Tag Archives: family

This is me

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Don’t compare your real everyday life with someone else’s highlight reel. That’s good advice I heard once about social media. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram can be comparison traps. What most of us post are the good moments, the vacation photos, the happy birthday group shots, the days off, the kids graduating or performing or doing something cute. We don’t usually post the flat tires, the grumpy days at work, the late payment credit card statements, the cat’s poop on the carpet, or pics of our kids in time-out in tears with angry faces.

It’s easy for us to forget that other people are posting their best stuff and envy can start creeping in as we scroll through picture after picture, post after post. We become discontented with our own lives and fall into the mucky muck of self-pity.  Not that I’ve ever done this, of course!

My username on Twitter is “therealmimi” (“realmimi” on Instagram) and I want to be that. I strive for transparency and honesty but am also a positive person by nature. I also want to encourage so I try to post upbeat things, Bible verses that help me, hopeful, fun stuff. Some people have gotten the impression, from time to time, that I have it all together because of this, that I don’t struggle, that I’m handling everything in my life with grace all the time.

Welllllll….not so! I was talking with a dear friend yesterday about this very thing. I was telling her I wish I would’ve created my blog to be anonymous so I could really post about anything, be completely honest in my sharing about all parts of my life. As it is, I feel like I have to hold back, I feel the need to be careful what I say because I’m a pastor’s wife and several in my church family read my posts.  I’m a mother of young adults but my daughters might read my posts. I don’t want to ever hurt any of those people by my open sharing.

At the same time, I really don’t want people getting the idea that I’m positive all the time, that I always have hope, that I always look at the bright side, that I’m always walking closely with Jesus.

I’m an emotional person and have my share of sadness, anger, impatience (especially when driving!), self-centeredness, selfishness, and even depression and sometimes overwhelming anxiety.  When people imply or suggest that I don’t feel those things or don’t go through hard stuff, it actually can make me angry. “I’m the same as anyone else!” I want to shout, stamping my foot with hands on my hips. I think it’s because if someone pictures me as less troubled than the ordinary person, or more “spiritual,” or always happy, it takes away my relatability, it separates me and makes me feel isolated.

There is no closeness between friends who aren’t real with each other. There is no deep connection without transparency. There is no relating to someone you sense has no issues or problems. And I want to relate, I want to connect, I want to encourage by sharing from my truest self.

I believe one of my callings from God is to encourage people. I also believe it’s to help others feel less alone. I believe that in orer to do that, I have to be real.

How about you? What would you need to change in your interactions with people, and even on social media, to be more real? I’m not going to post pics of my cat pooping where she’s not supposed to, but it happens. How’s that for starters?

 

As It Should Be

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Two weeks ago this very night I was standing next to a hospital bed, peering at the chubby-cheeked, puffy-eyed, quiet little one nestled on my daughter’s chest, skin to skin. He opened and shut his hand slowly, his eyes locked on hers as if to say, “There you are, sweet mom who has been carrying me. I wondered what you looked like. I love you.”

The entire weekend opened the old memory boxes in my mind from 1990 when I had my first baby, Kimberly. How surreal to be the ones waiting from across the room (Nathanael’s mom, Maureen, and I), the ones not feeling the contractions but watching with rapt attention each one being drawn out in jaggedy rising and falling lines on the screen over Kimmi’s bed. How truly wonderful to sit and ponder the miracle of life, of a woman carrying a living child, of the baby’s journey from that warm, safe haven out into the world.

We already knew the baby was a boy, and his name was Ezra. The sound of his heartbeat swished along all day on the monitor, our constant companion and reminder there was a little one involved in this labor whom we couldn’t see yet but was absolutely real and alive and amazing.  Psalm 139 played over and over in my head:

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God…”

During the early part of the day and into early afternoon, our time was spent visiting and laughing with Nathanael and Kimmi, as the epidural had done its work and the contractions swelled along without bothering her much.  But as evening approached, I noticed Kimmi getting really quiet and realized she was feeling them. The medicine wasn’t masking the pain as much anymore and so the labor became true to its name.

Sitting across the room, remembering how those contractions feel, I was aching for it to be over for her. Of course, I was helpless to make the pain go away or make things progress any more quickly. It was all part of the process. She didn’t speak much, only what was really necessary. Ezra’s heartbeat kept swishing away, the sun went down and the lights were dim. Nathanael sat on a rolling stool by Kimmi’s bed, holding her hand, sometimes bending down to kiss her cheek, quietly watching the contractions and baby’s heart rate on the monitor.

That image of the two of them in those hours is imprinted in my memory. I saw Kimmi’s husband being her comfort, strength, and more. They are becoming a family, these three, I thought to myself. There were many times when I got to comfort young Kimmi, watch over her, be there for her, and so forth, but now she will more often turn to Nathanael and they will figure things out together. As it should be.

It’s a new chapter of their lives and in ours. Life keeps moving through seasons, bringing change upon change, and we’d do best to roll with it and accept things as they come. Though I’m still a mom, now I’m also a grandma! And, oh my goodness, how I love that little baby boy. As I pray for Ezra and his mom and dad, I will keep trusting God to watch over all three of them as He always has. I get to love on them and watch from my place, but God will lead them and write the story of their sweet family for them.

And that is as it should be.

Now what?

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Those who know me were surprised I hadn’t cried all day, but I was just too happy to cry.  Months of planning, texting with my daughter, buying supplies on the Internet and at Hobby Lobby (I should have a frequent flyer discount by now), and coordinating had culminated in this beautiful, family and friend-filled day.  We were gathered because of love, surrounded by love, and full of love, nearly to burst.   I kept telling myself to slow down and be in each moment because it began to speed by, as special days seem to do.

ImageI had one moment where I got really close to crying: when her daddy began to walk her into the dimly-lit, lovely auditorium and down the aisle.  Instead of tears, however, as I saw them come in I caught my breath and just stared at my absolutely beautiful grown-up girl beaming, walking toward her husband-to-be.   As I sat and watched the ceremony unfold, I asked God to interpret the songs in my heart because I just couldn’t find the words or even thoughts to express my gratitude and joy.  Blessed with a capital B, that’s what we are.

I enjoyed so much the time spent with Kimmi in those months before, texting, talking on the phone, meeting at times to shop and plan, brainstorming.  Then, even more fun were the days right before when we drove through Starbucks, then to the church to actually put into motion all we had prepared, with lots of family there to pitch in and help.  What a fun weekend – and everyone was able to come!  I told you…Blessed.

John, Krissy and I drove into our driveway the Sunday after, a little bedraggled but glad to be home. We unloaded the car and brought all the leftover supplies (including many jars!) into the house.  Once inside, I began to feel sad and kind of lost.  I asked John, “What will I do now that I don’t have the wedding to think about, plan for and work on?”  He chuckled and said, “Sit down and relax!”

As I’ve pondered that question these last few weeks, I realize that I poured so much of my heart, mind, wallet, and energy into the wedding and now it is past.  A new chapter has begun for Kimmi and Nathanael and even for us.  We’re in-laws now.  We’re parents of a married daughter!  How’s that for life change?  We may even be on the brink of “grandparenthood” in the next few years to come.  Whoa.  Don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Just as I poured so much of myself into the wedding, I realize some of my sadness was thinking of how I poured so much of myself into being a mom for my girls for so long and that chapter is closing/changing, too.  Our youngest graduated high school and moved out this summer to work in Alabama as a nanny for my brother’s children.

All of the sudden the house is pretty empty and I find myself asking, “what will I do now, God?”  Certainly I should be useful for something!  I’m not accustomed to this.  I’m used to being a hands-on mom, driving girls somewhere, shopping, being needed in close proximity and in person for hugs and heart-to-heart conversations.  I even relished in the everyday talking about friends, school, boys, etc.  Now things are long distance (not too long thankfully) and over the phone or texting or facebook.  Now they are out making their way as young adults and I’m watching them go, proudly but feeling a little lost.

John and I have time to get reacquainted in a way and grow closer together.  I’m so glad I have him in my life.  For some reason he doesn’t feel as melancholy as I do.  Must be a mom thing.

I’m asking God to help me find my place now, to settle into whatever role he has for me.  I have no idea what that is.  He keeps reminding me that I don’t have to figure everything out or make the plan, I just need to trust Him.  He has poured Himself into my life as long as I can remember.

So, here’s to rolling with these changes and keeping my heart and eyes on Him and His Word.  I can almost hear him say, in response to my “now what?’ “Just sit down and relax.  I’ve got this.”

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  Romans 8:15 MSG

Halt. Refocus.

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God our Father loves us. He is kind and has given us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope.  II Thessalonians 2:16  CE

I didn’t even know she was ill.  I wasn’t close friends with the family but I know them and was so shocked and sad to hear that she succumbed to a long battle with cancer and has now gone to be with Jesus.  I’m not sad she went to be with Jesus but sad that her husband, not much older than John and I is now without his partner, and that her two kids, the age of my college girls, are now without their mom when there are still life milestones to cross like marriage and grandbabies and a host of other special events.

It causes my heart to halt and forces me to remember … Continue reading →

Give Me Jesus

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Have you ever eaten lots of “junk” and sugary stuff to the point that the next time you feel hungry you crave real food – meat and potatoes, home cooked, hot, delicious and nutritious real food?

That’s a pretty good description of how I feel (the feeling seems to have grown in the last few years) when I watch some of the Christmas shows and movies on TV or hear some of the songs that are played over the Muzak at work.  Not bad, not offensive, just no real substance.  There is that one song that for some reason makes me want to shoot the speakers with a BB gun.  You may have heard it, “last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year to save me from tears I’ll give it to someone special…”  It kind of sets my teeth on edge.

For me it’s not enough to say Christmas is about children, snow, cookies, Santa, shopping, giving gifts, or about family, or about being kind, or about helping homeless or needy people.  Those are all good things but there’s so much more.

I feel a suppressed frustration, almost anger, that the meaning of Christmas has been diluted so much by some in our culture.  To cut Jesus out of Christmas for me is like asking me to survive on a diet of nothing but marshmallow fluff. Continue reading →

The noise upstairs

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It just gets too quiet sometimes around our house these days.  Now that two of our girls are in college and our youngest is gone often with friends, I miss those sounds I’ve loved all throughout our life.  I miss the sounds of the girls giggling, talking, singing in their rooms or playing instruments, playing video games, having friends in and putting on plays, running in and outside the house, and just life.  I miss the sound of them walking up and down the stairs, doing dishes in the kitchen while singing to their iPod, typing away on the computer keyboard across the room, talking on their phones, or even watching TV.  Those sounds let me know my girls were home.

Last weekend all my girls were here, along with my oldest daughter’s boyfriend.  As John and I went to bed at night, I heard their footsteps upstairs, Continue reading →

All together now

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It turns out you need both front tires of your car pointing the same direction if you want to go anywhere.  This morning, Krissy and I were attempting to back out of our parking space to go to school and work when the steering wheel started jiggling.  The car moved erratically and wasn’t doing what I wanted it to.  It veered back and forth and when I tried to drive forward it just sat there, with the steering wheel turning on its own and still jiggling while we began to smell hot rubber.  I hopped out to see what was wrong and saw that the front left tire was facing forward but the front right tire was turned sharply to the right.  Uh oh.  That can’t be good.  We had to get the car towed to the shop because that tire, for whatever reason, wasn’t responding to the steering wheel or the direction I was trying to drive.

I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately, probably because we have some big changes coming up soon for our family.  Even though change happens all around us all the time and is a part of life, we still resist it.  That tendency seems to be built into most people’s core.  We veer toward what is familiar, what we already know, what is comfortable or seems good from past experience.  What if Jesus is turning the steering wheel a different and new direction?  Especially when it comes to teams, families, churches, or other groups who say they have the same goal, all the people have to respond to the direction and turn the same way or no one is going anywhere.  Resisting or being stubborn can cause the whole endeavor to come to a swerving, smelling-like-hot-rubber halt or at least make it a hundred times more difficult for the other “tires” trying to move along.

Our daughter Krissy was a little like our wayward tire when we first started talking about moving a few months ago.  It’s understandable – it wasn’t in her plan, wasn’t her first choice, and didn’t seem comfortable.  Over time, however, I’ve watched as God made needed repairs and adjustments and helped her see that following His lead was the best plan.  Sunday, before John officially accepted the offer to move to another state to pastor a church, we asked her once more how she was feeling and what she was thinking.  She said it would be hard and we agreed with her.  Then she said, with some emotion, “But I feel like God has plans for me there.”  Our hearts swelled.  Our little tire was facing the same way as us again!  Now we can move forward as a family, letting Jesus steer.

If you’re facing changes and feeling resistant, ask God to repair your heart and attitude and help you not be the wayward tire.  You don’t want to hold up what God has in mind for your family, your church, your friends, do you?

Almost lost the peewee

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I think just about everyone has a story about getting lost.  The scariest and most memorable for our family happened when we lived in New Mexico.  We had taken the girls to the mall and were hanging out a little while in “Tilt”, an arcade.  The girls must have been 2, 4 and 5.  The arcade was one of those that was the size of a store and rather dark filled with all kinds of video games, skeeball, basketball, riding games, etc.  Winning tickets was the goal so we split up and took the girls around to try different games.  I don’t know how or when it happened, but I thought John had Kristine and he thought I had her.  After watching Kimmi play a whack-a-mole game I looked to see where Kristine was.  She wasn’t with us so I looked down the way to where John and Kaitlin were playing.  I didn’t see her there either.  I called out to John and sure enough, he didn’t have her.  I began to panic.  We started calling out her name and rushing around the arcade, looking behind and around all the games, asking anyone we saw if they had seen our little girl.  No one had.  The staff hadn’t seen her but said they’d call security.  All of the sudden nothing mattered but finding her.  I didn’t care who heard me shouting her name or saw me racing around trying to find her.  Then John said, “I’m going out into the mall to see if I can find her.  You stay here.”  So Kimmi, Kaitlin and I knelt down right there in the arcade and prayed.  “God, please.  Please.  Don’t let anything happen to Kristine.  Please help John know where to go.  Please help us find her!”  I couldn’t even cry I was so scared, Continue reading →

Can being a close family be a bad thing?

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I had always thought he wanted to just do his own thing, since he didn’t particularly like board games and such, so I was surprised when he told me, “I’ve always felt kind of on the outside when I’m with your family.”  I mean, we had been married about 20 years by then and I had never known.  I realized that instead of just assuming my husband didn’t want to be a part of games or silliness when we visited with my family, I should at least ask him to be a part, make sure he knows the circle is open and we want him in it, if he wants to be.  Since then, I’ve tried to do that very thing and just have a different attitude about it and things are so much better.  He does enjoy doing things with us or at least being invited.  It’s a lot more fun for everyone else, too, when he’s a part of things.

I sure felt badly that I never knew that before.  I was always having so much fun with my family, whom I love so much, and he seemed happy reading a book or watching TV in the other room.  I assumed and you know what assuming does (If you don’t, send me an email and I’ll explain).

All this made me think of the Church, which is often referred to as a family.  We can get so close to one another and enjoy being together so much that we forget about people who are on the “outside” or think they wouldn’t want to be a part anyway.  Why don’t we try asking them?  How about we let go of each other enough that the circle opens up, ready to welcome more in?  We would probably be surprised how many see the love and life we have in God and long to be included.    God did make us to be a family, but He is also passionate about every one of his kids who hasn’t found their way yet to be invited in.

All of us little chicks

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When John and I got married, we started walking this narrow path together.  Little by little God added to our group and soon we had three little girls following along.  Sometimes we’d hold hands, sometimes they’d skip along on their own.  As they grew, becoming more independent, occasionally one might fall back a little, walking at a distance from the rest of us.   If one stumbled or got hurt, John and I were quick to help them up.   We’ve done our best to walk in a way that helps them stay the course and not be led astray.   I know Jesus is always with us, but it’s been nice to have the company of each other as we journey along, especially when one of us is having a hard time.

The last few years and especially in the last few months that image of us all walking this road together has become so vivid in my mind and it comforts me.  There have been times when John and I have faltered Continue reading →