Tag Archives: parents

Forever young

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Shady treeI’ve gotten in the habit of calling our dog “puppy.” It started, of course, when she was a chubby, furball of a puppy, and I just kept it up. It’s a term of endearment for our very fun, lively, playful dog. It seems to suit her, even though she’s now almost 1 1/2 years old.

I heard someone ask the question lately, “How old do you feel? In other words, if you didn’t know how old you were, how old would you say you are?” I said probably 35 or so. I still feel like I did back then, even though I’ve seen a number more birthdays than that! How would you answer that question? Continue reading →

Sometimes a mom needs her mom (and dad)

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I found this picture in a stack of pictures from my grandmother’s apartment a few years ago, the day we cleaned everything out.  She had gone to heaven that week and we had the bittersweet job of sorting through memories and belongings to find what was worth treasuring and keeping.  I had forgotten about it until I was looking for photos a few weeks ago to create an anniversary slide show for my parents.

I love this picture.  For some reason it comforts me.  That little baby is me, of course, with legs so chubby the rolls could cut off my mom’s finger circulation if she didn’t watch out.  I look concerned don’t I? And what am I looking at?  Meanwhile my parents are both smiling and looking content.   They had it rough at times those first few years of marriage with hardly enough to live on, but made it through and brought me along for the adventure.  Even though I’m now grown with college and high school kids of my own, I still feel like that little one sometimes.  The last few years have been fraught with ups and downs and plenty of concerns but my parents’ steady faith in God has encouraged me.  I still need my mom and dad’s hugs and unconditional love.  I even need their parental pats on the back now and then, to know they’re pleased with me.  I know they pray faithfully for me and my family and it’s because their hearts are truly heavy when we hurt and joyful when we celebrate.  They look so young in this photo.  Time has changed that (thank goodness my dad doesn’t have those shorts anymore) but it hasn’t changed the impact of the role they play in my life.

This past weekend I got to spend time with them by myself – just me and my mom and dad.  It was really fun, really easy, and really special.  I don’t want to take one visit for granted.

When I look at this picture I feel their love still holding me, their prayers and support wrapped around me keeping me up.  How could I ever tell them how much they mean to me?

Get out of my way, I can’t see!

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It happens every once in a while:  something I’m concerned about grows so large within me it swallows me up and leaves me feeling trapped in stomach-churning anxiety.  I know I should trust God, I know He’s good, I know He’s in control, I know He can handle anything.  It’s just that sometimes these concerns get in the way and I can’t see God.

It happened on Saturday.  I was at my parents’ home for the weekend, helping my mom pack up.  They’ll be moving to Arizona soon for their retirement and couldn’t be more excited.  It was so good to spend time with them.  For some reason on Saturday I started thinking again about the extreme tightness of my family’s budget right now and that it’s likely to be that way for some time because of our circumstance and I couldn’t even eat the yummy double-cheeseburger my dad had brought me.  I think the grinding sound my brakes made on my trip over and the idea of another car repair bill got it all stirred up this time.  Continue reading →

I want Mike to follow me around

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Last night John and I watched “Supernanny”, this time called “SuperMANNY”.  Instead of the assertive Jo from England, confident and caring Mike from the US intervened.  We don’t know if he was just filling in or if the particular situation needed his maleness and expertise.  He offered lots of advice to the parents, of course, about being consistent, keeping their cool when disciplining and being positive.  He especially got on the mom’s case about being negative toward her kids all the time.  She would criticize them but never praise them.  He got after the dad for losing his temper and becoming explosive with the kids.  Hmmmm…both are easy traps to fall into when you’re tired or hurting, which these parents were.

One day while the dad and son did chores and so forth around the house, Mike was right there giving the dad tips about discipline, encouraging him by saying things like, “Go after him, be consistent.  Don’t let him just walk away from you.  Keep your cool.  You’re doing great.”  He followed the dad around all day and helped him.  The day went well and the father and son ended up feeling better about each other in the end.

The next day the mom and the kids went to a nearby mall.  This time, Mike stayed at a distance with a little mini-mic.  Continue reading →

Extending a wide-open hand

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A good friend of mine and I were talking about parenting and the process of gradually letting go as our kids gradually become more independent.  It’s a delicate balance, an ever so slow shifting that starts when they’re born.  My friend suggested the image of a tightly closed hand – that’s how it begins when they’re tiny, so vulnerable, so needy, so dependent.  Through the years our hand loosens the grip as they start to learn about making choices, facing consequences, wanting to start leaning and then stepping away from us in growing confidence.  They venture out, my “mom” hand keeps loosening and begins opening.  When they’re ready to leave home my hand should be fully open, fingers outstretched.  I extend that hand to my fledgling child in blessing and congratulations, “You’re ready and I’m proud of you. Go.”

hand2I realize that my child needs me but in different ways and definitely different doses.  Remembering how I thought and acted at that age has been helping me tremendously.  I remember being so eager to get out and get away from home, not because I didn’t love my mom and dad, but I was tired of that routine and ready for something new.  The new and unknown was exciting and full of possibility.  I would be creating my own milestones, making decisions wise and foolish, having adventures, doing my own thing.  No sister and brother to contend with, no parents to determine my curfew or how I spent my time.  It was a heavenly time between being home with them and the pressures of real life that would follow college.  Freedom!

God, keep this memory close to my heart when I start to feel sad or perplexed in this stage of life.  I want to focus on the joy and promise my daughters face as they continue to grow and mature.  I want to just pray for them, be here if they need me, but respect their space.  I’m going to need constant surveillance from You and for you to keep me in line.  I’m sure my girls will thank you!  I spread my hands open wide trusting You to always hold them securely…please don’t YOU ever let go.

I’m still in your presence,
…you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
and then you bless me.        Psalm 73:23-24  The Msg.

Unplugged

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Did you hear it?  The wails of three teenagers echoing across the entire state of Indiana when we told them we were having an “unplugged” no cell phone, no facebook trip to see their grandparents in NY this weekend?

John and I decided we’re going to leave cell phones at home (except for his in case of emergency) and not allow anyone on facebook either.  It’s only for five days but you would have thought we asked each of the girls to personally cut off their own arms and forever live in caves as hermits.

We live in a deluge of input, information, communication, entertainment, and technology and it seems to have caused American Christians to become spiritually malnourished, weak, subtly distracted and preoccupied.   I have to admit I have allowed it to make me that way.   When was the last time I sat down just to be quiet?  How about an evening without turning on the TV or sitting down in front of the Internet?  How about going for a walk outside and not taking the iPod?  Continue reading →

Words of encouragement from someone who knows

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me-and-popsI’m so blessed to have both my parents living and that we have an open, loving relationship.  It enriches my life and gives me so much support – just knowing they love me and are there for me.  I hope I can do the same for them!

I recently emailed my dad with some frustrations about being in the pastorate and comparing the “fruit” of our ministry with others I see.  Probably in every career are the moments when you question yourself and whether or not you’re in the right career or position.  Am I doing a good job?  Am I suited for this?  Am I a total flop?

My dad sent these wise words of encouragement to me.  He has been a pastor for more than 40 years so he knows a thing or two about it.   As I read his response God reminded me that it’s not about me.  Too much self-focus, even self-evaluation, leads to self-centeredness and is definitely not the way to please God or serve him effectively!  Here is what he said: Continue reading →