Tag Archives: control

Where does my help come from?

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I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord…  Psalm 121:1-2

Fear comes in all sorts of packages and at all kinds of different times.  I’m afraid I’m a bit of a worrier.  I don’t want to be and it’s embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true.  That worry is actually fear in disguise.

I’m the type of person who really wants to know what’s going to happen, how and when.  I try to be spontaneous but my nature is most comfortable in structure, knowing what’s expected of me, having a plan – you know.

Living a life with Jesus requires me to step out of that comfortable place a lot.  Living in general causes me to step out.  Continue reading →

Live backwards to move forward

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Lose your life to find it.    (Matt. 10:38-40)

Die to live.    (Romans 6:3-5)

Leaders should behave like servants.    (Luke 22:26)

Rejoice when things are going wrong, in hard times.  (Romans 5:3)

Last is really first.   (Mark 9:35)

Love the haters.  (Matt. 5:44)

Being God’s servant is the only way to true freedom.  (I Peter 2:16)

When I’m weak, I’m actually strong.  (II Cor. 12:10)

Do you see the trend here?  Following Jesus feels as if we’re walking backwards; especially when we look around at the rest of the world and the way they’re walking and living their lives.   Living within the boundaries God sets, however, actually gives us freedom – to enjoy a better, guilt-free, peace-filled life.   It would be one thing to walk this way if we never saw the other way.  Continue reading →

For Those Who Wait

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I was listening to my ipod during lunch today, sitting in my car while rain fell gently on the windows outside.  A new Fireflight song came on called “For Those Who Wait” and while I listened to the encouraging lyrics Isaiah 40:31 came to mind:

Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Notice it says those who trust (hope, wait) in the Lord will gain strength.  I take that to also mean “those who scramble about like chickens with heads cut off trying to control everything will find themselves exhausted and no better off than before.”   It’s in there, just read between the lines.

In passing

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I’ve not had time to really sit down and think about writing lately.  I wish I did – I love to do it and it helps me process what’s going on inside.  It might help if I jot down a few things going through my pea brain the last few days.

  • My grandmother is in the skilled unit of her assisted living facility now.  She had pneumonia and spent a few days in the hospital and it took a toll on her.  Her 95 1/2 year old body seems tinier to me now, her voice softer, her eyes much heavier and sleepier.  I feel the need to go see her often and get in as many kisses on that soft cheek of hers that I can.  I wish we could just talk and visit but she is so weak and drowsy.
  • I’ve never had to live day by day in all aspects of my life as much as I am now:  spiritually, emotionally, financially.  I take comfort in the fact that God has never let me down and each day I have what I need and more.  I don’t know for sure what’s up tomorrow but I find as I take each step, send up each prayer, carry out what I know to do to take care of my family and try to stay close to God that I’m making it!  Yes it’s hard, but God is faithful.  I have my down days but mostly peaceful ones – especially when I honestly cry out to Him (pretty much every morning on the way to work) and share the heavies weighing on my heart.  He welcomes me in love and helps me shoulder the heavies.   Why does He care?  Why does He love?  This leads me to the next thought that’s been churning around in my head: Continue reading →

When You Get There

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I still smile and laugh to myself when I remember our youngest girl, Kristine, at the age of 4, telling me that she didn’t want to grow up.  When I asked her why not she answered, “I don’t know how to grocery shop.  I don’t know how to drive.”

I giggled and said, “It’s okay, when you get older you’ll learn those things.  You don’t have to worry about that right now.  You’ll know when you get there.”

“Well I don’t want to be a mommy.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how to take care of babies!”

long-road-walking-walk-score-photoI think I eventually convinced her that although she didn’t know at the age of 4 what she would need to know 15-20 years down the road it was okay.  She wasn’t supposed to.  It would come later.  I tried to help her see that growing up was fun and good, that she would like it and that it’s just what happens naturally to all of us.

God brought this memory front and center this morning and showed me that I do this all the time; I look waaaay down the road and panic thinking “I don’t know how do those things!”  In my heart I try to jump way ahead and figure everything out, I guess so I’ll feel I have some minute amount of control over my life and the outcomes.   The “what ifs” pile up into needless anxiety.

I feel like He’s saying to me this morning, “You don’t have to know what to do when and if that time comes because when you get there, you’ll know.  I’ll show you.  I’ll teach you.  Why are you worrying about that now?” Continue reading →