A husband and wife sat together at the kitchen table in awkward silence. They had decided, having trouble getting along lately, that perhaps they should share with one another the frustrations they had with each other by each making a list. After some quiet thought and pencil scratching it was time to share their complaints. The husband read his wife’s first. A long list of his faults filled the page, and then another page. Continue reading
They said three days. So why was I still waiting to hear from them? Granted, Monday happened to be Labor Day, and of course the lab was closed that day, so that didn’t help. If it was nothing I would have heard by now. The not knowing was so hard. If only I knew the situation fully I could face it, but facing an unknown, invisible enemy was awful and seemed impossible. I could hardly keep my mind from trying to figure out or imagine what it was, what the outcome would be. During that time of waiting, the anxiety was so intense that my very nerve endings seemed on edge, all over my body, as if fear was continually pricking my skin. Continue reading
Last night there was a disturbance, not a disturbance in the force but in the family room. We’re navigating teenage girlhood with our youngest and the waters can be pretty turbulent at times and usually when we least expect it. Well, a big wave of disrespect and moodiness splashed over John and I. As we sat blinking on the couch, staring at American Idol, the stormy little instigator marched upstairs. Moments later the disgruntled teen stomped down the stairs and out the front door! It was nighttime – dark and chilly out. John went to see where she went and found her sitting on the porch. He came back in and closed the door. I got a rush of restless energy so went to the kitchen to clean. Cleaning always helps when I’m anxious or just need to get my body busy so I won’t sit and fret. As I walked in and turned on the faucet to start rinsing dishes, fear blew an icy breath to fog up my heart. I thought, “What if she runs away? What if she does something else stupid? What will we do? Do I call the police?” Then I immediately thought, “I’m not going to worry about this” and instead began to pray. As I put dishes in the dishwasher rather forcefully, I prayed for God to send away any influence from the enemy that was affecting her and her heart. I prayed and declared that God’s Holy Spirit was the only influence welcome in our home, in the hearts of my family. I rebuked satan and told him to leave in Jesus’ name.
As I prayed – I was actually saying these things out loud quietly as I scrubbed the surface of the oven – I felt a growing boldness rise up. The fear started to ebb away as I kept telling the enemy that he was not welcome, that he had no power over us, and that he had to leave because Jesus said so. All we have to do is resist Him. That’s what the Bible says! (James 4:7-8) We don’t have to punch him, fight him, wrestle with him, or convince him to go. We just have to pull away and say “Eww, I don’t want you here.” Well, that’s what I did. As I prayed it was as if my wimpy little heart suddenly was fortified with the steely determination of Truth. I said, “I’m not afraid of you!” Instantly the fear was gone and I felt peace. I wasn’t worried at all. I felt strong – felt the power of God all around me, the goodness of Truth triumphing again over evil. (Like it does EVERY time)
I remember when I was little being afraid to walk through the church with the lights off. For some reason a church can be really creepy when it’s all dark. There was nothing there, though! No reason to be afraid. And usually my parents were around somewhere getting ready to go home. I HATE spiders, but most of them don’t hurt anyone. They’re just incredibly spindly, quick and unpredictable and can make me freak out like little else. When my girls were little and John wasn’t home, I had to be the spider killer. I would just tell myself, “I’m not afraid” and squish it. Of course I would usually do it as fast as I could and then get the heebie-jeebies, but you get my point right?
I was talking with a good friend once about doubts and faith, confessing I had some doubts and was feeling guilty about it. It was also making me afraid for the condition of my faith in God and the foundation I’ve built my life upon this whole time. He said he didn’t think doubt is the opposite of faith, but that fear is. I think he’s right. Doubt usually leads me to God for understanding, for peace, for conversation. Fear tends to paralyze me. The Bible says that perfect love (God) casts out all fear (I John 4:17-18) so that tells me that fear is NOT of God. Not that kind of fear anyway. My friend told me when doubts arose in his heart, he took them to God and just decided he wasn’t going to give in to fear. He wasn’t even going to go there.
Is it as simple as that? Just saying, “you know what? I’m not going to be afraid.” I think it is! For so long I’ve been captive to fears that have nothing to stand on. The devil is also the prince of lies and all the fears he sloshes onto us are false. They can be really powerful and trip us but they’re nothing. He has no power over us. The thought of facing him when we have God on our side is like us having a battle with a loaf of bread. (Hilarious simile compliments of John Crump. Makes me laugh every time I picture it.)
The next time you feel afraid – whether it’s of a dinky spider on your floor or a big, new life circumstance you find yourself in or something you don’t understand about God – choose not to be afraid. Choose to stand tall with God’s Spirit big inside of you and all around you. Choose to remember whose you are. Choose to take it to God, your Father. Choose to proclaim to the enemy, “I’m not afraid of you!”
Then watch God do something awesome.
Forty days is a long time to spend wandering in a rocky, dusty wilderness, especially without food. Lots of time for thinking, praying, listening, walking, resting, trying to sleep. It was hard for the tanned and sweaty man not to think about the gnawing hunger and thirst inside. Then there were the moments of temptation and taunting from the enemy, so artfully crafting arguments to try to persuade Him to abandon his true purpose, even His true identity. Would he be able to keep his weakening heart and tired eyes focused on obedience and perseverance to complete this time of solitude, to be honed and made more ready for what was coming? He had God’s Word, He WAS God’s Word and the enemy was no match for that or for Him. Even so, heading into the wilderness and surviving its lessons and temptations, Jesus was alone.
Once he began teaching and performing miracles, the people couldn’t get enough of Him. He would teach, heal and love all day, get in a boat with his disciples, arrive at a different place only to see a sea of smiling, eager faces of those who wanted to hear him teach, to have his attention, to feel his healing touch. Reading about his compassion even when he must have been physically exhausted always amazes me. No wonder Jesus often got up early before the sun even came up, and went off somewhere by himself. That time of quiet prayer with God must have been refreshing, even imperative.
Living life with the men He called to follow Him for three years, journeying from town to town, sleeping in others’ homes or outside under the stars, or even by the sea, interacting with hundreds of people in crowds everyday, must have been wonderful, tiring, rewarding, and disappointing all at the same time. There must have been times when he would pause from teaching to look into the bewildered eyes of his friends and disciples, seeing that they didn’t really understand what He was saying or who He really was. In those times, I think He felt alone. Continue reading
I walked out into the warm, humid, early morning air to take my jog for today and headed up the road. I could tell it was overcast. Even though it was dark as night, the cloud cover seemed thick and low. There are two paths I can take in the morning, one heads north toward two nearby neighborhoods, the other east toward a big neighborhood. Either way, I have to do my warm-up walk by dark woods before I get to sidewalks and houses. I don’t relish that as the dark woods kind of give me the creeps! On a clear morning the dawn begins lightening the sky by the time I head back toward home…but I knew it wouldn’t be that way today.
As I walked, the path was barely visible but I know the route well. I was determined to warm-up at a fast pace and get to the street-light lined street quickly. Whenever a car appeared, heading my way, the headlights were blinding. I made the mistake of looking toward them the first time and the path disappeared – the lights being so bright everything else became completely black. The next time a car drove by I kept my eyes on the path and even though it was barely visible ’til the car passed by, I could still see where I was going. It made me think of a great devotional I read a few days ago by John Piper about the verses in Matthew 6:22, “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness.” I’ve read that verse many times but often thought Jesus had it backwards. The eye as a lamp? It gave me a mental image of someone with eyes shining like flashlights on everything around them. Now that would come in handy on these dark early morning jaunts! Continue reading
Along the Narrow Path 