Tag Archives: pain

Where does it hurt?

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My Grandma told me once about a time when my Uncle Pete was just a toddler, a time when he wouldn’t stop crying and fussing. She fed him, had already changed him, tried to comfort him, then put him to bed. He kept wailing and fussing. She even gave him a little spank because she thought he was being obstinate about going to bed. His cries persisted, his little cheeks all wet with tears. She decided to check his diaper again and maybe even give him a bath to calm him down. As she undressed him, she found that one little toe had gotten all bent up caught in the elastic of his footie pajamas and was all red. She confessed, almost teary-eyed, that she felt awful being upset with him when the whole time he was crying because his little toe was hurting and he didn’t know how to make it feel better.

As adults, we may not always cry, but there are times we get irritable, Continue reading →

Even when…

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I was reading a blog I receive through email this morning.  It’s all about worship stuff: song arrangements, opinions/thoughts on leading worship, resources, etc. This morning I saw an article about a new song by Hillsong United called Even When It Hurts. The writer said, “Would you sing this song by Hillsong writer (and Justin Bieber clubbing buddy) Joel Houston in church since it has the lyrics, ahem: ‘even when it hurts like hell…’?”

I was turned off by the tone of what he said and a few thoughts came to mind:

So what if Joel Houston is buddies with Justin Bieber? Isn’t that a good thing since Justin needs good friends who know Jesus? 

I know many wouldn’t feel comfortable singing those lyrics in a worship service, but maybe not every song on their album was intended for congregational worship. To me that song is a very personal one. If you listen to the rest of the song, it speaks of praising God in every season of our lives, in the good times, in the hard times, in the times when it hurts like hell.  Sometimes it does!  I think Job, David and lots of other Bible folks would agree.

The church culture I grew up in was one framed more by legalism than grace and as I am learning more about living in God’s grace I find myself balking at statements that feel judgmental and pious. The writer appears to be questioning whether the members of the Hillsong band have a genuine relationship with Jesus. He doesn’t know them or the stories that song was birthed from.

It’s difficult enough in this world to forge ahead with Jesus amidst criticism and ridicule from those who don’t profess to follow Jesus, do we need to be knocking each other? Our brothers and sisters?

I do believe we can go too far in relating to the culture if we use all the same language as the world or water down the Gospel, but we can also shut the world out completely if we refuse to at least admit that sometimes life hurts. The world won’t be drawn to Jesus much if His people won’t openly acknowledge we deal with pain, we struggle, we are broken and in need of help just like everyone.

I would encourage worship leaders to continue to seek God’s guidance and discernment in the songs they choose for worship, being sensitive to the group of people that will be singing those songs. We probably won’t sing it in our worship services at my church, but it speaks to me personally when I listen. If that song reaches a certain group and helps them relate and consider reaching out to Jesus, sing it!  You can read Hillsong’s explanation of the song at this blog.

Even When It Hurts – Joel Houston

Take this fainted heart

Take these tainted hands

Wash me in Your love

Come like grace again


Even when my strength is lost

I’ll praise You

Even when I have no song

I’ll praise You

Even when it’s hard to find the words

louder then I’ll sing Your praise


I will only sing Your praise


Take this mountain weight

Take these ocean tears

Hold me through the trial

Come like hope again


Even when the fight seems lost

I’ll praise You

Even when it hurts like hell

I’ll praise You

Even when it makes no sense to sing

louder then I’ll sing Your praise


I will only sing Your praise


And my heart burns only for You

You are all, You are all I want

And my soul waits only for You

And I will sing till the miracle comes


Even when the morning comes

I’ll praise You

Even when the fight is won

I’ll praise You

Even when my time on earth is done

louder then I’ll sing Your praise


I will only sing Your praise

I’m so glad I have problems

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rocky pathThe path we walk when we follow Jesus has potholes. This isn’t a complaint, it’s just the truth. The path is not a wide, paved, beautifully landscaped street but more like a rocky, narrow, twisting, sometimes harrowing trail that is downright difficult to walk at times. It will push us to our limits and beyond, test our resolve, even bring us pain. There are times we might even question, “why did I agree to come this way?”

Jesus never said it would be a stroll in the park, but He did say not to lose heart when we we’re having trouble because He’s overcome the world. (John 16:33) Following someone who’s overcome the world – pretty good credentials, don’t you think?

I’ve lived long enough to be able to look back and see that the path we’ve covered so far has made my faith stronger, though sometimes it takes me a minute (or more) to remember that when I’m in the middle of tough terrain.

James said we should actually be glad in our troubles, because of what they do for us. “When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NLT)

It’s one thing to persevere through hard times, it’s another to actually be glad about them. If I say to someone, “I’m so glad I’m dealing with this difficult person and that they’re hurting me,” they’d probably look at me like I had two heads. But God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways. There’s no doubt about that. He doesn’t allow us to have difficulties just so He can show He’s bigger than we are, or just to have us grovel at His feet needing help. Each problem has a purpose: to make us more like Jesus and to witness to God’s goodness and glory.

Before a potter shapes clay or even puts it on the pottery wheel, he pounds it and throws it down numerous times on the table to work out any air bubbles that might be inside and would later be a problem. Before precious metals are formed into valuable objects of beauty, the refiner heats the silver or gold to melting (over 1800 degrees fahrenheit!) and then skims off the impurities as they rise to the surface.

In both cases, the creator is present and personally involved through the whole process.

Feeling like you’re taking a pounding? Or being melted down in a crucible, completely helpless? Sometimes our faith feels like a rubber band that is stretched so tightly it might break. The thought of trusting God one more day is exhausting, and then He asks us to trust another day after that.

Can we praise Him anyway? Can we trust Him? Can we remind ourselves of all He’s done for us in the past? Does knowing He promised He will bring good out of everything for those who love him help us surrender? Some days I enthusiastically answer “Yes!” Some days I have to confess to Jesus that I don’t have the strength on my own, I need Him to help me to believe. Praising Him raises our gaze to Him again and helps. It truly helps. We can have peace that steadies our weak legs and can make it through.

I tried to express this to a friend who was losing someone she loved. It felt almost insensitive to encourage someone to thank God in everything when their troubles are so personal, so deeply painful. How do you tell someone to be glad that they’re having to deal with that? The act of giving thanks in difficulty is part of the refining process. That decision alone can be excruciating.

All I know is that God proves Himself loving and good when we give in and praise Him even in that kind of loss. He shows understanding and compassion. He knows the deepest places of our hearts. It was too hard for my friend, but I still pray God will show her how much He loves her and that she can trust Him.

The end result of trusting God and even thanking Him through troubles is worth the pain. I don’t want to stay the same, do you? I don’t want to walk an easy path if it’s without Jesus. If problems help refine me, then I’m glad I have them. I will try to remember to thank God when they come. I want to grow and reach my goal: to be with God forever and ever, without blemish or fault, without any more struggle with this world or myself…free and home.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. (I Peter 1:6-7 NLT)

Root Canal Spirituality

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If you know me, you expect me to draw some lesson or ponderings from my root canal experience last week, some correlation with my faith.  But, of course!  Far be it for me to disappoint.

The whole reason for my root canal was a dead tooth with an abscessed root.  That is just plain nasty.  Infection set in and caused pain so I finally took action.  There was definitely a problem that needed fixing or I would keep hurting and possibly even face more serious problems.

I went to an expert, a man who’s gone to years of schooling and obviously had lots of practice already performing this endodontic feat of fantastic-ness.  He was quick, confident, and kind and I felt I could trust him right away.  He knew what he was talking about and what he was doing.

His assistant was just as sharp, right there with every tool he needed at the right time.  They worked together like clockwork, in tandem, to finish the job for me and get me all fixed up.

There were a few foibles, like one time the assistant accidentally dropped a tool and they had to get a clean one.  Then a particular tool kept malfunctioning and causing him to have to repeat small steps until he got a replacement that worked properly.

I was wishing I could watch the whole procedure from their point of view, Continue reading →

A mighty little tooth

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I had a nagging feeling for the past few months but I didn’t want to acknowledge it:  a tooth, already crowned a few years ago mind you, was infected and needed attention.  Having spent enough at dentists to buy them each a car I really didn’t want to make an appointment to check it out.  I finally sought help when my sinus filled up and the whole left side of my face started throbbing in pain as if saying, “Enough with this foolishness.  There’s infection in here and it has to go!”

Fortunately I work in a place where people are skilled at helping people with their ears, noses and throats.  I walked back from the front desk and became a patient.  Tests revealed, sure enough, that one side of my head was clear, the other was full of gunk and it was all thanks to that little tooth.  The people I work for went into action doing what they do so well and took care of me.  Dr. sprayed my nose to numb my throat and then put a little scope in there with a light at the end to look around.  I got a shot in my bum, not in my arm, because doc said the steroid might cause “fat atrophy” and leave a little dimple.  I had the thought that maybe he could give me a whole slew of those all across my bum then if it might make fat disappear!

He prescribed antibiotics and even gave me a referral to his dentist, saying I could drop his name when trying to get an appointment.  Relief was in sight, thanks to their willingness to stay after hours and help me.

That nagging little tooth told me a long time ago that there was a problem but I just pushed that thought back and kept on keeping on, hoping somehow it would just stop being infected, stop feeling weird and eventually stop hurting.  Walking down that path of denial, I ended up with an ouchy sinus infection.

It makes me think, what nagging feelings do I have about not so great habits, or not so healthy tendencies that I could address now before they cause big, painful problems?

God, help me to listen to my heart and to your voice if you tell me something in my life needs attention and transformation.

Investigate my life, O God, 
      find out everything about me; 
   Cross-examine and test me, 
      get a clear picture of what I’m about; 
   See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— 
      then guide me on the road to eternal life.   Psalm 139:23-24  The Msg

Really, I’m fine

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It was not how I had planned the day would turn out, not in my weirdest dreams.  The girls and I made a spontaneous decision to go to Six Flags because we had a family pass and we could.  It was still summer and since John was working we headed out the door, just the four of us.  Of course, every good amusement park aficionado knows you should visit the bathroom before starting your adventure around the park so that’s what we did.  First thing through the gate we visited the nearest ladies’ room.  We were pumped.  Roller coasters and log rides, here we come!   If I remember correctly, Kimmi was 10, Kaitlin 8 and Krissy 6.  As I walked into the bathroom stall I closed the door by holding onto the top of the door and pulling it closed without noticing that there was a bar across the top of the doorway.  I smashed one of my fingers.  It hurt!  Wow, did it hurt.  I sat down and thought to myself, “I’ll be fine.  The pain will pass.  This is no big deal.”  I shook my hands, rubbed the sore finger, and then started getting light-headed.  Continue reading →

Good Pain

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One of the odd things about my breast cancer, when I discovered it almost 7 years ago, was that I had no symptoms other than the tiny lump I had found by pressing with my hand one morning.  I told my surgeon, puzzled, “But I don’t feel sick, I haven’t had any other problems.”  He said, “You wouldn’t at this point.  Cancer is simply new cell growth in a place where it’s not supposed to be.  So unless it had grown very large you wouldn’t otherwise know it was there.”  What a sneaky disease.  I’m so thankful I found it when I did.

No one wants to live with ongoing pain, although some unfortunately do.  It’s a bother.  It hurts.  It disrupts our usual way of life and keep us from doing the things we need to or want to do.  I believe it would actually be worse to live without it.  Continue reading →

Re-run

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I posted this on my old xanga blog once and post it now for a good friend who could use a little carrying right now.

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Sometime “Mutts” just makes me grin, sometimes is makes me laugh out loud.  This one tugged at my heart as I imagined myself as the puppy and the man as Jesus.

Let Him carry you.  Don’t struggle and don’t leap out of his arms onto the hot sand.  We may feel that in our struggles God is far away.  I think in those times He’s actually closer – we just get caught up in our pain, distress, or anxiety and become less aware of Him.  Think about it.  When a little child is hurt badly they are so absorbed in the hurt and the fear that it takes some time to console them.  “I’m here” we tell them over and over.  “It’s okay.”  Sometimes we even have to take their little tear-stained face in our hands and physically turn their eyes to see us.

Jesus said He will never leave me or forsake me.  I believe Him.

You are my strong shield, and I trust you completely.

You have helped me, and I will celebrate and thank you in song.

You give strength to your people, LORD,

You save and protect your chosen ones.

Come save us and bless us.

Be our shepherd and always carry us in your arms.    Psalm 28:7-9  CEV

novacaine

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I have these periods of times, sometimes only lasting a day sometimes a week or more, when I just feel “blah.”  I don’t really feel bad, just not much of anything and I really don’t like it.  I find myself not caring about things I think I should care about…it’s hard to explain.  I almost get the feeling that all of the stuff we expend our energy on around here in this life is futile – so what’s the point?   I think of myself as a caring, loving person so when these thoughts cover my mind, like an emotional novacaine, it really bothers me.  I pray and ask God to blow away the fog that’s settled on my heart, to bring back some emotion, some overwhelming sense of awe or love, some tears for someone who’s hurting or sick, some compassion for people I see that are down and out.  Instead I feel apathy.

I’ve heard that people with leprosy lose the feeling in their limbs, their nerve endings ceasing to perform their vital function of proclaiming sensation to the brain.  One might wish for a life without pain, but to not feel pain is to not really exist.  A leper might not have pain and so may not know if they place their hand on a hot stove and that their skin is being burned.  They may get cut and not realize they’re bleeding or get infected because they don’t know there’s an injury.  Pain seems to be an indicator of life, of things functioning the way they’re supposed to.  No pain truly is no gain!   Continue reading →

When Love Hurts

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Is it worth it? Loving is investing, giving, receiving, risking… Is it worth it when you may not get to have the person you love in your life for good?

God has blessed me time and time again with a special friend, a mentor, a confidant, a fun & crazy partner in crime and then for some reason they leave, move away, or we part ways on this path. For instance, getting really close to someone, just starting to feel that wonderful closeness where they know you, you know them, and you like each other anyway. You feel comfortable with them, even when there’s nothing to say. You know they would be there no matter what and you can trust them.

nicecolourorigamirainwaterboat-50684c940f0d2264bb02f3f84ddf4319_h1In a way all of the people in my life are like a bunch of paper ships being set out on a creek. They float downstream together but then at times one or two may veer off and fall behind or even take a different course altogether. It’s just the way it is. Life is like a creek in that way. People come into our lives but they usually don’t stay there forever. Sometimes they “fall behind” as I keep floating along or the other way around and I’m watching them sail away from me into another future than mine. So…is it really worth investing in people and relationships when you know they’ll probably have to go sometime?

Recently I learned that two more dear friends of mine are going to be heading off in a different direction. As I mulled over the news on my way home from work I bemoaned the situation to God. Why? We are close and know each other well. Just when we’d gotten so comfortable with each other – like family – now they have to leave? I felt like God asked me, “Would you rather not have met them at all? Would you rather have missed out on knowing them – loving them?” “No,” I sulked. I get the point.

Love is worth it. My life is richer because of them. No matter the length of time that I get to sail along with someone, the time together is worth the risk, the investment and even the sadness when they sail on without me or I have to leave them behind.

So love.