Who I’m Not

I have the joy of hanging out with the senior high kids on Wednesday nights at church.  I don’t have much responsibility except once a month or so handing out snacks, which is fun because teenagers love to eat.   A bonus is getting to witness God at work in young hearts.  Another bonus is having him work in my heart at the same time.  You know adults have a lot of the same insecurities that teenagers do and need a lot of the same lessons and reminders.  Even though there’s an age difference we’re all walking the path together.

Tonight we were taught that in order to know who we really are, we have to realize, admit and decide who we are NOT.  What a great truth and how we all need to know it.  [Important side note: During worship the youth band led the song “How He Loves” and as we sang the words about how much God loves us, my throat tightened and my eyes stung a little.  In my heart I told God that I don’t really feel that right now but I was singing it trying to believe it.  You know, prolonged waiting and trusting and uncertainty have a way of wearing one out.] Anyway, after the message, we had the opportunity to respond by going to tables in the back which were covered in brown paper with giant red “No” symbols painted on them.  Continue reading

True Identity

While talking with a friend of mine who just finished 16 rounds of chemo I realized she still has a long road ahead of her before she can come out of the cancer woods.  She has a double mastectomy and hysterectomy in her future along with radiation, then probably reconstructive surgery.  Just hearing about it was a little overwhelming for me, so I’m sure it’s daunting to her at times, too.  She seems so peaceful, though.  She’s thankful to be alive.  She’s thankful for a good prognosis and the way her cancer responded to the chemo.  She told me confidently that cancer can take her hair, take parts of her that give her some of her femininity, make her sick and more, but it can’t take her soul.  Cancer can’t steal who she really is.

As I reminisced briefly with her about my mastectomy 7 years ago I realized that I still feel some hurt over the surgery changing my body, which is still a little lopsided and unnatural.  She is right and I needed to be reminded that my identity doesn’t lie in my physical appearance or health, Continue reading