Tag Archives: Jesus

Dead or Alive?

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I was so happy the forecast was wrong on Saturday.  What was supposed to be a rainy, gloomy day turned out to be mostly breezy and warm, with only a few showers here and there.  With all the rain and humidity around here lately the grass, flowers and trees are extremely happy and show their bliss by their deep, vibrant greens and bright colors and by growing like crazy, even overnight!

  I worked in the yard for several hours, my biggest project an overgrown row of bushes near our back door.  This row of bushes appeared to die last year, but about 2/3 of it came back and is green and happy this year.  While I was snipping off dead, gray branches here and there a prayer rose from my heart, “make the dead alive in me, God, in my daughters, in my husband, in our church. Only You can make new, living things from old or dying things.”

He reminded me that if we want to remain alive and healthy and growing, we have to stay attached to Him, the true Vine.  If we aren’t attached, we’ll be trimmed off and thrown away, just like I was doing to these dead branches.  I did see some branches that were gray and dead on the end, but had new buds and some green growth closer to the main stem or branch that was rooted in the ground.  God can bring life where it looks like it’s too late, where it seems the best thing to do is give up and throw away.

I hope this encourages you like it does me.  Jesus said, “Remain in me, let my words remain in You…”  I’ve been dwelling on how I can remain in Him.  I asked Him to show me, too.  How do you remain in Christ?  Are you dead or alive?

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. (‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭5-8‬ NLT)

I’m so glad I have problems

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rocky pathThe path we walk when we follow Jesus has potholes. This isn’t a complaint, it’s just the truth. The path is not a wide, paved, beautifully landscaped street but more like a rocky, narrow, twisting, sometimes harrowing trail that is downright difficult to walk at times. It will push us to our limits and beyond, test our resolve, even bring us pain. There are times we might even question, “why did I agree to come this way?”

Jesus never said it would be a stroll in the park, but He did say not to lose heart when we we’re having trouble because He’s overcome the world. (John 16:33) Following someone who’s overcome the world – pretty good credentials, don’t you think?

I’ve lived long enough to be able to look back and see that the path we’ve covered so far has made my faith stronger, though sometimes it takes me a minute (or more) to remember that when I’m in the middle of tough terrain.

James said we should actually be glad in our troubles, because of what they do for us. “When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NLT)

It’s one thing to persevere through hard times, it’s another to actually be glad about them. If I say to someone, “I’m so glad I’m dealing with this difficult person and that they’re hurting me,” they’d probably look at me like I had two heads. But God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways. There’s no doubt about that. He doesn’t allow us to have difficulties just so He can show He’s bigger than we are, or just to have us grovel at His feet needing help. Each problem has a purpose: to make us more like Jesus and to witness to God’s goodness and glory.

Before a potter shapes clay or even puts it on the pottery wheel, he pounds it and throws it down numerous times on the table to work out any air bubbles that might be inside and would later be a problem. Before precious metals are formed into valuable objects of beauty, the refiner heats the silver or gold to melting (over 1800 degrees fahrenheit!) and then skims off the impurities as they rise to the surface.

In both cases, the creator is present and personally involved through the whole process.

Feeling like you’re taking a pounding? Or being melted down in a crucible, completely helpless? Sometimes our faith feels like a rubber band that is stretched so tightly it might break. The thought of trusting God one more day is exhausting, and then He asks us to trust another day after that.

Can we praise Him anyway? Can we trust Him? Can we remind ourselves of all He’s done for us in the past? Does knowing He promised He will bring good out of everything for those who love him help us surrender? Some days I enthusiastically answer “Yes!” Some days I have to confess to Jesus that I don’t have the strength on my own, I need Him to help me to believe. Praising Him raises our gaze to Him again and helps. It truly helps. We can have peace that steadies our weak legs and can make it through.

I tried to express this to a friend who was losing someone she loved. It felt almost insensitive to encourage someone to thank God in everything when their troubles are so personal, so deeply painful. How do you tell someone to be glad that they’re having to deal with that? The act of giving thanks in difficulty is part of the refining process. That decision alone can be excruciating.

All I know is that God proves Himself loving and good when we give in and praise Him even in that kind of loss. He shows understanding and compassion. He knows the deepest places of our hearts. It was too hard for my friend, but I still pray God will show her how much He loves her and that she can trust Him.

The end result of trusting God and even thanking Him through troubles is worth the pain. I don’t want to stay the same, do you? I don’t want to walk an easy path if it’s without Jesus. If problems help refine me, then I’m glad I have them. I will try to remember to thank God when they come. I want to grow and reach my goal: to be with God forever and ever, without blemish or fault, without any more struggle with this world or myself…free and home.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. (I Peter 1:6-7 NLT)

Forever young

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Shady treeI’ve gotten in the habit of calling our dog “puppy.” It started, of course, when she was a chubby, furball of a puppy, and I just kept it up. It’s a term of endearment for our very fun, lively, playful dog. It seems to suit her, even though she’s now almost 1 1/2 years old.

I heard someone ask the question lately, “How old do you feel? In other words, if you didn’t know how old you were, how old would you say you are?” I said probably 35 or so. I still feel like I did back then, even though I’ve seen a number more birthdays than that! How would you answer that question? Continue reading →

My Dear?

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Recently I was browsing Bath & Body Works – I love that place – and a nice young girl came over. “Hi dear, is there anything I can help you find?” I was put off right away. Dear? It felt a little condescending. I feel the same way when someone younger than me calls me sweetie or honey. Just a pet peeve of mine. On especially fiesty days, I feel like saying, “Listen chica, I’m old enough to be your mom.”

Last night my daughter was listening to a worship song I hadn’t heard before. I walked from the kitchen where I was washing dishes out to where she was listening at the computer. “Did they say, ‘I love you, my Dear?'” “Yep,” she answered. I hadn’t thought of saying that to God before, possibly because of my association with that word and maybe because of my somewhat silly pet peeve. “Is it okay to say that to God?” I was thinking.

As I listened to the rest of the song, I understood. The writer was expressing passion, devotion and love to God, who loves us so fiercely and faithfully. I looked up the word “dear” in the dictionary and found that it can describe someone or something as beloved, cherished, precious, treasured. It’s an expression of fondness and affection.

I needed to think outside my “worship box.” That’s a good thing! There’s nothing in Scripture that indicates we shouldn’t think of God as dear. In fact, He describes Himself as the Bridegroom who died for and will come again for all of us, the Church, His Bride. There’s no greater love. He surely thinks of us as His beloved and we are most certainly treasured by Him. Why else would he number the very hairs on our heads, hem us in with His Spirit and presence before and behind, be with us all through the night as we sleep, waiting and ready to greet us as we wake? Why else would He step up to the horrible task of sacrificing Himself for the likes of us?

It is bewildering to me that He loves us so. It feels kind of strange to say to God, “I love you, my Dear” but as we sang “My Dear” in worship this morning, my heart was moved. I felt as if a window opened allowing me to tell Him what he means to me in a fresh, new way.

Those boxes in which we put God, our relationship with Him, our interactions with Him, and our understanding of Him, need to be opened and stretched, even taken apart. I’m so thankful for the way He did that for me today.

I love you, Papa, my Savior, my Healer, my Teacher, my Creator…

my Dear.

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.  Song of Songs 6:3

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  Ephesians 5:1-2

 

What did you do?!

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Raising a puppy is a lot like raising a baby – lots of fun, but lots of work.  You have to keep an eye on the doggy at every moment, especially while she’s learning that going potty is for outside only!

ImageWe received a puppy when our youngest daughter graduated from high school a few months ago.  It was a gift from one of her close friends.  Surprise!  She then had to leave for Alabama for a few months for a summer job, so John and I became the mostly happy, sometimes reluctant, often exasperated parents.

If you’ve potty trained a pet, you know that you’re supposed to watch them for any signs of impending…you know…and then whisk them outside cheerfully saying “outside! outside!”  Eventually they get the picture.  

Keeping a sense of humor is helpful, because otherwise you might lose your cool Continue reading →

Surgery

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“It seems when you know you’re not supposed to eat or drink you feel especially hungry and thirsty,” I thought to myself as I sat in the pre-op chair, IV taped to my hand, footy-covered feet dangling.  My pre-operative ensemble was complete with gown that opens in the back, robe over my shoulders, and adorable shower cap on my head, all hair tucked inside.  This combined with the no makeup or jewelry, no hair product guidelines made for what must have been a stunning look.  The nurses, who were very caring and kind, had me all ready to go, now we just had to wait for the surgeon to arrive.

1:20, they said, as John and I looked to see what time it was.  Should be in about 20 minutes.  20 minutes, 30, 40 minutes went by and my feet were still dangling, stomach still growling, nerves a little on edge.  We were in a small dimly-lit, quiet, room watching blurred green forms of the nurses and workers in scrubs pass by the door’s frosted full-length window.  Finally, my doctor came in!

He was friendly, confident, quick, professional, and ready to get to the task at hand, which was to perform some reconstructive work on some failed reconstructive work from my cancer episode almost 10 years ago.  I have been more than ready to have this done for several years and finally was getting to it.

Before surgery they always mark on you so they won’t operate on the wrong body part, which is totally fine with me!  It was a little awkward and funny, however, Continue reading →

Just a little freak out

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The wedding is less than four months away! It’s so exciting, but it’s less than four months away! Krissy just joined the soccer team and there are shoes, uniforms and various other soccer “stuff” she needs.  The van, good ol’ “Nugget”, is making a weird noise but it usually does so I’m ignoring that.  We’re paying off the much-needed tonsillectomy and the associated bills that go along with that.  I think I should go into anesthesiology, I’m in the wrong business.  (Thank you, Lord for health insurance, though)  The cats need to go to the vet…someday.  But really, they’re in excellent health right now and what do they have to complain about?  Woops, don’t forget the sports physical, orthotics, and a few other things that will need taking care of before long.  The girls will need more boxes of contact lenses soon, too.  While thinking (stressing) about all of these things, I became aware that Krissy will also need a car to carry out the summer job she’s hoping to have of being nanny for my brother’s kids in Alabama.  How are we going to get a car?  That’s only a few months away!

I had to go to the bedroom and shut the door.  On my knees, I cried for a while.  The awareness that our resources are falling waaaaay short of meeting obligations or needs gets to me.  I needed to vent some pent-up emotion anyway and it seemed a good moment for a freak out.  At least I was freaking out to God and not just by myself, rocking with my knees hugged to my chest in a corner somewhere.  Right?

It felt good to just let it out – all that pressure.  I know everyone faces situations like this.  Life tends to be that way: obligations, needed repairs, medical bills, special life events, and so forth seem to pile up in groups, multiply, and avalanche down on top of us – like the old adage “when it rains, it pours.”  I was feeling a little smushed under the pile up.

And really, we are so blessed, with so much to be thankful for.

God brought to my mind a conversation my sister and I had just earlier that day, before the “we need another car” moment.  We were talking about how God was in control, how He was good at details, how we could dream big and trust Him.  God also lovingly poked me in the ribs and reminded me of the scripture I had read just that morning from Mark 4, about the disciples’ freak out during a bad storm at sea.

Their boat was actually starting to sink from the rocking waves and sloshing water, but Jesus remained asleep at the back of the boat (which is impressive considering how bad the storm was).  They got to the tipping point, where they couldn’t take it any more, and shook him shouting “We’re gonna drown!  We’re gonna drown!  Do something, Jesus!  I can’t swim! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!”  Okay, that’s a little paraphrase there, but I bet that’s how they felt!

Jesus woke, stood up, told the wind and waves to stop it and then asked the disciples, who stood there dripping and astonished, “Why were you afraid?  Why didn’t you have faith?”

That seems a little harsh to me.  I mean, their boat was beginning to sink and it seemed Jesus didn’t care or wasn’t aware.  That would most definitely be an “afraid” moment.  It seems the fact that He was there with them was supposed to be enough.

He did stop the storm, none of them drowned, and all was well.  He did care.

So, on my knees, crying and blowing my nose into multiple tissues, having a little freak out I prayed, “How are we going to do all of this, God?  And with what?!  I have run out of ideas.  We need your help!  Aaaaahhh!”  My little boat was filling up with water and it felt like God was sleeping at the back.

It helped to be honest with Him and then remember that if I don’t have what I need, God does.  He is with me and even if my boat DOES sink, He is with me.  He will take care of us.  He will make a way.  He has unlimited resources and can even tell the wind and waves and anxiety to stop it.

I felt peace the next morning while I read some more in Mark (ch. 6), when Jesus’ disciples once again were perplexed.  There was an enormous hungry crowd of thousands lingering after listening to Jesus teach all day. Jesus had just instructed the disciples to feed them.  “How will we do that?!” they asked, probably with deer-in-the-headlights expressions on their tired faces.  Jesus said, “Bring me what you have.”  They found a boy with a sack lunch and gave it to Jesus.  Jesus then did what He always does: provided, worked a miracle, proved able and faithful again.

God has been saying to me (and to John), “bring me what you have.”  I know He will do the rest.  He is already doing it.  Things get taken care of and resources arise that I had no way of orchestrating.  The best part is the peace that comes when I remember to trust Him, no matter what.  Not even a little freaking out.

That evening, Jesus said to his followers, “Let’s go across the lake.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him in the boat just as he was. There were also other boats with them. 37 A very strong wind came up on the lake. The waves came over the sides and into the boat so that it was already full of water. 38 Jesus was at the back of the boat, sleeping with his head on a cushion. His followers woke him and said, “Teacher, don’t you care that we are drowning!”

39 Jesus stood up and commanded the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind stopped, and it became completely calm.

40 Jesus said to his followers, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”  Mark 4:35-40 NCV

Late in the afternoon his disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. 36 Send the crowds away so they can go to the nearby farms and villages and buy something to eat.”

37 But Jesus said, “You feed them.”

“With what?” they asked. “We’d have to work for months to earn enough money[g] to buy food for all these people!”

38 “How much bread do you have?” he asked. “Go and find out.”

They came back and reported, “We have five loaves of bread and two fish.”

39 Then Jesus told the disciples to have the people sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they sat down in groups of fifty or a hundred.

41 Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he kept giving the bread to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people. He also divided the fish for everyone to share. 42 They all ate as much as they wanted, 43 and afterward, the disciples picked up twelve baskets of leftover bread and fish. 44 A total of 5,000 men and their families were fed from those loaves!  Mark 6:35-44 NLT

Vacation, what a wonderful word

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My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8

We left early yesterday morning for the airport and had smooth flights all the way to Tucson, Arizona, where my parents were waiting with big grins and open arms at baggage claim. It was sunny and hot as we walked to the car, just like I love it, and I was pinching myself.  Mom and I started yakking from the moment we hugged and hadn’t stopped yet.   Continue reading →

That’s the plan

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Let God be the planner.  That’s it.  Sounds easy but not really!  Not for control freaks anyway.

I come up with all sorts of ideas and plans, many of which I take to Him, kind of like a worker approaching a supervisor, holding up a clipboard.  “See? this is why my plan is a good one and why You should make it happen,” said the Mimi wearing her “Holy Spirit Jr.” hat.  I usually do have lots of good reasons, seriously.  But God always has the best plan.

I don’t always understand it or the way things turn out sometimes.  I do believe, with all my heart, that He keeps His promise of working good out of every situation for the one who loves Him and follows Him.  (Romans chapter 8 – awesome truth!)

It appears God will have to remind me a number of times (make that a very large number) that my focus should be drawing near to Him and dwelling in His presence.  It’s very simple, but I forget just about every other day.  I keep reverting back to planning and trying to fix and contemplating tomorrow with furrowed brow.  Meanwhile, this day is passing by and I am missing some blessings and/or opportunities that He planned for me.

My goal is to spend time every morning just being with Him.  I read my devotions and Bible verses but I need to spend more time just being, just listening, just loving, just pondering, just keeping my mouth shut and my mind open to Him.  I need to spend more time trying to learn who He is, looking for Him in the moments that are flowing by me, like water in a stream flows around the rocks.

Do you struggle with the doing vs. being battle like I do?  Walking closely with Jesus so that I can follow each move and hear each word He says – that’s my only plan.  He’ll take care of the rest.

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
    for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Psalm 138:8

Remembering Flo

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Today would have been my Grandma Neal’s 90th birthday.  Five years ago, on a December day in Columbus, Ohio, grandma was on her way to her second Christmas party gathering of the day, blacked out while driving and drove off the road.  By the time the ambulance got her to the hospital, she had already gone to be with Jesus.

My mom and her brothers are going to celebrate her today, scattering her ashes (what remains of her earthly “shell”) at the foot of “her mountain” in Huachuca City, Arizona. Grandma used to live out there in the Sierra Vista valley surrounded by desert hills and it’s the perfect resting place.  She would have loved knowing they are doing that today, and that they’re doing it together.

I miss her.  As I’ve thought about her this week, a fresh sadness at her absence in our lives has washed over me.  There was so much good about my grandmother, who wasn’t perfect of course, but was a vibrant, genuine, extremely loving woman of God.

I miss her impassioned voice when she prayed to Jesus, whom she loved more than anything or anyone.  I miss hearing her cheerful voice and laughter and seeing her make strangers into friends at the grocery, the bank, restaurants and even at the door of her apartment, inviting the pizza delivery boy to church.

I remember so many things, so many good memories are swirling around in my heart today.  One that stands out is how, following my mastectomy, my mom and grandma came to take care of me and help John with the house and the girls.  After mom left, grandma stayed longer and watched over me, brought me my meals, told me to take naps, sat with me and talked, prayed with me, and folded laundry while I sat on the couch.  It was a precious time and it was the way she loved people the best.

Grandma was a hands on person, she showed her love by serving.  For a time she worked in the V.A. hospital treating old soldiers with respect, cheering them up with her ever-present smile, washing their old tired bodies and keeping them comfortable.  For years she watched over and took tirelessly care of my grandfather when he was battling Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.  I remember one time she went over to my other grandmother’s house, Grandma Shultz was wheelchair bound at the time, and gave her a decent bath.  Humility and love was wrapped up in her tall, fair-skinned, Norwegian body.

She made friends with her neighbors, no matter what nationality.  At her last apartment complex she had befriended several Indian families and had them over for dinner, took them jello salads, and enjoyed dinner in their homes.

She was acting out her love for Jesus by loving people.  She did it well.  I want to be more like her.  I love her so much, still, and miss her so much today my heart aches.

When her ashes are scattered it will be meaningful and special, but Grandma isn’t in those ashes.  She’s with God in heaven.  If Grandma had her way she’d be surrounded by cute little white doggies, lots of flowers and maybe even a concrete donkey or set of frogs on a love seat in her heavenly garden.  I can imagine her sitting at the foot of a mountain with Jesus, smiling and talking with Him, praying still for her children and their children to know Him.

I remember you, Grandma Neal, and I love you!  Someday I’ll sit with you there.