Tag Archives: rest

Surgery

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“It seems when you know you’re not supposed to eat or drink you feel especially hungry and thirsty,” I thought to myself as I sat in the pre-op chair, IV taped to my hand, footy-covered feet dangling.  My pre-operative ensemble was complete with gown that opens in the back, robe over my shoulders, and adorable shower cap on my head, all hair tucked inside.  This combined with the no makeup or jewelry, no hair product guidelines made for what must have been a stunning look.  The nurses, who were very caring and kind, had me all ready to go, now we just had to wait for the surgeon to arrive.

1:20, they said, as John and I looked to see what time it was.  Should be in about 20 minutes.  20 minutes, 30, 40 minutes went by and my feet were still dangling, stomach still growling, nerves a little on edge.  We were in a small dimly-lit, quiet, room watching blurred green forms of the nurses and workers in scrubs pass by the door’s frosted full-length window.  Finally, my doctor came in!

He was friendly, confident, quick, professional, and ready to get to the task at hand, which was to perform some reconstructive work on some failed reconstructive work from my cancer episode almost 10 years ago.  I have been more than ready to have this done for several years and finally was getting to it.

Before surgery they always mark on you so they won’t operate on the wrong body part, which is totally fine with me!  It was a little awkward and funny, however, Continue reading →

He was there

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I got my diagnosis on my mom’s birthday.  That just doesn’t seem right does it?  My surgery was that Friday, only five days later.  What a whirlwind week it was.  My parents dropped everything and drove to St. Louis to be with us, even though my dad was a pastor with a busy schedule.  I don’t remember how many days I had to stay in the hospital, I think only two.  I just remember with clarity an early morning blood draw to check my white cell count to see if I could go home.

Shortly after the lab tech left the room, my dad walked in.  He was carrying his garment bag and told me he was about to go back home but wanted to come see me first.  While he was with me, my surgeon, Dr. Billy, came in to tell me that my levels were low and I was going to have to stay longer in the hospital.  My heart sunk into a fearful thought that there might be more cancer.  Then Dr. Billy noticed they had drawn blood out of the arm that had an IV and it had diluted the blood sample.  He had them come back in and draw from my other arm, it was okay, and I was able to go home!

It may not sound like a big deal, but it helped so much that my dad was there.  I didn’t have to be alone through that brief unsettling moment.  He was thinking of me that morning and wanted me to know.  He was there because he loves me.  What did I do to get my dad to love me? Continue reading →

Just call me Martha

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I imagine she was excited.  Hosting people was something she was quite good at, in fact took pride in.  Friends and family often remarked at her skill in cooking and making guests feel welcome.  Sure, it was a lot of work and took plenty of time preparing, cleaning, toiling away but it was worth it and besides, she’d usually assign her sister to some of the work.

Mary didn’t seem to share Martha’s “passion” for keeping a clean house and preparing delicious meals.  More than once Martha had to snap her fingers to wake Mary from a daydream so she’d get back to her tasks.  There were times she needed help and had to even leave the house to seek Mary out, finding her outside in the garden or sitting beneath a tree looking up at the blue sky.  It wasn’t that Mary was unwilling to help.  It’s just that Martha seemed to have more a little more drive.  She was a go-getter, a “doer.”

Life had taken an unusually happy turn when they met Jesus from Nazareth.  He and his friends joined them around their table more than once to enjoy Mary and Martha’s hospitality and to talk with their brother, Lazarus.  They became good friends.  Jesus seemed to enjoy having a home where he could stop in at times,  Continue reading →

Snippets

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Just a few recent thoughts…

Last week I went through an awful day of emotion and wrestling with God over the possibility of going to a town or church where I didn’t want to go, where I didn’t think I would be happy, where it wasn’t my “style.”  As I vented to him all the way driving to work, I pretty much heard him say, “So, are you saying you refuse to go if I ask you to go there?  You refuse to obey?”  I remembered that if God’s promises are true, and I believe they are, then going where He says to go will be good in the long run because He promised He has good plans for me and my family.  I also remembered, with his help, that this is not about me!  How many times do I have to learn that lesson?  Sheesh.  I’m sure that is what He is wondering, too.  Just when I think I’ve learned all about surrender, God takes me to a deeper level.  It hurts and it’s hard.  It was a difficult, emotional day but it ended in peace when I finally, in my heart, submitted to Him and said “Uncle” once more.  Whatever you say, God.  Seriously.  I give.   I joked with a good friend that afternoon that sometimes surrender feels like the “S” word to me.  I don’t mean that disrespectfully, just being honest.  Sometimes it stinks (at least it seems to at the moment).  My friend asked, “so what you’re telling me is you’re standing in a big pile of surrender right now?”  We laughed really hard and the day got better from there.

I’ve been thinking more about loving people in their own love language.  Lately God’s been showing me how to love my girls in the way that shows love to them the most.  I’m still trying to figure out one of my girls – I think I know but am not sure.  The other two – I’ve got them nailed.  John and I took assessments this past year and one was the love language profile.  One of my big love languages right now is “acts of service”.  When someone helps me with something it makes me feel loved.  I also love hugs and attention and words of affirmation but at this point in my life, acts of service speak loud and clear.  Once John found out, he’s been helping more around the house and showing more thoughtfulness…and you know what?  It’s true!  I feel so loved and valued by him, more than before.  The biggest reason is that I know he’s doing those things purposefully to show me love, knowing it means something to me.  John’s biggest love languages are touch and time.  I’ve been trying harder to pay attention to him when we’re at home and not get too absorbed in the computer or other things that I just exist in the same house or room with him.   What are the love languages of the special people in your life?  Try to find out and then show them love that way.  Watch what happens!

Yesterday I blogged about this wonderful time of rest God is giving us and how good it felt.  Well, today, I felt restless and kind of weird.  Pesky, fickle emotions!  I think sometimes we rest out of obedience.  God actually tells us to rest and we need to obey, on purpose, and rest…be still.  I feel like He’s telling me that today.  Rest, be still, but don’t just sit there…draw nearer to me, Mimi.  I’m going to work on that.  Wait…wrong choice of words.   I’m going to try more intentionally to just be close, dwell near and in Jesus right now.

What funny, odd, silly creatures we humans are sometimes.

We went to see my grandma on Sunday afternoon.  She was actually pretty perky, sitting up in bed, watching TV.  Rather than greet us when we got there she first asked, “What channel is the game on?”  So we helped her get on the right channel.  She is starting to show some dementia because she asks the same questions from time to time.  She joked about getting her phone and remote (both laying next to her hand on her bed) mixed up and John teased her about pointing the phone at the TV by mistake and accidentally calling someone.  She laughed.  At one point she said, “Too bad I don’t have any games we could play” to which I replied, “That’s okay, Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  Then she asked us about our church situation (very coherent and sharp).  John answered her as she turned back toward the TV and seemed to zone out for a moment.  Then she said, “Too bad I won’t have any games for us to play, we could make one up” to which I replied, giggling to myself, “That’s okay Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.”  I love her.  I could just imagine what kind of game that would be.  She’s become thinner and tinier, her blue cowl-neck sweater swallowing up her small shoulders and little frame, but she welcomed our hugs and kisses just as warmly and as we left said, “I love you.”

I better go to bed so I can get up and workout with my Wii coach on the game “Active” which is my new favorite thing.  This simulated personal trainer business reminds me of stuff I saw in Tomorrowland at Disney World when I was younger and thought “Yeah, right, that will never happen.”  🙂

You’re special and God loves you very much.  Good night.

Find Rest

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Where can we find it?

Elusive, so temporary, fleeting – the rest the world offers.

A vacation or day to do nothing doesn’t really offer the true rest my heart needs.

Can I find rest in a time of uncertainty, stress, concerns that pile up?  Jesus said I can.   The rest He’s offering is a deep, spiritual, soul-filling, healing rest and I want it.  As I drive home today I’m going to spill it all out to Him.  He said it was okay!

He said, “Come.”  I’m coming.

He said, “all you who are weary.”  I’m weary.

He said, “you who are heavy laden.”  I feel weighed down by a lot of thoughts, questions, concerns, and some hurt in my heart.

He said, “Come and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.”  I can even hear Him say, “I won’t belittle you for coming, I won’t tell you to just deal with it, I won’t turn you away even if you come again and again.”

He gave His word:  “you will find rest.”  Not you just might find rest, but you WILL.  I need it, Lord.  Please keep your word.  Not only for me but for those I love, those on my heart.  Please help us to find your rest.

(This promise is found in Matthew 11:28)