Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

The view from higher up

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117894839_fd18170369This morning I had the thought that if we could get a higher altitude view of life, especially in the moments when we’re mired down in the weeds or mud of a tough circumstance, it would make it easier to go on.  Imagine walking through a late summer corn field when the corn’s taller than you are, following someone who is cutting a path or design in the field.  From the ground’s perspective it would all look very much the same: rustling rows of green corn stalks as far as the eye could see.  If you could fly up above the field and look down, however, you’d see the design taking shape.  You might even have an “Aha!” moment, smiling and saying, “I get it now.”

If you’re the member of a marching band, from where you march and play on the Astroturf all you see is a large crowd of fellow musicians, all dressed in the same costume as you milling around, looking like a mess.  If you sat high in the stands and watched the same band however, you’d see those rows of marching players become patterns and shapes morphing from one to the other and it would make more sense.  It would be more fun.  The purpose of all the milling about would be clear.

I need God to lift me to a higher altitude when I’m in the weeds of a confusing situation, or one where nothing around me is pointing the way.  Right now I feel like I’m in that corn field, calling out to God, “Okay, which way?” only to hear just the leaves rustling.  I turn and turn but I just see rows.  Continue reading →

Hello, my name is Grumpy

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I heard it many times from the “fair police” in our family as she was growing up: “It’s not fair!”  To which I would reply, as gently as possible, “Well, you know what, life isn’t fair.”

We just returned from several days away, to Dallas, TX, for a conference about churches equipping parents to raise godly kids, to pass their faith along so that when the kids grow up they will remain faithful and involved.  We were challenged, inspired, encouraged, sobered, and taught much during our time there.  It was a lot to take in, hearing from about 10 speakers in two days’ time.  It was also really nice to be away with my husband, get a little more sleep than usual, bask in Texas sunshine outside, and just chill.

poutingIt’s good to get away but always good to get home.  However, as we were getting ready for bed last night I found myself feeling grumpy, out of sorts.  I asked myself why.  We just had a great week, learned lots of good things, had nice time away together.  What do I have to be grumpy about?  I’ve been intentionally trying to have a positive, faith-filled attitude about everything, but some emotion I’ve been pushing down bobbed up to the surface.  As I lay down to go to sleep, in my head I told God, “It’s not fair, God.  Continue reading →

Talkin’ to myself

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One of my favorite classes in college was called “Interpersonal Relationships”.  It was taught by a brilliant, albeit slightly odd, professor with frizzy hair and a laugh that sounded like a happy donkey braying.  For two hours he’d lay out nuggets of wisdom before us: exploring relationships, behavior, interactions with others, and more.  I soaked it up like a sponge.  I wish I still had the notebook from that class.  (Maybe I do – I just don’t know where it is.)  We had a short dinner break, then would come back for the last two hours to practice what we’d been learning by role playing in front of a video camera, then watching our “performance” with Dr. Farmen critiquing and giving feedback.  I have used so much of what I learned in that class all throughout my life.  I’m thankful to Dr. Farmen for pushing us, challenging us, and really teaching us more about people and why they behave the way they do.

One of the jewels he brought out in lecture one night was the idea of a “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  This is when something you think about someone affects the way you behave toward that person, which actually makes them more like the label you’ve given them.  For example, if a teacher labels a child a “trouble maker” then his/her behavior will (even subconsciously) communicate that label and cause the child to be even more a trouble maker.  I’ve seen that happen in the schools where I used to work, even with my own daughter.  One teacher she had saw her “spunk” and overly active little self as a real negative Continue reading →

Randomizer

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Photo 270Time for an emptying of this too-full bucket of thoughts I call my brain.

  • God helped me see that although I complain of running out of time in the morning before work to have a good prayer time, I have time to check facebook. Ouch. Point well taken.
  • Our church voted unanimously to accept recommendations from our state ministry to do whatever it takes to become the outwardly focused, passionate church God wants us to be. That positive vote showed their hearts and encouraged me.
  • I wish I could talk about everything that’s on my mind but some of it just has to stay in there for the time being.
  • Got to see my oldest at college today! We had diet cokes, sat on a stone bench in filtered sunlight and shade on campus, and caught up. Happy heart moment.
  • My youngest tagged along.  This is especially good because she tends to open up and talk as we drive and she’s been trying to stay “closed up” around me lately….we’re going through some weird phases as mom and daughter at this time in her life. ANYWAY, we had a really good day and lots of fun time together and I’m thankful.
  • John went to my parents’ house for a few days to study, get away, and evidently be spoiled by my mother and fed too much. Hey, that’s the treatment I usually get! I miss him already.
  • I enjoyed sitting in a friend’s backyard this evening eating some yummy italian beef and BBQ pulled pork while listening to some of the folks there play guitars and banjos while others visited and kids played. The hostess had visited with the cashier at the grocery earlier that day and told him about the “acoustic jam” they were having. Then she said, “You can come if you want!” He smiled and said, “Well you know, I play banjo, I just might” and he did! God reminded me that it is so easy to reach out and include people in our lives and befriend them. People are probably much more open to making friends than I think they are.
  • I need to pay the bills but once again am procrastinating. ‘Tis truly the bane of my existence.
  • “Self” is a fierce enemy. I need God’s strength daily to defeat it.
  • Bees kept pestering me at the jam this evening. I tried to ignore them but they just got a little too close, like actually walking on my beef. They even followed me into the house for pete’s sake! I kept going outside to sit in the lovely evening and then running back inside to eat in peace.  This happened a number of times.  I guess maybe I worked off one of my sandwiches, though.
  • We are STILL fighting the bedbugs. I can hardly believe it as I type those words. We have evidently not gotten them where they are beginning/breeding. There aren’t that many but the fact that there are any means we haven’t gotten rid of them completely. When will it end???? Did Hitchcock ever do a film about bedbugs?
  • Okay, I better get to the bills so I can sleep peacefully tonight.

If you read all those random thoughts, you are a good friend.

Find Rest

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Where can we find it?

Elusive, so temporary, fleeting – the rest the world offers.

A vacation or day to do nothing doesn’t really offer the true rest my heart needs.

Can I find rest in a time of uncertainty, stress, concerns that pile up?  Jesus said I can.   The rest He’s offering is a deep, spiritual, soul-filling, healing rest and I want it.  As I drive home today I’m going to spill it all out to Him.  He said it was okay!

He said, “Come.”  I’m coming.

He said, “all you who are weary.”  I’m weary.

He said, “you who are heavy laden.”  I feel weighed down by a lot of thoughts, questions, concerns, and some hurt in my heart.

He said, “Come and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.”  I can even hear Him say, “I won’t belittle you for coming, I won’t tell you to just deal with it, I won’t turn you away even if you come again and again.”

He gave His word:  “you will find rest.”  Not you just might find rest, but you WILL.  I need it, Lord.  Please keep your word.  Not only for me but for those I love, those on my heart.  Please help us to find your rest.

(This promise is found in Matthew 11:28)

Re-run

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I posted this on my old xanga blog once and post it now for a good friend who could use a little carrying right now.

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Sometime “Mutts” just makes me grin, sometimes is makes me laugh out loud.  This one tugged at my heart as I imagined myself as the puppy and the man as Jesus.

Let Him carry you.  Don’t struggle and don’t leap out of his arms onto the hot sand.  We may feel that in our struggles God is far away.  I think in those times He’s actually closer – we just get caught up in our pain, distress, or anxiety and become less aware of Him.  Think about it.  When a little child is hurt badly they are so absorbed in the hurt and the fear that it takes some time to console them.  “I’m here” we tell them over and over.  “It’s okay.”  Sometimes we even have to take their little tear-stained face in our hands and physically turn their eyes to see us.

Jesus said He will never leave me or forsake me.  I believe Him.

You are my strong shield, and I trust you completely.

You have helped me, and I will celebrate and thank you in song.

You give strength to your people, LORD,

You save and protect your chosen ones.

Come save us and bless us.

Be our shepherd and always carry us in your arms.    Psalm 28:7-9  CEV

WTDWYDKWTD #4

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While cleaning out files I paused to look through one I had long ago labeled “correspondence.”  In it, I’ve saved a copy of just about every Christmas letter we’ve sent out as well as some stationery and postcards yet to be used, and a few notes that were evidently “save-worthy”.  I leafed through the letters and smiled (sometimes laughed) to myself as I read them – the scenes replaying in my mind of the years gone by with our girls, from babyhood to the teenage years.  I then pulled out a letter-sized envelope addressed to us when we lived in New Mexico, our first pastorate.  It was from our dear friend, Gil Stafford, professor at the seminary where John attended.  I had the blessed opportunity to work for him for a short while when I was secretary for CBH, the Church of God radio program of which he was speaker.  I would go to his office at the seminary once a month, take letters, go over business, then visit with him.  He never made me feel like I needed to hurry away and soon became someone I would open my heart to and ask questions of, even pray with.  He had so much wisdom and love for God and the Bible, was cheerful and kind every time.  I’ve heard that the word “enthusiastic” comes from the Greek words “en theos” which mean “”in God” or “God within.”  Gil was definitely enthusiastic.

staffordimageOver the two years we worked together he became a really good friend.  He and his wife Darlene, kind of adopted John and I with our three little girls.  One night they had us over for dinner.  We enjoyed a delicious meal and then while John and Gil chatted in the front room, Darlene took the girls and I into the den where snuggled down into comfy chairs and on the floor to watch figure skating and eat popcorn.  It was such a lovely night.   I’ll never forget the last day I went to see him as his secretary. Continue reading →

WTDWYDKWTD #3

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“The godly offer good counsel…”  Psalm 37:30

“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume…”  Proverbs 27:9

If you know me at all, you know that when something is on my mind I need to talk about it…a lot.  I have times of quiet, to be sure, when I need to pray and think, but I also need to process my thoughts by talking with someone.  I think everyone is like that to a certain extent.   My husband is my absolute best friend and partner, but sometimes I need to talk to someone a little more outside the situation – someone who hopefully can be objective.

There’s wisdom in seeking out a godly friend to listen and give feedback when you’re not sure what to do.  Be sure to choose your listener/adviser/counsel wisely.  (Whenever I say “choose wisely” I think of the 3rd Indiana Jones movie scene when the bad guy chose the wrong holy chalice and got his face melted off.  Please…choose wisely!)  It doesn’t make sense to ask just anyone what I should do or what they think, if they don’t believe the same things I do.  For instance, if I shared a story about someone who had hurt me with a non-believing friend, they might advise me to just ignore that person from now on or even take revenge somehow.  Continue reading →

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do #1

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I did it again.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  For months I’ve been praying for my church to grow and for my faith to grow.  I’m telling you, when you pray for growth, patience, or humility you’re asking for it.

I’ve been praying God would do radical surgery on my heart and my hubby’s heart and the hearts of all the people in our church family – that we would develop driving, burning, enduring concern and love for people who are lost and without Jesus.  I’ve prayed that He would direct us and show us answers.  What should we do?

We want to do what pleases you, God.  We want to be more like You…but how do we do that?

Well God’s shaking up our world.  I know He’s been answering my prayers even before evidence started bubbling above the surface this past weekend.  At one point on Sunday it washed completely over me:  God is going to do something life-changing, something BIG, something we didn’t expect, something that will challenge us beyond what we’ve experienced before.  Along with that wave of “revelation” came a huge sense of dread.  My stomach felt as if it was being wrung out like a wet washcloth.

Do we have it in us to do what you’re asking, God?  I looked across the sanctuary to where my husband sat.  The whole “spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” truth was about to knock me over. Continue reading →

More than anything…or anyone.

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There are those moments when faith claims you’ve made seem to fly up in front of you and you have the choice to act and prove they’re true or recant.  One moment I recall this happening for me was when I got my cancer diagnosis.  All of the sudden all the claims I had made about always trusting God, His constant presence, and believing in healing sprung up in front of me and I had to decide whether or not I would put feet to my faith, the good ol’ “rubber meets the road” cliche.   All I could do was try.  Put one foot in front of the other and see if God was there.  He was.

Another instance that comes to mind was the passing of my grandmother almost two years ago.  I have always believed in heaven and eternal life with Jesus, but all of the sudden her death triggered a time to re-think and decide if I really believe it.  Do I really believe that she’s there now?  Do I really believe that I’ll see her there, that we’ll live forever?   I’m choosing to believe what Jesus said…that if we trust in Him we’ll live with him, even though our bodies here die.  If anyone trusted Jesus, my grandmother was front in line.   Continue reading →