Tag Archives: God

Day 3 – Alone

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Forty days is a long time to spend wandering in a rocky, dusty wilderness, especially without food.  Lots of time for thinking, praying, listening, walking, resting, trying to sleep.  It was hard for the tanned and sweaty man not to think about the gnawing hunger and thirst inside.  Then there were the moments of temptation and taunting from the enemy, so artfully crafting arguments to try to persuade Him to abandon his true purpose, even His true identity.  Would he be able to keep his weakening heart and tired eyes focused on obedience and perseverance to complete this time of solitude, to be honed and made more ready for what was coming?  He had God’s Word, He WAS God’s Word and the enemy was no match for that or for Him.   Even so, heading into the wilderness and surviving its lessons and temptations, Jesus was alone.

Once he began teaching and performing miracles, the people couldn’t get enough of Him.  He would teach, heal and love all day, get in a boat with his disciples, arrive at a different place only to see a sea of smiling, eager faces of those who wanted to hear him teach, to have his attention, to feel his healing touch.   Reading about his compassion even when he must have been physically exhausted always amazes me.  No wonder Jesus often got up early before the sun even came up, and went off somewhere by himself.  That time of quiet prayer with God must have been refreshing, even imperative.

Living life with the men He called to follow Him for three years, journeying from town to town, sleeping in others’ homes or outside under the stars, or even by the sea, interacting with hundreds of people in crowds everyday, must have been wonderful, tiring, rewarding, and disappointing all at the same time.  There must have been times when he would pause from teaching to look into the bewildered eyes of his friends and disciples, seeing that they didn’t really understand what He was saying or who He really was.  In those times, I think He felt alone.  Continue reading →

Day 1 – Survive or Thrive

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Today is Ash Wednesday and also the first day of Lent.  Not everyone in the Protestant faith practices lent but it can be a great way to prepare for Easter and practice discipline.  I was reminded about it listening to the radio this morning and immediately had the thought that I should probably give up facebook.  I didn’t want to, though!  I love facebook and being connected to everyone.  As I got out of my car and walked into the building the “suggestion” grew inside as I argued with myself so that by the time I got to my desk I decided that God would like for me to do that – take a break from facebook for this 40-day journey to Easter, so, I am.

I’ve been looking for resources online, maybe a printable devotional I could use with my family but haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.  While reading and searching I’ve realized that there can be much more to this journey toward Easter with Jesus than just giving up something for Him.  Some people choose to “add” something to their day-to-day life sometimes, like more intentionally doing something for someone in need, forgiving someone, purposefully spending extra time reading God’s Word or quietly thinking/meditating, intentionally thanking God or journaling praises every day…many possibilities.  This time can be more than just a time to deprive myself of something I like!  That makes it even more appealing to me.

I’ve been restless the last few weeks and I know that is largely due to not spending quality time with God – quiet, alone, on purpose, just to be with Him.  I have friendships, or really acquaintances, in which I don’t really ever get past small talk or pleasantries to really know that person, to dig deeper and grow close to them.  Those surface relationships are okay but don’t really fulfill me, at least not for long (as I’m sure they don’t do much for those friends).  I need much more than pleasant greetings, polite questions of “how are you?” and smiles.  Continue reading →

This and That

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I haven’t blogged very consistently lately – haven’t had much to say.  I don’t think anyone would want to read something I write just because I feel I should write.  It’s more fun to write when I’ve had a new realization, when God has shown me something new, when something I’ve seen or heard parallels something in my walk with Him and all of you.  I’ve felt somewhat detached at times, not bad, just kind of quiet…it’s hard to describe.  Sometimes I think that the months of emotional ups and downs depleted me and  my emotions are in short supply right now – does that make sense?  I feel good, peaceful, optimistic, thankful, etc. just nothing in extremes now.  Famous last words.  I’m sure now that I’ve actually typed that the floodgates will burst open and I’ll be a blithering idiot spouting emotional exclamations any minute now.

I do have a few things that have come to mind, maybe worth mentioning:

We’re in the midst of winter where I live and it’s been a long, cloudy, cold one.  It’s gotten pretty snowy in the past week or so with a little ice and slush mixed in for fun.  Winter is not my favorite season, in fact it’s my least favorite BUT (and it’s a big but) I have heard God tell me not to complain.  I’ve heard many complaints lately about weather and life in general and it really is a drag.  I feel as if, when we complain, we’re saying to God, “Nope, what you made isn’t good” or “I don’t like what you’re giving me.  Sorry.”  I was reading in Genesis the other day about Noah and the ark and how God promised with his rainbow symbol that from that point on season would follow season, the earth would continue in its pattern without interruption and total destruction.  Continue reading →

I want Mike to follow me around

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Last night John and I watched “Supernanny”, this time called “SuperMANNY”.  Instead of the assertive Jo from England, confident and caring Mike from the US intervened.  We don’t know if he was just filling in or if the particular situation needed his maleness and expertise.  He offered lots of advice to the parents, of course, about being consistent, keeping their cool when disciplining and being positive.  He especially got on the mom’s case about being negative toward her kids all the time.  She would criticize them but never praise them.  He got after the dad for losing his temper and becoming explosive with the kids.  Hmmmm…both are easy traps to fall into when you’re tired or hurting, which these parents were.

One day while the dad and son did chores and so forth around the house, Mike was right there giving the dad tips about discipline, encouraging him by saying things like, “Go after him, be consistent.  Don’t let him just walk away from you.  Keep your cool.  You’re doing great.”  He followed the dad around all day and helped him.  The day went well and the father and son ended up feeling better about each other in the end.

The next day the mom and the kids went to a nearby mall.  This time, Mike stayed at a distance with a little mini-mic.  Continue reading →

Snippets

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Just a few recent thoughts…

Last week I went through an awful day of emotion and wrestling with God over the possibility of going to a town or church where I didn’t want to go, where I didn’t think I would be happy, where it wasn’t my “style.”  As I vented to him all the way driving to work, I pretty much heard him say, “So, are you saying you refuse to go if I ask you to go there?  You refuse to obey?”  I remembered that if God’s promises are true, and I believe they are, then going where He says to go will be good in the long run because He promised He has good plans for me and my family.  I also remembered, with his help, that this is not about me!  How many times do I have to learn that lesson?  Sheesh.  I’m sure that is what He is wondering, too.  Just when I think I’ve learned all about surrender, God takes me to a deeper level.  It hurts and it’s hard.  It was a difficult, emotional day but it ended in peace when I finally, in my heart, submitted to Him and said “Uncle” once more.  Whatever you say, God.  Seriously.  I give.   I joked with a good friend that afternoon that sometimes surrender feels like the “S” word to me.  I don’t mean that disrespectfully, just being honest.  Sometimes it stinks (at least it seems to at the moment).  My friend asked, “so what you’re telling me is you’re standing in a big pile of surrender right now?”  We laughed really hard and the day got better from there.

I’ve been thinking more about loving people in their own love language.  Lately God’s been showing me how to love my girls in the way that shows love to them the most.  I’m still trying to figure out one of my girls – I think I know but am not sure.  The other two – I’ve got them nailed.  John and I took assessments this past year and one was the love language profile.  One of my big love languages right now is “acts of service”.  When someone helps me with something it makes me feel loved.  I also love hugs and attention and words of affirmation but at this point in my life, acts of service speak loud and clear.  Once John found out, he’s been helping more around the house and showing more thoughtfulness…and you know what?  It’s true!  I feel so loved and valued by him, more than before.  The biggest reason is that I know he’s doing those things purposefully to show me love, knowing it means something to me.  John’s biggest love languages are touch and time.  I’ve been trying harder to pay attention to him when we’re at home and not get too absorbed in the computer or other things that I just exist in the same house or room with him.   What are the love languages of the special people in your life?  Try to find out and then show them love that way.  Watch what happens!

Yesterday I blogged about this wonderful time of rest God is giving us and how good it felt.  Well, today, I felt restless and kind of weird.  Pesky, fickle emotions!  I think sometimes we rest out of obedience.  God actually tells us to rest and we need to obey, on purpose, and rest…be still.  I feel like He’s telling me that today.  Rest, be still, but don’t just sit there…draw nearer to me, Mimi.  I’m going to work on that.  Wait…wrong choice of words.   I’m going to try more intentionally to just be close, dwell near and in Jesus right now.

What funny, odd, silly creatures we humans are sometimes.

We went to see my grandma on Sunday afternoon.  She was actually pretty perky, sitting up in bed, watching TV.  Rather than greet us when we got there she first asked, “What channel is the game on?”  So we helped her get on the right channel.  She is starting to show some dementia because she asks the same questions from time to time.  She joked about getting her phone and remote (both laying next to her hand on her bed) mixed up and John teased her about pointing the phone at the TV by mistake and accidentally calling someone.  She laughed.  At one point she said, “Too bad I don’t have any games we could play” to which I replied, “That’s okay, Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  Then she asked us about our church situation (very coherent and sharp).  John answered her as she turned back toward the TV and seemed to zone out for a moment.  Then she said, “Too bad I won’t have any games for us to play, we could make one up” to which I replied, giggling to myself, “That’s okay Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  I love her.  I could just imagine what kind of game that would be.  She’s become thinner and tinier, her blue cowl-neck sweater swallowing up her small shoulders and little frame, but she welcomed our hugs and kisses just as warmly and as we left said, “I love you.”

I better go to bed so I can get up and workout with my Wii coach on the game “Active” which is my new favorite thing.  This simulated personal trainer business reminds me of stuff I saw in Tomorrowland at Disney World when I was younger and thought “Yeah, right, that will never happen.”  🙂

You’re special and God loves you very much.  Good night.

Has it really been all about You, God?

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As I sat on the piano bench a few Sundays before our last Sunday at our church as pastors, I felt that nearness to God that often comes to me when I’m singing, making music, and leading worship with my friends.  There’s nothing like music to lift me into God’s presence, to remind me of how beautiful, holy and amazing He is, to open and soften my heart.  There is definitely nothing like music that enables me to express praise to God, to celebrate Him, to love Him.  It’s just the way my heart and soul are wired, I think.  Music is huge to me – always has been.  I wonder what the spiritual connection really is when we sing for and to God?  I believe God made singing/playing music spiritual and not just pleasing to the ears.

As I sat on the piano bench that Sunday a sadness crept up and over me as I realized this time of leading and singing with these particular friends and in this way was about over.  Even as we sang, my heart was praying, “God, I don’t want to give this up.  Continue reading →

Life on the Vine

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I heard a message recently on John chapter 15, where Jesus talks about being the Vine, while we are the branches.  If we want to survive and bear fruit we have to remain attached to Him, to the Vine.   The pastor shared a story from the book “Secrets of the Vine” by Bruce Wilkinson.  The author, Bruce, went to a vineyard to get a better understanding of how gardeners care for their vineyards to bring about the best results – lots of fruit for wine.  As Bruce and the owner of the vineyard walked through the rows of huge, twisty, lush vine branches, Bruce noticed some of the branches down low were not as green or healthy and were without any fruit.  “Are those the ones you cut off because they’re not bearing fruit?” he asked, thinking of the verse that said God would do that very thing – cut off any branches who aren’t producing what they were made to produce.  The vineyard owner said, “No, these are often not bearing because they’re not receiving enough sunlight.  Sometimes they’ve become pressed down or covered up in mud because they’re near the ground.  We tie them up high so they’ll be able to drink in the sunlight – to see if they will become fruitful.”

The greek word used in John 15:2 where it says “cut off” is “airei” which can mean “taking away” but also “lifting”.  That sheds a whole new light on this parable for me.  I’ve had trouble in the past reconciling the wrathful, seemingly short-tempered God of most of the Old Testament with the loving, merciful God of the New Testament.  In reading some stories in the Old I find myself thinking, “How could this be the same God? Continue reading →

You should be able to see right through me

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Transparent, candid, forthright, frank, open, unambiguous, obvious, understandable, out in the open…

I think of myself as pretty transparent, even though the only one who completely sees through me is God.  I believe in being vulnerable and honest, what I’d like for people to be with me.  Many friends and some strangers who have read my blog posts over the years have told me the reason they like to read them is because they can relate to what I’m saying, to some struggle I’m describing, or some flaw I’m bemoaning.  It’s a connecting point for people to feel someone else has been in their shoes, is questioning something, or is having problems – they’re not alone.

Opening up is risky.  One time I was venting some frustrations (and probably held grudges if I’m really being honest) about a congregation where we served and some of the people who caused trouble there.  I was a little too free with my thoughts and emotions because I offended someone who had once attended there.  They saw my blog (oops) and let me know.  Humbling to say the least!  Perhaps there are some feelings or thoughts that are better spilled out only into God’s hands.

I think there are varying levels of transparency, depending on the situation and the people involved.  I can be completely transparent with my sister, my mom, and a close friend or two and know they won’t judge me but will listen and love me no matter what.  That’s a blessing!  I don’t suppose everyone has people like that they can trust.

What keeps us from opening up?  Continue reading →

Whose dream are you hoping for?

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Joseph had probably been planning and dreaming for a few years. Now the dream was beginning to materialize: Mary was his betrothed!  He had been working and saving to provide a home for her to come to – to join him and make a family, to have children and love life together.  He couldn’t keep from smiling just at the thought of it all.  She was due back from her visit with her cousin Elizabeth today. He put away his tools and cleaned up from his project, hurried out the door and down the street. As he shielded his eyes from the desert sun, he could see the caravan slowly approaching, wispy dust clouds hovering around the camels’ feet. His heartbeat quickened.  He could make out her pretty face now, her petite form as she dismounted and walked toward him.  Continue reading →

Don’t bother me, I’m busy waiting

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John preached about waiting this past Sunday.  It was a good, encouraging message and full of truth.  Why is it that some days it’s relatively easy to wait and trust that God is doing something even though I can’t see anything happening and other days, like today, the waiting becomes a heavy weight pressing down on my heart, squeezing out tears?

I’ve blogged about waiting many times, encouraged others about it.  Today I’m not feeling it.  I confessed to God and He listened….at least it seemed like He did.  It seems in long, drawn-out times of waiting trusting is a monumental feat, like running uphill at the end of your workout, legs becoming like lead and heart pounding as if it would jump out and run down the street by itself.

Waiting_____by_angelreichIn my waiting, I did hear God caution me, “Don’t get too focused on yourself or start feeling sorry for yourself.”  I don’t want to do that.  I do have to be honest with Him about the way I feel.  Lunch with my hubby, who was also a bit down today, was a good idea.  We visited about other things and enjoyed a hot lunch on a chilly, windy day.  Getting a few messages from loving Christian friends saying they understand and are praying for us definitely helped.  Amazing how those small things make such a big difference.  I guess you could say they are emotional endorphins that help me keep going through the fatigue.  A call from my oldest daughter who was happily leaving a really good job interview lifted my spirits.  When she’s feeling especially good or loving towards me she often calls me “Momma.”  As she said goodbye, she also said “I love you, Momma.”  Oh my.  My heart just filled up with love.  Thank you, God.  Such little things that do such wonders for me.  You are there, aren’t You?

Forgive my cynicism.  It seems to be trying to creep up and cover me more and more these days as the time drags on and we wait for answers in so many areas of our life.  I absolutely love the book of Psalms in the Bible.  It has to be my favorite.  I think the heart God gave me to worship him is drawn to the honesty found in its short chapters.  If David was a man after God’s own heart and he got away with such blatant honesty, then it must be okay for me too!  I found this verse today and don’t remember reading it before, even though I’ve read through all the Psalms a number of times:

“I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. My eyes are straining to see your promises come true. When will you comfort me?” Psalm 119:81-82 NLT

I could so easily pray that prayer today.  God I am worn out waiting!  I am tired and sad.  I am frustrated!   I realize that I’ve still been holding onto and hoping in the outcomes I come up with myself, the possibilities that I think are good endings.  I can see that to truly hope ONLY in You, I have to let go of ALL of that.  You’ve brought me to a new level of surrender and it’s hard, Papa.  My hope truly is ONLY in You.  I have nothing else.  You are my sustainer, my Father, my friend, my healer, my guide.  I trust You.  I just need you to hold me up as each step right now takes great effort.

My hope is in You.  You are worthy of praise.  I’m so eager for You to do something I can testify about.  My eyes are straining to see You keep your promises to me, O God!  When?!  Can You hear me?