Tag Archives: love

You’re the reason

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With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.  Romans 8:1-2 The Message

Guilt is described as a sense of remorse or responsibility for some offense or wrong-doing, whether real or imagined.   It plaques every one of us at one time or another and can become oppressive causing us to trudge instead of walk freely, to feel low and even worthless.  It’s like wearing a stack of lead aprons, the kind the dentist lays on top of you when you’re about to have an x-ray.

Where does it come from?   From other people?  After all they can be judgmental and have certain expectations of us, or we can value their opinions of us far too much.  Maybe sometimes.  From ourselves?  Each of us is probably our harshest critic and with help from our enemy, the devil, accuse ourselves ruthlessly.  From God?   Continue reading →

One thing at a time

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My mom used to tell me, when I was feeling overwhelmed by too many things to do, to just take one thing and start doing it.  Once I got going, my motivation kicked in, fear and stress bowed out and I was able to knock my way through my to do list bit by bit.  It was the looking at the whole pile of tasks that made me stop in my tracks, thinking it was all too much or wondering how I was going to accomplish everything by the time it needed to be done.

My daughter texted me the other night feeling much the same way about school work.  Her list of assignments/papers/tests was looming over her and had frozen her in one spot feeling inadequate for the job.  I tried to encourage her to do the same thing – “start with one thing, do one thing at a time and you’ll get through it!”

This morning in my devotional, there was a wonderful illustration of how the fog on the path ahead of us in life is actually one of God’s mercies, enabling us to just focus on the step in front of us, the day we are living in right now.  If God were to lift that fog and allow us to see the entire path, with all its twists and turns, mountaintop highs and desperate, painful or lonely lows, we would certainly be overwhelmed and our little feet would probably refuse to move at all.  We would stare with open mouths, knotted stomachs and pounding hearts and think “there’s no way I can do all that or get past all of that” or “How in the world will I know what to do or which way to go?”

Accept God’s merciful, loving gift of not having to see all of the future or all the path ahead of you, take his hand (because He’s right beside you) and take one step.  Then another, as He leads you.  You can live in this day with Him.  You can have peace in not having to figure out all of your future at once.  God will show you.  He will give you all you need to do one thing at a time.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. – I Corinthians 13:12  The Message

He was there

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I got my diagnosis on my mom’s birthday.  That just doesn’t seem right does it?  My surgery was that Friday, only five days later.  What a whirlwind week it was.  My parents dropped everything and drove to St. Louis to be with us, even though my dad was a pastor with a busy schedule.  I don’t remember how many days I had to stay in the hospital, I think only two.  I just remember with clarity an early morning blood draw to check my white cell count to see if I could go home.

Shortly after the lab tech left the room, my dad walked in.  He was carrying his garment bag and told me he was about to go back home but wanted to come see me first.  While he was with me, my surgeon, Dr. Billy, came in to tell me that my levels were low and I was going to have to stay longer in the hospital.  My heart sunk into a fearful thought that there might be more cancer.  Then Dr. Billy noticed they had drawn blood out of the arm that had an IV and it had diluted the blood sample.  He had them come back in and draw from my other arm, it was okay, and I was able to go home!

It may not sound like a big deal, but it helped so much that my dad was there.  I didn’t have to be alone through that brief unsettling moment.  He was thinking of me that morning and wanted me to know.  He was there because he loves me.  What did I do to get my dad to love me? Continue reading →

Life with the wonder cats

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Look at him, that little – I mean BIG chubber over there, just laying on the floor.  What a rough life.  We’ve always been “dog people” until a few years ago when Rocky decided we belonged to him.  We heard meowing outside and pawing on our front door.  When we opened the door, he just strolled in as if he’d lived with us for years.  We sent him back out but day after day he hung around, came out of the bush by the front porch to be petted and charm us with his cuteness until we finally gave in and let him come inside for good.

Our doggy went to doggy heaven last fall so now we are “cat people.”  I never thought that would happen.  I have to admit I was a little prejudiced before, thinking cats were not as good as dogs, but I’ve grown quite attached to our two furry felines. Continue reading →

The noise upstairs

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It just gets too quiet sometimes around our house these days.  Now that two of our girls are in college and our youngest is gone often with friends, I miss those sounds I’ve loved all throughout our life.  I miss the sounds of the girls giggling, talking, singing in their rooms or playing instruments, playing video games, having friends in and putting on plays, running in and outside the house, and just life.  I miss the sound of them walking up and down the stairs, doing dishes in the kitchen while singing to their iPod, typing away on the computer keyboard across the room, talking on their phones, or even watching TV.  Those sounds let me know my girls were home.

Last weekend all my girls were here, along with my oldest daughter’s boyfriend.  As John and I went to bed at night, I heard their footsteps upstairs, Continue reading →

Not that I want to go there again…

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Last year was fraught with stress, pressure, hurt, questions, doubts, frustrations…you name it!  In fact the last few years for us were pretty stressful in one way or another and brought some disappointments here and there.  That’s the way it is for everyone, I know, it just seemed to be ultra concentrated for a while.  My heart was gasping for God like suffocating lungs for oxygen.  I had to hear His voice, tried to find Him day after day and be near Him.

In this new chapter of life we’ve just started many of those pressures have been relieved.  Life feels a little easier right now.  The only problem is, how do I stay so intimately connected to God like I was before?  It seems I searched for Him more fervently when I didn’t know where the resources to meet our needs in each day were coming from or when I felt so at a loss for solutions that I simply fell into Him in hope that He had them ready.

It’s not like I want to go back, no, no, no, Continue reading →

Good Scars

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She said she’s going to get a tattoo that says “Beauty from pain” on her forearm where she has a few scars.  The scars remind her of a not so great choice she made last year and each time she looks at them, she told me, she thinks about what she did.  The scars were like tightly bound, rough ropes that kept her tethered to shame.  She would see them and berate herself all over again for cutting her arm in a moment of deep hurt and loneliness.  I think it did break one of those binding ropes when she told me about it, which she had put off doing for a while.  God was healing her one step at a time.

As she talked about it with me and how she wanted to replace those scars with a positive message, I told her that the scars are not all bad.  They will fade in time, but instead of bringing up shame or disgust with herself for something she feels was a mistake, they could remind her of all God has done for her and is doing right now to help her grow, heal her heart, and use her to encourage other people.  She has good scars.

I remembered back to 2003 when I was recovering from a mastectomy and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time without bandages.   Continue reading →

Thank God, I’m not the One

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“The Afters” sing a great song about how it’s a good thing we’re not God, we’re not the Savior of the world because we couldn’t do, wouldn’t do all that He does for mankind.  He shows mercy when we would just as soon write someone off for ticking us off.  He loves even when we turn our backs on Him, spit in His face in anger or shrug in apathy.  He forgives when we tend to hold grudges.  He gives second, third, fourth, fifteenth, and hundredth chances when we give up on people after a few offenses.

Thank God, I’m not the one!  The world would be in trouble with such a fickle, weak, limited deliverer.  There is a God and it’s not me.  Or you. Continue reading →

He looks in love

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In this life, I’ll never be able to comprehend how God can know each person on this earth intimately and be involved in each life.  He has plans for each and every one.  He hears every prayer.  He sees each heart, however full of light or darkened still in shadows.

How did He create the universe, which keeps spreading out and expanding into space? Where is the edge of that space? How does He create each and every person uniquely different from all others who live or have lived?

There are just some things beyond our human understanding.  A big part of believing in God and following Jesus is accepting the mystery of who He is.  I do believe with every one of my brain cells and all my heart that He is good.  He sees every one of us and He looks in love.

I work in a doctor’s office and encounter all sorts of people every day – from babies to the elderly, thriving or barely making it, happy or crabby, you name it.

The other day a very thin woman and her husband walked slowly and quietly to the check out desk after seeing the doctor.   Continue reading →

The Distinguished Order of Mommies

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Nothing has altered, blessed, challenged, rewarded, or complicated my life as much as being a mom.  When I was very young and playing house it all seemed pretty simple.  Of course the baby was inanimate, silent and plastic and the laundry and dishes invisible.  Little did I know all that actually comes with motherhood.

When our first baby finally made her debut, I clearly remember feeling awe, joy and a sense of accomplishment.  I had just completed Childbirth 101 and passed the final.  I had just joined an enormous group of women who had done the same since the beginning of time.  I was now a member of a very important and distinguished group: mommies.

Moms give of themselves 24/7, usually without a second thought.  My mom still gives to me.  Even though our relationship has changed she is often still the giver.  She gives counsel, a listening ear, a joyful cheer when something good happens, friendship, support, unconditional love and more.  She doesn’t seem to mind that our relationship is still a little lop-sided at times.

I remember so clearly the first time I called her, when I was a young mom, to apologize for the way I acted when I was little.  Continue reading →