Tag Archives: God

Calendar Permissions

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When I started my current job in 2020 I was introduced to the world of Microsoft Outlook for emails and scheduling. It’s like my best friend at work now and is always open on my computer. In Outlook, someone can make you a delegate over their calendar by giving “permissions.”

There are different levels of permission:

  • You can only see the times they are busy, no descriptions
  • You can see the details of their appointments and meetings
  • You can see the details and make changes, invite from their calendar, accept/decline meetings, add or delete items, etc.

I have the highest level of calendar permissions from the faculty I work with – they must trust me and the other admins! With us managing most of their schedule and calendar, they’re more free to do what they are meant to do: care for patients, research, teach medical students/residents, and more.

It seems Holy Spirit wants to be a delegate over my calendar. In the last year or two God revealed to me some selfishness in my heart and attitudes – ugly stuff. I want him to change that in me. One of the ways he’s helping me reframe my thoughts and adjust out of those attitudes is by needing to help my aging parents these last few months. Lots of unplanned trips to hospital, rehab facility, doctors, etc.

Another way He’s teaching me is by giving me the chance now and then to accept and embrace an unexpected opportunity to serve and love someone, often on weekends or days that were going to be free days. My selfish thought is “aw man, I wanted to stay home today and chill or have free time” or other similar whining – you get the idea. Interruptions have never been my favorite – I’m more of a schedule/routine person who likes to know the plan ahead of time, not very spontaneous. But hey, I guess I can learn!

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Got hope?

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I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say the inhabitants of this world are weary and in need of hope. All throughout the history of mankind it has been that way since the very beginning when people decided to pick their way over God’s way and God let them.

I believe there is still hope to be had. And that’s not just me being optimistic. (although I am pretty optimistic and can be annoyingly so)

Psalms 130: 6 says, “I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” I have long thought that verse meant that the watchmen were tired and eager for their shift to end, so they were watching for the sun to finally peek it’s welcome glowing face over the horizon so they could clock out and go home. Recently I heard another perspective: they watch for the sun to rise because every day the sun rises. They are watching and waiting for it to happen because they know it’s going to happen. They can count on it.

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Thirst

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I’ve said it before and it will probably always be true: if it weren’t for my husband, my houseplants would be dead. I love plants, or at least I say I do, but I forget to water them. It builds endurance, right? I don’t think they appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve had a plant or flower that was a little neglected and became wilted and drooping over, but once you gave it some water, before long it straightened up and filled out – happy and thriving instead of barely hanging on to its little plant life.

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Dusting off my happiness

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Looking through old posts on this blog, which was started quite a long time ago, is like looking through my parents’ old photo albums when I visit their house. I read stories I wrote about our parenting adventure that I had forgotten, lessons I’ve learned in life and keep relearning. I find memories, some that make me laugh, some that give me a lump in my throat, that have gotten covered up by others falling on top of them in my mind like stacks of papers getting dusty from no one shuffling through them for a while. Sometimes I read what I wrote and think, “Wow, was that me writing that?” I haven’t written for a long time and miss it. It helps me process what I’m feeling, thinking and learning, even though apparently I forget those things before too long.

For reasons I won’t go into detail explaining, the past 9-10 years were peppered with chronic stress and anxiety, which caused some depression, and often numbness. Continue reading →

A new way to look at it

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I’m a firstborn, and therefore (like many of us firstborns) mostly compliant, a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. My personality likes rules because they provide structure. Structure makes me feel secure and comfortable.  I was raised in a church-going, Bible-believing family and it was all black and white to me. This is right, that’s wrong. Do what’s right, not what’s wrong. Being a Christian, as I came to understand it, was mostly about this. I wanted to do a really great job of following the rules and living the right way so God (and my parents) would be happy with me. I think I gravitated toward and settled into this mindset in part because of my nature of people pleasing and perfectionism.

I didn’t realize until adulthood, and more and more these last 10 years or so, how my view of a life of faith was incomplete and restrictive, Continue reading →

I’m a flyer, you’re a flyer…

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When was the last time you watched a trapeze act? It must be exhilarating to grip the bar, jump off the platform, swing down and then on the way up let go at the top and fly through the air. Thankfully a fellow trapeze artist is there at just the right time, grabs a hold and swings them to safety on the other side. I enjoy watching these acts most when there is a big net underneath, you know, just in case someone loses grip or doesn’t quite time things right. Then at least they will bounce safely at the bottom and nobody gets hurt.

I’m assuming these trapeze groups have relationships built on lots of trust. I bet the flyers really try to stay on the good side of the catchers, like baking them cookies, giving them foot rubs and the like. Continue reading →

What we want

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There were 10 of us at the table so involved in the conversation we never left to go sit in the family room. Empty dessert plates and half-empty cups here and there, we sat with full hearts, heads bowed and eyes closed to pray.

A few hours before, with hugs and handshakes, four other pastor couples from nearby churches joined us in our home. Almost a year ago, I’m pretty sure I heard God tell me we needed to do this, to get together with the area pastors and their wives, to become friends and support one another. I procrastinated for no particular reason and then my husband, who met with the pastors to pray recently, helped get the ball rolling.

We all talked and laughed and talked some more. Interestingly enough, there was no talk of our churches but more about Continue reading →

To be with Papa

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What’s it like when you spend time with your heavenly Father?

Amy Groeschel posed this question in her devotional reading plan titled “Listening to God” on the Bible app.

Her question made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like that. I’ve been a Jesus follower, a child of God since I was very young. I’m embarrassed to say that I still struggle in approaching God and it sometimes even causes me to stay busy with other things avoiding going to Him in prayer.

I’m ashamed of that, but there is a big part of the problem: shame. In her devotional, Amy said that we might over-spiritualize our prayer time, feel we must impress God or pray the right way. I have felt that way, that if I get distracted, let my mind wander, or even get drowsy and doze off, I’ve failed in that quiet time, will try to do better tomorrow.

What if I just come to God? Plain and simple. Continue reading →

Where does it hurt?

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My Grandma told me once about a time when my Uncle Pete was just a toddler, a time when he wouldn’t stop crying and fussing. She fed him, had already changed him, tried to comfort him, then put him to bed. He kept wailing and fussing. She even gave him a little spank because she thought he was being obstinate about going to bed. His cries persisted, his little cheeks all wet with tears. She decided to check his diaper again and maybe even give him a bath to calm him down. As she undressed him, she found that one little toe had gotten all bent up caught in the elastic of his footie pajamas and was all red. She confessed, almost teary-eyed, that she felt awful being upset with him when the whole time he was crying because his little toe was hurting and he didn’t know how to make it feel better.

As adults, we may not always cry, but there are times we get irritable, Continue reading →

Fighting words

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There’s a time for everything: a time to win, a time to lose, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to run, and a time to fight. That could mean fighting off a bully, fighting for something you believe in, or even fighting your own self and the things you tell yourself about yourself.

In the movie Back to the Future II, the hero Marty McFly does his best to do right and avoid fighting his enemy, the trouble-maker Biff. He has his limits, though, and when Biff hollers at him while he’s walking away from a confrontation, “What are you…chicken?” Marty stops dead in his tracks, steely determination in his eyes. He says quietly, “Nobody calls me ‘chicken‘” and turns to teach Biff a lesson.

What triggers you to that tipping point, to when you’re ready to fight? Most of the time I believe in solving things as peacefully as possible, but when it comes to the enemy of my soul, there’s going to be a battle. And, when it comes to the enemy picking on the ones I love, get ready to rumble!

I recently discovered an album by artist Ellie Holcomb called Red Sea Road. (so many great songs, love the lyrics) In her song “Fighting Words” she shares openly about the negative self-talk that happens inside, even self-hate, the lies the enemy spews and how she fights back:

I will fight the lies with the truth
Keep my eyes fixed on You
I will sing the truth into the dark
I will use my fighting words¹

As I listened, I found myself wishing she revealed specifically what her fighting words are. You know so I could use them, too! I realized I need to figure out my own fighting words to counter when the devil tries to pull me down.  Where would I find them? Continue reading →