I have these periods of times, sometimes only lasting a day sometimes a week or more, when I just feel “blah.” I don’t really feel bad, just not much of anything and I really don’t like it. I find myself not caring about things I think I should care about…it’s hard to explain. I almost get the feeling that all of the stuff we expend our energy on around here in this life is futile – so what’s the point? I think of myself as a caring, loving person so when these thoughts cover my mind, like an emotional novacaine, it really bothers me. I pray and ask God to blow away the fog that’s settled on my heart, to bring back some emotion, some overwhelming sense of awe or love, some tears for someone who’s hurting or sick, some compassion for people I see that are down and out. Instead I feel apathy.
I’ve heard that people with leprosy lose the feeling in their limbs, their nerve endings ceasing to perform their vital function of proclaiming sensation to the brain. One might wish for a life without pain, but to not feel pain is to not really exist. A leper might not have pain and so may not know if they place their hand on a hot stove and that their skin is being burned. They may get cut and not realize they’re bleeding or get infected because they don’t know there’s an injury. Pain seems to be an indicator of life, of things functioning the way they’re supposed to. No pain truly is no gain! Continue reading
Or think of yourself wearing black clothes in a moderately dark room. You could be covered in lint and “fuzzies” but none really show because of your dim surroundings. Walk into a bright spotlight, like the ones they use in a play, and suddenly every little speck, hair or particle is visible to everyone. Flaws and smudges you didn’t even realize were there are suddenly glaringly obvious.
Along the Narrow Path 