Tag Archives: Parenting

I’m a flyer, you’re a flyer…

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When was the last time you watched a trapeze act? It must be exhilarating to grip the bar, jump off the platform, swing down and then on the way up let go at the top and fly through the air. Thankfully a fellow trapeze artist is there at just the right time, grabs a hold and swings them to safety on the other side. I enjoy watching these acts most when there is a big net underneath, you know, just in case someone loses grip or doesn’t quite time things right. Then at least they will bounce safely at the bottom and nobody gets hurt.

I’m assuming these trapeze groups have relationships built on lots of trust. I bet the flyers really try to stay on the good side of the catchers, like baking them cookies, giving them foot rubs and the like.

It seems to me there are some very important truths about a good catcher: They must be strong, they must watch the flyer without distraction, they must have good timing, and they must jump out and swing toward the flyer at just the right moment to do their job and bring the flyer back with them.  I read that sometimes the catcher says a reassuring, “Gotcha!” as they grab hold of the flyer.

You may have heard flying on a trapeze as an illustration of a life of faith in God. In that scenario, we who follow Jesus are flyers who let go in life and trust the catcher, God, to be there. They say the flyer shouldn’t try to “catch” the catcher, but just let go of the trapeze bar, hold their arms out straight, and wait for the catcher grab hold. Trust. Big time.

It’s like a child jumping from the side of a pool to their Daddy standing in the water, only bigger and scarier. I mean, I’m flying through the air here Continue reading →

Let go, my soul

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I’ve been trusting in God since I was a little girl. I first heard Him and felt Him tug at my heart when I was very young. Back then, trust looked like listening to Bible stories, praying with my family, singing along in worship at church, listening and learning from my daddy’s sermons…childlike faith.  

As a teenager, I remember writing in my journal at night before bed, pouring out my heart to Jesus and reading my Bible to find guidance and encouragement.  Trust was me believing Jesus was my friend, my confidant, someone who would hold my heart through elation and heartbreak, crushes, questions, and insecurities.  I trusted in forgiveness when I did something stupid or messed up.

Through college and into adulthood, trust looked like seeking God with friends in Bible study and prayer, believing He had a plan for me, surrendering and saying “If you want me to be single all my life it’s okay,” then finding He had a special partner picked for me. 

John and I trusted God would help us know how to be parents.  Trust looked like depending on Him to provide even the most basic needs through lean times.  He once showed me I should trust Him as freely and without care as my little girls trusted us to take care of them.  

Sometimes trust in the young mom years looked like closing myself in the bathroom, near tears, telling God, “You said if we ask for wisdom you would give it. Well I need some right now!”  Trust was me believing God wouldn’t let me scar my children for life by mistakes I made.

At the sound of a cancer diagnosis, trust was something I was grasping for in desperation.  Do you believe I trust you, God, even though fear won’t seem to completely go away?  Does it mean my faith is lacking if I still feel anxious, if my heart trembles and hurts at the thought of not being here with my husband and girls anymore?  I can’t explain how, but God showed me clearly that He was just ahead on the path, around the bend, with hand reached back for me, making a way for me.  So I trusted Him.

There have been so many more faces of trust along the way, too many to recount here.

Trust. Critical foundation for any relationship. God has earned my trust and never broken it, though sometimes He has stretched my faith to the point I thought it would snap. When I’m fighting fear or the urge to try and orchestrate outcomes in my life or in the life of someone I love, I remember what He’s done in the past and consciously choose to trust Him.  Trust is a step out, a surrender of will and the demand to know. Trust is living in this day.

A recent favorite song says it this way, “Through it all, my eyes are on You. Throught it all, it is well. So, let go, my soul, and trust in Him. The wind and waves still know His name.” 1

In other words, God is the same as He was the last time He came through for me. His intentions and ability haven’t changed, His love as boundless as ever. He keeps His promises. He never leaves, though He will walk us through some pretty awful, dark places. 

So, let go, friend, of the need to know, of control, of wanting your way, of fears. Open hands and arms wide and feel freedom, like a bird taking flight into a steady supporting wind, floating and soaring.  You can trust God.

1 It Is Well by Kristene DiMarco, Bethel Music 

Where does my help come from?

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I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord…  Psalm 121:1-2

Fear comes in all sorts of packages and at all kinds of different times.  I’m afraid I’m a bit of a worrier.  I don’t want to be and it’s embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true.  That worry is actually fear in disguise.

I’m the type of person who really wants to know what’s going to happen, how and when.  I try to be spontaneous but my nature is most comfortable in structure, knowing what’s expected of me, having a plan – you know.

Living a life with Jesus requires me to step out of that comfortable place a lot.  Living in general causes me to step out.  Continue reading →

Kaitlin Elizabeth, Kaity-kait, Kaikin

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I remember so well the day we met her.  Early in the morning she let us know she was coming.  Of course, at that point we didn’t know if she was a she or a he.  Before long the mystery was revealed (as the nurse eloquently exclaimed “there’s no pee pee!”) and we were holding our tiny, soft treasure with black fuzzy hair and dark eyes.  I love the moment when they first handed my baby to me and I held her to me, eyes locked on each other.  So you’re the one I’ve been waiting to see all this time!

Some thoughts about Kaitlin on this her 18th birthday: Continue reading →

Just helpin’ out

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As I talked with her in the parking lot after we boogied and sweated together in Zumba class, I was tickled by her enthusiasm and joy.   Sometimes in these conversations I can see her becoming a woman and blossoming right there in front of me.  I couldn’t help smiling as my firstborn gushed about all the awesome things God is doing in her life and the exciting opportunities for ministry coming her way.   As she spoke, God spoke very clearly to me, “See my handiwork?  Isn’t this much more valuable than any house, paycheck, or material thing?”

Years ago when the girls were little, they loved to help us with projects.  Continue reading →

Where else could I go?

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It was 2:42 a.m. and I was getting up once again (third time) to see what my girls were up to.  Kaitlin almost always goes to bed at a decent hour, that blessed child.  Krissy was finally in bed but had fallen asleep with her lights on.  I turned them off and closed her door.  I was tempted to hug her while she lay there sleeping.  If I can’t get hugs from her when she’s awake maybe I can steal some.  I didn’t.  Kimmi was finally home but was doing laundry and taking things to her car!  Today, she and her sister are moving to their apartment for the summer.   Why is it a mom can’t sleep unless she knows all the girls are settled and resting?  It wears me out!  I laid back down unable to go back to sleep, my mind racing through concerns, thoughts, questions, frustrations, more questions, and just plain exhaustion.  Fatigue always intensifies emotion for me, too.

When I’m tired, the lying voice of the enemy is so much harder to ignore.  My heart strained to hear God’s voice instead.  I called out through quiet tears for some peace, some relief from hurt, a sense of His love.  The room seemed completely empty.  I felt empty, my stomach still tight in a knot.  I laid on my side looking at the clock.  3:51 a.m.  Continue reading →

I don’t want to think about that today

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You may have noticed, if you’ve read my posts in the last few weeks, that my relationship with and parenting of one of my teenage daughters pretty much consumes my thought-life lately.

You know, parenting is really hard!  I hear all parents everywhere shout “amen!”  I have always loved being a mom and there have been other difficult times along the way, this is just a different type of difficulty.   It’s new territory for me and for John but thankfully not for God.

After a particularly challenging day and evening yesterday, I drove to work this morning I talking with God, Continue reading →

The God of Open Doors

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In a teenager’s eyes, sometimes the parent appears as a daunting obstacle to freedom, a task master laying down rule after rule in pure enjoyment of squishing every joy from her life.  This definitely colors the relationship between teen and mom or dad.  Her preconceived notions of automatic “no’s” and restrictions may cause her to just decide to do something without asking, ask with angry defenses standing tall, or buck and kick against it all like a wild bronco.  In truth, the parents are laying boundaries out of love.  They don’t enjoy holding her back from fun and friends.  They want the absolute best for her.  Helping her learn to live responsibly and submit to authority is key.  Staying within those lines drawn by her parents, she will actually experience real freedom.  It seems backwards but it’s true.

What if instead of thinking of God as a God of “no’s”, rules, and restriction we saw Him for who he really is? Continue reading →

Day 23 – Rainy

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On days like this my mood seems to mirror the outside, drippy and gray.

Breakfast with a good friend was an uplift and blessing.  Instead of withdrawing when I feel down, which is my tendency, I need to be with a friend and be a friend.

I often start cleaning when I’m thinking hard, frustrated, or need to release pent-up energy.  You should see my spotless kitchen.  I guess that’s one of the perks of parenting teens!

Oh, and today I received the award “Strictest Parent Ever”.   Thank you, thank you…I’d like to thank the little people who aren’t so little anymore for giving me the opportunity.

Hugs are good.  I need some more.  Where is that husband?  I’m going to go get a hug or two right now.

I accidentally included a reimbursement check of ours in with my work deposit last night!  Fortunately when I called the branch they said they found it.  Oh my.  What will I be like when I’m 70?  Stick around – it should be entertaining!

I’ve always thought it would be kind of fun to work at Target.  What do you think?  Do you think the magic would wear off if I was there all the time?  I don’t think that’s possible.

I’m using The Message version in my daily Bible reading plan this year and love it!  I found this verse yesterday in Proverbs.  I thought of writing it on a poster board and sticking it by the door:  “Dear child, if you become wise, I’ll be one happy parent…”  (Prov. 23:14-16)  The verse before that one says “Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones, a spanking won’t kill them.”

As I drove to breakfast this morning I heard a beautiful song.  The words made me cry.  Please take a minute to listen to this:

Places where grace is, soon to be so amazing…

Oh Lord, let it be true.  I’m counting on You.

Day 20 – Not Afraid

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Last night there was a disturbance, not a disturbance in the force but in the family room.  We’re navigating teenage girlhood with our youngest and the waters can be pretty turbulent at times and usually when we least expect it.  Well, a big wave of disrespect and moodiness splashed over John and I.  As we sat blinking on the couch, staring at American Idol, the stormy little instigator marched upstairs.  Moments later the disgruntled teen stomped down the stairs and out the front door!  It was nighttime – dark and chilly out.  John went to see where she went and found her sitting on the porch.  He came back in and closed the door.  I got a rush of restless energy so went to the kitchen to clean.  Cleaning always helps when I’m anxious or just need to get my body busy so I won’t sit and fret.  As I walked in and turned on the faucet to start rinsing dishes, fear blew an icy breath to fog up my heart.  I thought, “What if she runs away?  What if she does something else stupid?  What will we do?  Do I call the police?”  Then I immediately thought, “I’m not going to worry about this” and instead began to pray.  As I put dishes in the dishwasher rather forcefully, I prayed for God to send away any influence from the enemy that was affecting her and her heart.  I prayed and declared that God’s Holy Spirit was the only influence welcome in our home, in the hearts of my family.  I rebuked satan and told him to leave in Jesus’ name.

As I prayed – I was actually saying these things out loud quietly as I scrubbed the surface of the oven – I felt a growing boldness rise up.  The fear started to ebb away as I kept telling the enemy that he was not welcome, that he had no power over us, and that he had to leave because Jesus said so.  All we have to do is resist Him.  That’s what the Bible says!  (James 4:7-8)  We don’t have to punch him, fight him, wrestle with him, or convince him to go.  We just have to pull away and say “Eww, I don’t want you here.”  Well, that’s what I did.  As I prayed it was as if my wimpy little heart suddenly was fortified with the steely determination of Truth.  I said, “I’m not afraid of you!”  Instantly the fear was gone and I felt peace.  I wasn’t worried at all.  I felt strong – felt the power of God all around me, the goodness of Truth triumphing again over evil.  (Like it does EVERY time)

I remember when I was little being afraid to walk through the church with the lights off.  For some reason a church can be really creepy when it’s all dark.  There was nothing there, though!  No reason to be afraid.  And usually my parents were around somewhere getting ready to go home.   I HATE spiders, but most of them don’t hurt anyone. They’re just incredibly spindly, quick and unpredictable and can make me freak out like little else.  When my girls were little and John wasn’t home, I had to be the spider killer.  I would just tell myself, “I’m not afraid” and squish it.  Of course I would usually do it as fast as I could and then get the heebie-jeebies, but you get my point right?

I was talking with a good friend once about doubts and faith, confessing I had some doubts and was feeling guilty about it.  It was also making me afraid for the condition of my faith in God and the foundation I’ve built my life upon this whole time.  He said he didn’t think doubt is the opposite of faith, but that fear is.  I think he’s right.  Doubt usually leads me to God for understanding, for peace, for conversation.  Fear tends to paralyze me.  The Bible says that perfect love (God) casts out all fear (I John 4:17-18) so that tells me that fear is NOT of God.  Not that kind of fear anyway.  My friend told me when doubts arose in his heart, he took them to God and just decided he wasn’t going to give in to fear.  He wasn’t even going to go there.

Is it as simple as that?  Just saying, “you know what?  I’m not going to be afraid.”  I think it is!  For so long I’ve been captive to fears that have nothing to stand on.  The devil is also the prince of lies and all the fears he sloshes onto us are false.  They can be really powerful and trip us but they’re nothing.  He has no power over us.  The thought of facing him when we have God on our side is like us having a battle with a loaf of bread.  (Hilarious simile compliments of John Crump.  Makes me laugh every time I picture it.)

The next time you feel afraid – whether it’s of a dinky spider on your floor or a big, new life circumstance you find yourself in or something you don’t understand about God – choose not to be afraid.  Choose to stand tall with God’s Spirit big inside of you and all around you.  Choose to remember whose you are.  Choose to take it to God, your Father.  Choose to proclaim to the enemy, “I’m not afraid of you!”

Then watch God do something awesome.