Tag Archives: God

Just a little timid

Posted on by
4

I mean, if you played the trust game with someone – you know when you fall backwards and they catch you – but they let you fall or dropped you, you probably wouldn’t jump up to do it again with the same person right?  Or with anyone for that matter.  It’s a little harder to be “gung ho” when you’re about to do something you’ve done before and gotten hurt.  I get irritated with myself for being such an emotional person.  I’m working on decreasing the frequency of my knee-jerk emotional reactions to things but they still happen.

I keep telling myself – this is another chance to keep trusting God, people are people and no matter where you go or work there will be times of conflict you have to work through, no person or place or church or job is perfect, blah, blah, blah.  Continue reading →

Great Kindness

Posted on by
Reply

A grateful one bows before you to thank you, Lord…in silent tears, there is so much to thank you for.  I have nothing, nothing if not for you.  How can I repay you?  How can I ever give back to You?  I always will remember your great kindness.

In desperate need, I cried out you delivered me…my soul from death, my feet from stumbling, my eyes from tears.  I will lift up salvation’s cup and call Your name.  How can I repay You?  How can I ever give back to You?  I always will remember your great kindness.  ~ John Ellis, Tree63

Today I experienced the joy of sharing something God has done for me with a friend.  She’s actually my hair stylist and whenever I visit with her it’s a blast.  I don’t know the extent of her faith in God or how personal it is to her, but I always feel open to share whatever with her.  We joked that bartenders and hair stylists probably hear people’s woes and personal stories more than anyone.  We’ve been “friends” long enough that we ask about each other’s kids and families while she washes and trims my hair.  She asked how the girls were doing so I shared with her the awesome thing Jesus did for my youngest on Wednesday night.  It was fresh on my heart and on the tip of my tongue, just begging to come out and glorify God.  She was happy along with me.  I hope it will stick with her and cause her to think about God tonight and want to know Him more.

I know I don’t always feel like praising and sharing what God’s doing, especially when those low times hit and I feel sad or am having a hard time pulling my feet out of the sticky glop of self-pity….but truly His kindness is shown to me and my family Continue reading →

Who I’m Not

Posted on by
Reply

I have the joy of hanging out with the senior high kids on Wednesday nights at church.  I don’t have much responsibility except once a month or so handing out snacks, which is fun because teenagers love to eat.   A bonus is getting to witness God at work in young hearts.  Another bonus is having him work in my heart at the same time.  You know adults have a lot of the same insecurities that teenagers do and need a lot of the same lessons and reminders.  Even though there’s an age difference we’re all walking the path together.

Tonight we were taught that in order to know who we really are, we have to realize, admit and decide who we are NOT.  What a great truth and how we all need to know it.  [Important side note: During worship the youth band led the song “How He Loves” and as we sang the words about how much God loves us, my throat tightened and my eyes stung a little.  In my heart I told God that I don’t really feel that right now but I was singing it trying to believe it.  You know, prolonged waiting and trusting and uncertainty have a way of wearing one out.] Anyway, after the message, we had the opportunity to respond by going to tables in the back which were covered in brown paper with giant red “No” symbols painted on them.  Continue reading →

The questions with no answers

Posted on by
Reply

I know you have them, too.  Those deep thoughts about the meaning of life and the way things are and why they’re the way they are.  The thoughts and questions that, if you dwell on them too long, start to make you feel anxious or weird or small.   While I was driving to work yesterday, watching the sun grow brighter and then seeing colorful purple and pink clouds spreading away from that rising sun as I drove over a hill, my mind started asking some of those questions – the questions with no answers.  Continue reading →

Get out of my way, I can’t see!

Posted on by
1

It happens every once in a while:  something I’m concerned about grows so large within me it swallows me up and leaves me feeling trapped in stomach-churning anxiety.  I know I should trust God, I know He’s good, I know He’s in control, I know He can handle anything.  It’s just that sometimes these concerns get in the way and I can’t see God.

It happened on Saturday.  I was at my parents’ home for the weekend, helping my mom pack up.  They’ll be moving to Arizona soon for their retirement and couldn’t be more excited.  It was so good to spend time with them.  For some reason on Saturday I started thinking again about the extreme tightness of my family’s budget right now and that it’s likely to be that way for some time because of our circumstance and I couldn’t even eat the yummy double-cheeseburger my dad had brought me.  I think the grinding sound my brakes made on my trip over and the idea of another car repair bill got it all stirred up this time.  Continue reading →

They Inspire Me

Posted on by
1

When we lived in New Mexico I decided to begin jogging.  The first week or so during my run I’d develop a stitch in my side.  A neighbor who was an avid jogger told me that it would help if I took more intentional, bigger breaths as I ran.   When I tried it, it helped!  I needed some more oxygen.  I can’t imagine running without taking big breaths.  In fact, moving at all would be impossible without breathing…so would living!

I have several good friends who are on the journey of illness and recovery.   They each have blogs or care pages so I can read their thoughts, feelings, and experiences along the way.  They inspire me.  They are choosing to trust God and look at the best side of things as much as possible.   It’s not that they are “Pollyannas” or candycoat their experiences; they’re honest and real and that is probably the biggest inspiration of all. Continue reading →

My girls are in good hands

Posted on by
1

I remember the first time I felt it.  It hit me as if a bucket of ice water was suddenly splashed on me.  John and I were brand new parents and had brought our little Kimberly, only 2 weeks old, to a church dinner to see everyone.  We’d be moving to Florida in another week.  Some of our friends, women who had nurtured and loved on us over the years, came over excitedly to see our baby and then took her in their arms, carrying her around the room to show her to other folks.  All of the sudden, as they walked away with her, I was overcome with a protective compulsion to go get her.  They took my baby!  Bring her back! Continue reading →

The Joy of Cleaning Toilets

Posted on by
Reply

I still refer to it as one of the best, most life-changing summers of my life.  It was the summer of 1985 and I was on staff at a family camp in the San Bernardino mountains of California.  “Forest Home” was my home for almost three months and I loved it there among the tall pine trees and rugged rocky slopes.  Each week a different group of families would come through so there was constant activity and life happening all around.  I was assigned to the “Accomo” crew, which is short for “Accommodations”, which means housekeeping.  My crew mates and I would travel by pick-up trucks to the various cabins and dorms where the people stayed, changing bed sheets, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, and all that kind of stuff.   We would load up with canvas bags of clean sheets, bags for the dirty sheets, cleaning supplies, vacuum cleaners, mops, buckets, you name it and work all day.  It was hard work and tiring.  There were times my feet would hurt from standing in showers being in tennis shoes wet with cleaning solution and disinfectant all day.  I went through lots of hand lotion from all the washing we did.  I did learn how to drive using side rearview mirrors – navigating out of narrow gravel driveways without going off a ledge (Actually I did go off a ledge once but no one got hurt).  Continue reading →

Just a little farther

Posted on by
Reply

A little girl stands on the edge of a swimming pool, a little tentative and yet excited at the same time.  While she stands biting a nail, her daddy stands in the water, arms outstretched, urging her to jump in and swim to him.  He’s only about 4 feet from the side of the pool.  A big smile spreads across her face as she jumps in with a splash and begins paddling her arms and kicking her legs, heading toward her dad.  He never takes his eyes off of her but slowly steps back a little farther without her really noticing.  She keeps swimming and he steps back a little more.  When she’s had enough and starts to splutter he grabs her just at the right moment and pulls her to himself.  They hug, laughing.   “Why did you keep moving back, Daddy?!” she asks still panting a little but hanging on with arms and legs wrapped around him.  “I knew you could go farther.  I was watching and I was right there in case you went under.”  Even though it was a little disconcerting, it bolstered the little girl’s confidence in her ability to get to Him again the next time.  She could do more than she thought she could.  Her dad proved He was trustworthy.

I read an interesting supposition in a book the other day:  that God answers prayers more readily for new followers/new believers because they are so fresh in their faith and need frequent reassurances to build trust.  The author proposed that as we grow and mature God doesn’t answer as quickly because He wants us to seek Him, to press in harder, sometimes even reaching the point of desperation for Him.  He knows we can go farther.  What do you think?  Continue reading →

Faith Fatigue

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes cheerleaders need a cheerleader themselves.  Sometimes those who are often strong need someone strong.  Sometimes those with deep convictions need reassurance.  Even those with strong faith face times when it’s harder to believe, or at least harder to stand up tall and declare with confidence that God is at work.   Getting through life sometimes feels like I’m a scrawny rookie football player trying to make it past a line of huge linesmen pumped up on adrenaline and ready to take me down.  As I run I get bumped from side to side, tripped, flipped over, even knocked flat once in a while.  When that happens there are times I jump up, impassioned, fueled and motivated to run even harder.  Then there are times when I just lay there looking up at the sky.

I was looking up at the sky today.   Continue reading →