Hopeful Reminder

When I got a cancer diagnosis more than 5 years ago, my dad sent me this poem.  I’ll never forget sitting at my computer that morning reading it and how it renewed my hope. Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder of what is true and what is not.  Fear can distort perspective big time! I post this today in honor of my many friends who have fought cancer – many of whom have beat it and are living strong today.  I also post it in honor of my friend’s Aunt who is facing cancer now.

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit. – anonymous

Whatever you’re facing, no matter how ominous or threatening it may seem, know that it can’t keep you from or remove you from God’s love.

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? … No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”            Romans 8:35-39 NLT

21 years and counting

21 years ago today I stood in a beautiful dress, in a sun-filled sanctuary, with many happy faces watching – facing the man I knew God had chosen for me.  We confidently and happily vowed faithfulness and love to one another and as a couple, to God.  We walked out of that room as husband and wife.  It was a beautiful, sunny April day.  Surrounded by many friends and family members, we celebrated what God had given us.

There have been lots of joyful times along the way.  Lots of good memories.  Lots of laughter and blessings.  There have also been lots of challenges, troubles, obstacles, and “opportunities for growth” individually and as a couple.

Before we were married, John felt a call from God to serve full-time in ministry.  As we made our way through the years of seminary, working extra jobs, raising 3 little girls, barely making it by, and then starting our first pastorate in New Mexico, I realized God was calling me too.  He called me to stand beside John, to serve alongside Him, to use my gifts to enhance whatever John was doing.  I don’t feel like it was an accident – it was on purpose.  The call to be a pastor’s wife is real – it’s not just a role you accidentally fall into.

We’ve faced a lot together and I know there will be more in the future that requires us to pull together rather than apart, to lean on each other and on God, to pray, to wait, to be there for each other.  All of the fearful times, the sad times, the disappointing and discouraging times, dumb decisions and better ones, misunderstandings and making up times, waiting and trusting times have deepened our love for each other and strengthened us.  I wouldn’t want to face it with anyone else.  I’m so glad God gave me John.

So here’s to 21 years, Honey, and to many more.

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No Agenda

Today I met Jesus for lunch.  I had no plans and was thinking of what to do when I heard him suggest it to my heart.  I gladly went to one of my favorite nearby eateries and sat down, imagining Him seated across from me.  I sat quietly and prayed silently, “Here I am.  I’m just going to be quiet so you can talk today.”  I could almost see him smile at me.  I smiled to myself and waited some more.  He just kept smiling.  I felt such peace and contentment.  I thought about lunch yesterday, how I had met two girlfriends and how much fun it was to visit with them.  We didn’t need to talk about church stuff or conflict or issues, we just wanted to be together and it was wonderful.  As I thought about that, I heard Jesus say, “That’s how I feel.  I’m just glad you wanted to be with me.  I have no agenda today.  I just want to spend time with you.”  The love in His words overwhelmed me.  What freedom!  “You mean sometimes we can just be – I don’t need to pray anything.  I can just sit here and enjoy You being here?”   Jesus smiled again.    Thinking about it now still moves me.  How many times do I come to Him with a long list of prayer requests or guilt over the fact that I haven’t actually said the names of everyone on my list out loud so he can answer my prayers?   How often do I feel He has a big agenda for our times together, that it’s always going to be a time to discipline me or train me?

Could it really be okay to just sit in his arms or across a table from Him and let Him love me?   Continue reading

You have reason to sing

There have been times when choosing to praise God in spite of something traumatic happening in my life brought healing.  It may not have come at the very instant I made the choice to speak or sing something to God, but it came.  For some reason, when you force yourself to shift your thinking away from pain, disappointment, discouragement, fear, or worry – if only for a moment – to proclaim the things you know to be true, it’s as if God cuts a slit in the dark shroud that’s suffocating you and allows a shaft of brilliant hope to shine in.  Courage grows, freedom shows it’s beautiful face again.  When we say or think, “God is still the God He was before” or “God is still on the throne” or “He never changes, He is still faithful, He still cares about me” or any number of truths like these we’re taking a step toward Him, putting ourselves out there, with arms reaching forward in faith.  We’re waiting for Him to make the next move and pull us closer, to refine us, to beautify us, to do a miracle and somehow bring something good out of something completely awful.  Sometimes we have no idea how any good can come out of what we’re facing, but we trust.  We praise.

I guess that’s the ticket – when we praise in spite of circumstances we are proclaiming our faith.  We are saying “I still believe, God.  I don’t feel You, I don’t see You.  I don’t hear You right now.  But I’m choosing to believe that You’re still good and You’re still there.  You’re still God.”  The Bible tells us many times that faith pleases God.  In fact, it tells us that without faith you cannot please Him.  Many of his people in the Old Testament, before Jesus came to save them from sin, were justified simply because they had faith.

Choosing to praise in pain or any trial also gets our eyes off of ourselves and back onto Jesus and the purpose He has for us.  We can begin moving forward rather than being stuck knee-deep in sinking sand or muck.

I watched a video today of a worship leader from the Hillsong Church in Australia who endured a terrible disappointment and loss, yet chose to praise God.  Watch it and let God speak to your heart.  Listen to the lyrics of the song, too.  This has become my new favorite.

As Iron Sharpens Iron

Today God answered a prayer I prayed recently. I prayed he would keep me humble. I don’t know why I keep praying that prayer. He always answers and it is always painful – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. This time it involved something I have done for a while and did recently that hurt a dear friend of mine. I don’t like admitting it or facing the parts of myself that have yet to be pruned away completely. At the same time, I realize that although God wants us to “forget” ourselves so that He can shine through us, he doesn’t want us to go so low as to feel sorry for ourselves or dwell on the awfulness of a flaw or mistake.

knifesharpMy friend graciously forgave me as we talked this afternoon. I’ve been thinking about it since and remembered that verse in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” As we walk our path alongside our friends we sometimes clash, sometimes accidentally bang into one another, sometimes get scraped. If we’re following Jesus, He can use these “incidents” to sharpen each of us, to mold us, to perfect us. This type of shaping is bound to hurt – sometimes a little, sometimes a lot – but the end result can be good.

God’s been speaking to me a lot lately about forgetting myself, about letting Him always be in the lead and in control, about trusting him and others around me. It’s not about me (where have I heard that before?). Today I was reminded that things don’t have to be perfect or just so to glorify God. Don’t I think that God can work in and through all that we do, perfectly done or not? Who’s to say my way is the perfect right way anyway? That alone speaks of a pride issue in my heart – or that I think pretty highly of my opinion.

This past week in church we heard a message about the poor in spirit inheriting all that God has to offer, now and forever. Poor in spirit – realizing I have nothing without God, that without God and his mercy I would be utterly lost and completely without hope. It was evidently time for a reminder for me! I’m thankful for a gracious friend who doesn’t begrudge me the scrapes I unintentionally gave her this week.

Maybe God will even use our rough patch of path to hone her as well, making her even more beautiful and effective for His use. I sure hope He does that in me.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Prov. 27:17 NLT

A Great Day

race-teamI was privileged to walk in the Komen Race for the Cure this past Saturday with one of my daughters and four friends.  What a great day!  Here are some things I loved about that day:

I love the energy created by a huge group of people gathered for a good cause.

I love the openness people feel when some barriers have been knocked down by common ground of suffering, disease, or struggle.  Complete strangers hugged me.  I felt I was friends with everyone there.

I love the optimism and joy that seems to radiate from everyone there – buoyed up by the notion that we can beat this!  We can make a difference.

I love my friends and my daughter for giving up a Saturday morning to walk with me and the other 42,000 people.

3233_86088558893_660523893_2475881_3308313_nI love the contagious sense of excitement as we made our way through the course set out for us.  At one point someone started the wave way up front and it traveled all the way through the throng to the back as we all shouted and cheered.

I love God for giving me another chance and sparing my life.

I love sunshine – it was a beautiful morning.

I love volunteers.  I was inspired by the amazing number of people that pulled it off – many of whom just volunteered.

It was a great reminder that a lot of good can be accomplished when many catch a vision.  It was a somber reminder that not everyone survives breast cancer and those of us who have need to be always grateful.  It was a great day!

Eyes on Me

fantasia2000Have you seen Fantasia 2000?   I haven’t watched it for a while because we have it on VHS and need a new VHS player.  It would be fun to get it on DVD and watch it on a big screen.  Disney created animated sequences to interpret some well-known classical music.  It’s imaginative and visually stunning at times!  The last song/sequence is the very best in my opinion – breathtaking!

At any rate, several celebrities host, giving intros between the segments on a set with an orchestra seated around them.  One of the funniest is Steve Martin who tells us he is going to play a magnificent violin solo in the next piece, but then accidentally flips his bow up in the air and flying into the seats behind him.  We realize he can’t play violin and the camera starts panning away from Steve, who says, “Camera back on me.  Camera back on me.  Camera…” as the camera fades away unwilling to give Martin the attention he wants so desperately.

I’ve been realizing lately that there are so many ways I maybe saying “eyes on me” or “camera back on me”.  I even think part of the appeal of facebook (or – yikes – even blogging) is the attention I receive from others.  Is that a bad thing?  Continue reading

Words of encouragement from someone who knows

me-and-popsI’m so blessed to have both my parents living and that we have an open, loving relationship.  It enriches my life and gives me so much support – just knowing they love me and are there for me.  I hope I can do the same for them!

I recently emailed my dad with some frustrations about being in the pastorate and comparing the “fruit” of our ministry with others I see.  Probably in every career are the moments when you question yourself and whether or not you’re in the right career or position.  Am I doing a good job?  Am I suited for this?  Am I a total flop?

My dad sent these wise words of encouragement to me.  He has been a pastor for more than 40 years so he knows a thing or two about it.   As I read his response God reminded me that it’s not about me.  Too much self-focus, even self-evaluation, leads to self-centeredness and is definitely not the way to please God or serve him effectively!  Here is what he said: Continue reading

My mom, my friend

img_0614I just enjoyed a few days with my mom.  She came over to visit since my girls are on spring break so I took two days off work.  We saw a movie, shopped ’til we dropped (groceries and the mall), ate some M & M’s and ice cream, drank diet cokes & coffee, and just relaxed.  My favorite part of the visit was when we had breakfast together at Bob Evans one morning, not because of the yummy omelet and pancake, but because of the heartfelt open conversation.

One of my mom’s famous lines when I was a teenager was “I’m your mom, so I can’t always be your friend.”  In other words, “I’m laying down the law here whether you like me or not.  We’re not gonna be buddies right now.”  It was the right thing to do and I’ve told my girls that quite a few times myself.  They just love it.

Thankfully that’s only true for a while.  Once I got married and began my life with John the relationship changed a little.  We were more friends than mom and daughter, though I still felt like her little girl.  When I became a mom myself, all sorts of light bulbs went on in my head as I experienced the joys and trials of raising little ones.  “Ohhhhh – now I see why she said that or did that.”  As the years go by, I’ve become more and more comfortable just being my mom’s friend.   The roles have changed.  I’m not the self-centered teenager I used to be.  I actually see that my mom has needs, has hurts, has things she wants and needs to talk about.  She wants to share joys and answers to prayer and have me rejoice with her.  It never occurred to me before when my mind was preoccupied with dating, doing my own thing, and arguing with her about curfews.  I forgot that my mom and dad were people, too, not just parents.  Imagine that!

As we sat and visited the other day, my eyes were opened a little bit more to the hurts my mom has trudged through and how God has ministered to her heart.   Continue reading

Getaway

n660523893_2373225_3532784Time away with my sister and her family, in sunny Arizona, was like the wonderful rush of “ahhhh” after a strenuous workout, when the endorphins kick in.

n660523893_2373204_6163129There was much conversation and diet coke (of course!), much laughter, watching movies, sitting in the sun, walking through beautifully manicured, landscaped southwestern neighborhoods with cactus and brilliant fuchsia bougainvillea vines growing everywhere, shopping at n660523893_2373211_6705Ikea for the first time, tutoring my sis on facebook, driving around town in the little pick-up truck with my nephew Curtis, playing with their two sweet doggies, singing at the piano and visiting with my older nephew TJ, playing guitar hero, holding the snake, Vinnie (!) and just plain ol’ heart-warming love.

I always come away from time with my sister a little more enlightened and at peace.   We have a special relationship of openness and trust.

One of her sons, my nephew, yielded to temptations last year and made some choices that led him to time in probation, juvenile detention and now a rehab group home facility where he lives and is working his way through a program of healing and help.  He’s hoping to graduate this year, move out and back home with the rest of his family soon – maybe this summer!  He and his brother got to see each other for the first time in 9 months the Thursday night I was there.  Getting to spend time with both of them was precious to me.

n660523893_2373200_1385522I sat down at the piano to play a little the afternoon he was home with us and he came into the room.  He started singing a praise song I was playing, so I sang, too.  Continue reading