I’ve not had time to really sit down and think about writing lately. I wish I did – I love to do it and it helps me process what’s going on inside. It might help if I jot down a few things going through my pea brain the last few days.
- My grandmother is in the skilled unit of her assisted living facility now. She had pneumonia and spent a few days in the hospital and it took a toll on her. Her 95 1/2 year old body seems tinier to me now, her voice softer, her eyes much heavier and sleepier. I feel the need to go see her often and get in as many kisses on that soft cheek of hers that I can. I wish we could just talk and visit but she is so weak and drowsy.
- I’ve never had to live day by day in all aspects of my life as much as I am now: spiritually, emotionally, financially. I take comfort in the fact that God has never let me down and each day I have what I need and more. I don’t know for sure what’s up tomorrow but I find as I take each step, send up each prayer, carry out what I know to do to take care of my family and try to stay close to God that I’m making it! Yes it’s hard, but God is faithful. I have my down days but mostly peaceful ones – especially when I honestly cry out to Him (pretty much every morning on the way to work) and share the heavies weighing on my heart. He welcomes me in love and helps me shoulder the heavies. Why does He care? Why does He love? This leads me to the next thought that’s been churning around in my head: Continue reading
Time for an emptying of the mind from the last few days worth of ponderings and thoughts:
In an email conversation with my dad this morning, he reminded me of a time that was tough in my mom’s life (physically at least). She had all three of us by C-section and shortly after my little brother was born she had to have her gall bladder removed! This was back when they didn’t do the tiny little belly button incisions. She was hurting. My grandmother, her mother-in-law, told her during that time, “When you’re hurting, somebody needs you.” This took my mom aback. Someone needs me? I’m hurting here! I’m the one who just had two surgeries almost back to back. Nonetheless, during my mom’s hospital stay she encountered another patient, a lady who was hurting in her heart, not just her body. God used Mom to encourage and bless that lady. It may not have happened if Mom’s heart hadn’t been opened to the possibility by grandma’s wise words.
There’s someone in our family who over the last few years has drifted away and become very quiet, going through some tough times. I admit, we didn’t try hard enough to stay in touch, to care, to reach out during those times. I’m ashamed of that. I’ve asked forgiveness for that from this person but am not making much headway. In the last year or so we’ve tried harder to get in touch, send emails, call, reach out, getting no response. I’ve had dreams in which our family and this person are reunited and reconcile all the differences. I’m hoping that’s one of those dreams that becomes a “deja vu” moment later in life. You know when you have a deja vu moment and think “I swear I’ve dreamed this before.” Does that happen to you?
I think I eventually convinced her that although she didn’t know at the age of 4 what she would need to know 15-20 years down the road it was okay. She wasn’t supposed to. It would come later. I tried to help her see that growing up was fun and good, that she would like it and that it’s just what happens naturally to all of us.
Along the Narrow Path 