Author Archives: therealmimi

Where does my help come from?

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I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord…  Psalm 121:1-2

Fear comes in all sorts of packages and at all kinds of different times.  I’m afraid I’m a bit of a worrier.  I don’t want to be and it’s embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true.  That worry is actually fear in disguise.

I’m the type of person who really wants to know what’s going to happen, how and when.  I try to be spontaneous but my nature is most comfortable in structure, knowing what’s expected of me, having a plan – you know.

Living a life with Jesus requires me to step out of that comfortable place a lot.  Living in general causes me to step out.  Continue reading →

I hear Him singing

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There have been many times in this past year when I couldn’t really hear it…times when I almost scoffed at the thought of him singing at all.  Every now and then I thought I heard it, like a brief break in dark, gray clouds that reveals a small patch of blue sky and sunshine that is soon covered by the heavy grayness again.

Sometimes the noise of the wind gusting around me was so loud the melody was faint and far away as I strained to hear it, needing some reassurance or direction.  Sometimes I found myself feeling isolated in a wide and desolate place where the silence is deafening and terrifying.  I asked Him in those difficult moments, “Do you really still delight in me?  Have you forgotten where I am?”

I have to admit there have been times I was angry with Him so I sat down and put my fingers in my ears.  I’m not proud of that, but it’s true.  I was having a hard time believing his song.

He’s proven to me over and over that He never stops singing the song of his unconditional, faithful, and real love.  Nothing lifts my heart and lightens the weight of burdens on my back like the sound of the breathtaking, soaring melody of God’s song as He sings it over me.  When I do hear it, I’m reminded of my place in his family and his heart.  I’m reminded of the undeserved grace He’s given me.  I’m reminded of all that I should be thankful for.

In Zephaniah 3:17 it says,

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

In these last few weeks I’ve heard Him clearly – loud, triumphant, a fierce love in His voice that is unmistakable.  It bowls me over and then lifts me up.  He really is delighted to lavishly love us and take care of us, to save us.  He really does sing over our lives without ceasing, sometimes faintly and tenderly, sometimes strong.

I hear Him singing…

Just say it

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A friend and I were chatting at a local restaurant this evening, having fun getting to know each other, sharing stories, etc.  After we’d been there 30 minutes or so a waitress came by to take up our trays, which doesn’t usually happen there.  I thought to myself, “How nice of her.”  Then another worker actually vacuumed the rug right around our table.  I even had to lift up my purse up off the floor.  My friend and I joked, “you think they want us to leave?”  A minute or two later the manager turned off the lights behind the counter and started rolling out these empty, really noisy racks so that we couldn’t even hear each other.  We laughed and said, “They must be closing soon or something, they sure are eager to go home!”  A few minutes later the manager came over to us and said, “Well, I’m heading out now.”  We looked at each other, gathered our things and headed out the door.  As we left we noticed the hours posted on the door said they close at 9:00 pm and it was now 9:45 pm.

We cracked up thinking those workers must have been getting pretty annoyed with us and wondering what our problem was, while we were thinking “what is their deal?  They’re making us feel like they don’t want us here.”  Well they didn’t – they wanted to go home.

It would have been so much better if that manager would have come over to us and told us closing time was at 9 pm.  We would have been glad to go before they closed.  Instead he tried all these not so subtle ways to let us know we needed to leave and they weren’t very effective, just kind of confusing and funny.

If you’ve got something to say, don’t beat around the bush, leave hints that often don’t get picked up, or get all stressed out wishing someone knew what you needed or are thinking.  Just say it!  Talk.  Communicate.  It makes the world a better place.  Take my word for it.

Jealous God

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I remember hearing years ago about Oprah’s turning away from mainline Christian faith into her confusing mixture of new age beliefs.  She was sitting in church and heard the preacher say something about God being a jealous God.  She thought to herself that if God was jealous of her, what kind of insecure god is that?  She ventured away from traditional views of God and into a nebulous tangle of self-deifying thinking.

I think she misunderstood.  I agree that the word jealous usually has negative connotations.  I was taught growing up that it’s not good to be jealous.  Someone should have told Oprah that God isn’t jealous of her as if He wants to be her, He is jealous of her attention.  He wants her heart and life to be centered on Him and not other things or people.

I caught a glimpse of what this means tonight.  I have these revelations in the oddest places in the strangest timing sometimes.  I was standing in a concert enjoying beautiful, awesome worship music with thousands of other enthusiastic people when I got clearer understanding about this.

I have some hurt over people in my life who have held me at arm’s length or refused my initiations at love or interaction.  When I see them react positively to others and not to me, I feel jealous.  I want that attention and love.  I felt God say that is how He has felt with me lately.

I have allowed myself to get caught up in busyness for a while now.  I’ve been restless and my prayer times have been short and kind of perfunctory.  I know that what I need and really want most is that nearness to God but I keep allowing other things take my attention and time away.  I don’t understand why I do it either and have felt very frustrated with myself.

Tonight I heard God tell me that He’s a jealous God and He wants my attention.  He doesn’t want me to hold Him at arm’s length, saying “later, God” or “I need to do this first” or “I want to give my attention to this instead.”

Can He forgive me for the fourteen-millionth time?  He said “Yes.”

Tonight at the concert Louie Giglio reminded us that extravagant worship happens when we are faced with God’s extravagant grace.  I fully agree.  When I remember my place and what God has done for me, His mercy and patience extended to me over and over again, the only reaction I can give with full sincerity is thankfulness and worship.

I prayed that the other relationship I long to have restored will be someday, but also that I will be thankful I have a jealous God who even notices I’m alive, much less wants me to spend time with Him and live in close relationship with Him.

Welcome

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Four vehicles full of people from our new church drove 4 hours Saturday morning to come get us and our things, loaded up our stuff in trailers, trucks and vans all day, then drove with us 4 hours back to Illinois.  They had a yummy home-cooked dinner waiting when we got to town, so we could all recharge before unloading the truck late into the night.  We actually had fun and they seemed glad to do it all.

They had cleaned and scrubbed and fixed up our new house until it sparkled and gleamed.  They had filled the fridge and cupboards with groceries, put up new shower curtains and bath mats, set out kleenex, hand soap, toilet paper, you name it.  We were hooked up right from the start.  The message was loud and clear: “we want you here!”

We could tell they had spent hours before we came preparing and planning for our arrival and it made us feel so special and at home.

Today, John and I tried out the local Qdoba and were treated so warmly.  That may sound funny, but it really was an exceptionally welcoming, smiling crew who looked like they were having fun and enjoyed their work.  It made us want to go back, and soon.

There’s a lot to be said about making an intentional effort to welcome someone.  If we would open up our hearts and arms in churches and put that much effort into preparing for and welcoming people who are new and may have never gone to church before we’d probably see a lot of them come back because they felt as if we really meant it: we want them there with us.  They would feel welcome.

 

(I have to also give a shout out to the lovely friends from our old church who were able to come help on Saturday with our move, too. We love you!)

 

 

Go west, Klotz family!

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Okay, just a little bit west. Peoria, Illinois to be precise. Today is moving day and we’re mostly ready to go. Rocky and Esmae, the wonder cats, have been roaming around restlessly, probably wondering why their home is now a maze of box towers. Krissy got up early and gave me a pep talk, then a hug. I loaded up the trunk with stuff for Goodwill and am sitting in McDonald’s having a breakfast burrito, waiting for Goodwill to open.

I’m glad this day is here. It’s time to make this change official, to watch God turn the page revealing the start of a new chapter for us.

I’m sure there will much to blog about after this day and in the days to come. Stay tuned!

9:57

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All I hear is the quiet hum of my computer and the steady purring of Rocky, the wonder cat, who just jumped into my lap and has now made himself comfortable resting his head on my arm.  I feel warm and dry while I hear wind blowing outside.  The walls are pretty bare, boxes everywhere, shelves empty.  It looks like someone’s moving or something.

While I sit here, at times I lean back and rest my head on the tall back of this old desk chair, trying to remember all those things I wanted to blog about during this week but never had the time.  Something about all the “lasts” of moving, how once you know you’re moving you start naming lasts:  this is the last time I eat here, the last time I see this friend, the last time I visit my hairstylist…last day of work and school…last rent payment…some of the lasts are kind of exciting but many of them are a little sad.

Of course there are firsts waiting for us in a few days.  Lots of those will be fun but some will be stressful and probably approached with some trepidation on our part:  first day at a new job or school, first time to visit a new doctor or dentist, first time at our new church, first time to live in a parsonage and have enough space to house a small army…first time to move to a new church without all three girls in tow…It’s all rather bittersweet.

It seems if the “lasts” take too long it begins to drain emotional energy and hurt, kind of like taking a band-aid off verrry slowly.  Part of you wants to just count to three, grit your teeth, and rip it off really fast.  There’s a sting but it’s over and done.

The overwhelming emotion in my heart hasn’t been sadness, though, it’s been thankfulness.  A thankfulness that is so overwhelming I can’t really describe it or express it.  A big chunk of that thankfulness is for people – the people in our life and the lives of our daughters.  God truly meant it when he said it wasn’t good for man, or any of us, to be alone and so he made lots of people and intends for us to travel this narrow path together.  It’s such a fantastic adventure and so much more satisfying when shared.

I’m thankful that God is so skilled at laying out plans and putting odd-shaped and broken pieces together that we look back over this year of what felt like turmoil and exhaustion and now see beauty, renewal, and promise.

It’s so nice and quiet, my eyes are getting heavy and I know I should go to bed.  Each night and day I find us closer to the end of the “lasts” with a faint glimpse of “firsts” up ahead.  In my mind a tug of war is being played, an eagerness mixed in with hesitancy, an odd in between, a tiredness.  I hear my pillow calling me to come and shut down for the night.  I’ll lay down, close my eyes, and sleep in peace knowing God’s keeping watch and He has everything under control.

At day’s end I’m ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together.  Psalm 4:8 The Msg

‘Til the very end

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The goodbyes began this week.  It seems as though we’re walking in between waving farewell to friends here and waving hello to friends ahead.  It’s usually a good thing if that in between period doesn’t last too long.  More than anything, more than sadness, I feel deeply thankful for the connections we’ve made here knowing I don’t have to break any of them.  I get to keep the friends I’ve made and take them along with me in my heart as I meet new ones.

One of my goodbyes will be to my 96, almost 97, year old grandmother Retha.  She lives in a nursing home in Anderson and I went by to visit her today.  Luckily she was up in her wheelchair instead of lying in bed, so I took her down the hall to a nice, open room with big windows letting in the sunshine.  We sat facing each other and catching up.  Grandma does remarkably well considering her age.  She was really happy when I told her John has a pastorate now and we have a good place to go live and serve.  She was also happy it’s not terribly far away.

A good friend of mine, who has been friends with my grandmother for much longer, is a lady named Ann Smith.  Ann radiates joy and life out of her relationship with Jesus, even now in her eighties.  The last time I saw her she gave me a Bible verse to read to my grandma.  I shared it with grandma today.  It’s Isaiah 46:3-4: Continue reading →

Just call me Martha

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I imagine she was excited.  Hosting people was something she was quite good at, in fact took pride in.  Friends and family often remarked at her skill in cooking and making guests feel welcome.  Sure, it was a lot of work and took plenty of time preparing, cleaning, toiling away but it was worth it and besides, she’d usually assign her sister to some of the work.

Mary didn’t seem to share Martha’s “passion” for keeping a clean house and preparing delicious meals.  More than once Martha had to snap her fingers to wake Mary from a daydream so she’d get back to her tasks.  There were times she needed help and had to even leave the house to seek Mary out, finding her outside in the garden or sitting beneath a tree looking up at the blue sky.  It wasn’t that Mary was unwilling to help.  It’s just that Martha seemed to have more a little more drive.  She was a go-getter, a “doer.”

Life had taken an unusually happy turn when they met Jesus from Nazareth.  He and his friends joined them around their table more than once to enjoy Mary and Martha’s hospitality and to talk with their brother, Lazarus.  They became good friends.  Jesus seemed to enjoy having a home where he could stop in at times,  Continue reading →

You are more

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define (verb) – 1. to state precisely the meaning of   2. to describe the nature, properties, or essential qualities of   3. to determine the boundary of extent of

Now that it’s been over seven years since I was declared cancer-free, not as many of my current friends know I’m a breast cancer survivor.  It was a big, glaring part of my life in 2003 when I was diagnosed and for several years afterward but then began to fade from the forefront of my thoughts.

I received lots of thoughtful and encouraging notes and cards from friends during my recovery from surgery but one that still stands out in my mind was from a friend I hadn’t heard from in years.  This friend had also battled cancer so her words carried extra weight.  The phrase she wrote that stood out like neon lights was Continue reading →