Tag Archives: God

So…

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There have been lots of thoughts churning in my head the last few days – of course when are there NOT lots of thoughts churning in there?  Anyway, here is a window into my crowded head if you’re so inclined to read on:

I think part of my feeling distant from God lately is that I’ve been angry with Him – angry that He hasn’t answered prayers the way I thought.  I mean, did he even take into consideration the five point argument I shared with Him about why my way was good?  And how about that time-table of His?  Why do I think that if something doesn’t happen in a few weeks or even months that it means God isn’t there or doesn’t care?  That is pretty silly.  As much as I thought I was resisting the enemy, I had fallen prey again to his ploy of self-pity and forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness?  About all God has done in my life and in the lives of those around me.  What other proof do I need that He is there and active in our lives?  That He really does care about each of us in love.   There are a number of Bible verses that tell God’s people to recall the things God has done throughout their lives so they won’t lose hope, so they will stay on track, so they will be thankful.  I’ve been forgetting to remember. Continue reading →

Where else could I go?

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It was 2:42 a.m. and I was getting up once again (third time) to see what my girls were up to.  Kaitlin almost always goes to bed at a decent hour, that blessed child.  Krissy was finally in bed but had fallen asleep with her lights on.  I turned them off and closed her door.  I was tempted to hug her while she lay there sleeping.  If I can’t get hugs from her when she’s awake maybe I can steal some.  I didn’t.  Kimmi was finally home but was doing laundry and taking things to her car!  Today, she and her sister are moving to their apartment for the summer.   Why is it a mom can’t sleep unless she knows all the girls are settled and resting?  It wears me out!  I laid back down unable to go back to sleep, my mind racing through concerns, thoughts, questions, frustrations, more questions, and just plain exhaustion.  Fatigue always intensifies emotion for me, too.

When I’m tired, the lying voice of the enemy is so much harder to ignore.  My heart strained to hear God’s voice instead.  I called out through quiet tears for some peace, some relief from hurt, a sense of His love.  The room seemed completely empty.  I felt empty, my stomach still tight in a knot.  I laid on my side looking at the clock.  3:51 a.m.  Continue reading →

Faith Hero #2 – Jonah

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“One day long ago, God’s Word came to Jonah, Amittai’s son: ‘Up on your feet and on your way to the big city of Nineveh! Preach to them. They’re in a bad way and I can’t ignore it any longer.’ But Jonah got up and went the other direction…”  Jonah 1:1-3  The Msg

When I think of the word “hero”, I don’t typically think of Jonah.  The poor guy gets a bum rap, but he brought that on himself.  He was human, like us, after all.  He faced his share of disappointments, a number of which we can read about in the book named after him in the Bible.

When we first meet him, he has just heard a message from God, the Creator of everything that exists, the Almighty Father of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  “Go to Nineveh and tell them they better turn from their wicked ways or it’s ‘hasta la vista baby’ to their entire existence.”  Disappointment #1:  Jonah is given a task he doesn’t like.  Maybe he was hoping God would send him to minister in the luxurious coastal towns of good repute where the people were kind and pleasant.   The Bible tells us that he immediately got up and started walking in the opposite direction from Nineveh. Continue reading →

Strength Training

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Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31 NLT

I enjoy working out.  Seriously!  I don’t enjoy running so much, but I like weight training, walking, and most recently Zumba which is basically dancing your rear-end off with friends for an hour at a time to fun, bass pumping music.  Over the years I’ve learned that strength is gained not only in jumping, running, or even necessarily repeating a motion over and over.  Sometimes it’s gained by assuming a position and holding it for a long time, completely still.  Well, almost completely still.  Continue reading →

Faith Hero #1: Joseph

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The story of Joseph has been one of my favorites for a long time, but especially lately.  If you are lacking faith or need encouragement about having to wait on God, dealing with the unfairness of life sometimes, trusting even when it seems God has left, even reconciling family relationships, you should read his story (Genesis 37-50).

I read his story again this morning and was moved several times to tears.  As I read, I tried to imagine his emotions, the surroundings, the events and life that happened in between the lines of Genesis.   Having heard the story so many times as I grew up, I read it in The Message version today.  I really took my time to think as I followed him from being born to a joyful and relieved mother and father who had waited a long time for his arrival, to growing strong and handsome as the favored son, to being betrayed and disposed of by jealous brothers, to success then unjust imprisonment, to being forgotten and waiting years for change, to success again and eventually restoration of his relationship with his family.

Can you hear his voice yelling up to his brothers, who sat calmly by eating their dinner, as he yelled for them to pull him up out of the cistern?  Continue reading →

Sometimes video games imitate life

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I don’t know about you but I can really get worked up playing video games.  Whether it’s frustration over dying for the 372nd time or tension over getting through a tough level or even fear in facing a threatening enemy, my emotions are definitely involved.  This even happened when I was playing Atari as a teenager and my character was simply a square moving about a grid that was supposed to be a castle.  I suppose my vivid imagination doesn’t help.

You may think it’s crazy, but I realize that as far as I’m concerned, video games tend to imitate life – or at least my style of participation in life.  When faced with a task that looks incredible and impossible, I actually can get a faster heartbeat and have to sit on the edge of my seat while I give it a try.  This anticipation or fear can actually make it harder to accomplish the task at hand because I’m not thinking as clearly – I’m reacting – actually I’m flailing around hoping that by some miracle my crazed movements will accidentally slice or pop or defeat my foe.  Continue reading →

Faithful One

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I find no hope within to call my own
For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone
But deep within my soul is rising up a song
Here in the comfort of the faithful one…

(“Faithful One” by Selah, Duets album ©2006)

I found myself identifying so much with these words as I drove home from work, my iPod earbuds serving their purpose of pumping music into my heart and soul.   Music is one of my most favorite things God created.  Sometimes when I’m tired or when “stuff” has pressed me down I forget and don’t put my iPod on or listen to the radio – I’m glad I thought to listen yesterday. Continue reading →

Good Pain

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One of the odd things about my breast cancer, when I discovered it almost 7 years ago, was that I had no symptoms other than the tiny lump I had found by pressing with my hand one morning.  I told my surgeon, puzzled, “But I don’t feel sick, I haven’t had any other problems.”  He said, “You wouldn’t at this point.  Cancer is simply new cell growth in a place where it’s not supposed to be.  So unless it had grown very large you wouldn’t otherwise know it was there.”  What a sneaky disease.  I’m so thankful I found it when I did.

No one wants to live with ongoing pain, although some unfortunately do.  It’s a bother.  It hurts.  It disrupts our usual way of life and keep us from doing the things we need to or want to do.  I believe it would actually be worse to live without it.  Continue reading →

Narrow Path 201

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If walking with God was categorized like college courses, I think I’ve moved past level 101 by now.  I might even be presumptive enough to say I’m in 301, but just as soon as I claim something like that, God might say “Well then, little wise one, time for a pop quiz or comprehensive exam!”

I HAVE learned a lot in these 43 years so far, about 38 of those actually on the path with Jesus.  I’ve been thinking today about some of the lessons I’ve learned most recently:  Continue reading →