WWLD

Whiner baby. I confess I was complaining to my hubby about something that is what it is. I should just accept it and make the best of it. Time to put on those oh so famous, uncomfortable big girl pants and just move on.

You know, that is easier said than done sometimes. It can actually be excruciating to be positive about something you really dislike and decide not to complain about it anymore.

What do I get from complaining, though? Just guilt and the grumps. Complaining is discontentedness and discontentedness is basically telling God what He’s given me is not good or is not enough. I really don’t want to do that, because He has given me WAY more than I deserve. Many others have greater needs than I do, that is certain.

One thing that has really helped me try to be positive this week instead of complain is remembering my friend, Laura. Continue reading

The power of perspective

The word perspective comes the Latin word “perspectus” meaning “clearly perceived.” It’s been defined as a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance; as the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see. [1]  

Perspective can mean looking more carefully or thoroughly at a person, structure, event, or situation (and more) – to step outside of our own subjective viewpoint and see something or someone more objectively.  Getting perspective in relationships is crucial, being willing to try and see from someone else’s viewpoint or “stand in their shoes” is key.  Sometimes all it takes to get out of a slump or rut is a change in perspective.

It’s a choice, this all-important perspective, to not just look but see, to allow more information and defining insight to shape our view.  If I take the time to gain perspective, I see that someone who hurt me is actually feeling very hurt and therefore lashing out.  That perspective helps me to stop feeling sorry for myself and have compassion, to show grace instead of hold a grudge.

Perspective can be a gift, given by someone who can share with me viewpoints I’ve never considered or some I’ve forgotten.  It helped me see a new friend in a new light, to realize how he might have extra need of friends, of belonging in a place where he is clearly the minority and is far from home.  He shared that most of us here have people or our own race to hang out with, have people who speak our native language to talk with, have the food we’re most accustomed to available to us, and forget that someone from another place may not have those things.  That can all be easily taken for granted.

Perspective helps us to see, if we allow God to show us, that our stunted, defective, incomplete view of who we are is not the whole story.  I believe God will give us, if we ask Him and open our hearts and eyes, bits of His perspective of our souls, our worth, our potential, our future.  We are so short-sighted and our view one-sided.  We need perspective.

God has been prodding me all week, reminding me of these things.  It is not about me. If it is I’m missing so much, like sitting inside on one side of a door that would let me out into wide, spacious, fresh air freedom and not taking the initiative to open that door.

He has to give it to me, and I dearly want it…precious perspective.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”  Dr. Wayne Dyer

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.  Colossians 3:1-2 The Message

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes.

[1] Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 2012 Digital Edition
© William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2012

Lean In

Lean in for a hug, or even a kiss.  Lean in to smell something delicious.  Lean in to hear something more clearly.  Lean in to be part of the group and see what’s happening.  Lean in to the huddle to hear the next play.  Lean in and over your baby’s bed to watch them peacefully sleeping.  Lean in to just be near someone.

Sometimes instead we lean out…maybe because something or someone smells bad.  Lean out because you feel rejected or your opinion isn’t respected.  Lean out because something or someone has hurt you and you want to back away.  Lean out because leaning in is taking too much effort.  Lean out because you’re afraid to be too close.  Lean out because the uncertainty of what’s next is too nerve-wracking and leaning out seems easier.

My sister shared wise words with me a long time ago from a book she read about marriage: always lean into your spouse, no matter what was happening.  Lean into each other and into God.  That image has been tucked away in my heart and mind ever since and has helped me many times.

John and I have mostly been leaning in toward each other throughout our marriage.  There have been moments, of course, when we forget or our pride gets in the way and we back off out of feeling offended or stubborn or any other childish attitude overtakes us for a little while.  There is always this ache inside of me, however, to be on the same page with him again and to be close.    I picture us standing toe to toe, facing one another, holding both of eachother’s hands.  How much easier to stand when we’re both leaning in and holding each other.  I don’t like the feeling of either one of us leaning out and away from each other or letting go of one or both hands.  It throws us off kilter and takes a little more effort to lean back in and become close again.  It causes us to feel more alone.  This morning we leaned in again, closer to one another and closer to God…straining to hear His voice, to understand each other’s perspective, to vent and process.  It always makes our relationship better, even if leaning in hurts at first or is a little scary because you’re not sure how the other will react or respond.  When we lean in, we’re stronger and less susceptible to being taken down by an enemy.

As I think about Mary and Joseph and the first part of the Christmas story we’re all so familiar with, I think of how Joseph had to make a choice to lean out or lean in Continue reading

Touch

Never underestimate the power of a touch, of holding a hand, of a really good hug.

We went to see my grandmother today.  She’s 96 1/2 and making the most of her days.  Today she advised us to try writing with our left hands so that if we ever lost the use of our right hands we’d be prepared.  (She has lost the use of her right hand due to a stroke)   She also told us her thinker wasn’t fast enough as she was having trouble getting the words she wanted to use to surface when she talked with us.  She grinned a lot as we sat on the front porch of her nursing home, enjoying the autumn sunshine and breeze.  She always asks us what we’ve been doing and didn’t disappoint today.  The girls shared about school, boyfriends, hobbies, etc.  Grandma always asks for them to bring her pictures they’ve taken or drawn, come play music for her, share and leave bits of themselves with her to enjoy when we’re not there.

You need to know something about my grandmother.  Continue reading

Connecting

I’m in the middle of my week-long social media fast and so far, so good.  I do miss it, miss that community I feel a part of.  I realize that it’s a habit for me to tweet a lot because whenever things happen or I have a thought I want to share with someone I reach for my phone thinking, “I should tweet that!” and then I remember that I’m not using twitter right now.  I also feel like I don’t know as much of what’s going on in my friends’ and family’s life because I often see on facebook where people are going, what they’re dealing with, and how they feel.  In fact, a day or so ago my sister sent me an email (something I’m still using) and said, “Hey!  What’s going on? John just put on twitter that 3 churches are interested in him?  I need details!”  And I replied, “So do I!  I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  Continue reading

Don’t be afraid

It takes someone outside of me to help me see behaviors and pinpoint thoughts/perceptions that aren’t healthy.  Whenever I spend time with my sis, I learn so much.  She is very perceptive and wise and is one of those friends for me who speaks truth into my heart and life.  I take it from her because I’m secure in her love.  She knows me and doesn’t judge me.

Sitting at my kitchen table a few mornings ago, somehow we began talking about connecting to people and trying to fill the need in our hearts to connect with stuff other than intimacy with God.  Jodi asked me what I was afraid of.  I hadn’t thought I was afraid of anything but as we sat there and I thought about it I realized I am afraid of being alone and lonely.  I’m having a hard time watching my old friends from our old church grow more closely together, even though that is wonderful and what’s supposed to happen, because I feel I’m drifting away from them.  I’m missing my college girls – and anticipating when my youngest also leaves – and realize they’ve been some of my closest friends all throughout their growing up years and now they are moving on, so to speak.  Continue reading

Jodi came along

I looked up some quotes about sisters today.  It’s my sister Jodi’s birthday and I wanted to wax eloquent about her and the complex and wonderful relationship sisters share.  Here are a few I found, some sweet, some funny:

Sisters by birth, friends by choice – Author Unknown

The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble.  ~Clara Ortega

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.  ~Author Unknown

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.  ~Charles M. Schulz  (Haha!  I hope that’s not too true for her!)

When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?  ~Pam Brown  (I love this one)

When I was about 2 1/2 years old, God provided me a playmate and friend. Continue reading

Processing

The cold I’ve been fighting is of the obstinate, lingering kind and so I’ve not felt like blogging or doing much conversing for the last week or so.  That is definitely NOT usually my nature.  I’m a verbal processor to the core.  I need to talk to people when I’m working through thoughts, making decisions, questioning and trying to figure something out, brainstorming -you name it, I need to talk about it.  Continue reading

You should be able to see right through me

Transparent, candid, forthright, frank, open, unambiguous, obvious, understandable, out in the open…

I think of myself as pretty transparent, even though the only one who completely sees through me is God.  I believe in being vulnerable and honest, what I’d like for people to be with me.  Many friends and some strangers who have read my blog posts over the years have told me the reason they like to read them is because they can relate to what I’m saying, to some struggle I’m describing, or some flaw I’m bemoaning.  It’s a connecting point for people to feel someone else has been in their shoes, is questioning something, or is having problems – they’re not alone.

Opening up is risky.  One time I was venting some frustrations (and probably held grudges if I’m really being honest) about a congregation where we served and some of the people who caused trouble there.  I was a little too free with my thoughts and emotions because I offended someone who had once attended there.  They saw my blog (oops) and let me know.  Humbling to say the least!  Perhaps there are some feelings or thoughts that are better spilled out only into God’s hands.

I think there are varying levels of transparency, depending on the situation and the people involved.  I can be completely transparent with my sister, my mom, and a close friend or two and know they won’t judge me but will listen and love me no matter what.  That’s a blessing!  I don’t suppose everyone has people like that they can trust.

What keeps us from opening up?  Continue reading

Talkin’ to myself

One of my favorite classes in college was called “Interpersonal Relationships”.  It was taught by a brilliant, albeit slightly odd, professor with frizzy hair and a laugh that sounded like a happy donkey braying.  For two hours he’d lay out nuggets of wisdom before us: exploring relationships, behavior, interactions with others, and more.  I soaked it up like a sponge.  I wish I still had the notebook from that class.  (Maybe I do – I just don’t know where it is.)  We had a short dinner break, then would come back for the last two hours to practice what we’d been learning by role playing in front of a video camera, then watching our “performance” with Dr. Farmen critiquing and giving feedback.  I have used so much of what I learned in that class all throughout my life.  I’m thankful to Dr. Farmen for pushing us, challenging us, and really teaching us more about people and why they behave the way they do.

One of the jewels he brought out in lecture one night was the idea of a “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  This is when something you think about someone affects the way you behave toward that person, which actually makes them more like the label you’ve given them.  For example, if a teacher labels a child a “trouble maker” then his/her behavior will (even subconsciously) communicate that label and cause the child to be even more a trouble maker.  I’ve seen that happen in the schools where I used to work, even with my own daughter.  One teacher she had saw her “spunk” and overly active little self as a real negative Continue reading