Tag Archives: loneliness

Sometimes the grass is greener in the past

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When Kimmi first went to college, the school advised the students to stay on campus once classes started for at least six weeks before going home for a visit.  The purpose behind that recommendation is that it helps them engage with the other students and the college community as well as cutting ties with home a bit (getting used to being away from home).  I think it’s a great idea and though it was a hard adjustment at first (probably harder for me than for her), it did help Kimmi step into the college phase of her life more on her own.  She began “leaving” the phase of life she had with us at home – an important, necessary step to growing up.

When first away at school it might be easy for kids to keep wanting to go home and be in the familiar, comfortable situation they just came from.  Looking back, the grass might seem greener at home in the past where their high school friends lived, where they were comfortable in a home church and so on.  If they’ll turn around and look forward, however, step out and give it time, they find that independence, new friendships, experiences, possibilities and more can become their new “normal” and be pretty exciting.   They can change and grow, becoming more and more of who they are meant to be.  The world opens up in new ways that they wouldn’t have known if they went back and stayed at home.

I realize that sometimes when I look back the grass looks greener in the past.  This past weekend we went “home” to Indiana to attend our college homecoming weekend, see our college girls, and attend church where we did when we lived there.  We saw many old friends, enjoyed beautiful sunny fall weather, were blessed by a moving, encouraging worship service at church, and spent some really good quality time with our daughters.

John and I both agreed today that a little part of ourselves felt like it would be nice to go back there to stay.  It was comfortable there for us in many ways and we have lots of dear friends there.  We fit in and knew our place.  We have a lot of history there, too, all the way back to before we got married so of course it feels like home.

If I am honest when I look back though, Continue reading →

Don’t be afraid

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It takes someone outside of me to help me see behaviors and pinpoint thoughts/perceptions that aren’t healthy.  Whenever I spend time with my sis, I learn so much.  She is very perceptive and wise and is one of those friends for me who speaks truth into my heart and life.  I take it from her because I’m secure in her love.  She knows me and doesn’t judge me.

Sitting at my kitchen table a few mornings ago, somehow we began talking about connecting to people and trying to fill the need in our hearts to connect with stuff other than intimacy with God.  Jodi asked me what I was afraid of.  I hadn’t thought I was afraid of anything but as we sat there and I thought about it I realized I am afraid of being alone and lonely.  I’m having a hard time watching my old friends from our old church grow more closely together, even though that is wonderful and what’s supposed to happen, because I feel I’m drifting away from them.  I’m missing my college girls – and anticipating when my youngest also leaves – and realize they’ve been some of my closest friends all throughout their growing up years and now they are moving on, so to speak.  Continue reading →

Day 3 – Alone

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Forty days is a long time to spend wandering in a rocky, dusty wilderness, especially without food.  Lots of time for thinking, praying, listening, walking, resting, trying to sleep.  It was hard for the tanned and sweaty man not to think about the gnawing hunger and thirst inside.  Then there were the moments of temptation and taunting from the enemy, so artfully crafting arguments to try to persuade Him to abandon his true purpose, even His true identity.  Would he be able to keep his weakening heart and tired eyes focused on obedience and perseverance to complete this time of solitude, to be honed and made more ready for what was coming?  He had God’s Word, He WAS God’s Word and the enemy was no match for that or for Him.   Even so, heading into the wilderness and surviving its lessons and temptations, Jesus was alone.

Once he began teaching and performing miracles, the people couldn’t get enough of Him.  He would teach, heal and love all day, get in a boat with his disciples, arrive at a different place only to see a sea of smiling, eager faces of those who wanted to hear him teach, to have his attention, to feel his healing touch.   Reading about his compassion even when he must have been physically exhausted always amazes me.  No wonder Jesus often got up early before the sun even came up, and went off somewhere by himself.  That time of quiet prayer with God must have been refreshing, even imperative.

Living life with the men He called to follow Him for three years, journeying from town to town, sleeping in others’ homes or outside under the stars, or even by the sea, interacting with hundreds of people in crowds everyday, must have been wonderful, tiring, rewarding, and disappointing all at the same time.  There must have been times when he would pause from teaching to look into the bewildered eyes of his friends and disciples, seeing that they didn’t really understand what He was saying or who He really was.  In those times, I think He felt alone.  Continue reading →