Tag Archives: husband

Lean In

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Lean in for a hug, or even a kiss.  Lean in to smell something delicious.  Lean in to hear something more clearly.  Lean in to be part of the group and see what’s happening.  Lean in to the huddle to hear the next play.  Lean in and over your baby’s bed to watch them peacefully sleeping.  Lean in to just be near someone.

Sometimes instead we lean out…maybe because something or someone smells bad.  Lean out because you feel rejected or your opinion isn’t respected.  Lean out because something or someone has hurt you and you want to back away.  Lean out because leaning in is taking too much effort.  Lean out because you’re afraid to be too close.  Lean out because the uncertainty of what’s next is too nerve-wracking and leaning out seems easier.

My sister shared wise words with me a long time ago from a book she read about marriage: always lean into your spouse, no matter what was happening.  Lean into each other and into God.  That image has been tucked away in my heart and mind ever since and has helped me many times.

John and I have mostly been leaning in toward each other throughout our marriage.  There have been moments, of course, when we forget or our pride gets in the way and we back off out of feeling offended or stubborn or any other childish attitude overtakes us for a little while.  There is always this ache inside of me, however, to be on the same page with him again and to be close.    I picture us standing toe to toe, facing one another, holding both of eachother’s hands.  How much easier to stand when we’re both leaning in and holding each other.  I don’t like the feeling of either one of us leaning out and away from each other or letting go of one or both hands.  It throws us off kilter and takes a little more effort to lean back in and become close again.  It causes us to feel more alone.  This morning we leaned in again, closer to one another and closer to God…straining to hear His voice, to understand each other’s perspective, to vent and process.  It always makes our relationship better, even if leaning in hurts at first or is a little scary because you’re not sure how the other will react or respond.  When we lean in, we’re stronger and less susceptible to being taken down by an enemy.

As I think about Mary and Joseph and the first part of the Christmas story we’re all so familiar with, I think of how Joseph had to make a choice to lean out or lean in Continue reading →

In it for good

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I played piano for a beautiful wedding yesterday.  The bride and groom looked awfully young to me…and happy.  Just like so many of us, they’ve thought about this day for a long time and repeat the vows after the minister with smiles while looking intently into the other’s eyes.  Hopefully this moment will just be the start for them of committing to each other and keeping their promises.

I remember well looking into John’s eyes way back in 1988 as we gave our word to one another, our hearts saying “This is for life.  I’m in this no matter what.”  If God had shown us that day all that we’d encounter together as the years rolled by we’d have been overwhelmed.  I like to think we’d both still be game, but we’d certainly be less starry-eyed and looking a little more like deer in the headlights.

It’s probably good that in the wedding ceremony the minister doesn’t go into detail in the vows, Continue reading →

Snippets

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Just a few recent thoughts…

Last week I went through an awful day of emotion and wrestling with God over the possibility of going to a town or church where I didn’t want to go, where I didn’t think I would be happy, where it wasn’t my “style.”  As I vented to him all the way driving to work, I pretty much heard him say, “So, are you saying you refuse to go if I ask you to go there?  You refuse to obey?”  I remembered that if God’s promises are true, and I believe they are, then going where He says to go will be good in the long run because He promised He has good plans for me and my family.  I also remembered, with his help, that this is not about me!  How many times do I have to learn that lesson?  Sheesh.  I’m sure that is what He is wondering, too.  Just when I think I’ve learned all about surrender, God takes me to a deeper level.  It hurts and it’s hard.  It was a difficult, emotional day but it ended in peace when I finally, in my heart, submitted to Him and said “Uncle” once more.  Whatever you say, God.  Seriously.  I give.   I joked with a good friend that afternoon that sometimes surrender feels like the “S” word to me.  I don’t mean that disrespectfully, just being honest.  Sometimes it stinks (at least it seems to at the moment).  My friend asked, “so what you’re telling me is you’re standing in a big pile of surrender right now?”  We laughed really hard and the day got better from there.

I’ve been thinking more about loving people in their own love language.  Lately God’s been showing me how to love my girls in the way that shows love to them the most.  I’m still trying to figure out one of my girls – I think I know but am not sure.  The other two – I’ve got them nailed.  John and I took assessments this past year and one was the love language profile.  One of my big love languages right now is “acts of service”.  When someone helps me with something it makes me feel loved.  I also love hugs and attention and words of affirmation but at this point in my life, acts of service speak loud and clear.  Once John found out, he’s been helping more around the house and showing more thoughtfulness…and you know what?  It’s true!  I feel so loved and valued by him, more than before.  The biggest reason is that I know he’s doing those things purposefully to show me love, knowing it means something to me.  John’s biggest love languages are touch and time.  I’ve been trying harder to pay attention to him when we’re at home and not get too absorbed in the computer or other things that I just exist in the same house or room with him.   What are the love languages of the special people in your life?  Try to find out and then show them love that way.  Watch what happens!

Yesterday I blogged about this wonderful time of rest God is giving us and how good it felt.  Well, today, I felt restless and kind of weird.  Pesky, fickle emotions!  I think sometimes we rest out of obedience.  God actually tells us to rest and we need to obey, on purpose, and rest…be still.  I feel like He’s telling me that today.  Rest, be still, but don’t just sit there…draw nearer to me, Mimi.  I’m going to work on that.  Wait…wrong choice of words.   I’m going to try more intentionally to just be close, dwell near and in Jesus right now.

What funny, odd, silly creatures we humans are sometimes.

We went to see my grandma on Sunday afternoon.  She was actually pretty perky, sitting up in bed, watching TV.  Rather than greet us when we got there she first asked, “What channel is the game on?”  So we helped her get on the right channel.  She is starting to show some dementia because she asks the same questions from time to time.  She joked about getting her phone and remote (both laying next to her hand on her bed) mixed up and John teased her about pointing the phone at the TV by mistake and accidentally calling someone.  She laughed.  At one point she said, “Too bad I don’t have any games we could play” to which I replied, “That’s okay, Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  Then she asked us about our church situation (very coherent and sharp).  John answered her as she turned back toward the TV and seemed to zone out for a moment.  Then she said, “Too bad I won’t have any games for us to play, we could make one up” to which I replied, giggling to myself, “That’s okay Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  I love her.  I could just imagine what kind of game that would be.  She’s become thinner and tinier, her blue cowl-neck sweater swallowing up her small shoulders and little frame, but she welcomed our hugs and kisses just as warmly and as we left said, “I love you.”

I better go to bed so I can get up and workout with my Wii coach on the game “Active” which is my new favorite thing.  This simulated personal trainer business reminds me of stuff I saw in Tomorrowland at Disney World when I was younger and thought “Yeah, right, that will never happen.”  🙂

You’re special and God loves you very much.  Good night.

21 years and counting

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21 years ago today I stood in a beautiful dress, in a sun-filled sanctuary, with many happy faces watching – facing the man I knew God had chosen for me.  We confidently and happily vowed faithfulness and love to one another and as a couple, to God.  We walked out of that room as husband and wife.  It was a beautiful, sunny April day.  Surrounded by many friends and family members, we celebrated what God had given us.

There have been lots of joyful times along the way.  Lots of good memories.  Lots of laughter and blessings.  There have also been lots of challenges, troubles, obstacles, and “opportunities for growth” individually and as a couple.

Before we were married, John felt a call from God to serve full-time in ministry.  As we made our way through the years of seminary, working extra jobs, raising 3 little girls, barely making it by, and then starting our first pastorate in New Mexico, I realized God was calling me too.  He called me to stand beside John, to serve alongside Him, to use my gifts to enhance whatever John was doing.  I don’t feel like it was an accident – it was on purpose.  The call to be a pastor’s wife is real – it’s not just a role you accidentally fall into.

We’ve faced a lot together and I know there will be more in the future that requires us to pull together rather than apart, to lean on each other and on God, to pray, to wait, to be there for each other.  All of the fearful times, the sad times, the disappointing and discouraging times, dumb decisions and better ones, misunderstandings and making up times, waiting and trusting times have deepened our love for each other and strengthened us.  I wouldn’t want to face it with anyone else.  I’m so glad God gave me John.

So here’s to 21 years, Honey, and to many more.

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