No Fear

They said three days.  So why was I still waiting to hear from them?  Granted, Monday happened to be Labor Day, and of course the lab was closed that day, so that didn’t help.  If it was nothing I would have heard by now.  The not knowing was so hard.  If only I knew the situation fully I could face it, but facing an unknown, invisible enemy was awful and seemed impossible.  I could hardly keep my mind from trying to figure out or imagine what it was, what the outcome would be.  During that time of waiting, the anxiety was so intense that my very nerve endings seemed on edge, all over my body, as if fear was continually pricking my skin. Continue reading

Day 7 – Undercover Boss

Have you seen ads for a new show on TV called “Undercover Boss”?  In a reality show format, a boss or CEO of a company suits up in the uniform of his/her employees and works side by side with them.  They won’t know it’s their boss.  I want to see it sometime.  I can imagine a couple of possible outcomes:  one – the employees might get embarrassed or worse, even fired, if the boss sees that they goof around all the time or cheat or some other unethical choices, two – after working in their shoes for a while the boss might gain more compassion, appreciation or respect for them and treat them better afterward, three – boss and employees could have a much better relationship after their worlds intersect more closely for a while and after the boss gains some new perspective.

I saw this bumper sticker once and it made me laugh.  Jesus is coming again someday, true, but He already came and walked with his people, lived side by side, and stood in our shoes.  It’s so hard to comprehend God, who is not limited in any way, who made everything that exists (so He must be bigger than it all), who can be everywhere at once and knows everything, putting skin on and becoming one of us.  It’s almost as if He said, watching people mess up and live broken by sin, “I need to take care of this myself.”  How did He shrink Himself down?  How awkward would that be for Him to be enclosed, to be limited, to be in a body that could be sick or damaged? Continue reading

novacaine

I have these periods of times, sometimes only lasting a day sometimes a week or more, when I just feel “blah.”  I don’t really feel bad, just not much of anything and I really don’t like it.  I find myself not caring about things I think I should care about…it’s hard to explain.  I almost get the feeling that all of the stuff we expend our energy on around here in this life is futile – so what’s the point?   I think of myself as a caring, loving person so when these thoughts cover my mind, like an emotional novacaine, it really bothers me.  I pray and ask God to blow away the fog that’s settled on my heart, to bring back some emotion, some overwhelming sense of awe or love, some tears for someone who’s hurting or sick, some compassion for people I see that are down and out.  Instead I feel apathy.

I’ve heard that people with leprosy lose the feeling in their limbs, their nerve endings ceasing to perform their vital function of proclaiming sensation to the brain.  One might wish for a life without pain, but to not feel pain is to not really exist.  A leper might not have pain and so may not know if they place their hand on a hot stove and that their skin is being burned.  They may get cut and not realize they’re bleeding or get infected because they don’t know there’s an injury.  Pain seems to be an indicator of life, of things functioning the way they’re supposed to.  No pain truly is no gain!   Continue reading