The unused gift

They say opposites attract. Well, I wouldn’t say my husband is my opposite, but there are definitely some big differences in the way he and I think and operate. For example, I like to process my thoughts and feelings out loud, whereas John processes things inwardly. Mimi = many words, John = few words.

I’m an optimist and idealist, lover of happy endings.  He is practical and realistic.

He’s a big picture kind of thinker, I’m into details.  He dreams about where he wants to go, I want to know how it’s going to work or happen. What’s the plan, man.

However, one of the most glaring differences became evident a few years ago. Continue reading

2017

The door swung open and we stepped across the threshold of another new year.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself standing at the doorway to 2017. Were you someone eager and hopeful, tiptoed or even crouching, ready to skip or leap with a grin into the open space like a little child ready to get outside and make footprints in fresh, undisturbed snow?  Maybe you were reluctant and even afraid to step out, like someone standing under a ledge watching a downpour, not wanting to get drenched in the run to your parked car on the far side of the big parking lot.  Some of you might have stared vacantly at the open space ahead, taking great effort to just take one step. Maybe your heart is numb, worn out or depleted from challenges, disappointments, even grief you walked through in 2016.  You might have marched through, slamming the door behind you, so ready to get last year behind you, wanting to forget it altogether.

Even though we can’t see all that this year will hold, are there life events you’re looking forward to or dreading, or are you not sure what to think?

Lots of people tweeted or “Instagrammed” about the past year, whether or not they met goals, what they’re glad to walk away from, what was good or positive, which things went the way they hoped, which things didn’t. Many blamed 2016 for the tragedies we witnessed, the many well-known, well-loved celebrities that died, a wacky election, and more.  Goals and/or resolutions for the next 365 days (actually 355 as of today) were abundant across all of social media.

I used to blog regularly and it was extremely helpful to me when looking back through posts, like leafing through a diary. Lessons learned, emotions that ran amuck or got stuffed, happy times, frustrations, let downs, and the like filled the “pages.” Writing is a way of processing. It helps me figure out and sort through things. 

I haven’t blogged regularly for a few years now. Part of the reason being I was asking myself, “Who really needs to know what you’re thinking or feeling?” “There are so many opinions, editorials, reflections, and such on the Internet. Why do people need to read yours?” So many words out there, so much noise. Do we really need more?

I like to blog because I like to encourage people, which is a big part of my God-given purpose. I like a sense of community, in which you relate to other people traveling through life, sharing hardships and victories, laughing, telling stories, loving. I love the idea of helping someone else feel less alone in this life. If something I’ve been learning or struggling through or actually conquering would accomplish that, then I want to keep blogging.

So far in 2017, I’ve been reminded that words matter and our thoughts shape the path we take, so I need to keep positive, life-giving words in front of me to help keep my thoughts on the right path. God has been showing me, much to my delight (not really) how much of my life, my choices, my attitudes, and such are driven by pride. I want Him to change that in me, but I also cringe in the asking because I know it will be tough and most likely painful.

What are you learning so far? Can we try to let go of the past and look for the good in this year? Can we trust God and not let fear hinder us like heavy weights around our ankles? There will be “bad” stuff and hard stuff in 2017, there always is. BUT, there will be a lot of good: a lot of possibility, a lot of opportunity, a lot of people to love, a lot to learn, a lot of time to grow and become, a lot of chances to do better, a lot of hope. For those of us who follow Jesus, we can be cheered by the truth that He is timeless and so has already been in the year to come and promises to be with us.

I’d be honored to walk with you. Ready? Here we go.

“Lead on, O King eternal,

We follow, not with fears,

For gladness breaks like morning

Where’re thy face appears” – Ernest W. Shurtleff

One thing at a time

My mom used to tell me, when I was feeling overwhelmed by too many things to do, to just take one thing and start doing it.  Once I got going, my motivation kicked in, fear and stress bowed out and I was able to knock my way through my to do list bit by bit.  It was the looking at the whole pile of tasks that made me stop in my tracks, thinking it was all too much or wondering how I was going to accomplish everything by the time it needed to be done.

My daughter texted me the other night feeling much the same way about school work.  Her list of assignments/papers/tests was looming over her and had frozen her in one spot feeling inadequate for the job.  I tried to encourage her to do the same thing – “start with one thing, do one thing at a time and you’ll get through it!”

This morning in my devotional, there was a wonderful illustration of how the fog on the path ahead of us in life is actually one of God’s mercies, enabling us to just focus on the step in front of us, the day we are living in right now.  If God were to lift that fog and allow us to see the entire path, with all its twists and turns, mountaintop highs and desperate, painful or lonely lows, we would certainly be overwhelmed and our little feet would probably refuse to move at all.  We would stare with open mouths, knotted stomachs and pounding hearts and think “there’s no way I can do all that or get past all of that” or “How in the world will I know what to do or which way to go?”

Accept God’s merciful, loving gift of not having to see all of the future or all the path ahead of you, take his hand (because He’s right beside you) and take one step.  Then another, as He leads you.  You can live in this day with Him.  You can have peace in not having to figure out all of your future at once.  God will show you.  He will give you all you need to do one thing at a time.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. – I Corinthians 13:12  The Message

Sometimes the grass is greener in the past

When Kimmi first went to college, the school advised the students to stay on campus once classes started for at least six weeks before going home for a visit.  The purpose behind that recommendation is that it helps them engage with the other students and the college community as well as cutting ties with home a bit (getting used to being away from home).  I think it’s a great idea and though it was a hard adjustment at first (probably harder for me than for her), it did help Kimmi step into the college phase of her life more on her own.  She began “leaving” the phase of life she had with us at home – an important, necessary step to growing up.

When first away at school it might be easy for kids to keep wanting to go home and be in the familiar, comfortable situation they just came from.  Looking back, the grass might seem greener at home in the past where their high school friends lived, where they were comfortable in a home church and so on.  If they’ll turn around and look forward, however, step out and give it time, they find that independence, new friendships, experiences, possibilities and more can become their new “normal” and be pretty exciting.   They can change and grow, becoming more and more of who they are meant to be.  The world opens up in new ways that they wouldn’t have known if they went back and stayed at home.

I realize that sometimes when I look back the grass looks greener in the past.  This past weekend we went “home” to Indiana to attend our college homecoming weekend, see our college girls, and attend church where we did when we lived there.  We saw many old friends, enjoyed beautiful sunny fall weather, were blessed by a moving, encouraging worship service at church, and spent some really good quality time with our daughters.

John and I both agreed today that a little part of ourselves felt like it would be nice to go back there to stay.  It was comfortable there for us in many ways and we have lots of dear friends there.  We fit in and knew our place.  We have a lot of history there, too, all the way back to before we got married so of course it feels like home.

If I am honest when I look back though, Continue reading

You’ve been given a gift

You’ve been given a gift from God: to live one moment at a time.

You don’t have to know what’s ahead or plan out the path.  You don’t have to try to muster up the energy to live tomorrow, just live today.

God promised He would walk with you today, right now.  Just do that, walk with Him in this very moment.  Take His hand, be free.

He can see way down the road, even unto the end of your days and beyond.  You don’t have to.  You just take each happening, each minute, each encounter, each conversation, each thought, each challenge as they come.

There’s no need for “what will I say when I see that person?” or “How will that work out next week?” or Continue reading

Not sure I wanna go there again

She stood there for what seemed like an hour, hesitating, looking at the guy at the bottom of the ramp urging her to go for it, then back at me, then down at the skateboard she stood on perched on the edge.  I could tell her heart and mind were working at 100 mph trying to decide what to do.  She wanted to be a skater and had pretty much mastered the horizontal, flat ground skating. Now she was trying to learn to “drop in”: when the skater presses their front foot down on the board and rides down the steep curvy ramp. The idea is to stay on the skateboard of course and keep going once you’re on level ground.  She had attempted dropping in on the smaller ramp at least 15 times, each time wiping out and landing flat on her tailbone – the one place with no protective padding. Now she was perched on the big ramp but not so sure.  Continue reading

Shifting Gears

My dad learned the hard way:  never bring hot coffee along when teaching a 16-year-old how to drive a stick shift.  We bounced around the high school parking lot in the rusty little 70’s Dodge Colt, almost banging into curbs and barely missing light poles.  It took me a while but I got the hang of it and then I loved it.  There was that one time, though, when I was still getting used to the whole idea and accidentally put my clutch in instead of the brake as we rounded a corner.  My mom shrieked.  My little sis and brother laughed and flew around in the back seat. Continue reading

Whose dream are you hoping for?

Joseph had probably been planning and dreaming for a few years. Now the dream was beginning to materialize: Mary was his betrothed!  He had been working and saving to provide a home for her to come to – to join him and make a family, to have children and love life together.  He couldn’t keep from smiling just at the thought of it all.  She was due back from her visit with her cousin Elizabeth today. He put away his tools and cleaned up from his project, hurried out the door and down the street. As he shielded his eyes from the desert sun, he could see the caravan slowly approaching, wispy dust clouds hovering around the camels’ feet. His heartbeat quickened.  He could make out her pretty face now, her petite form as she dismounted and walked toward him.  Continue reading

Limbo

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.  Proverbs 3:5-6  The Message

“How low can you go?”

I can almost hear my Heavenly Father’s deep voice say this while signaling his two smiling angel helpers (we’ll call them Gabe & Mike) to lower the limbo bar as I shimmy under for another round.   I’ve never been very good at the limbo, not being very limber or skilled at bending my body completely backwards while continuing to walk.  You know, my knees and spine just don’t like it.  I marvel at the people who can practically lay back on an invisible board, gliding underneath the bar that’s inches from the floor.  That definitely won’t be me.  I’m trusting God knows how low I can go.  Of course, He has a record of showing me I can go farther or lower than I thought I could!

We’ve played the limbo at the girls’ birthday parties with their friends.  I much prefer the job of holding the limbo bar.  Continue reading

When You Get There

I still smile and laugh to myself when I remember our youngest girl, Kristine, at the age of 4, telling me that she didn’t want to grow up.  When I asked her why not she answered, “I don’t know how to grocery shop.  I don’t know how to drive.”

I giggled and said, “It’s okay, when you get older you’ll learn those things.  You don’t have to worry about that right now.  You’ll know when you get there.”

“Well I don’t want to be a mommy.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how to take care of babies!”

long-road-walking-walk-score-photoI think I eventually convinced her that although she didn’t know at the age of 4 what she would need to know 15-20 years down the road it was okay.  She wasn’t supposed to.  It would come later.  I tried to help her see that growing up was fun and good, that she would like it and that it’s just what happens naturally to all of us.

God brought this memory front and center this morning and showed me that I do this all the time; I look waaaay down the road and panic thinking “I don’t know how do those things!”  In my heart I try to jump way ahead and figure everything out, I guess so I’ll feel I have some minute amount of control over my life and the outcomes.   The “what ifs” pile up into needless anxiety.

I feel like He’s saying to me this morning, “You don’t have to know what to do when and if that time comes because when you get there, you’ll know.  I’ll show you.  I’ll teach you.  Why are you worrying about that now?” Continue reading