Tag Archives: God

I just want to be where You are

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I woke with a song in my head this morning, a song we sang in church quite a while ago.   The words of the chorus say,

I just want to be where You are,
dwelling daily in Your presence
I don’t want to worship from afar,
draw me near to where You are

I just want to be where You are,
in Your dwelling place forever
Take me to the place where You are,
I just want to be with You.              (by Don Moen)

I haven’t heard that song or thought of it for such a long time but my heart rummaged around and found it in the back of my mind, then started singing without me before I even woke up.

I got up and went outside to my favorite spot on the porch and sat down.  “Here I am, Lord” I prayed again.  Immediately I heard in my heart, “I see you and already know you’re here with me, because I was with you as you slept and watched, waiting for you to wake.  I always know where you are and I’m always with you.”

I realized, as I have before (but you know how I have to be reminded things), that quiet time with God is not going somewhere to be with Him because He’s always with me, but it’s going somewhere to be with only Him.  It’s drawing myself apart from distractions and other people, saying with that action “I love you, God, and want to be with just You right now.”

My devotional echoed what God had told me, that nothing can separate me from His loving presence.  Nothing.  And, since I have absolutely no control over the things that happen in my life or in the lives of those I love, I can just trust Him and relax in His presence all throughout my day.

What greater thing do I have to be thankful for than that?!  Thank you, Papa, for your presence with me always.  Help me to remember that, to be more aware of You, to be tuned more finely to Your voice and Spirit.  Thank you for loving me.  I always just want to be where You are.

I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me….

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me.   –  Psalm 139:7-10, 17-18

Vacation, what a wonderful word

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My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8

We left early yesterday morning for the airport and had smooth flights all the way to Tucson, Arizona, where my parents were waiting with big grins and open arms at baggage claim. It was sunny and hot as we walked to the car, just like I love it, and I was pinching myself.  Mom and I started yakking from the moment we hugged and hadn’t stopped yet.   Continue reading →

That’s the plan

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Let God be the planner.  That’s it.  Sounds easy but not really!  Not for control freaks anyway.

I come up with all sorts of ideas and plans, many of which I take to Him, kind of like a worker approaching a supervisor, holding up a clipboard.  “See? this is why my plan is a good one and why You should make it happen,” said the Mimi wearing her “Holy Spirit Jr.” hat.  I usually do have lots of good reasons, seriously.  But God always has the best plan.

I don’t always understand it or the way things turn out sometimes.  I do believe, with all my heart, that He keeps His promise of working good out of every situation for the one who loves Him and follows Him.  (Romans chapter 8 – awesome truth!)

It appears God will have to remind me a number of times (make that a very large number) that my focus should be drawing near to Him and dwelling in His presence.  It’s very simple, but I forget just about every other day.  I keep reverting back to planning and trying to fix and contemplating tomorrow with furrowed brow.  Meanwhile, this day is passing by and I am missing some blessings and/or opportunities that He planned for me.

My goal is to spend time every morning just being with Him.  I read my devotions and Bible verses but I need to spend more time just being, just listening, just loving, just pondering, just keeping my mouth shut and my mind open to Him.  I need to spend more time trying to learn who He is, looking for Him in the moments that are flowing by me, like water in a stream flows around the rocks.

Do you struggle with the doing vs. being battle like I do?  Walking closely with Jesus so that I can follow each move and hear each word He says – that’s my only plan.  He’ll take care of the rest.

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
    for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Psalm 138:8

Remembering Flo

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Today would have been my Grandma Neal’s 90th birthday.  Five years ago, on a December day in Columbus, Ohio, grandma was on her way to her second Christmas party gathering of the day, blacked out while driving and drove off the road.  By the time the ambulance got her to the hospital, she had already gone to be with Jesus.

My mom and her brothers are going to celebrate her today, scattering her ashes (what remains of her earthly “shell”) at the foot of “her mountain” in Huachuca City, Arizona. Grandma used to live out there in the Sierra Vista valley surrounded by desert hills and it’s the perfect resting place.  She would have loved knowing they are doing that today, and that they’re doing it together.

I miss her.  As I’ve thought about her this week, a fresh sadness at her absence in our lives has washed over me.  There was so much good about my grandmother, who wasn’t perfect of course, but was a vibrant, genuine, extremely loving woman of God.

I miss her impassioned voice when she prayed to Jesus, whom she loved more than anything or anyone.  I miss hearing her cheerful voice and laughter and seeing her make strangers into friends at the grocery, the bank, restaurants and even at the door of her apartment, inviting the pizza delivery boy to church.

I remember so many things, so many good memories are swirling around in my heart today.  One that stands out is how, following my mastectomy, my mom and grandma came to take care of me and help John with the house and the girls.  After mom left, grandma stayed longer and watched over me, brought me my meals, told me to take naps, sat with me and talked, prayed with me, and folded laundry while I sat on the couch.  It was a precious time and it was the way she loved people the best.

Grandma was a hands on person, she showed her love by serving.  For a time she worked in the V.A. hospital treating old soldiers with respect, cheering them up with her ever-present smile, washing their old tired bodies and keeping them comfortable.  For years she watched over and took tirelessly care of my grandfather when he was battling Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.  I remember one time she went over to my other grandmother’s house, Grandma Shultz was wheelchair bound at the time, and gave her a decent bath.  Humility and love was wrapped up in her tall, fair-skinned, Norwegian body.

She made friends with her neighbors, no matter what nationality.  At her last apartment complex she had befriended several Indian families and had them over for dinner, took them jello salads, and enjoyed dinner in their homes.

She was acting out her love for Jesus by loving people.  She did it well.  I want to be more like her.  I love her so much, still, and miss her so much today my heart aches.

When her ashes are scattered it will be meaningful and special, but Grandma isn’t in those ashes.  She’s with God in heaven.  If Grandma had her way she’d be surrounded by cute little white doggies, lots of flowers and maybe even a concrete donkey or set of frogs on a love seat in her heavenly garden.  I can imagine her sitting at the foot of a mountain with Jesus, smiling and talking with Him, praying still for her children and their children to know Him.

I remember you, Grandma Neal, and I love you!  Someday I’ll sit with you there.

Are you in the bottom three?

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It was a shock to her and to the judges. Jessica Sanchez, the powerhouse singer in the petite 16-year-old body was in the bottom three this week on American Idol.  She is a favorite of the judges and clearly has a music career ahead of her.  Even more shocking was the announcement that she was the one leaving the show this week.  A collective gasp was heard across the audience as Ryan Seacrest said those words.

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Thankful Thursday 1 day late

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Oops, I almost forgot about Thankful Thursday this week.  It is Friday already isn’t it?  And Friday’s almost over.

I’m thankful that I feel so much more at home in my church family than I did a year ago – we were so new here last Easter.   I’m thankful for love, for people who gather to remember Jesus in taking the Lord’s supper, for hearing the story again that I’ve heard so many times but still tugs at my heart.  I’m thankful for imagination and how it helps me picture myself at the table with Jesus and his disciples; Continue reading →

Well, that was awkward

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Last year I learned a painful lesson about listening to but not acting on those urgings from God about doing something for someone else.  I learned that putting off or doing less than He was asking me to was a surefire way to miss out on a blessing, cause someone else to miss out on a blessing, and definitely a way to pile on regret.

A patient was checking out at the doctor’s office and I felt very strongly that God wanted me to pray with her.  She was very ill, in a long battle with cancer, and was visibly weak and miserable.

I didn’t pray with her.  I did tell her that I would pray for her and that my heart went out to her.

The next week I found out that she died.

My heart hurt with regret and I told God I would listen in the future when He gave me such clear instructions to do something, even if it seemed odd or if I felt a little afraid of what others might think.

Today, I was sitting at McDonald’s eating a sandwich when I saw an older lady come in and sit down.  I had seen her walking the crosswalk outside as I drove in the parking lot and noticed she walked slowly and seemed a little weary.

She sat down in the booth next to mine, facing me, and when I looked up and saw her I am pretty sure I heard God tell me to offer to pray with her.  I instantly thought, “That’s just me thinking that because it would be nice.”  But the longer I sat there, the more I couldn’t get that idea out of my head and the stronger my heart began beating.  It’s almost as if God said to me, “you promised me last time that you would do as I asked. So here’s your chance.”

I was thinking that I had to get back to work, but decided to stop and talk with her first.  I threw my trash away and walked to her booth and said “Excuse me, I know you don’t know me, but I felt like I should come and say a prayer for you.  Would that be okay?”

She looked at me with kind of a half-smile and pulled away a little bit, saying nothing but “okay…okay…”  I said, “That’s okay, what is your name?  I’ll just pray for you today as I go on my way.”  Still she just looked incredibly uncomfortable and said only “okay…okay…”

I patted her shoulder and said, “It’s okay, God bless you today” and left.

I was so embarrassed and felt so silly.  I also had the thought that it was probably a pretty odd scene to the two ladies sitting right behind this awkward exchange.

But then I thought, who cares?  I promised God I would do what He said and I did what I thought He told me to do.  It did not turn out at all like I thought it might, but maybe the purpose of that prompting today was to test my obedience.  I don’t know that lady or her situation, but I did pray for her as I drove away.

It took me a while to get over my feeling of foolishness and I am still wondering if maybe it WAS just my idea to pray with her and not God telling me to do so.

I don’t think I’ll ever know, but I do know that it felt good to at least follow through on something God told me to do and not make an excuse this time.  Hopefully that is a step in the right direction!

Have you ever experienced something like this?  Done something you felt you should do and have the outcome be anything but what you expected?

She’s home!

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I knew it wasn’t going to be a very restful night for me. It’s not that I was worried, just waiting. My youngest was on her way home from spring break, traveling with her friend and her parents all the way home, straight through.

They weren’t due in until around six a.m. and so, in typical mom fashion, just about every two hours I turned over and checked the clock, said a prayer and tried to go back to sleep.  It was a long night!

When I heard the door shut just before 6, I jumped out of bed, grabbed my bathrobe and hurried to the kitchen to hug my girl. She’s home! Thank you, God.

It’s always been that way during my years as a mommy: if any of the girls were out I couldn’t sleep deeply until they were in the house. There’d be one thing on my mind ’til they came in: their safe return.  Moms out there, I’m sure you can relate! 

As I was thinking about this this morning while eating breakfast, I heard God tell me that is how eager, anxious, even desperate He is for all his kids to come home, to be in His house, in His arms.

Remember the story of the prodigal son? And how the father stood day after day looking down the road toward the horizon, hoping to see the silhouette of his rogue, wayward son coming back to him? 

What if all of us who are already “safe” at home with God shared his inextinguishable compassion and consuming desperation for our brothers and sisters still “out there” to come home?

I know whenever He hears one of them coming in, He runs to them to wrap them in a huge hug, His heart nearly bursting with joy as He smiles broadly, saying, “you’re home!”

God, stir in me a restlessness for those who aren’t home yet. Help me know how to call them, show then the way to You.

When he (the lost son) was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him.   Luke 15:20 MSG

I’m a crackpot, you’re a crackpot

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A water bearer had two clay water pots hanging on rope from a pole that he carried across his shoulders each day down to the well and then up to his master’s house a couple of times a day.  One of the pots had a few cracks in it and so water dripped out with each step the old man took until that pot was only about half full by the time he reached the house.

Day by day he would carry the water this way and day by day arrive at the house having lost some of the water.  A fellow servant pointed it out to him one morning, saying “Don’t you see that one of your pots is broken and is causing you extra work?  It’s not of much use to you that way.  You could bring more water to the house if you replaced it.”

The water bearer smiled and said, “Come with me.”  He walked his friend down the path to the well and showed him that all along the sides of the path patches of colorful flowers had grown where the water dripped out every day.  “If there were no cracks in my pot there wouldn’t be these beautiful flowers, which I take up to my master’s house for his table.” (adapted from an old folk tale)

The Bible compares us to clay pots, saying that although we are imperfect we are still God’s chosen vessel for His life and light; our flaws and imperfections allow that light and glory to shine out so others can see.  Those cracks also help us remember that our life, strength and any goodness that shows from within us is from God.  It’s a miracle we don’t burst into a million dusty bits considering the brilliant, immense, holy, mighty, awesome Spirit of God is living in and through us.  Who are we to be allowed to carry such treasure??

I think of the words of the song “How He Loves” that say:

All of the sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory…¹

God’s love and power, when shining through our frail humanity, will become the focal point if we accept who we are and that God loves us just the way we are, if we trust Him.

Have you ever read about some of the Bible “heroes” and after reading their stories realize that they sure had their cracks and flaws, too?  Some of them were deceitful, some were tricksters, cowards, braggarts, hotheads, and prone to make mistakes.  God loved and used them for good anyway.  His character and glory showed through their lives in spite of their not-so-great choices because ultimately they believed in Him and wanted to serve Him.  God showed through the cracks in those clay pot heroes and created good along the way.

It’s okay to be a crackpot.  It’s okay to have flaws and that’s a good thing because we all have them!  Every single person does.  Thankfully, our Master doesn’t throw away broken pots.  You may never see the flowers that grow up along the path behind you where water has leaked through the cracks of your weaknesses and mistakes.  You may never know the extent to which God brings good from your life, but be assured that He does bring good out of each day and moment of your life no matter what if you believe in Him, love Him, and live life surrendered to Him.

“For God, who said, ‘Let there be light in the darkness,’ has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.  We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”  II Corinthians 4:6-7  NLT

“…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”  Romans 8:28  The Message

¹How He Loves by John Mark McMillan

Perfect but still in process

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I read a verse the other day that I’ve read many times before.  The end of it stuck out to me like it hadn’t before.  Here it is:

For by that one offering [Jesus’ death on the cross] he forever made perfect those who are being made holy. – Hebrews 10:14

Did you catch that?  He has made us perfect and yet we are being made holy, still in process.  How does that work? Continue reading →