Tag Archives: purpose

Can a leopard change it’s spots?

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ImageWhen I was little, I used to think the hymn “Jesus Paid it All” talked about leopard’s changing their spots in one of it’s verses.  That verse actually says, 

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Ohhhh, leper’s spots.  

That reminds me that as a child I also thought it was strange that we were “safe and secure from all alarms” (in the hymn Leaning on the Everlasting Arms).  Were they talking about fire alarms?  But I digress.

We sang “Jesus Paid It All” this past week in our worship time and that verse I mentioned really struck me anew.  While we were singing, God reminded me that He does the creating, changing, renewing, transforming in my heart and not me.  I waste energy and get discouraged trying to change myself, and inevitably facing disappointment when I mess up, when I should just be surrendering and trusting.

What a responsibility, to shape hearts and lives, to bring us into our destiny, designed before we were even born?  It’s a job God is more than happy to do but one we often try to take from Him.  He’s the potter, remember, and we’re the clay.  Just picture how funny it would look if a little lump of clay was trying to spin around on the potter’s wheel and shape itself.  Not possible.  If we don’t willingly be still in God’s presence and remain pliable, we may never become what He’s imagined us to be.  

Once again, I need to remember who I am in relation to who God is.  I need to remember my place.  I believe He has things for me to do, but being the one who transforms myself, or anyone else for that matter, isn’t one of them!  I’m glad!  What a relief.

You paid it all, Jesus, not me.  You are the Savior and Redeemer, the Healer and Restorer.  You have the power to change this leper’s (or leopard’s) spots and melt my heart of stone.  Thank you.

Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Romans 12:2 NLT

O Lord, you are our Father.
    We are the clay, and you are the potter.
    We all are formed by your hand.  Isaiah 64:8 NLT

Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.  Zechariah 4:6 NIV

 

Now what?

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Those who know me were surprised I hadn’t cried all day, but I was just too happy to cry.  Months of planning, texting with my daughter, buying supplies on the Internet and at Hobby Lobby (I should have a frequent flyer discount by now), and coordinating had culminated in this beautiful, family and friend-filled day.  We were gathered because of love, surrounded by love, and full of love, nearly to burst.   I kept telling myself to slow down and be in each moment because it began to speed by, as special days seem to do.

ImageI had one moment where I got really close to crying: when her daddy began to walk her into the dimly-lit, lovely auditorium and down the aisle.  Instead of tears, however, as I saw them come in I caught my breath and just stared at my absolutely beautiful grown-up girl beaming, walking toward her husband-to-be.   As I sat and watched the ceremony unfold, I asked God to interpret the songs in my heart because I just couldn’t find the words or even thoughts to express my gratitude and joy.  Blessed with a capital B, that’s what we are.

I enjoyed so much the time spent with Kimmi in those months before, texting, talking on the phone, meeting at times to shop and plan, brainstorming.  Then, even more fun were the days right before when we drove through Starbucks, then to the church to actually put into motion all we had prepared, with lots of family there to pitch in and help.  What a fun weekend – and everyone was able to come!  I told you…Blessed.

John, Krissy and I drove into our driveway the Sunday after, a little bedraggled but glad to be home. We unloaded the car and brought all the leftover supplies (including many jars!) into the house.  Once inside, I began to feel sad and kind of lost.  I asked John, “What will I do now that I don’t have the wedding to think about, plan for and work on?”  He chuckled and said, “Sit down and relax!”

As I’ve pondered that question these last few weeks, I realize that I poured so much of my heart, mind, wallet, and energy into the wedding and now it is past.  A new chapter has begun for Kimmi and Nathanael and even for us.  We’re in-laws now.  We’re parents of a married daughter!  How’s that for life change?  We may even be on the brink of “grandparenthood” in the next few years to come.  Whoa.  Don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Just as I poured so much of myself into the wedding, I realize some of my sadness was thinking of how I poured so much of myself into being a mom for my girls for so long and that chapter is closing/changing, too.  Our youngest graduated high school and moved out this summer to work in Alabama as a nanny for my brother’s children.

All of the sudden the house is pretty empty and I find myself asking, “what will I do now, God?”  Certainly I should be useful for something!  I’m not accustomed to this.  I’m used to being a hands-on mom, driving girls somewhere, shopping, being needed in close proximity and in person for hugs and heart-to-heart conversations.  I even relished in the everyday talking about friends, school, boys, etc.  Now things are long distance (not too long thankfully) and over the phone or texting or facebook.  Now they are out making their way as young adults and I’m watching them go, proudly but feeling a little lost.

John and I have time to get reacquainted in a way and grow closer together.  I’m so glad I have him in my life.  For some reason he doesn’t feel as melancholy as I do.  Must be a mom thing.

I’m asking God to help me find my place now, to settle into whatever role he has for me.  I have no idea what that is.  He keeps reminding me that I don’t have to figure everything out or make the plan, I just need to trust Him.  He has poured Himself into my life as long as I can remember.

So, here’s to rolling with these changes and keeping my heart and eyes on Him and His Word.  I can almost hear him say, in response to my “now what?’ “Just sit down and relax.  I’ve got this.”

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  Romans 8:15 MSG

Fears vs. Dreams

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“The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you.” – Tom Bradley

Do you agree with that? Do you have a dream or several?

If we would sit down and intentionally search ourselves, I believe each of us will find, sometimes way down inside in a secret, guarded place, a dream.

The organization To Write Love on Her Arms, which exists to come alongside young people who are fighting depression, self-hate, addiction, and self-mutilation, posted a campaign asking people to post something they fear and something they dream about: Fears vs. Dreams. It’s interesting and inspiring to read as people open up and put their hearts out there honestly. Some that I read:

Fear: being surrounded by love and still feel alone Dream: be a part of something bigger than myself

Fear: to live without purpose Dream: to achieve the extraordinary

Fear: letting my family down Dream: be the best daddy ever

Fear: to be judged and not loved Dream: to share love with the world

Fear: losing my son Dream: Owning my own cafe

You can view more here on their web site. There were many I could relate to.

What would your fear vs. dreams sign say?

I have a very large, sometimes crushing fear of being a failure, of letting God down and not being all He created me to be. I have thought and thought about why that presses so hard against me and why it lingers, even though I know that I don’t have to earn God’s favor or love. Somehow my heart keeps yearning for His approval, for Him to be pleased with what I do, how I live my life. My perfectionist nature probably doesn’t help.

God has told me in my heart that I already have his approval because Jesus died for me, but if I’m honest, I still fear sometimes not pleasing Him.

My personal dream is to live a life that matters, to be a person who helps other people learn about Jesus and want to follow him. I don’t want to just go through the motions of every day.

My dream, as a pastor’s wife, is very similar. I dream that John and I will be the kind of leaders that help a church thrive and reach out to lost people. I definitely don’t want to just go through the motions or be in a church Jesus would call “lukewarm” or that had forgotten its first love.

Experiences in the past bruised those dreams and pushed them way back inside. Sometimes when we mess up or fall short, the enemy makes us embarrassed that we ever had that dream in the first place. I can hear him sneer, “That won’t ever happen. Give up.”

I have been almost afraid to talk with God, or other people, about them because deep in my heart I sometimes feel they won’t happen. It’s easier to not have a dream than to have one and not have it become reality, right? Or is it?

I believe the quote above is true. The only thing stopping me from realizing my dream is me. Instead of choosing fear, if I choose to trust God even when I don’t see how He could make it all happen, I can still dream my dream. If I choose to believe that He can do the impossible, with any person, in any circumstance, I know I will be amazed and joyfully surprised to see what happens. I actually want to be blown away. I know it will all be because of Him, but I want to be a part of it!

He bids us to come to Him with boldness and tell him our dream. He may help it become reality, or He may direct us to a different dream, one He has in mind for us that is often bigger and brighter than what we came up with.

My prayer lately is that God will remove those irritating walls I put up around my limited vision of Him. I pray He will knock down self-imposed limitations and negative things I tell myself. I pray He will replace it all with hope and true, undeniable, rock-solid faith in all He is and all He can do. I want Him to fill my ears and eyes and heart to bursting – so full of His awesome presence and purpose that there is no room for lies and doubt.

Papa, I have a dream…

I’m a crackpot, you’re a crackpot

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A water bearer had two clay water pots hanging on rope from a pole that he carried across his shoulders each day down to the well and then up to his master’s house a couple of times a day.  One of the pots had a few cracks in it and so water dripped out with each step the old man took until that pot was only about half full by the time he reached the house.

Day by day he would carry the water this way and day by day arrive at the house having lost some of the water.  A fellow servant pointed it out to him one morning, saying “Don’t you see that one of your pots is broken and is causing you extra work?  It’s not of much use to you that way.  You could bring more water to the house if you replaced it.”

The water bearer smiled and said, “Come with me.”  He walked his friend down the path to the well and showed him that all along the sides of the path patches of colorful flowers had grown where the water dripped out every day.  “If there were no cracks in my pot there wouldn’t be these beautiful flowers, which I take up to my master’s house for his table.” (adapted from an old folk tale)

The Bible compares us to clay pots, saying that although we are imperfect we are still God’s chosen vessel for His life and light; our flaws and imperfections allow that light and glory to shine out so others can see.  Those cracks also help us remember that our life, strength and any goodness that shows from within us is from God.  It’s a miracle we don’t burst into a million dusty bits considering the brilliant, immense, holy, mighty, awesome Spirit of God is living in and through us.  Who are we to be allowed to carry such treasure??

I think of the words of the song “How He Loves” that say:

All of the sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory…¹

God’s love and power, when shining through our frail humanity, will become the focal point if we accept who we are and that God loves us just the way we are, if we trust Him.

Have you ever read about some of the Bible “heroes” and after reading their stories realize that they sure had their cracks and flaws, too?  Some of them were deceitful, some were tricksters, cowards, braggarts, hotheads, and prone to make mistakes.  God loved and used them for good anyway.  His character and glory showed through their lives in spite of their not-so-great choices because ultimately they believed in Him and wanted to serve Him.  God showed through the cracks in those clay pot heroes and created good along the way.

It’s okay to be a crackpot.  It’s okay to have flaws and that’s a good thing because we all have them!  Every single person does.  Thankfully, our Master doesn’t throw away broken pots.  You may never see the flowers that grow up along the path behind you where water has leaked through the cracks of your weaknesses and mistakes.  You may never know the extent to which God brings good from your life, but be assured that He does bring good out of each day and moment of your life no matter what if you believe in Him, love Him, and live life surrendered to Him.

“For God, who said, ‘Let there be light in the darkness,’ has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.  We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.”  II Corinthians 4:6-7  NLT

“…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”  Romans 8:28  The Message

¹How He Loves by John Mark McMillan

Not just bread

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I’ve only been fishing once but would love to learn and try it again sometime.  From what I understand fish pretty much think about one thing: eating.  That’s about the sum of their life, looking for food and eating it.  The problem is there are these humans who toss out lures on fishing lines that dangle and float in the water.  They look like food but inside is a hook that, unbeknownst to the fish, will ensnare it and begin reeling it in to become dinner.

There are lots of lures in this life:  things, people, entertainment, pastimes, hobbies, habits, and more that appear good on the outside but inside is a hook, a trap.  If we bite, it could little by little pull us away from God, from our true purpose, from real and fulfilling life.

I have to admit, I’ve been biting some.  Yesterday in church John brought a great message about Jesus being tempted by satan to turn stone into bread when he was famished and weak.  Jesus saw the hook in satan’s lure and didn’t bite.  Instead He answered back, “Man doesn’t live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from God’s mouth.” (Matthew 4:4)  Bread isn’t a bad thing, but if it were to become the priority over Jesus’ obedience to God and perseverance through testing, it would have pulled him away from his true purpose and mission.

I let busy stuff, facebook, the Internet, messing around, housework, yard work, texting or playing with my phone, and more distract me and fill my day.  Soon it’s time to go to bed and I’ve not cracked open my Bible or spent time just sitting with God in prayer.  I feel empty, restless and frustrated with myself.

God reminded me yesterday in church that I don’t have to bite, that I can resist with His help and stay close to Him.  I can be free and walk the path God has for me without getting pulled this way and that.

So, I’m giving up bread until Easter, just to practice discipline and to remind myself each time I want bread that I don’t live by that alone.  I live by the time I spend with God, by the love and grace He gives me, by my relationship with Him and nearness to Him.  He is my nourishment and sustaining life.  I can’t expect to walk in spiritual health if I only call on Him on Sundays or once a while in “microwave” prayer times.

Yep, it was only our third Sunday at church and the pastor’s wife went to the altar.  Hey, I can be as weak sometimes as the next person even though I don’t want to be.

Papa, remind me of true life, of your purpose for me.  Help me walk in it and walk closer to You.  I crave that more than any other earthly thing.

A gooder good?

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I heard it a few times throughout the weekend, God telling me that my definition of “good” wasn’t good enough.  I feel like He has been showing me and wants to keep showing me a deeper good than I’ve known in the past.  A different good.  A good not based on warm fuzzies or happy emotion, but on truth and purpose.  A good based on the peace and profound satisfaction that comes from knowing you’re in the place where the way God made you fits the need before you….just right.  No square pegs in round holes here.   Happiness is not necessarily the manifestation of this type of good, not always anyway.

I heard Him telling me most clearly as I sat in the room where the church council and leaders had gathered to hear John’s philosophy of ministry and ask him questions.  Throughout the day I had felt awkward at times, a little out-of-place at times, the typical stuff that happens when you’re in a group of complete strangers Continue reading →

“I’ll tell you who you really are”

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”  There seem to a rare, lucky few who actually know the answer to that question, even from a young age.  You know, kids that say they want to be a doctor and end up actually becoming one.  I was not one of those people.  In elementary school I knew I was going to be a veterinarian.  I liked animals so it just seemed natural.  My girls had various aspirations growing up like nursing, teaching, being an artist, etc.  I’ll never forget the surprise and giggles we got as a family when my youngest (about 10 at the time) once told us at the dinner table that she wanted to be a monster truck driver.   I think she’s changed her mind since then…I think. Continue reading →

Not so scary

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I watched “The Sixth Sense” for the first time, believe it or not, on Friday night.  I’m becoming a fan of M. Night Shyamalan’s early movies.  They’re so interesting and thought-provoking.

You know me, I tend to link up things I see with spiritual matters, looking for illustrations to real life from what I’ve watched on-screen.   I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie but one of the biggest lessons one of the main characters learns is to not be terrified of ghosts (dead people) that he sees, even though many of them are pretty ghastly.  They appear to him the way they were when they died or were killed so I don’t blame him for wanting to keep far away from them!  Continue reading →

Once Upon a Time…

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I’ve always loved a good story.  My dad used to make them up for us at bedtime, we read scores of them growing up and traveled to far away worlds in our hearts and minds, we’ve made them up for each other on long road trips.  Sometimes we played that game where each person makes one part of a story and you end up with a bunch of weird, funny nonsense.  This morning in church, I was reminded by the pastor’s message that we’re all living a story.

In a good story you’ll find a character, or characters, facing and doing what they can to overcome obstacles to achieve something, to reach a desired outcome.  You know, protagonist, antagonist, plot, setting, climax, resolution of conflict, and more.

What type of story are you living in?  How about me? Continue reading →

The bed bug’s noble purpose

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I’m not sure if the purpose of bed bugs is the same for everyone but God has taught me something through this process of trying to escort these persistent pests out of our house for good.

They are so stealthy and seem to come from nowhere.  Just when we think we’ve killed the last one, steamed every inch of the walls, corners and mattresses, we’ll see one on the wall or way up high, hiding in a paint crack in the edge where the wall meets the ceiling.

It’s become a morning routine for me to wake up, wipe the sleepies out of my eyes, then stand up and survey the ceiling edges all the way around the room.  Any bug spotted will be crushed with a Kleenex.  Then we steam that part of the wall in case there are any of the practically invisible eggs nearby.

For several days we saw none but now we see one or two a day, either in our room or our daughters’ room where they were the worst.

We’ve super-cleaned, we’ve sprayed “Kilz” over the stained areas so that new activity will be easily seen, we’ve vacuumed like crazy, washed our bedsheets over and over…all in an attempt to rid ourselves of this problem once and for all.  We’re so persistent because if we aren’t they will multiply and the problem will be worse and a big pain all over again.

search-heartOne night as I was steaming and scouring my girls’ room for the little boogers, God spoke to my heart and said I should be as diligent about making sure I’ve gotten rid of all the sin lurking in the edges and cracks of my heart.  I have to let God daily survey my heart, crush any sinful “pest” He finds there, and cleanse me again.  I have to search my heart all the time to make sure some bitter attitude isn’t growing in the corner or some small temptation I’ve let remain isn’t crouching in a shadow waiting for an unsuspecting moment to trip me up.

Thank God that His Holy Spirit can see every part of me, into even the tiniest crevice, and that He can wash away EVERY last smudge of sin and make me truly clean.  Thank God that He’s willing to do that time and time again and not give up on me, because I won’t be rid of the pest of sinfulness completely until I go to be with Him in heaven.  What a joy that will be!

I even thank God for the bed bugs, if only for the lesson He’s teaching me, and the reminder they will be each time I see them, to be ruthless about ridding my heart of sin.

“How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.”     Psalm 19:12