselves felt like it would be nice to go back there to stay.  It was comfortable there for us in many ways and we have lots of dear friends there.  We fit in and knew our place.  We have a lot of history there, too, all the way back to before we got married so of course it feels like home.

If I am honest when I look back though, Continue reading

High Points

When I was a youth leader years ago, we used to open our time together, after playing a silly game, by sitting in a circle and taking turns telling our high and low points from the day.  It was a neat way to get a glimpse into what was on each other’s hearts, good and not so good.  Well, I’d like to share a few high points.   No need to talk about low ones – I think if I don’t give them any attention they’ll fade from my memory anyway, right?

When my youngest and I walked in to the church tonight we were surprised to see twice as many kids in the student auditorium as usual and the buzz was electric.  Energy was practically resonating out of the doorway.  High points ahead, I could tell.  I decided to stick around and see what was going to happen.  Continue reading

Oh, to be like Gumby

My freshman year roommate was sweet as can be but decided after living with me for a year that she wanted to switch to someone else.  One of the reasons that surfaced was that I moved the furniture of our room around all the time.  She would come back to the room at night and the stuff would be in a different place.  I’m guessing that wasn’t fun in her opinion. Especially if she walked in without turning on the lights.  Of course, she never told me while I was doing it so I just kept up my quirky habit in ignorant bliss.  Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn’t have been so hip on that either if I was her.  She did have bruises on her knees quite a bit.

I love to move furniture.  It feels like a fresh start or redecorating without having to do a big project or spend money.

I changed my major three times.

We have changed addresses at least 8 times since we got married. Continue reading

Processing

The cold I’ve been fighting is of the obstinate, lingering kind and so I’ve not felt like blogging or doing much conversing for the last week or so.  That is definitely NOT usually my nature.  I’m a verbal processor to the core.  I need to talk to people when I’m working through thoughts, making decisions, questioning and trying to figure something out, brainstorming -you name it, I need to talk about it.  Continue reading

Extending a wide-open hand

A good friend of mine and I were talking about parenting and the process of gradually letting go as our kids gradually become more independent.  It’s a delicate balance, an ever so slow shifting that starts when they’re born.  My friend suggested the image of a tightly closed hand – that’s how it begins when they’re tiny, so vulnerable, so needy, so dependent.  Through the years our hand loosens the grip as they start to learn about making choices, facing consequences, wanting to start leaning and then stepping away from us in growing confidence.  They venture out, my “mom” hand keeps loosening and begins opening.  When they’re ready to leave home my hand should be fully open, fingers outstretched.  I extend that hand to my fledgling child in blessing and congratulations, “You’re ready and I’m proud of you. Go.”

hand2I realize that my child needs me but in different ways and definitely different doses.  Remembering how I thought and acted at that age has been helping me tremendously.  I remember being so eager to get out and get away from home, not because I didn’t love my mom and dad, but I was tired of that routine and ready for something new.  The new and unknown was exciting and full of possibility.  I would be creating my own milestones, making decisions wise and foolish, having adventures, doing my own thing.  No sister and brother to contend with, no parents to determine my curfew or how I spent my time.  It was a heavenly time between being home with them and the pressures of real life that would follow college.  Freedom!

God, keep this memory close to my heart when I start to feel sad or perplexed in this stage of life.  I want to focus on the joy and promise my daughters face as they continue to grow and mature.  I want to just pray for them, be here if they need me, but respect their space.  I’m going to need constant surveillance from You and for you to keep me in line.  I’m sure my girls will thank you!  I spread my hands open wide trusting You to always hold them securely…please don’t YOU ever let go.

I’m still in your presence,
…you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
and then you bless me.        Psalm 73:23-24  The Msg.

Talkin’ to myself

One of my favorite classes in college was called “Interpersonal Relationships”.  It was taught by a brilliant, albeit slightly odd, professor with frizzy hair and a laugh that sounded like a happy donkey braying.  For two hours he’d lay out nuggets of wisdom before us: exploring relationships, behavior, interactions with others, and more.  I soaked it up like a sponge.  I wish I still had the notebook from that class.  (Maybe I do – I just don’t know where it is.)  We had a short dinner break, then would come back for the last two hours to practice what we’d been learning by role playing in front of a video camera, then watching our “performance” with Dr. Farmen critiquing and giving feedback.  I have used so much of what I learned in that class all throughout my life.  I’m thankful to Dr. Farmen for pushing us, challenging us, and really teaching us more about people and why they behave the way they do.

One of the jewels he brought out in lecture one night was the idea of a “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  This is when something you think about someone affects the way you behave toward that person, which actually makes them more like the label you’ve given them.  For example, if a teacher labels a child a “trouble maker” then his/her behavior will (even subconsciously) communicate that label and cause the child to be even more a trouble maker.  I’ve seen that happen in the schools where I used to work, even with my own daughter.  One teacher she had saw her “spunk” and overly active little self as a real negative Continue reading

Deja vu and freshman year envy

IMG_2435The day finally arrived for Kimmi and she is now moved in at AU and ready for her first year of college!  She had her car loaded up and ready to go and after running some last-minute errands in the morning we headed to Anderson in the early afternoon.  Driving over, I kept glancing in the side rear-view mirror to see her following behind.  The words in the mirror were a strange comfort:  “objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.”  John wondered aloud if Kimmi had butterflies.  “I do,” I replied as he chuckled.

IMG_2437We arrived at Rice Hall, where I lived my sophomore year and John lived for four years.  A friendly student started to lead us upstairs to her room and as we rounded the 2nd floor set of stairs we were greeted by a bunch of smiling, colorful, upper-class art students (the dreadlocks kind of gave it away).  They guessed Kimmi’s name until they got it right, then told her they were ready to help her move in!  The moment they began their enthusiastic welcome to a much-delighted Kimmi, I could almost feel John and I becoming invisible and fading farther back in the stairwell.  This is what’s supposed to happen, though.   Continue reading

Countdown to Move-In Day Thoughts

I had some nice time with just Kimmi this past weekend and was glad.  I’m still bracing myself for the adjustment to her being away from home and “klotzfive” changing to “klotzfour” for a while at home.  All weekend I found myself sighing and thinking things like, “oh, this is her last Sunday singing on worship team at church for a while”, “this is her last weekend at home”, “look at her room empty and all packed up”, etc.  Then I could just imagine her thinking those same thoughts but with a different perspective:  “Yes!  My last weekend at home for a while,” “Room packed up and ready to go – yes!”  I keep trying to remember how I felt at her age and when I was about to go to college at AU.  I had no sad thoughts, only excitement for getting out on my own.  My parents lived in Anderson so it wasn’t a long distance, sad departure for me.  I was ready and glad!

Two more days…I think with mixed emotions, quietly
Two more days!!  Kimmi must be thinking with a big smile on her face

A Changin’

In the words of my daughter Kaitlin this evening, after we attended camp meeting and I only saw two people I know (!) “Mom, times, they are a changin’ “.  What a true statement.   It’s especially true for me as a mom of three teenagers.

Mimi and girls

It used to be that wherever I went during the day or on the weekends, all three girls piled into the car or van with me, we’d listen to music, sing, laugh, be silly and pal around.  Nowadays they’re usually at work, busy, out with friends, texting friends and boyfriends, on a date, or otherwise occupied.  We have a lot fewer dinners around the table when everyone is present.  It used to always be the “Klotzfive” out on the town.  Now sometimes it’s the “Klotzfour” “Klotzthree” or…gasp…”Klotztwo” – me and John!  Today I went to the pool by myself and had to talk myself out of a pity party.   Continue reading