A new way to look at it

I’m a firstborn, and therefore (like many of us firstborns) mostly compliant, a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. My personality likes rules because they provide structure. Structure makes me feel secure and comfortable.  I was raised in a church-going, Bible-believing family and it was all black and white to me. This is right, that’s wrong. Do what’s right, not what’s wrong. Being a Christian, as I came to understand it, was mostly about this. I wanted to do a really great job of following the rules and living the right way so God (and my parents) would be happy with me. I think I gravitated toward and settled into this mindset in part because of my nature of people pleasing and perfectionism.

I didn’t realize until adulthood, and more and more these last 10 years or so, how my view of a life of faith was incomplete and restrictive, Continue reading

To be with Papa

What’s it like when you spend time with your heavenly Father?

Amy Groeschel posed this question in her devotional reading plan titled “Listening to God” on the Bible app.

Her question made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like that. I’ve been a Jesus follower, a child of God since I was very young. I’m embarrassed to say that I still struggle in approaching God and it sometimes even causes me to stay busy with other things avoiding going to Him in prayer.

I’m ashamed of that, but there is a big part of the problem: shame. In her devotional, Amy said that we might over-spiritualize our prayer time, feel we must impress God or pray the right way. I have felt that way, that if I get distracted, let my mind wander, or even get drowsy and doze off, I’ve failed in that quiet time, will try to do better tomorrow.

What if I just come to God? Plain and simple. Continue reading

Let go, my soul

I’ve been trusting in God since I was a little girl. I first heard Him and felt Him tug at my heart when I was very young. Back then, trust looked like listening to Bible stories, praying with my family, singing along in worship at church, listening and learning from my daddy’s sermons…childlike faith.  

As a teenager, I remember writing in my journal at night before bed, pouring out my heart to Jesus and reading my Bible to find guidance and encouragement.  Trust was me believing Jesus was my friend, my confidant, someone who would hold my heart through elation and heartbreak, crushes, questions, and insecurities.  I trusted in forgiveness when I did something stupid or messed up.

Through college and into adulthood, trust looked like seeking God with friends in Bible study and prayer, believing He had a plan for me, surrendering and saying “If you want me to be single all my life it’s okay,” then finding He had a special partner picked for me. 

John and I trusted God would help us know how to be parents.  Trust looked like depending on Him to provide even the most basic needs through lean times.  He once showed me I should trust Him as freely and without care as my little girls trusted us to take care of them.  

Sometimes trust in the young mom years looked like closing myself in the bathroom, near tears, telling God, “You said if we ask for wisdom you would give it. Well I need some right now!”  Trust was me believing God wouldn’t let me scar my children for life by mistakes I made.

At the sound of a cancer diagnosis, trust was something I was grasping for in desperation.  Do you believe I trust you, God, even though fear won’t seem to completely go away?  Does it mean my faith is lacking if I still feel anxious, if my heart trembles and hurts at the thought of not being here with my husband and girls anymore?  I can’t explain how, but God showed me clearly that He was just ahead on the path, around the bend, with hand reached back for me, making a way for me.  So I trusted Him.

There have been so many more faces of trust along the way, too many to recount here.

Trust. Critical foundation for any relationship. God has earned my trust and never broken it, though sometimes He has stretched my faith to the point I thought it would snap. When I’m fighting fear or the urge to try and orchestrate outcomes in my life or in the life of someone I love, I remember what He’s done in the past and consciously choose to trust Him.  Trust is a step out, a surrender of will and the demand to know. Trust is living in this day.

A recent favorite song says it this way, “Through it all, my eyes are on You. Throught it all, it is well. So, let go, my soul, and trust in Him. The wind and waves still know His name.” 1

In other words, God is the same as He was the last time He came through for me. His intentions and ability haven’t changed, His love as boundless as ever. He keeps His promises. He never leaves, though He will walk us through some pretty awful, dark places. 

So, let go, friend, of the need to know, of control, of wanting your way, of fears. Open hands and arms wide and feel freedom, like a bird taking flight into a steady supporting wind, floating and soaring.  You can trust God.

1 It Is Well by Kristene DiMarco, Bethel Music 

Thankful Thursday 1 day late

Oops, I almost forgot about Thankful Thursday this week.  It is Friday already isn’t it?  And Friday’s almost over.

I’m thankful that I feel so much more at home in my church family than I did a year ago – we were so new here last Easter.   I’m thankful for love, for people who gather to remember Jesus in taking the Lord’s supper, for hearing the story again that I’ve heard so many times but still tugs at my heart.  I’m thankful for imagination and how it helps me picture myself at the table with Jesus and his disciples; Continue reading

From the inside out

Snowpocalypse 2011, as it’s been called, is just about over it seems.  Two days and nights of a gigantic winter storm crossing more than 20 states with crazy sleet, freezing rain, snow and gusty winds have left everything outside covered in hard, icy white domes.  It took me about 45 minutes yesterday  morning to free my car’s windshield and windows enough to drive, about 30 minutes today.  Thankfully our little Ford Escort has a great heater/defroster and so once that started heating up my job started getting easier.  I can’t even imagine how long it would take to scrape the ice off without that warm air blowing on the glass from the inside.  I would probably give up and just go inside to wait for spring.

I had plenty of time to think as I scraped and thought about the cold that pelts us sometimes and how if we don’t have the warmth of God’s love inside it could become a tough-to-breakthrough shell all over our hearts.  Even though it still takes some time to be free of hurts, mistakes, troubles, etc. with God’s love and strength keeping the embers glowing inside we won’t be covered over forever.  It will most likely take some chipping away, scraping and sharp jabs, but it soon all falls away and we’re free to drive on.

God’s done that for me this year: freed me from some faulty thinking, hurts, questions, times of doubt, and even just plain tiredness that built up and coated my heart, making me feel trapped and unable to move.  Sometimes the warmth inside wasn’t really noticeable but I know it was always there, deep down.  I can see the last pieces starting to melt and little fissures appearing.  I’m free.  Let’s go!

The pursuit of truth…unless it hurts feelings

I admit, now that I think about it, maybe I should have replied only to the gentleman who sent the email instead of clicking “reply all” and sending my message to everyone. I was attempting, in the kindest way possible, to tell him that the email he had sent was false. The reason I included everyone else was because I thought they would want to know that, too. The email he sent certainly wasn’t about a life and death issue but he was getting a bit up in arms over it and it’s the kind of political email that can get others really upset. He, himself, referenced a snopes.com article, inferring that’s where he got his information. I went to that article to see for myself and found that it said just the opposite, so I wanted to let him know.

Today I got a few replies from people Continue reading

Who I’m Not

I have the joy of hanging out with the senior high kids on Wednesday nights at church.  I don’t have much responsibility except once a month or so handing out snacks, which is fun because teenagers love to eat.   A bonus is getting to witness God at work in young hearts.  Another bonus is having him work in my heart at the same time.  You know adults have a lot of the same insecurities that teenagers do and need a lot of the same lessons and reminders.  Even though there’s an age difference we’re all walking the path together.

Tonight we were taught that in order to know who we really are, we have to realize, admit and decide who we are NOT.  What a great truth and how we all need to know it.  [Important side note: During worship the youth band led the song “How He Loves” and as we sang the words about how much God loves us, my throat tightened and my eyes stung a little.  In my heart I told God that I don’t really feel that right now but I was singing it trying to believe it.  You know, prolonged waiting and trusting and uncertainty have a way of wearing one out.] Anyway, after the message, we had the opportunity to respond by going to tables in the back which were covered in brown paper with giant red “No” symbols painted on them.  Continue reading

Did you know?

Did you know…

  • That you’re free – free to just be the “you” God made you to be
  • You’re not responsible for the choices other people make, just your own
  • You don’t have to save everyone or fix their problems, only Jesus can do that
  • You don’t have to figure out how to get from point A to point B, you just trust God
  • You are loved more than you can possibly think of, dream up or imagine, even when you mess up
  • There’s no such thing as a perfect person (except for Jesus)
  • Everyone has some kind of dysfunction in their life and in their family, and that’s okay
  • God made you the way you are on purpose and He has good things for you to do, in whichever stage of life you find yourself right now
  • It’s okay to laugh and have fun when you worship and praise God
  • God gave everything to have you near, to have you walk with Him, talk with Him, love Him and be with Him forever.
  • God’s forgiveness and fresh start are available for you today and every day.
  • You can’t make God love you more by “being good.”  He just loves because He IS love.  So be still and be loved by Him.  Do good just to thank Him and help others know Him.
  • That anything good in me and you is from God, not from us
  • You connect with God differently than others, and that’s okay.  You may connect through music, through being outdoors, through journaling, through quiet times, through serving other people…whichever way you connect to Him is okay.
  • Guilt is not from God.  It helps us realize we need to change but God doesn’t want us to live under guilt.  He means for us to be FREE
  • You are FREE when you accept Jesus’ forgiveness and surrender to Him.  I’m talking truly free.
  • This day is God’s gift to you because He loves you.  He was watching you sleep and couldn’t wait for you to open your eyes and wake up.  He’s singing over You because He is so delighted in You, today, right now.  Take His hand and just wait and see all the beautiful things He will show you.

The God of Open Doors

In a teenager’s eyes, sometimes the parent appears as a daunting obstacle to freedom, a task master laying down rule after rule in pure enjoyment of squishing every joy from her life.  This definitely colors the relationship between teen and mom or dad.  Her preconceived notions of automatic “no’s” and restrictions may cause her to just decide to do something without asking, ask with angry defenses standing tall, or buck and kick against it all like a wild bronco.  In truth, the parents are laying boundaries out of love.  They don’t enjoy holding her back from fun and friends.  They want the absolute best for her.  Helping her learn to live responsibly and submit to authority is key.  Staying within those lines drawn by her parents, she will actually experience real freedom.  It seems backwards but it’s true.

What if instead of thinking of God as a God of “no’s”, rules, and restriction we saw Him for who he really is? Continue reading

Live backwards to move forward

Lose your life to find it.    (Matt. 10:38-40)

Die to live.    (Romans 6:3-5)

Leaders should behave like servants.    (Luke 22:26)

Rejoice when things are going wrong, in hard times.  (Romans 5:3)

Last is really first.   (Mark 9:35)

Love the haters.  (Matt. 5:44)

Being God’s servant is the only way to true freedom.  (I Peter 2:16)

When I’m weak, I’m actually strong.  (II Cor. 12:10)

Do you see the trend here?  Following Jesus feels as if we’re walking backwards; especially when we look around at the rest of the world and the way they’re walking and living their lives.   Living within the boundaries God sets, however, actually gives us freedom – to enjoy a better, guilt-free, peace-filled life.   It would be one thing to walk this way if we never saw the other way.  Continue reading