Got hope?

I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say the inhabitants of this world are weary and in need of hope. All throughout the history of mankind it has been that way since the very beginning when people decided to pick their way over God’s way and God let them.

I believe there is still hope to be had. And that’s not just me being optimistic. (although I am pretty optimistic and can be annoyingly so)

Psalms 130: 6 says, “I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” I have long thought that verse meant that the watchmen were tired and eager for their shift to end, so they were watching for the sun to finally peek it’s welcome glowing face over the horizon so they could clock out and go home. Recently I heard another perspective: they watch for the sun to rise because every day the sun rises. They are watching and waiting for it to happen because they know it’s going to happen. They can count on it.

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Thirst

I’ve said it before and it will probably always be true: if it weren’t for my husband, my houseplants would be dead. I love plants, or at least I say I do, but I forget to water them. It builds endurance, right? I don’t think they appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve had a plant or flower that was a little neglected and became wilted and drooping over, but once you gave it some water, before long it straightened up and filled out – happy and thriving instead of barely hanging on to its little plant life.

I was listening to a message by Tim Keller yesterday about Psalm 1: the first of many wonderful rich poems, desperate laments, mountain-top celebrations and heartfelt prayers to God and about God. Here it is:

1 Oh, the joys of those who do not
follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with mockers.

2 But they delight in the law of the Lord,
meditating on it day and night.

3 They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.

4 But not the wicked!
They are like worthless chaff,
scattered by the wind.

5 They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
Sinners will have no place among the godly.

6 For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,
but the path of the wicked leads to destruction.

Tim’s message focused on the necessity of meditating on God’s Word so we can thrive, but I also gained some new perspective on a few other things.

Jesus had a conversation with a Samaritan woman once and told her if she only knew the gift God had for her she would ask for Living Water. “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life,” (John 4:13-14). That thirst is the inner thirst we all have, the sometimes seemingly unquenchable yearning in our hearts for what we lack. We look to and “drink in” all sorts of things and people to try and satisfy the thirst, but none of it lasts or truly satisfies. Some can even be toxic. We are barely surviving spiritually (which affects our entire life, physically and otherwise).

Among many other things, God once told Jeremiah, the prophet, to warn His people about this:

They [my people] have abandoned me—the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all! Jeremiah 2:13

In our self-sufficiency we think we’re doing fine when all the while our roots are shriveling and starving, a malnourished tree trying to grow in dry, cracked dirt.

For a short time, could it be that Jesus even knew this feeling? We read these words in Psalm 22, a specific and accurate prophecy about Jesus’ crucifixion:

14 My life is poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax, melting within me.

15 My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.
You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead.

Near the end of his death on the cross, Jesus said “I thirst.” No doubt physically he was dehydrated and truly thirsty. But Tim Keller proposed it could have also been because at that moment he was taking on our sin, essentially becoming sin, becoming the wicked who are cut off from God, detached from the source of Living Water. His life was utterly being poured out, draining out like water. He was becoming dusty, lifeless chaff to be scattered in the wind. (Psalm 1:4) That is the opposite of what He wants for us.

If you’ve ever flown in a plane, when you look down across squares of farmers’ fields, forests, neighborhoods and more, you see so many trees growing along rivers and around lakes, where they have a steady supply of water. Psalm 1 paints a beautiful picture of healthy, lush trees growing along a flowing river, always green, always fruitful when the season for that comes, fully alive and strong.

Contrary to actual trees, in a way we actually choose where we want to be planted, settle and grow. In Ephesians 4 the Apostle Paul mentions that in a most loving prayer for the people following Jesus:

16 I pray that from his [God’s] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 

And Jesus said He’s the Vine and we’re his branches. (John 15:5) He said without Him we can do nothing. But as long as we abide in Him, stay attached to Him, we’ll bear fruit – we’ll have all we need. We’ll have Him.

Unlike my poor houseplants, we have a Father who is not only attentive and caring, but always with us. He is the Living Water, the ever bubbling, even gushing, pure source of life and everything good. He provides more than we need and is the same yesterday, today and forever. Why would we want to plant ourselves anywhere else?

Scriptures used are in the New Living Translation
Tim Keller’s podcast and messages: https://open.spotify.com/show/5hYDVSeY9KWSpkI4YlSzKF?si=W0uS2LlhSJ-Lggv7WzPkYA

Dusting off my happiness

Looking through old posts on this blog, which was started quite a long time ago, is like looking through my parents’ old photo albums when I visit their house. I read stories I wrote about our parenting adventure that I had forgotten, lessons I’ve learned in life and keep relearning. I find memories, some that make me laugh, some that give me a lump in my throat, that have gotten covered up by others falling on top of them in my mind like stacks of papers getting dusty from no one shuffling through them for a while. Sometimes I read what I wrote and think, “Wow, was that me writing that?” I haven’t written for a long time and miss it. It helps me process what I’m feeling, thinking and learning, even though apparently I forget those things before too long.

For reasons I won’t go into detail explaining, the past 9-10 years were peppered with chronic stress and anxiety, which caused some depression, and often numbness. Continue reading

A new way to look at it

I’m a firstborn, and therefore (like many of us firstborns) mostly compliant, a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. My personality likes rules because they provide structure. Structure makes me feel secure and comfortable.  I was raised in a church-going, Bible-believing family and it was all black and white to me. This is right, that’s wrong. Do what’s right, not what’s wrong. Being a Christian, as I came to understand it, was mostly about this. I wanted to do a really great job of following the rules and living the right way so God (and my parents) would be happy with me. I think I gravitated toward and settled into this mindset in part because of my nature of people pleasing and perfectionism.

I didn’t realize until adulthood, and more and more these last 10 years or so, how my view of a life of faith was incomplete and restrictive, restricting me more than just in the way I behave. My relationship with God has been hampered by this lingering feeling that I better not mess up. I’d painted Him in my mind as the boundary maker, the Judge, the Holy One I desperately don’t want to disappoint by stepping out of line.

I was trying to thrive in a legalistic faith (and it wasn’t working) instead of having a deeply personal and transformative 24/7 relationship with a living, loving Father.

I’m learning, or relearning, how to live in relationship with God because a relationship built only on rules and do’s & don’ts is a pretty cold one. Its foundation is fear and that has often pushed me back from God. Think about it, is a God who is judging, keeping track of wrongs, and watching for a mistake One who seems approachable and warm? Is that someone you’d want to spend a lot of time with, talk with, listen to, read about, follow, or even share with other people?

There are lots of illustrations out there about living God’s way. Here’s one: Picture a house with a big yard that backs up to a major highway. The yard is fenced so the children who live in the house won’t wander or run onto the road and be hurt or killed. Similarly, God’s boundaries are for our good, they keep us from harm and ultimately from death (you know, the wages of sin is death kind of death).

Recently, God gave me a new way to look at that. Imagine a wide open, vast, lush, green grassy plain with lots of rolling hills in the distance, the landscape stretching as far as your eye can see. In the distance you can hear the gurgling of a creek or distant thundering of waterfalls. The sky is wide and blue, the sun shining, a refreshing breeze blows the hair away from your face. Here and there, however, spotting the landscape are dark circles, which when you look closer you realize are deep holes. They’re each encircled with a fence to keep people from wandering or falling into.

As I basked in this beautiful place in my mind, God told me that His grace is more like this scene than being fenced into a small backyard by a highway. As His child I can explore, rest, wander, run, walk, lay down, play, or just be still anywhere in that place. The dark holes are places that aren’t in God’s plan for my best: rebellion, sin. The fence around each one is the reminder in God’s Word and from His Spirit directly to our hearts those places are dangerous and to stay out.

I am truly free to decide, of course, and if I choose, I can climb those fences and jump into the circles, but it’s pretty obvious in this picture that doesn’t lead to anything good. I could sit on the fence thinking about jumping into the holes, but then I miss out on the free roaming in the green grass and out in the hills. I can’t have both.

We don’t get to this place by staying out of the holes. It’s not living right that makes us welcome in God’s grace. God calls everyone to come, just the way we are. We get in by coming to Jesus in faith and seeking forgiveness. THEN we stay out of the holes, away from sin, not to make God happy and keep Him from being disappointed in us. Rather, we accept his boundaries out of gratitude for such love and freedom: freedom from guilt, freedom from shame, freedom from separation from Him, freedom from death. We trust He has our best in mind because He loves us.

Jesus said He came to give life and life abundantly! Remember the scene laid out in John chapter 8 of a woman caught in the act of adultery? She was dragged before Jesus by religious leaders to humiliate her and see if Jesus would agree she should be stoned for her sin. After reminding the leaders they, too, had sinned before and shouldn’t stand in judgment, He turned to look at the woman in compassion and asked her, “Has no one condemned you?” She answered, “No, Sir.” “Then neither do I. Go and leave your life of sin.”

Notice Jesus did not say, “Go and be sure you attend Synagogue every Sabbath, have a quiet time every single morning, and memorize Scripture. No drinking, smoking or cussing or I’ll be extremely disappointed in you.” Instead, He opened the door wide to that beautiful, peace-filled, green hills and open space place of His grace.

He loved her as she hadn’t been loved before. He loved her even as she stood ashamed and dirty with sin. God lavishes that love on us, too. He actually longs to give us His grace. He aches for each and every one of his kids to live and stay with Him day by day. “The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.” Isaiah 30:18

There will still be struggles and hard places to travel through even in God’s grace, but that freedom remains. He will discipline us sometimes and correct us, but freedom remains. And HE remains. He will never leave. He’s a good Father. He goes with us in love, not condemnation or score-keeping.

I hope if you follow Jesus, you are walking with Him head held high in the freedom of grace and not lagging behind him a few steps in fear or shame. If you have trouble really believing and knowing you are accepted by God without doing a single thing except believing in Jesus, then ask Him to help you understand how much He loves you. The antidote to fear and shame is knowing and believing God is good and He LOVES.

Thank you, God, for fencing off the places that lead to sin and death, but not fencing me in! Thank you for loving me, for giving me a new way to look at living day to day with you covered in and set free by Your grace.

“…[God’s] Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.” 1 John 4:18

I’m a flyer, you’re a flyer…

When was the last time you watched a trapeze act? It must be exhilarating to grip the bar, jump off the platform, swing down and then on the way up let go at the top and fly through the air. Thankfully a fellow trapeze artist is there at just the right time, grabs a hold and swings them to safety on the other side. I enjoy watching these acts most when there is a big net underneath, you know, just in case someone loses grip or doesn’t quite time things right. Then at least they will bounce safely at the bottom and nobody gets hurt.

I’m assuming these trapeze groups have relationships built on lots of trust. I bet the flyers really try to stay on the good side of the catchers, like baking them cookies, giving them foot rubs and the like.

It seems to me there are some very important truths about a good catcher: They must be strong, they must watch the flyer without distraction, they must have good timing, and they must jump out and swing toward the flyer at just the right moment to do their job and bring the flyer back with them.  I read that sometimes the catcher says a reassuring, “Gotcha!” as they grab hold of the flyer.

You may have heard flying on a trapeze as an illustration of a life of faith in God. In that scenario, we who follow Jesus are flyers who let go in life and trust the catcher, God, to be there. They say the flyer shouldn’t try to “catch” the catcher, but just let go of the trapeze bar, hold their arms out straight, and wait for the catcher grab hold. Trust. Big time.

It’s like a child jumping from the side of a pool to their Daddy standing in the water, only bigger and scarier. I mean, I’m flying through the air here Continue reading

What we want

There were 10 of us at the table so involved in the conversation we never left to go sit in the family room. Empty dessert plates and half-empty cups here and there, we sat with full hearts, heads bowed and eyes closed to pray.

A few hours before, with hugs and handshakes, four other pastor couples from nearby churches joined us in our home. Almost a year ago, I’m pretty sure I heard God tell me we needed to do this, to get together with the area pastors and their wives, to become friends and support one another. I procrastinated for no particular reason and then my husband, who met with the pastors to pray recently, helped get the ball rolling.

We all talked and laughed and talked some more. Interestingly enough, there was no talk of our churches but more about Continue reading

To be with Papa

What’s it like when you spend time with your heavenly Father?

Amy Groeschel posed this question in her devotional reading plan titled “Listening to God” on the Bible app.

Her question made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like that. I’ve been a Jesus follower, a child of God since I was very young. I’m embarrassed to say that I still struggle in approaching God and it sometimes even causes me to stay busy with other things avoiding going to Him in prayer.

I’m ashamed of that, but there is a big part of the problem: shame. In her devotional, Amy said that we might over-spiritualize our prayer time, feel we must impress God or pray the right way. I have felt that way, that if I get distracted, let my mind wander, or even get drowsy and doze off, I’ve failed in that quiet time, will try to do better tomorrow.

What if I just come to God? Plain and simple. Continue reading

Where does it hurt?

My Grandma told me once about a time when my Uncle Pete was just a toddler, a time when he wouldn’t stop crying and fussing. She fed him, had already changed him, tried to comfort him, then put him to bed. He kept wailing and fussing. She even gave him a little spank because she thought he was being obstinate about going to bed. His cries persisted, his little cheeks all wet with tears. She decided to check his diaper again and maybe even give him a bath to calm him down. As she undressed him, she found that one little toe had gotten all bent up caught in the elastic of his footie pajamas and was all red. She confessed, almost teary-eyed, that she felt awful being upset with him when the whole time he was crying because his little toe was hurting and he didn’t know how to make it feel better.

As adults, we may not always cry, but there are times we get irritable, Continue reading

Fighting words

There’s a time for everything: a time to win, a time to lose, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to run, and a time to fight. That could mean fighting off a bully, fighting for something you believe in, or even fighting your own self and the things you tell yourself about yourself.

In the movie Back to the Future II, the hero Marty McFly does his best to do right and avoid fighting his enemy, the trouble-maker Biff. He has his limits, though, and when Biff hollers at him while he’s walking away from a confrontation, “What are you…chicken?” Marty stops dead in his tracks, steely determination in his eyes. He says quietly, “Nobody calls me ‘chicken‘” and turns to teach Biff a lesson.

What triggers you to that tipping point, to when you’re ready to fight? Most of the time I believe in solving things as peacefully as possible, but when it comes to the enemy of my soul, there’s going to be a battle. And, when it comes to the enemy picking on the ones I love, get ready to rumble!

I recently discovered an album by artist Ellie Holcomb called Red Sea Road. (so many great songs, love the lyrics) In her song “Fighting Words” she shares openly about the negative self-talk that happens inside, even self-hate, the lies the enemy spews and how she fights back:

I will fight the lies with the truth
Keep my eyes fixed on You
I will sing the truth into the dark
I will use my fighting words¹

As I listened, I found myself wishing she revealed specifically what her fighting words are. You know so I could use them, too! I realized I need to figure out my own fighting words to counter when the devil tries to pull me down.  Where would I find them? Continue reading

WWLD

Whiner baby. I confess I was complaining to my hubby about something that is what it is. I should just accept it and make the best of it. Time to put on those oh so famous, uncomfortable big girl pants and just move on.

You know, that is easier said than done sometimes. It can actually be excruciating to be positive about something you really dislike and decide not to complain about it anymore.

What do I get from complaining, though? Just guilt and the grumps. Complaining is discontentedness and discontentedness is basically telling God what He’s given me is not good or is not enough. I really don’t want to do that, because He has given me WAY more than I deserve. Many others have greater needs than I do, that is certain.

One thing that has really helped me try to be positive this week instead of complain is remembering my friend, Laura. Continue reading