A time for tears

For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Tears have many purposes and fulfill their purposes in countless different circumstances.  They mysteriously express for us the overflow of our hearts and somehow relieve pressure that has built up inside, whether gradual or sudden.

Saturday I was privileged to participate in the Race for the Cure again, this time walking with a new friend who is a new survivor.  Being a part of that day is always really interesting and often moving.  There are so many stories represented by the people walking.   Some are celebrating, some are mourning, some are rejoicing over beating the disease, some are proudly walking in memory of someone they loved who bravely fought but succumbed.  Many of them pin papers to the backs of their shirts that express their reason for walking:  “I walk in celebration of my mom, a 10 year survivor” or “I celebrate life” or “I walk in memory of my sister” and so on with hundreds of different messages and reasons.  One said “I celebrate ME.”  Glad to be alive, we are, all of us wearing those pink t-shirts.  This day always serves as a reminder of how blessed we are and always fills me with gratitude to God.  Tears filled my eyes as I silently spoke to God in my heart, “Thank you, God!  Thank you for sparing me and allowing me to live.”  Then there are questions that sometimes come, too, “Why was I so blessed to live?”  I don’t want to take one day for granted.

During an inspirational song at the beginning of the day, Continue reading

The Distinguished Order of Mommies

Nothing has altered, blessed, challenged, rewarded, or complicated my life as much as being a mom.  When I was very young and playing house it all seemed pretty simple.  Of course the baby was inanimate, silent and plastic and the laundry and dishes invisible.  Little did I know all that actually comes with motherhood.

When our first baby finally made her debut, I clearly remember feeling awe, joy and a sense of accomplishment.  I had just completed Childbirth 101 and passed the final.  I had just joined an enormous group of women who had done the same since the beginning of time.  I was now a member of a very important and distinguished group: mommies.

Moms give of themselves 24/7, usually without a second thought.  My mom still gives to me.  Even though our relationship has changed she is often still the giver.  She gives counsel, a listening ear, a joyful cheer when something good happens, friendship, support, unconditional love and more.  She doesn’t seem to mind that our relationship is still a little lop-sided at times.

I remember so clearly the first time I called her, when I was a young mom, to apologize for the way I acted when I was little.  Continue reading

This Day

I stand on the threshold of this new day, door wide open, sun is shining, the path looks inviting today.  I can run on out and get started on my own but I’m waiting.  God, Papa, promised to go with me.

When I take His hand peace fills me up, love from the bottoms of my feet to the tips of my fingers and top of my head.  He becomes my energy and strength.  I look up at Him and smile.  We step out of the doorway and into this day.

Just being near Him is life-changing; His presence radiates and I’m caught in the glow.  I start to resemble Him more as we walk that way, talking, sharing the experiences of this day’s path together.

I keep His pace when He’s holding my hand.  I find that I’m not preoccupied with what’s ahead, I’m just glad to be with Him, minute by minute, hour by hour.

He gives me strength, the words to say when we encounter other travelers, His unselfish love (much better than my own shallow love), compassion, joy.  Sometimes we just start singing spontaneously.

This is the indescribable joy of living in relationship with Him.  He is with me.  I am with Him.

I wouldn’t want to live this day any other way.

You’ve been given a gift

You’ve been given a gift from God: to live one moment at a time.

You don’t have to know what’s ahead or plan out the path.  You don’t have to try to muster up the energy to live tomorrow, just live today.

God promised He would walk with you today, right now.  Just do that, walk with Him in this very moment.  Take His hand, be free.

He can see way down the road, even unto the end of your days and beyond.  You don’t have to.  You just take each happening, each minute, each encounter, each conversation, each thought, each challenge as they come.

There’s no need for “what will I say when I see that person?” or “How will that work out next week?” or Continue reading

Learning, learning

It always hurts – those times when God holds up His mirror to show me something in myself that isn’t part of who He made me to be.  I had a critical attitude about something/someone last week and then found myself Sunday doing the very thing I was critical about.

I heard God’s voice loud and clear, reminding me not to judge others, to be concerned with my own self, to be patient even when I don’t feel patient, and to always extend grace to other people because none of us is perfect.

I had to confess quietly, sitting on the piano bench at church, because the worship service was starting.  I was already pretty ashamed of myself.  Then, as it always seems to happen with God’s teaching and molding of me, the sermon happened to be about being crucified with Christ.  Of course.   Continue reading

I am, You are

Father God,

I’m clay, You are the potter
I’m a lantern, You are the fire
I’m finite and frail, You are everlasting
I’m easily blown about, You are a rock, immovable
I’m weak, You are powerful and strong
I’m prone to anxiety, You are peace, steady and unwavering

You are the origin of every thing, person, thought, emotion or idea

On my own I am lost, You found me
I was a spiritual orphan but You accepted and adopted me

I’m your child, You’re my Papa

I’m fickle, You are faithful
I’m so small, You are vast beyond comprehension

I get tired of thinking about who I am but love to ponder all that You are

You are love, and how I need Your love
You are the Artist to top all artists, creativity at Your core
You are beauty and altogether good
You are holy, pure, radiant – light with no hint darkness
You are compassion, hope, and promise
You are truth and justice

You are the Master Orchestrator, Architect, and Conductor of the whole universe
You are Creator, Savior, Mighty Conqueror, King
Counselor, Friend, Healer, Father

I see You, Father God, and bow down
I’m humbled and awed by You – there’s no other way to say it
The honor and privilege of living near You, in relationship with You, actually hand in hand with You is amazing and wonderful!

The miracle is that as we draw near You and keep close, Your radiance warms our hearts, melts our pride and burnishes away our imperfections.  We begin to look like You, to bear Your resemblance.  Day by day with You we are transformed!

I am Your smiling child, happy to just be with You.  You are my joy, my song, my Jesus, my God.  Help me to know You more.

I can see I’m not the only one

There’s an old Audio Adrenaline song I love called “Jesus Movement” that’s about how in America we tend to think, even subconsciously, that we’ve got it goin’ on as far as following Jesus.  We’re the ones to take the lead from, we know what we’re doing.  I think it’s an American way of thinking that’s seeped into our spiritual lives and thoughts.  It’s easy to forget about the billions of other human beings on the planet when we can only see physically the home and town where we live.  Of course, with the Internet we can see much more and interact so much more easily with people all around the world.

For some reason I’m still ignorant when it comes to the number of people in other countries and on other continents who love Jesus just as much as I do and are doing their best, like I am, to live for Him and make Him known.

In the Audio Adrenaline song, the lyrics go like this:  (below the video) Continue reading

You’re not listening!

I love Qdoba.  It is one of my favorite places ever.  When I worked in Indiana there was a Qdoba just down the street and I frequented that place so often I made friends with all the workers there including the manager, Chino.  It was fun to go there and always tasty.

I have gone to Qdoba here in the town where we now live several times but this one almost caused me to stop going.  ~GASP~

The workers are in such a hurry to quickly make orders that they got my order wrong three visits in a row.  A few times they actually asked me what I wanted and then didn’t put it on my order or gave me something else.  Another time before I could even say what I wanted they scooped a certain type of salsa on and sent my food spinning on down the counter toward the register where I was to pay for it.  I didn’t even have a chance to say “wait a second, I don’t want that kind.”  The first time it happened I got tickled because they were moving so fast and thought to myself, “oh well.”  After that it was just plain frustrating.

It seems in their attempt to be efficient and fast they’re missing out on one important part of relating and communicating:  listening.  Last time I felt so strongly Continue reading

I hope God’s not picky

That’s what a bumper sticker on the car in front of me this morning said.  My heart went out to whoever is thinking and/or wondering that.  Maybe it’s just to be funny but it also sounds like someone who wonders if they’re good enough to get God’s attention.  Is God picky?

If you read about Jesus in the Bible you can clearly see that as far as interacting with and accepting people Jesus was not picky.  In fact, according to some of the religious people of His day He wasn’t picky enough. Continue reading

You won’t believe what happened to me yesterday

I was standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart yesterday — had my things on the little conveyor belt, waiting patiently.  There was an older lady in front of me that kept looking back at me.  I smiled and then looked the other way, but she kept staring.  It became pretty awkward.  She had a lot of stuff and it wasn’t long before I’d already scanned every headline of the magazines in our aisle and looked at every package of beef jerky and candy bar 3-4 times.

Finally she actually walked back to where I stood in line and she said, almost tearfully, “I apologize for staring, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.  You just look so much like my daughter, who died not too long ago. I can’t take my eyes off you.”  I wasn’t expecting that and I’m sure my facial expression was comical.  She quickly opened her wallet and pulled out a photo of her daughter who’d died. I honestly didn’t see any resemblance but she seemed so moved.  We chatted a little bit while her groceries were rung up.

This is the crazy part: She then said to me, “I’m sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying ‘Goodbye mom’ to me? I, I know it’s a strange request but it would mean so much to me to hear it.” My stomach did one of those flip-flops when something just plain weird happens, but I felt sorry for her so I said “uh…okay.” And so, she got her groceries all checked out and as she went out the door she waved at me.  I said sheepishly and not very loudly, “Goodbye mom”.  She smiled and left and I was very relieved.  Strange…

The cashier rang up my few things as I waited for the total.   She smiled at me very warmly and said, “That’ll be four hundred and seventy-nine dollars.” “WHAT?! There must be a mistake. How in the world did you get that total from these few things?” She replied, “Well, you’re also paying for the groceries for your mother. She told me you’d take care of the bill for her.”  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  “That’s not my mother!!” I said as my heart started beating faster and realization of the lady’s con job swept over me.

The confused cashier said, “But I distinctly heard you say as she left the store ‘Goodbye Mom’!” I looked frantically out into the parking lot and saw she was still just getting into her car – so I bolted.  I left my stuff at the register and ran out there as fast as I could.  She saw me coming and tried to shut the door really fast but a little bit of her leg was still sticking out of the door when I got there.   I grabbed her leg and started PULLING it!  No way was I letting go of this lady!  I wasn’t paying over 400 bucks for her stuff!  I kept pulling her leg and pulling…

Just like I’m pulling yours right now…