My friend, Cindy, told me about a book that I need to read called “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley.  In it, the author uses the idea of bank accounts to describe relationships in this way:  each positive interaction we have with someone is like a deposit in the love bank between us and that person.  The more positive interactions, the higher the balance goes.  Negative interactions are withdrawals, of course.  The main point of this is that the higher the balance between you and someone else, the less noticeable damage a negative interaction will have.

My parents and I have “known each other” for 43 years.  Their love bank account balance is huge as far as I’m concerned.  If we have a negative encounter (can’t remember the last one of those), disagreement, or misunderstanding, it will barely ding the account and will be much easier to rebuild the balance afterward and keep it growing.

However, if I have a negative encounter with someone I’ve only talked with a few times, there’s a lot less balance to work with and the dip down from withdrawal will be a lot more obvious and painful.  It’s even worse if it’s someone I’ve just met and they have no balance with me at all – Continue reading →