Love is the Reversal

Yeah, nothing here’s as good as it should be, ’cause this is the rehearsal.  In between the “was” and the “could be,” love is the reversal.  – Starfield, Beauty in the Broken ©2006

Sometimes I picture this path at twilight, with a chill in the air.  I’m walking with my hands in my pockets, the collar of my coat turned up around my neck, being drawn by the warmth I see way off in the distance:  tiny golden squares of light which are the windows of home.  The lights stay on no matter what time of day it is, I just see them more clearly when it’s dark out.  I don’t know exactly when I’ll get there but I keep walking.  There are lots of people walking the opposite direction.  They seem to be oblivious that home is far off in the other direction.  Or maybe they don’t realize this isn’t their real home, this dusty path on earth.   My Papa’s love compels me to reach out, grab their sleeve and try to convince them to turn around and come with me.  “This life is good in many ways, sure, but it’s nothing like it could be and will be if we follow Christ!  Come this way.” or “I know this life really sucks sometimes, hurts and leaves us broken.  Come this way with me and find healing, hope and love.”

Ever feel like an outsider in your own life?  Continue reading

High Points

When I was a youth leader years ago, we used to open our time together, after playing a silly game, by sitting in a circle and taking turns telling our high and low points from the day.  It was a neat way to get a glimpse into what was on each other’s hearts, good and not so good.  Well, I’d like to share a few high points.   No need to talk about low ones – I think if I don’t give them any attention they’ll fade from my memory anyway, right?

When my youngest and I walked in to the church tonight we were surprised to see twice as many kids in the student auditorium as usual and the buzz was electric.  Energy was practically resonating out of the doorway.  High points ahead, I could tell.  I decided to stick around and see what was going to happen.  Continue reading

Breakthrough

I like the band “The Rocket Summer.”  It just so happened that the last two mornings as I drove to work, the iPod on shuffle, I heard one of his songs each day.  This morning I listened to his song that has these words in the chorus:

I need a break, but I’d rather have a breakthrough

Can I say that today?  I definitely have felt like I need a break, or my family does.  Could it be that if we hold out long enough, keep believing through strain that we’ll break through to the next level of growth God planned for us?  Continue reading

Home

I took my daughter, Kaitlin, with me this bright, sunny Saturday morning and drove to a rummage sale at our church.  Years ago my dad pastored a church in town which grew and moved to a new building on the highway, which grew after he left under the leadership of the new pastor and moved to where it is now.  So many of the familiar faces are still there smiling, long-time friends still involved in that congregation.

I saw several of these friends today, two in particular who are especially dear to my family and fun.   Whenever I see them, wherever it is, I get a sense of home.   They know me, they know my family, we love each other, they’re still faithful friends.

A few months ago when we first talked of possibly moving away Kimmi remarked that she won’t know where “home” is.  Continue reading

You can be sure

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind, “Pooh!”, he whispered.

“Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing.”, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you “.

– A. A. Milne

Today I find myself wanting to sidle up next to Jesus and take His hand, just to be sure of Him. The blahs invaded and I find myself feeling like I don’t really care about anything today. I’ve been thinking this afternoon about why I might be feeling like this, kind of drifting a little too far from God, far enough to disconnect from that lovely peace I have when I’m in close fellowship with Him.

I think part of the reason is fatigue – tiredness from not knowing what or when or where or how the next phase of our family’s life is going to unfold. At the same time I realize that I’m supposed to live in this day, Continue reading

For Those Who Wait

I was listening to my ipod during lunch today, sitting in my car while rain fell gently on the windows outside.  A new Fireflight song came on called “For Those Who Wait” and while I listened to the encouraging lyrics Isaiah 40:31 came to mind:

Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Notice it says those who trust (hope, wait) in the Lord will gain strength.  I take that to also mean “those who scramble about like chickens with heads cut off trying to control everything will find themselves exhausted and no better off than before.”   It’s in there, just read between the lines.

No Fear

They said three days.  So why was I still waiting to hear from them?  Granted, Monday happened to be Labor Day, and of course the lab was closed that day, so that didn’t help.  If it was nothing I would have heard by now.  The not knowing was so hard.  If only I knew the situation fully I could face it, but facing an unknown, invisible enemy was awful and seemed impossible.  I could hardly keep my mind from trying to figure out or imagine what it was, what the outcome would be.  During that time of waiting, the anxiety was so intense that my very nerve endings seemed on edge, all over my body, as if fear was continually pricking my skin. Continue reading

Day 23 – Rainy

On days like this my mood seems to mirror the outside, drippy and gray.

Breakfast with a good friend was an uplift and blessing.  Instead of withdrawing when I feel down, which is my tendency, I need to be with a friend and be a friend.

I often start cleaning when I’m thinking hard, frustrated, or need to release pent-up energy.  You should see my spotless kitchen.  I guess that’s one of the perks of parenting teens!

Oh, and today I received the award “Strictest Parent Ever”.   Thank you, thank you…I’d like to thank the little people who aren’t so little anymore for giving me the opportunity.

Hugs are good.  I need some more.  Where is that husband?  I’m going to go get a hug or two right now.

I accidentally included a reimbursement check of ours in with my work deposit last night!  Fortunately when I called the branch they said they found it.  Oh my.  What will I be like when I’m 70?  Stick around – it should be entertaining!

I’ve always thought it would be kind of fun to work at Target.  What do you think?  Do you think the magic would wear off if I was there all the time?  I don’t think that’s possible.

I’m using The Message version in my daily Bible reading plan this year and love it!  I found this verse yesterday in Proverbs.  I thought of writing it on a poster board and sticking it by the door:  “Dear child, if you become wise, I’ll be one happy parent…”  (Prov. 23:14-16)  The verse before that one says “Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones, a spanking won’t kill them.”

As I drove to breakfast this morning I heard a beautiful song.  The words made me cry.  Please take a minute to listen to this:

Places where grace is, soon to be so amazing…

Oh Lord, let it be true.  I’m counting on You.