Tag Archives: trust

Myth Buster

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Have you ever seen the show “Myth Busters”?  The crew on the show takes something that’s been shown in a movie or TV show and tries it out in real life to see if it could really happen.  For instance, one time they tried using a single sword swipe to cut a pole in half as seen in a ninja flick.  Another time they tried shooting a circle of holes in a second-story floor with guns to see if the circle of wood the gunman was standing on would fall to the story underneath.  It’s a lot of fun to watch.  Sometimes the amazing feat proves to be actually doable, other times not even close.

In a loosely related way, sometimes I feel the need to search out the Scriptures to back up a claim about God – his character, the way He interacts with us, his promises, etc.   Yesterday I was thinking about how it’s often said God is interested in and involved in the details of our lives here on earth.  Is that true or just a myth? Continue reading →

No Fear

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They said three days.  So why was I still waiting to hear from them?  Granted, Monday happened to be Labor Day, and of course the lab was closed that day, so that didn’t help.  If it was nothing I would have heard by now.  The not knowing was so hard.  If only I knew the situation fully I could face it, but facing an unknown, invisible enemy was awful and seemed impossible.  I could hardly keep my mind from trying to figure out or imagine what it was, what the outcome would be.  During that time of waiting, the anxiety was so intense that my very nerve endings seemed on edge, all over my body, as if fear was continually pricking my skin. Continue reading →

Surrender

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“There is a God.  It is not me.”

(The first line of chapter five in the book I’m reading, “The Me I want to Be” by John Ortberg.)

What a great line – that should be my motto.  It’s the beginning of true wisdom.  To really live in relationship with God, we have to surrender.

Surrender is difficult: it requires a pushing down of my pride and that’s an ongoing battle.  I have to  admit I’m not in control and that if I really was it would be a disaster; that I need someone else to take control and “drive” my life – someone who is stronger and wiser.  It’s an act of denying my selfish wants, opinions, hopes and brilliant plans.  It’s a falling back and completely letting go, which is scary!  What if God messes up or isn’t paying attention or…?  Continue reading →

You should be able to see right through me

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Transparent, candid, forthright, frank, open, unambiguous, obvious, understandable, out in the open…

I think of myself as pretty transparent, even though the only one who completely sees through me is God.  I believe in being vulnerable and honest, what I’d like for people to be with me.  Many friends and some strangers who have read my blog posts over the years have told me the reason they like to read them is because they can relate to what I’m saying, to some struggle I’m describing, or some flaw I’m bemoaning.  It’s a connecting point for people to feel someone else has been in their shoes, is questioning something, or is having problems – they’re not alone.

Opening up is risky.  One time I was venting some frustrations (and probably held grudges if I’m really being honest) about a congregation where we served and some of the people who caused trouble there.  I was a little too free with my thoughts and emotions because I offended someone who had once attended there.  They saw my blog (oops) and let me know.  Humbling to say the least!  Perhaps there are some feelings or thoughts that are better spilled out only into God’s hands.

I think there are varying levels of transparency, depending on the situation and the people involved.  I can be completely transparent with my sister, my mom, and a close friend or two and know they won’t judge me but will listen and love me no matter what.  That’s a blessing!  I don’t suppose everyone has people like that they can trust.

What keeps us from opening up?  Continue reading →

In the Storm and After

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A close friend of mine wrote these words and sent them to me today.  They were a fresh breeze over my wilting hope.  I wanted to share them with you:

This past weekend, we went to Biloxi to my cousin’s wedding. It was such a beautiful time and my heart is so full from seeing everyone and spending time with family. Another cousin, who recently moved to the area, shared that according to the Postal Service, there are 28,000 addresses along that beach that no longer have service after Katrina. My parents are one of those address statistics. During the 10+ years they lived there, we visited my parents multiple times a year. It was a home away from home for us and all of my siblings. I have been down there three times now post Katrina. The first time was 6 weeks after the storm to help my parents clear away debris and search for anything of value to them. The second time was Christmas 2007, two years after, when my brothers and their families and my family all met there with my parents for the holidays. And with this visit, I come away healed even more and aware that God continues to carry out His plans for us. We were an absolutely joyous family this weekend. The initial sadness, which was great, is gone. I remember vividly how violent and traumatic the experience was for my parents. Continue reading →

Get busy and wait

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I’m becoming a waiting pro.  I’ve had much experience, especially in the last 3 years of my life: waiting on answers to prayers, waiting on direction, waiting to become more like Jesus (I’m pretty sure that’s gonna last my whole life), waiting to see the plans God has for my daughters.  Waiting is a big part of everyday life anyway:  waiting at the doctor’s office, standing in line at the grocery, in traffic, on friends who are meeting us for lunch or coffee, for fun holiday family get-togethers, for vacations, on test results, for news from a job interview, for a newborn baby to arrive…it goes on and on.

Since it is such a part of life why do I become irritated when I have to wait?  I think partly because it is a time when I have no control over the situation or the outcome.  I feel I should be doing something to help the process along, whatever that may be.  There are many things I can’t make happen any quicker than they are already happening.  It is out of my hands.

I got to see first-hand the beginnings of a house being built on Extreme Makeover Home Edition this week.  Continue reading →

Limbo

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Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.  Proverbs 3:5-6  The Message

“How low can you go?”

I can almost hear my Heavenly Father’s deep voice say this while signaling his two smiling angel helpers (we’ll call them Gabe & Mike) to lower the limbo bar as I shimmy under for another round.   I’ve never been very good at the limbo, not being very limber or skilled at bending my body completely backwards while continuing to walk.  You know, my knees and spine just don’t like it.  I marvel at the people who can practically lay back on an invisible board, gliding underneath the bar that’s inches from the floor.  That definitely won’t be me.  I’m trusting God knows how low I can go.  Of course, He has a record of showing me I can go farther or lower than I thought I could!

We’ve played the limbo at the girls’ birthday parties with their friends.  I much prefer the job of holding the limbo bar.  Continue reading →

I see hope and a bright future

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This morning as I awoke I saw the dim light of my alarm clock telling me it was time to get in the shower and get going.  My little cat gave a “good morning” meow as I stepped over him, walking to the bathroom.  I felt the hot water that soothed and awakened me at the same time, smelled the fresh scents of soap and shampoo.  My mind wandered as I stood there and I said a little prayer in my head for John and for our church family.  This would be a pivotal day for all of us.

I felt the chilly morning air on my face as we walked to the car.  I saw a beautiful blue sky and the warm array of trees in various shades of yellow-green, orange and bright red zipping by my window as we drove along.  My mind wandered to my church family again so I said another prayer, “God protect them, guide them, encourage them.”

When I walked into the church building, I heard the cheerful little voice of Nate, the 2-year-old son of my dear friend who was in the sanctuary finishing up the PowerPoint slides for worship today.  “Hi Mimi, where’s Krissy?”  I heard the clinking of metal as John and I set up chairs for the service.  I felt a little hand on mine and Nate’s sweet voice again, “will you read this to me?” as he held up a toddler’s Bible story book.   What a nice way to begin the morning, holding him on my lap and reading about how God created the world, elephants, butterflies and all.  He had no idea what was going on in the lives of the grown-ups around him.  Sometimes I’d give anything to be a little child again!

I heard the laughter of the worship team as they greeted each other.  The sound of our voices blending together in praise soon filled the room, our hearts warming up along with our voices.  God is good.  We’re choosing to praise Him.  I could almost hear their hearts saying these things aloud.  I felt the familiar smooth keys of the piano under my fingers.  Continue reading →

mishmash

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Photo 270Time for an emptying of the mind from the last few days worth of ponderings and thoughts:

  • As I went through the drive-thru at McDonald’s the other morning before work I saw out of the corner of my eye a brilliant sunrise, deep pinks, red and purple tinged clouds spread wide.  I thought to myself, “that will be so pretty to drive toward” as I paused a moment to fix up my burritos and get situated before heading down the road.  I pulled out of the parking lot and looked up to see only gray clouds and blandly-colored sunlight.  What?!  Where did it go?  It was so beautiful but so fleeting.  I would have missed it completely had I not noticed it just at the right moment.  I was sad I didn’t get to see it fully in the wide open.  I think oftentimes God is at work and I don’t notice, maybe because it is a fleeting seemingly small thing, or something I’d have to be purposefully watching for to enjoy.  In Isaiah God said, “I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”  (Isaiah 43:19  NLT) I want to see the beautiful things, big or small, that God is doing all around me.  I have to be watching.
  • At a time when I probably should be concerned or trying to figure out what will happen next, I have complete peace.  This is only because of God!  I’m enjoying it.  I think the desperate feelings I’ve had the last month or so have given way to it, because I’ve been pressing hard into my Father.  I’ve been as needy for him as I would be for air if I were held under water.   Corrie Ten Boom is one of my favorite writers and she is credited with this great quote, “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”  Choosing to trust lately has been one of the hardest things I’ve done but it has brought me to a place of peace, a place of really trusting the engineer even in complete darkness or thick fog. Continue reading →

When You Get There

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I still smile and laugh to myself when I remember our youngest girl, Kristine, at the age of 4, telling me that she didn’t want to grow up.  When I asked her why not she answered, “I don’t know how to grocery shop.  I don’t know how to drive.”

I giggled and said, “It’s okay, when you get older you’ll learn those things.  You don’t have to worry about that right now.  You’ll know when you get there.”

“Well I don’t want to be a mommy.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how to take care of babies!”

long-road-walking-walk-score-photoI think I eventually convinced her that although she didn’t know at the age of 4 what she would need to know 15-20 years down the road it was okay.  She wasn’t supposed to.  It would come later.  I tried to help her see that growing up was fun and good, that she would like it and that it’s just what happens naturally to all of us.

God brought this memory front and center this morning and showed me that I do this all the time; I look waaaay down the road and panic thinking “I don’t know how do those things!”  In my heart I try to jump way ahead and figure everything out, I guess so I’ll feel I have some minute amount of control over my life and the outcomes.   The “what ifs” pile up into needless anxiety.

I feel like He’s saying to me this morning, “You don’t have to know what to do when and if that time comes because when you get there, you’ll know.  I’ll show you.  I’ll teach you.  Why are you worrying about that now?” Continue reading →